


A Change of Heart

by Sithlordintraining



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Armitage Hux & Phasma Friendship, Babies, Babies on Starkiller, Darth Vader Ships It, Emotional Baggage, Empath Knight, F/M, Family Dynamics, Family Fluff, Finishing What His Grandfather Started, From planet Earth but used Latin words, Getting to Know Each Other, Hux has a crush on Reader, Jealous Armitage Hux, Knights of Ren - Freeform, Kylo can't recognize a crush, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Padme and Anakin Vibes, Partying, Phasma Ships It, Pre-TFA, Pregnancy, Prequel Parallels, Running Away, Scientist Reader, Sharing Clothes, Sharing Feelings, Sharing a Bed, Sharing a Room, Slow Burn, Staring, The Force Ships It, Undercover Trooper, Unplanned Pregnancy, What-If, but BIG skinny love
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-14
Updated: 2020-11-03
Packaged: 2020-12-14 21:27:21
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 35
Words: 101,424
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21022523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sithlordintraining/pseuds/Sithlordintraining
Summary: Kylo Ren, Master of the Knights of Ren and Commander of the First Order, unfortunately, finds himself intrigued by a new recruit that has unintentionally dug her way into the heart of her superiors. His grandfather never got the chance to finish what he started, but maybe he wasn’t talking about ruling the galaxy. Is it possible for one young woman to change the course of the galaxy as we know it?





	1. Out of this World

The sound of General Hux’s boots alerted everyone that he was approaching their destination. Quickly running to their positions, they stood at attention as the blast doors slid open. 

“General, sir,” they spoke in unison as he walked to Lieutenant Aarkmus, overseer of the incubation unit. 

“General Hux,” Lt. Aarkmus saluted. 

“Lt. Aarkmus, at ease.” He nodded, causing Lt. Aarkmus to open up the files on the datapad. “I suppose everything is fine with our new batch of recruits?” General Hux began to walk along the pods taking in the various faces of his new subordinates. 

“Yes, sir; we took some vitals today.” 

Aarkmus began explaining as Hux continued his examination. He couldn’t help but ponder about how they received so many applicants, so many people willing to leave, not to help the cause, but because it was better than there. He couldn’t imagine it, slightly primitive compared to other planets due to its location across the universe, but mediocrely advanced to provide some of the best engineers, scientists, and doctors compared to the Muunilinst system. So many applicants, yet he picked twelve of the best and allowed their spouses on board. 

His footsteps stopped at one of the pods, a young woman, possibly early to mid-twenties; dark hair was pulled off her face allowing him to observe all her features from her perfectly arched brows, supple cheeks, and archaic smile, on the canvas of warm umber skin, that could hint that only sweet dreams were alive and well in your head. Blue eyes dropped to your ID: Dr. Y/N L/N. 

“General?” Aarkmus called out, snapping him out of the daze. He’d get to know you in a few weeks.

* * *

This is what it must feel like to be born. A bright light burst into view causing your eyes to blink trying to dissipate the blur. Figures hovered over you before a popping sound emitted as the cover of the pod was opened. With a firm hand, but very slowly, the still blurred figures began to maneuver your stiff body. 

You had no idea what was happening, even as they poked and prodded you, swiping the film from your eyes, you felt numb. Like you had lost all feeling, emotionally you had, but that's another story. Once you were cleared, an insulated jacket was given to you. Sitting on the bench, your vision slowly came back. Eyes dropped down to the insignia on your left chest with your title slowly becoming clearer. 

“Y/N?” 

A deep Anglicus voice caused you to look up at a familiar face. His wrinkled, flush skin against his gray whiskers seemed to mold into confusion as his small blue eyes expressed concern. 

“What are you doing here?” Dr. Thomas Hubbard asked taking a seat next to you on the bench. 

You shouldn’t have been here, he thought, especially not after everything that had happened. It was too fresh; you should be back home with your family going through the motions, not running away from it.

Five last names were being called, alerting them that their presence had been requested by their new superior: General Hux. Dr. Hubbard helped you and walked with you into the conference room. Seats were already taken, except the one that was dead center between the men. Dr. Hubbard on your left, and to your right was the familiar voice of the people that made you wish you never met them: The Blaise twins. 

Constantin’s eyes fell on you first with a smirk, before alerting his brother Antoine, who turned to ogle you even if you weren’t wearing anything revealing. 

“Regarde qui c'est (Look who it is)?” Antoine said. 

“Hello, Y/N,” Constantin nodded and Antoine repeated his brother’s words but you ignored it.

If you could go back in time and not hook up with Antoine, best to believe you would! 

Constantin began to laugh as you rolled your eyes and looked anywhere else but to them. But it didn’t matter, their dark eyes were on you as they continued to speak. 

“Oh la la, on dirait qu'elle est toujours en colère (looks like she’s still mad).” Constantin teased his brother. 

“Toujours (still)?” Antoine questioned. “Je me suis excusé mais elle est trop têtue (I apologize but she's too stubborn).” 

Y/N shifted her seat away from the twins. Not only did she have to deal with one but two Blaise’s since they both were physicists. 

“Toi aussi, tu es juste jalouse qu'elle t'abatte! Tu es juste en colère, il l'a eue avant que tu puisses (You too, you're just jealous that she shot you down. You're just angry, he got to her before you could).” Constantin teased his brother, who glared back at him while you scoffed. No way would you ever chose Antoine over him. Not then, not now, not ever! They were doing this to get a rise out of you. They knew you spoke the language and they were doing this on purpose.

“Écoutez ses moqueurs, comme si sa jolie petite bouche ne ronronnait pas quand je la lécha (Listen to her scoffs, like that pretty little mouth of hers was not purring when I licked her)–” 

And clearly, it worked as you turned back with daggers in your eyes ready to let all the malicious, explicit words you wanted to say to them out, but the words never did hit them with what you had anticipated due to the sound of a distorted, mechanical voice. “It would be best if you two would be careful with these taunts. Although I wouldn’t mind helping her, you have a very vivid and violent imagination.” 

That last sentence was directed at you. 

The Blaise’s were already staring up in horror at the man, which made Y/N not even want to look behind you. But the suspense was her favorite part of a horror film.

Slowly you turned, eyes landing on his chest but taking note of not only his dark clothing but dark presence. And it was as big as he was. Your vision finally landed on his face, well mask, that had you questioning if he was human or android. But his daunting mask with chrome lines that left you speechless turned to look at you. 

“If you ever find working for the General monotonous, you can always work for me as a torturer. With your imagination, you’d be very good at it.” 

He nodded, and all you could do was blink in response. 

“Commander, if you may save your threats for a later date.” General Hux cleared his throat, bringing everyone’s attention to him. 

But you followed the black figure as he made his way around the table towards the General. And Y/N couldn’t take her eyes off him if she tried. Plus it looked like he was staring at you, but that couldn’t be possible. His mask just made it seem like it, like one of those moving paintings.

So many questions swirled in your mind, especially about how he knew what you were thinking. He had to be an android able to probe your mind. A deep chuckle vibrated through your thoughts:

**Imaginative indeed but I am no robot. **

The voice was deep and masculine and wasn’t the normal inner voice that spoke to you day and night. You looked at this Commander Ren, could it be him doing this? To answer your question, he just nodded causing your mouth to drop. General Hux stilled looking at the beautiful woman in front stare in shock at his annoying comrade.

“If you can please refrain from pulling Dr. L/N’s attention from this meeting Commander.” He spat. 

There was a slight pressure on your jaw that closed your mouth that made you blink yourself out of a daze. Trying to hide your embarrassment, you just put your focus on General Hux and listened carefully. 

After the meeting was dismissed, Y/N made her way over to her superiors who were in a hushed conversation. The General was the first to look at her and then the Commander. It was the first time she took in their looming superiority with the addition of the six-foot and over height. 

“I just wanted to say thank you, Commander Ren; General Hux.” And before the two men could even reply you were already out and caught up with the group.

Everyone’s eyes wandered as the group moved forward following the cadet who was showing them around and to their living quarters. Every hallway had looked the same, how would you ever know where you were going. Looking overhead, you watched the small lights hidden in the crevices as you walked by. It was dark, the lights weren’t overpowering but they created a nice atmosphere. You definitely preferred this than the lighting at your old job. 

The cadet continued speaking until the menacing vision of Commander Ren appeared with cape bellowing. 

The young cadet froze not knowing which way to avoid the dark knight as he stomped toward the group. Last-minute, the cadet thought best to practically press against the side of the walls. Unfortunately, you didn’t get this memo; with your head craned up you bumped right into something soft but sturdy. Y/N braced for a fall that never came as she looked to see the dark mask staring back at her. His mask tilted in the direction of your chest as his long fingers wrapped tightly around your arms holding you close to him. 

“Doctor...L/N, I hope for your sake, you pay more attention to your work than you do in meetings and tours.” 

The Commander released you and kept moving. Frozen in your spot, you couldn’t help but stare at the enigma that was your superior.

* * *

Entering your quarters, you found the little room snug. As one of the scientists on board, you were allowed quarters that were larger than low officials, but smaller than higher military officials. The living room held a kitchenette and the bedroom housed a full bed and two doors, one closet, and one refresher. It was nice of them to even put your belongings neatly in the corner of the room where you quickly made yourself busy unpacking before laziness grew in. 

After you were satisfied with the placement of your items, you decided a shower before dinner would be best. The hot beads of water beat down on your stiff muscles for being in an induced coma for almost a month. Y/N was actually surprised at the lack of dirt from her body and hair. 

Once she finished, Y/N brushed her curls in the clear opening of the steamed mirror. You were only asleep for a month, but after everything, you felt unrecognizable. A shell of your former self; you didn’t even know how Dr. Hubbard had realized it was you. Finishing up, you got dressed to make your way to the commissary. 

With your curls back in a bun, your fingers tugged the sleeves of your ivory knit sweater as you realized just how cold it was on this base. A datapad was provided for all of you to be used for practically everything. 

‘It’s your third limb, it should always be attached to you.’ General Hux had explained. 

With furrowed brows, you followed the clear directions on the screen that helped you get to your destination in twelve minutes, give or take. This was noted for when you wanted to get breakfast before your shift, although you put in an order for food delivery. Another perk of being not technically being an official member of the military, but also being one of the few selected engineers, doctors, and scientists, you were allowed to dine in the Officer’s commissary. 

Before entering you looked at the menu and it seemed to honor your home planet. 

“I hope our chefs do an exceptional job of preparing your planet’s dishes.” 

The accented voice caused you to turn to see the seemingly only redhead in this place, General Hux. Upclose, you realized how young he was possibly just a few years older than you. 

“Shouldn’t be so hard, we either fry or smother it in some type of sauce.” You shrugged. 

Y/N missed the curious look in his clear blue eyes as he looked over his new subordinate.

General Hux held out his gloved hand so that you could enter first. With a quiet thank you, you entered and took in the simplistic yet opulent room. From tablecloths to silverware to droids being perfect waiters, you expected a little bit more long tables and elbow to elbow like on your home planet. But clearly, money is no option here. 

“The droids take your orders once you sit.” General Hux explained; stepping up behind you his eyes drifted across the room. “It seems like there is a low vacancy, you can have a seat at my personal table.” 

He had moved beside you blue eyes peering deeply into yours. In your emotionally detached state, you were oblivious to the General's forward words.

“No thanks, I think I'll just take it back to my room.” 

Y/N rejected causing him to blink profusely as you left his side. Although everyone’s head was down and appeared to be immersed in their own personal conversations, they had clearly seen General Hux flirt and fail. You didn’t know, but by the beginning of the new cycle, everyone would know about the girl who dismissed General Hux.

  
  



	2. Terra Girls Are Not Easy

Personal possessions, such as jewelry, were not permitted on work levels unless they held religious or marital status, or approved by overhead. The diamond stud earrings you had secured in your lobes were small enough to not be in the way or cause any attention. But you knew the humble two carats that you wasted no time putting back on would. On it’s raised platinum platform, the diamond sat comfortably as it had the seven months prior to this venture.

Cracking your knuckles, you brushed back your freshly flat-ironed hair. The device they had given you was way better than the ones back home. After being asleep for so long, it was no surprise when you didn’t go to sleep and just got used to your new home. Which meant preparing your outfit for this cycle. 

A deep navy was chosen for the sector of the new recruits’ specialties; a jacket, a button-down, a pair of fitted pants, and knee-high boots were your choice of outfit. Leaving your room you bumped into Dr. Hubbard and his wife. 

“Good morning, Dr. Hubbard, Lady Hubbard.” You nodded. 

“Oh, Y/N, Thomas told me you were here, but I didn’t believe it until I saw with my own eyes!” Her shrill Anglicus voice caused quite discomfort to both you and Dr. Hubbard so early in the cycle. 

“Are you heading to the commissary, as well?” She asked noticing the directions on your datapad were similar to theirs. You nodded and she smiled. 

“Good then, we can all go together and have breakfast.” 

She linked arms with Y/N and Dr. Hubbard as they entered the elevator.

“And we can make this a regular thing.” She noted. 

Dr. Hubbard sent you apologetic eyes; his wife was overly friendly, especially with people she liked. And she very much liked you. You honestly didn’t mind, you’d rather eat with someone you knew than succumb to finding a space among the sea of strangers and sit in awkward silence like in college. 

According to the datapad, you were a few floors away from the commissary. It seemed too good that no one else got on, but you thought too soon. The doors slid open revealing a slightly nervous short dark-haired man talking to a man, whose back was turned to you, with perfectly coiffed red hair. The shorter man went off, leaving the other to turn around. 

“Good morning, General Hux!” 

Lady Hubbard chirped and his discomfort was apparent on his face. Y/N and Dr. Hubbard repeated the same words but in a quick, hushed tone. He nodded and took the space beside you just a few steps forward. 

“Dr. L/N,” He cleared his throat and lowered his voice, so only they could hear it. “I hope, in any way, I didn’t offended or overstep any boundaries at dinner yesterday. I just thought it would be helpful to provide a familiar face and help you get acquainted. Perhaps, breakfast may be of interest?” 

Maybe years ago, before everything you would have accepted his offer. 

“Thank you, sir, but I’ve decided to enlist in The Hubbard’s breakfast set.” Y/N let him down nicely. 

“There’s always lunch, deary.” 

The not-so-subtle whisper of Lady Hubbard caused both you and Armitage to slowly turn around and see the smiling older lady. 

“Sylvie…” Dr. Hubbard groaned. 

With a sigh, you gave in to rid of this awkward moment. 

“I can do lunch.”

“Hm, very well. I’ll arrange everything. See you later.” General Hux was clearly pleased and left with a slight pep in his step. 

The first half of your shift went by relatively quickly and you were on your way to lunch with your boss. You honestly didn't understand why people wouldn’t just leave you be. You didn’t talk to anyone, look at anyone, or even smile for that fact. But, there was no energy left in you to fight back. That’s how you found yourself seated at an elite table with the General himself, and chrome trooper by the name of Phasma, who was a Captain. 

From their introductions and stories, you could tell they were pretty important people. Two out of three of the frightening triumvirate that ran the First Order. You honestly didn’t know why you were here, you were a nobody. There was nothing for you to contribute but a body filling space. So your eyes focused on the snowy grounds of Starkiller Base missing the whole conversation before you. 

“Have you ever fired a blaster?” Captain Phasma asked. Swallowing the last bite of your meal, you replied: “A gun with bullets, yes. Can’t be that much of a difference, can it?”

It was a genuine question that Hux found adorable from your primitive planet. 

“Actually, it’s quite complex and requires much more than a good arm and aim. But, your naivete amuses me.” He smirked. 

The look of death was shot to him and for the first time, in a long time, Captain Phasma witnessed Hux squirm in discomfort and fear that wasn’t from the Supreme Leader, the Commander, or herself. 

“With all due respect, sir.” 

And those were the words that started off your slick yet professional reply, that gained a spot in the heart of the two First Order giants for two completely different reasons.

* * *

For the first week or two, cataloging was all you did; from bites, infections, syndromes, diseases, plagues, antidotes, serums, antibiotics, practically anything that could be harmful or helpful to any and all lifeform. During this time, Y/N had formed some sort of friendship with Captain Phasma. It was quite rare, seeing that Phasma wasn’t the one for ‘friends’. She was mostly around Hux and Ren because of their positions and she wouldn’t even consider them ‘friends’. No, Phasma chose you. 

You obviously didn’t know how special that was but you appreciated it. The sort of mutual silence that permeated without feeling the need to constantly talk. It had all started with a private message from her about your response to the General, how she found the level of snark hidden in your professional tone and expressionless face quite admirable and that she personally wanted to train you with a blaster. Along with training, lunch with Hux, and messaging, a small friendship was formed. Everyone noticed and Hux thought he could use it to his advantage. 

Unfortunately, he thought wrong. There was no spilling of information from Phasma, much to his annoyance. You were beautiful, level-headed, smart, and had a way with words. Even if they were directed at him. His duties didn’t require or could spare time to pursue a relationship. But eventually, he would have to. He would have to eventually look to continue his lineage and strong dynasty. And who better than you, well so far. 

He needed options and options he hadn’t. Some of the women he’d come across were either too docile, subservient, political, hungry, or selfish. But you seemed to make a suitable partner that wouldn’t cause him much worry. The daily lunches and friendship of Phasma, allowed him to be in your good graces and alert everyone to stay away. Everyone except himself. On his latest ‘persuade Phasma to talk’ adventure he had hit a nerve that finally showed just how deep Phasma and Y/N’s friendship was.

“She is not seeking a relationship or male companion, Armitage, she just wants to go about her day.” 

The use of his first name let him know it was serious. But, still persistent as ever he continued. 

“She’s a new widow.” 

Hux looked at Phasma, who sat on his lounger in the private room of his office helmetless.

“No, she is not. I saw her file, she has never been married.” He scoffed sipping his drink. 

“That’s because her fiancé died a week before the wedding. Since the license hadn’t been completed she’s not legally able to state it.” Phasma told him. “So refrain from the constant and slightly-degrading wooing. She’s only being nice because you are her superior.” 

She replaced the drink in her hand with her helmet as she stood up. Hux did ponder over this newfound information and was very thankful but still thought he should continue with just minor changes that could benefit them both. His idea was a cocktail party for higher officials including the five new hirees and their spouses. 

* * *

You didn’t want to go. Not because you were tired from a day’s work, but also you couldn’t help but think it would be boring. And with no one by your side and the only one at that, plus Phasma wasn’t going. She had a prior engagement and some of the nurses who you were amicable with told you about a cantina near the barracks that is a nice place to get away and relax. Now the latter you preferred than the former. You also felt obligated to go, he was your boss after all. But somehow, by the name of Lady Hubbard, you got strung along into attendance, seeing as Dr. Hubbard couldn’t make it. 

Donned in some of her lavish, yet modest heirloom jewels that were the main appeal over her black long sleeve silk sheath dress, Lady Hubbard accompanied you as your date. While you opt for a black long sleeve, slightly off the shoulder knee-length dress with just your studs, ring, and a pair of tights that could somewhat help with the draft of Starkiller. You thought this simple get-up would cast you in the background, but it seemed to make you more appealing. Especially to Hux and the lone dark shadow in the corner, Kylo Ren. 

Kylo Ren didn’t need to use the force to see that Hux had taken a liking to you. He and anyone else could see his ‘subtle’ preferential treatment of you compared to others. Even Phasma had grown attached and that was a surprise, not to mention he didn’t even know she could share interest with others of the female species. Especially someone as feminine as you; clearly, you weren’t afraid to hide your curves and in passing he noticed the waft of your perfume, you wore your nails a little longer, didn’t always wear the mandated bun, and of course, enjoyed certain privileges that were reserved for people above your access. 

You were quiet, you stayed in the shadows, you were intelligent, and you knew how to play the game. Very well, if he may add and he did enjoy watching the General be played for a sucker. Maybe he should up the ante, a jealous Hux was an enjoyable one. And giving him another reason to hate Kylo Ren did bring joy to the dark force-wielder. 

“If I didn’t know your title already, Doctor, I would think you were a nurse for how long you’ve been with that glass.” 

You didn’t even give him a sideways glance before you replied. 

“Very funny sir,” You said with a monotonous tone. “I guess a mask and a good stalking for the last twenty-five minutes is all it takes.” 

He tried to stop the laugh. She was taunting him, yet her comeback was amusing. Obviously, the sound emitted from his vocoder sound less like a laugh and more like high-pitched feedback; slowly your head turned to stare up at the helmet with furrowed brows before squinting. _ How far can he see in that thing anyway? _ The question ran through her mind and Ren made sure to look her up and down as if he had x-ray vision. 

“Enough,” 

You were taken aback by his reply. 

Hux watched Y/N passively brush off any and all men that tried to flirt with her and stuck to herself as a beautiful wallflower. But now, he was dumbfounded as Ren tried to talk to her. He refused to compete or lose to this insolent, spoiled brat. Hux soon realized that though you tried to do the same with Ren as the other men, he just had a way of finding some way in continuing the conversation. 

Hux needed to save you and then you would see that being with Hux, in any capacity, is where you belonged. His approach had to be different, so he used his secret weapon. 

“You are not serious.” Y/N said sternly to Commander Ren. But before he could respond, you felt something big and fluffy brush against your calf. 

A yelp left her lips as she jumped to her left and looked down to see an orange tabby cat. Hux sped over in seconds, just to witness her jump and for Kylo to wrap an arm around her waist. Hux held back a growl and quickly picked up the cat. 

“Oh, I apologize she must’ve escaped,” Hux said. 

Y/N removed herself from Ren with a glare before telling Hux it was ok. 

“Escaped? She must be smart to escape the top-tier security system you had installed.” Ren quipped earning a snare from Hux. 

Y/N’s fingers scratched underneath the creature's ear, who clearly enjoyed it as she jumped down to nestle against your leg once more. You bent down to her height and Hux followed suit, both of you pampering the cat. 

“What’s her name?” 

“Millicent,” He grinned, blue eyes on you while your reserved expression stayed on the cat. 

“Do you like cats?” Hux asked with gusto. 

“No, I like dogs.” 

You stood up excusing yourself. Hux stood up with Millicent in arms with a slack jaw, next to Kylo, both staring at you leaving them. Even her callousness was somehow wrapping the most powerful men in the First Order around the Doctor’s finger.

  
  



	3. Heart Palpitations

Kylo found you infuriating. That’s what he told himself.

If he wasn’t avoiding you, he was sending a snide comment your way which was reciprocated with a snarky remark on your end. Your subtle abuse of power was evident since befriending Phasma and catching Hux’s eyes. 

You reminded him of himself. Well, his former self, Ben Solo. 

During his training with Skywalker, he found himself using the kinship of his Master to get what he wanted. But at one point it stopped and the consequences wore heavy. Like it would for you when one day, Hux wouldn’t be able to let it slide. 

Like now, in a meeting for an upcoming mission, your dark hair flowed over your shoulders and you explained in depth the flora and fauna that could be hazardous. You were very professional, yes, but Kylo couldn’t help but notice that most men, including himself, were preoccupied with your hair. Although he wasn’t as vulgar as others, he saw it as a distraction and obviously, Hux was too enrapt to put you in your place.

Once the meeting was dismissed, Phasma and Y/N set off to their next meeting to brief the squadrons for their mission. 

“Dr. L/N,” Ren called out. 

You spun, hair flying only to fall over your shoulder. He clenched his fist as he took a few steps toward her. The confusion was set clearly on your face as he stalked towards you. His gloved hand took a strand of her hair in his finger and he watched her flinch. 

“You wouldn’t be afraid if you wore your hair in the First Order mandated bun.” His mechanical voice rang. “You might enjoy the freedom of being under Hux,” He insinuated. “But even he has to follow the rules.” 

Y/N held a heavy stare with the visor of his helmet not backing down. 

“Yes, Commander,” You said slowly slightly mad. 

He then strode past you and Phasma called out for him.

“Will, you and your Knights be joining us for the briefing?” Phasma asked. 

The mask held steady in your direction and replied: “No,” before exiting. 

Y/N was quite upset because she was called out, but what did you expect? Phasma turned to look at her friend and said: “I think he likes you.”

* * *

The mission meant Commander Ren would be gone, thankfully; unfortunately, it meant Phasma was gone too and you had to spend ‘alone’ time with Hux. Honestly, he wasn’t that bad. When he wasn’t trying; when he decided to be Armitage, as he eventually told you, it was easy to enjoy his presence. The two didn’t have a lot in common, but they also had little differences. It was nice to have another acquaintance who enjoyed the silence, compared to Lady Hubbard. God bless her. 

The mission was complete and quite successful, with minimum injuries. 

“Dr. L/N,” Nurse Stacie interrupted you. “A Knight has been attacked by an unclassified Hemicyoninae and he’s having some complications.” 

Neatly leaving your items, you quickly followed her. You paused in your steps noting that you might come in contact with the Commander and quickly put your hair into a bun before continuing. You entered into the already packed room housing Dr. Hubbard, Nurse Stacie, and all the Knights of Ren, including their master. 

“I must be dead, there’s an angel in my room,” The infected Knight pointed at you.

“Hallucinations must be a side effect.” You moved closer to examine him. 

Ren stood in the back, so you didn’t see him. He took note that you had heeded his warning. But he was surprised you didn’t accept this compliment. Even the nurse had blushed and it wasn’t even directed at her. There was nothing, no glint in your eye, a twitch of a smile, it didn’t even cross your mind. 

Dr. Hubbard filled you in with what was happening and Kylo couldn’t help but study you. You were such a peculiar woman. Not that he knew much about them, but he didn’t understand you. Even during meetings when Ren subtly tried to pick through your brain he was met with a thick wall of thoughts that give him no information about you. Even your file was a complete dead end. So far he knew all your basic government information, you like to bend the rules, sarcasm was your first language, and that you hated the Blaise twins. 

“What color was it?” 

“Why does it matter?” Kylo spoke up. 

_ You would’ve known if you’d gone to the briefing_, just as you were quick to look up, you were quick to look down.

“Because...you know,” You took a deep breath. “If it’s brown, get down; if it’s black, fight back; if it’s white, goodnight.” 

Even though the mask concealed their faces you could tell they were confused at the saying.

“What if it was red?” The injured Knight asked. 

“Then you’re dead.” Dr. Hubbard, Y/N, and Nurse Stacie all answered in unison. 

The Knight’s heart rate began to increase. “Stars, I’m dead!” He cried out. 

“You’re not dead and it’s just a saying. The reds ones are rare, so we don’t know much about them. How close did you get to the creature? If there’s any fib―” 

“Kato killed the beast and collected his tooth.” Kylo told you.

“You can take it if you want.” Kato, the patient, smiled up at you.

Putting on gloves you stepped forward to unlatch the necklace from his neck. “Thank you, this angel is forever grateful.” You told him gaining a bigger smile. “If you don’t mind tel―” 

Kylo stomped his way to your side ready to follow you. “I will tell you which one.” 

Y/N nodded and the two left to return to your lab. There was an awkward silence as he loomed over you. 

“I didn’t know this came with security. Did it belong to the Queen herself?” 

You joked as you entered and he just stood to watch at the door.

“It’s the faint orange canine.” He disregarded your joke.

His mask was on you, following your every move. Kylo watched as you used the tools delicately and carefully as if it would break. The First Orders machine and tools were far more advanced than what you were used to and as much as your preferred the old machinery, you knew the General would not want antiquated equipment on his ship. So you were slowly getting yourself used to the advanced equipment that wasn’t up to your standard of work, as of yet. You had finished the slide and set up the microscope.

“You know...you can come in if you like. The room is big enough for the both of us.” 

His foot lifted just a millimeter off the floor before putting it back in its position. 

“I might bite back, but I don’t bite, Commander.” 

It was this teasing welcome that had him slowly entering. Kylo took notice of the abundant amount of flowers in your office that he saw from the recently visited planet. In the meeting, he remembered you asking for Nakkis leaf samples, but the troopers also brought back flowers at a chance to get a date with you. 

“You have a lot of flowers, it seems like the troopers were insufficient with your order,” Kylo said. 

“No, I already prepared them in the slides.” Y/N pointed out. 

He walked over to them and began to look. 

“When there’s another expedition, you can apply to accompany the squadron to collect them.” 

“Ok, thanks for the notice, Commander.” Y/N was too busy fixated on looking at the slide to see a curious Kylo look at all her scientific wonders she had been studying for the day. He had never been to this sector of the medbay, newer than the other sectors, he had no need to be here. 

“Would you like to see?” 

Her question caused the slide to slip from his hand but used the force to carefully place it back. Y/N removed herself from the stool and lowered it to what she thought would be good for the Commander. He walked around the table and plopped on the seat. 

“You just look into the lens.” 

Kylo leaned forward only to hit his mask on the machine. Honestly, you didn’t even think about the mask. 

A giggle surpassed your lips which made him whipped his head to the left, where you were standing. It was a short smile, in both appearance and time. A strange palpitation occurred in his heart. With furrowed brows, he was staring at your lips. This was his first time seeing you smile, it was because of him, and he wanted to see it again. He didn’t know why, maybe because it happened so quick or maybe he wanted to see what you look like when you smiled. Kylo was so consumed with his thoughts, he didn’t even realize he had tightly grabbed her wrist. 

“I-I didn’t mean to laugh, I swear I won’t tell a soul.” 

You promised, trying your best to wriggle your way out. He let go and took a couple of steps back from your personal space. And he walked you back with the same distance. 

“Thank you,” You latched the necklace back to Kato’s neck. “Your Master made sure I took very good care of it.”

* * *

Surprisingly, he found himself thinking about that moment more than he thought he should have. He also found himself watching to see if it would happen again and what would make you smile. Pride began to seep when he realized he had been the only one and only male at that, no matter how many officers, troopers, or Hux tried. But, he also tried too. Kylo didn’t want to revert to physically hurting himself or being dumb to make you laugh, so he tried little comments here and there to garner your attention. 

One time, he had caught a moment when Hux had tried and failed to make you laugh and saw it as a moment to one up Hux. This plan backfired having you bid adieu to your superiors to continue your research. A chuckle emitted from Hux as he put on his gloves. 

“Don’t feel like such a failure, that’s not the first woman to not laugh at your jokes.” Hux taunted before walking away. 

If only he knew what really happened.

* * *

Some of the nurses in the medbay had begged you to come out with them to the cantina for the longest. Constantly telling them no, you had finally gave in. Why? You still didn’t know, maybe because you thought one and done. You didn’t get the mini skirt memo, but you still were apart of the group wearing all black. Even though they were your age, you couldn’t help but feel out of place. 

The Cantina was more like a lounge than a bar and you were actually surprised to see a dance floor and a good chunk of mid-level officers. Young, good-looking, with a high position in their future, were the headliners, while the troopers and technicians were just the opening acts. And as for you, a doctor, who was recently recovering the lost of a fiancé, you just sat at the bar making sure the girls were alright. 

Fingers traced the rim of the close to an empty glass. A large arm came into contact and the owner muttered an apology. You nodded finishing the drink. 

“I’ll have what she’s having and refill hers.” 

The voice was deep and very rich that belonged to a big man. 

“Thanks for the free water.” You raise your glass to him. 

And you were right, he was a big man with broad shoulders his features were large but perfectly sculpted to create something uncoventionally beautiful. His pale skin illuminated the many beauty marks that scattered his face as his long raven waves framed his face with his strong, angular nose as the focal part of this particular masterpiece that drew attention to his full lips below and his mahogany irises with specks of honey above; but his demeanor was small. 

Those words hit his ears just as the taste of water hit his tongue. A blush began to reveal itself on his cheek as he turned to look at you. There was no smile, but a mischievous glint in her eyes and yet again his heart began to pulsate faster. His hand reached to his heart and looked down confused. 

“Maybe you need that water more than you think.” Y/N joked before drinking hers. His eyes cast over her not knowing what to say.

“You must be a trooper.” She said and his brows began to furrow. “The staring,” you pointed out. “All that time behind a helmet, you forgot it’s rude to so openly stare.” 

And Kylo couldn’t have been any happier than she had laid the foundation for his incognito character. Clearing his throat, he nodded. 

“Yes and your a doctor.” 

Maybe that wasn’t the best response because it really did seem like a stalker. 

“It’s just,” He went to clarify his answer. “The briefing for the mission, that thing about the Hemicyoniae.” 

Y/N nodded at his answer. 

“Ah, my best audience. You guys enjoyed my little rhyme. At least I know, if I can’t cut it as a doctor, I can entertain the troops.” 

A light chuckle slipped through his twisted smirk. 

“I haven’t heard any complaints, Dr. L/N, I don’t think you’d be retreating to the barracks anytime soon.” He replied. 

“Well, trooper if you hear anything else, please let me know.” 

A short, sweet grin that didn’t reach your eyes was sent his way that his heart was acting up again. 

“You should smile more.” 

And then your face dropped to the meanest scowl a woman has ever sent him. It was an innocent suggestion, but since Kylo had no experience in the world outside of his duties of the First Order, he was out of the loop. 

“Don’t tell women they should smile more.” 

“I-I didn’t mean t-too, I j-just, you’re very p-pretty.”

Kylo was utterly confused. He had meant no harm. Yes, you were beautiful in general, but smiling made you shine even more. 

“Thank you, but I’m not going to smile for your sake, to seem more approachable. It’s overbearing, invasive, weird, and most importantly annoying for men to tell women.” Y/N rolled her eyes and set her finished drink down about to leave when he grabbed her wrist. 

A threatening look was set his way before he quickly removed it. 

“I-I…” Kylo Ren did not apologize, ever. “Thank you,” he sighed, the only words that could be safe and it caught you by surprise. 

“You’re welcome. But, I don’t get paid enough to teach you these things…” She trailed off waiting for an ID. So he said the first initials that came to mind. 

“BS―” 

“BS?” 

He nodded at her question. 

“Bullshit,” She hummed in amusement as if she was drunk. Seeing her counterpart confused she went to explain. “BS stands for bullshit, it always used to make me laugh as a child. It’s like, what do you guys say, panther...banter―” 

“Bantha fodder,” Kylo corrected her to hear the sounds of her chortles accompanied by a closed smile. Along with the increase in heart rate, he felt himself grow hot and his cheeks recede into a rose tint.

“You should blush more often!” 

Y/N teased pointing a finger at him with a smug grin. The blush seemed to reach his ears and neck know. But he swore he was having a heart attack at the rate his heart was going. 

The girls had made their way to the bar practically cutting Kylo off from you. Annoyance set on his face not just because of this but their incessantly loud drunk thoughts and physical voices. Shaking your head at the girls, you took it as your cue to get them home. You didn’t know how you could keep them all together. 

“I’ll” Kylo cleared his throat. “Help you all get back,” 

All the woman turned to look at him. Y/N went to say no, but some of the girls began to throw themselves on the strange man. 

“NO!” 

You tried to peel them off before you even saw the look of disgust on his face. But still, he persisted on helping you get them to their quarters safely. The last girl had been dropped and the two made their way to the elevator. 

“Well, I guess this is where I leave you.” Y/N said and for the umpteenth time that night he was confused. 

“I’m going to walk you to your quarters,” Kylo said matter-of-factly. 

“I’ll be safe, no need to continue patrolling trooper. Not to mention you don’t have clearance.” Y/N explained. 

Kylo had forgotten about his trooper persona. 

“Not to mention your stalker vibes all night.” 

The elevator came to her stop and she got off. Turning around she scanned her card and pressed for barracks. His eyes were trained on her as she walked down the desolate hallway. 

“But here is a tip for all your hard work.” 

Your hair, which was not in its mandated bun, fanned out as you looked over your shoulder sending the man a smile so wide it exposed the dimple on your right cheek. The doors slide close just before she could see what she had done to the poor man. With a sharp inhale, he leaned against the wall as the sound of his beating heart hit his ears.

* * *

This continued, even meddling into his sleep, or lack thereof, his meditation, and training. Last night constantly replayed in his head or he would somehow connect something to you. And each time, he would get that same erratic feeling in his chest. Even though Kylo was not the one for showing weakness, his heart was obviously important. He had called medical droids to do a test but they seemed useless, deeming that there was nothing wrong. He proceeded to go about his daily routine but keeping his heart “condition” at the back of his mind. 

The next day as he was invoking fear into a petty officer, he had spotted Y/N walking down the hall. His mask slightly turned to her and yet again his heart started up. And then it clicked, you had to have done something to him and he was going to confront you. The racing got even worse when a male officer went to talk to her. The leather from his gloves squeaked as he clenched his fist. Anger seemed to accelerate his fluttering heart as your thoughts begged for the officer to leave you alone. And the guy didn’t as he began to walk you to your office, even though you declined his offer. Letting the petty officer off with a warning shove, Kylo followed the two.

He couldn’t understand why the guy couldn’t take the hint! And it’s not like you could be in danger, like last night when he offered to walk you. All Kylo kept thinking about was ripping into the guy, he didn’t even realize the pair had stopped and was now looking at the looming Kylo. The officer was absolutely terrified, but you on the other hand, found the expressionless mask confusing. His body position and the way the officer was trembling, there must’ve been an exchange in words through the mind. The officer quickly ran off, leaving you and the Commander alone at the entrance of the medbay. 

“Yes, Commander?” 

Your voice was soft and confused, but when he looked at you all his anger left his body. All he could think about was the smile you gave him last night and his heart was at it again. His chest began to heave as you furrowed your brows. He wanted to yell at you, blame you for your spell, but nothing came out. He just froze as his hand went to his heart. 

“Are you alright?” You asked.

“Yes,” The mechanical clearing of the throat rang out. “The expedition...there’s one...you can…” 

He couldn’t even make a complete, coherent question all because you were looking at him like that. Like you were listening and actually interested in what he had to say as you looked up at him through your lashed giving you a doe-eye expression that frustrated him to no end.

“I have training.”

Was all he said before he was stomping down the base.

* * *

During training with a droid, Hux had rudely interrupted his session. Kylo gave him one-word answers that annoyed the General, making him leave sooner. As he left, he saw a glimpse of Y/N. She was standing there, hands behind her back, observing the interior of Starkiller. 

She was standing there, waiting for him! 

The last thing he saw was Hux stand shoulder to shoulder with her before walking off. Kylo didn’t understand why he didn’t like it, but he didn’t like it. With a growl, he turned to slash the droid only to be deeply slashed in the thigh.

Blood trailed from the training room to the medbay. Everyone moved out of his way as he trudged his way there. All Kylo kept thinking about was how close Hux was to you. He didn’t even realize the pair of nurses that were now fearfully looking up at the looming masked Kylo Ren. It wasn’t until Dr. Hubbard had finished with his patient and caught sight of the Commander’s leg. The perks of being a scary Commander meant he could have a private room in the medbay. That’s where Kylo was currently residing while two nurses along with Dr. Hubbard were trying to get him sorted because he was very difficult. Even in the back of the medbay, he could hear the clips of Hux’s obnoxious boots and accent. 

“What is...WHAT IS THIS MESS?!” 

Hux’s voice roared and he scolded any and everybody for not calling for clean up. Y/N had been walking beside him, since he was walking her back from lunch. The eerie trail of blood caused her to slowly and involuntarily follow it because it was in the direction of her office. Seeing it make a turn, you cautiously looked inside to see Commander Ren trying to choke Dr. Hubbard.

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!” Y/N cried out, rushing in to tug his hand down. “HE’S TRYING TO HELP YOU!” 

Kylo was taken aback. 

As of now, he had only witnessed two emotions from you, even if they were garnished with sarcasm. But this was fear, fear of losing someone who was close and who you cared very much for. He was so thankful for his mask as he felt nothing but embarrassment. Her face was in a deep scowl but her eyes were in the beginning stages of tears. The cardiac monitor began to beep profusely causing everyone to panic as this alongside blood loss could lead to hypovolemic shock. But, the real cause was that you were holding his hand. It took two of your hands to fully engulf his. Even the squeeze you gave him wasn’t out of anger, but to help ease the pain. Even as you looked between Dr. Hubbard and the monitor, worry began to consume you. It was your worried deep brown eyes that was the last thing he saw before slipping into unconsciousness. 

Who knew a crush could cause so much blood? 

  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Obviously I don't know what the relationship between Luke and Kylo or even the Knights for the fact at the temple but this is my interpretation to make this story. 
> 
> In my head, once Kylo discovered his power he became a little cocky and Luke would sweep it under the rug. So he would abuse this until one day it got too unbearable. I also don't see him complete devoid emotion and being able to read people even without the force. Him and the Knights have an EXTREMELY close bond because of everything that happened and that's another reason why they're the "outsiders" of the FO. 
> 
> I honestly believe that you all will enjoy the future interactions and thoughts of the Knights in regards to Reader/Kylo. Thank you to everyone that's been reading so far.


	4. Dream Man

Kylo Ren was released from the medbay and practically confined to his quarters following the surgery on his leg. This gave him time to think, unfortunately, about you instead of doing effective task. Beckoning his datapad with the force, he opened up your file. Your badge picture was in the right hand corner with the expressionless look that every First Order worker had. He thought about his conversation about smiling. 

A twitch of the lips and more beats per second in his heart, Kylo thought about talking to you once more. Opening private messages, he thought for a moment: would you respond to the Commander or BS? Being a Commander allowed him to have accessibility to everything First Order, which allowed him to make a profile for his trooper persona. Taping your ID username (MDI-0215), he began to start a conversation. 

BS-1982: From the picture on your badge, I’m guessing someone told you to smile.

MDI-0215: This is a private line, but please remain professional or consequences will be practiced as fit. Please state your name and reason.

BS-1982: Bullshit.

MDI-0215: Excuse me? I’m going to give you one more chance before I’m reporting you.

BS-1982: Bullshit.

BS-1982: Read my ID #

It took some time for you to respond. But eventually, you got it.

MDI-0215: BS=Bullshit!

BS-1982: Hello Doctor.

MDI-0215: Well, well, well, if it isn’t my stalking trooper. Missed me that much?

A blush hit his face and he was thankful that you couldn’t see him. He couldn’t believe how you affected him. Everything you did caused a reaction. The Commander of the First Order, Master of the Knights of Ren, apprentice to Supreme Leader Snoke had a crush on the new epidemiologist, Dr. Y/N L/N. If only he knew.

BS-1982: I saw you today with the General and couldn’t help but notice your lack of enthusiasm.

MDI-0215: BS...he might not be a comedic, stalking trooper, but he is our boss, so please refrain from that.

Kylo groaned at you defending Hux. He wondered if you would defend him like that

BS-1982: What about Kylo Ren?

MDI-0215: What about Kylo Ren?

BS-1982: Do you find him funny?

MDI-0215: I don’t know, never heard him tell a real joke. He probably reserves them to his close circle.

BS-1982: Are you not his friend?

MDI-0215: I don’t think so, have you heard something or are you just living up to your ID?

Even without being face to face with you, he could feel your sardonic tone.

BS-1982: You are close with the General and Captain, no?

MDI-0215: That doesn’t mean anything.

MDI-0215: Are you friends with Kylo Ren?

Kylo froze almost like getting caught. You were just teasing, that’s all. But he had to answer to make it seem believable.

BS-1982: I don’t think so. He seems to have a temper problem, always yelling and trashing the place. With the force.

MDI-0215: I know. I guess I should keep my distance so I never am a victim to it.

MDI-0215: BS?

BS-1982: Yes, Doctor?

MDI-0215: Are you on break?

BS-1982: Yes, Doctor.

MDI-0215: I hope you enjoy it, but unfortunately I am not. Goodbye.

And just like that, it was over. 

It was short and yet it had caused something within him to stir at the natural conversation. It was quite different from most conversations in his life, at any age with anybody. It almost calmed him knowing that through this device, he could use it to talk to you without all the awkwardness. Well, there was still awkwardness but at least he could hide behind this. 

For Kylo, it kind of felt like some sort of guilty pleasure or sin that he would frequently indulge in. He found it comforting in the normalcy in daily conversations, especially when he was on missions. As Commander, he made sure to keep his distance; it didn’t take much as you did the same. And honestly, Y/N had enjoyed her newfound acquaintance. Your plan of sticking to yourself and in the shadows had been compromised as you found yourself in the company of the Hubbards, some nurses, the General, Phasma, and BS. Forming a comfortable relationship between them.

* * *

Right now, you sat in a booth with some of the nurses for one of their birthdays. Your attention span with them was absolutely terrible. Listening to them talk made them sound so naïve for their age as they talked about the many wonders and expectations of life. You were like that once, more specifically a few months ago before the accident. 

“Come dance with us!” The girls pulled at your arm. 

“No, no, I’ll watch your drinks, have fun.” You sent them a tight lip smile before they were dashing to the dancefloor. 

“Doct―” 

The baritone voice that vibrated in your ear had you jumping out of your seat. Turning, it was none other than your trooper pal, BS. 

“Christ on a stick!” Your left hand pressed against your heart signalling it to calm down. 

Brown eyes dropped from your face to the pristine diamond that contrasted with your dark skin.

“What is that?” He asked. 

“Christ on a stick? Oh, I don’t know just a silly expression.” Y/N waved off. 

“No,” He shook his head. “That,”

He pointed to your ring. Nothing was said as your eyes shifted and he could feel your emotions shift too. 

“You have a husband.” 

“I don’t,” You denied rather quickly. 

You glanced up at him. “He died before the wedding.” 

Kylo was captured by your eyes. Then you looked back down almost ashamed. Kylo’s inexperience and awkwardness had him speechless in what to say, thankfully your friends were coming back. 

“Y/N there’s another party!” One said as they all grabbed their stuff. 

“Oh, he’s back.” One whispered terribly. 

“I told you he liked her.” 

He shot them a menacing look but unfortunately, it couldn’t mask the raspberry hue that began to consume his pale skin. Y/N sent him an apologetic look, before refusing to party hop for the rest of the night. 

“It’s ok, it’s on the way to your quarters!” 

One of the girls said, who both Kylo and Y/N eyed suspiciously. Which higher up was throwing a party? It made Kylo curious. Clearly, someone of their status wouldn’t be invited to a higher up party. 

“Ok,” You accepted nervously. 

“You can come too, big fella!” A girl pulled at him and it took everything in him to not fling her into the wall. 

“Mel,” Y/N softly said as she removed the girl’s hand. 

“Maybe you should break before going?” 

You reasoned with them, but they didn’t hear it. 

“The break is us getting there! Plus we have him to protect us like last time.” Someone pointed out. Sucking in a breath you looked at your male acquaintance and apologized. 

“He doesn’t just show up to be on patrol when he’s off duty.” Y/N told them. 

“It’s alright,” The words couldn’t be far from the truth but they believed it and he found himself, once again helping you wrangle a group of drunk girls. 

Kylo took in your tense appearance on the other side of the elevator as you stared into space twisting your ring. How had he not seen it before? Your file said nothing about marriage, neither did any of your thoughts. Was this recent? The doors opened and they all walked out. Y/N steps were slower than the rest, so Kylo decreased his pace. Her eyes flitted to him before returning them to the group of girls ahead. 

“Are you, are you going to the party?” Y/N asked him.

He looked at her before looking at the girls. Her mind was filled with worriment over the girls, their state, and whoever was throwing this party. 

“You’re worried.” 

“Is it that obvious?” You joked. 

They tried catching up but the girls were still far ahead. But there was something else gnawing at you. Your thoughts running rampant of: _ should I tell him? _

“Is there something else?” Kylo asked. 

She froze and narrowed her eyes at him. _ Can he read my mind too? _ It was an unfortunate slip. 

“You look very nervous.” He stated. From their talks, luckily for him, she didn’t know much about the force and never witnessed his infamous tantrums. 

“BS, what Nejaa said...about you liking me.” Y/N paused before taking a deep breath. “I came here to leave everything and my plan was to not make friends and be by myself. But clearly, I’m not good at following through.” She looked at the girls and then up at him. 

In this light, without his mask, he could see her eyes clearly. They were brown, like his, but dark. They were so dark, they seemed almost black. Like the leaves of the begonias he had seen in the tropics of planets. Found growing in almost complete darkness, they were rare, wild, extremely beautiful, and desirable like you. 

“I just don’t want you to get the wrong idea an―” 

The words stopped as your eyes followed the open door where the girls stood. It was the Blaises quarters, both Constantin and Antoine propped in the doorway. It seemed, just as you looked at them, they looked to you with an immediate smirk. Antoine removed himself and sauntered towards you. Kylo was quite shocked at how bold this man was to confront the girl in front of him. But then he remembered, he wasn’t the Commander right now. Antoine stopped right before the pair and looked at the towering man up and down. 

“Il est différent. (He’s different).” Antoine said. “Y/N, Laissez-le, venez à la maison avec moi. Vous avez déjà commis cette erreur auparavant. (Leave him, come home with me. You already made that mistake before).”Antoine cooed. 

Kylo might’ve not understood the language, but he understood emotions and Kylo could feel the anger rising in you. 

“Va te faire foutre, Antoine. N'osez pas parler de lui comme ça! (Fuck you, Antoine. Don't you dare speak of him like that!)” Your voice echoed causing Constantin and the girls to look your way. 

Antoine just smirked knowing that talking about your fiancé would get a rise out of you. Before any more words could be exchanged, Kylo stepped between them and pressed his hand to the man’s chest to push him out of the way. Grabbing your hand he pulled you down the hall as the man shouted expletives at Kylo Ren. He’d make sure he’d pay for that later. When they were far enough, they stopped. You stood their catching your breath as he looked over to see if you were ok.

“I guess I should promote you from stalker to bodyguard, BS.” She said half-heartedly and it made him crack a small smirk. He turned to look down the corridor and back at you. 

“Is your’s near?” He asked. 

Y/N nodded. 

“If you’d like, I’ll stay here and make sure everything is alright as you go.” He offered; with sad eyes, she grinned at how he was respecting her boundaries. 

“Ok, be safe BS.” 

She squeezed his hand and went on her way. A tingling sensation crept from the tips of his fingers, up his arm and spread through the rest of his body like some type of blissful shock.

* * *

When Kylo arrived to his quarters, he was surprised to find a message for him from Dr. L/N. Well, a message for BS.

MDI-0215: I just want to thank you for tonight, and the other night, where you helped me with the girls. I know it is not apart of your job description and by the look on your face you don’t seem to enjoy but you do it anyway. You were raised to be quite the gentleman. I truly hope that we can remain cordial, as I do enjoy your company. As for the “man” in the hallway, he’s some miserable person who will probably seek you out because he saw you with me, I’m sorry. If he does approach or bother you, let me know. I might not be a big, intimidating trooper, but I have my ways. Once again, thank you for your friendship. Y/N.

He wasn’t expecting the words to hit them the way they did. From the combination of your eyes, touch, and these words. You thought he was a gentleman, you wanted to protect him, you wanted him to be your friend. It was something Kylo had never encountered. Such sincerity flowed through you and into these words intensifying the feelings he currently felt for you. But there was a matter of the other man in your life. Not Hux, not Antoine, or any others he had seen try and fail; no, he meant your fiancé. Placing the datapad to the side, he closed his eyes and focused on you. Kylo wanted to know more, but it was obvious you were uncomfortable and not ready to talk about the situation. 

And when Kylo wanted to know more, he used the force to get what he wants. 

It was fairly easy because you were asleep and it would be easy to invoke memories and disguise them as dreams. Or in her case, nightmares. Her memories were quite...normal, in comparison to his life. She came from a big family, lived in the city, loved to dance, draw, and smile. He was amazed by how different she looked completely happy but more when she was in love. Kylo saw all the men in her life even Antoine Blaise and what he had done. But then he saw the man that had your heart and all your moments with him. Even down to the final hours.

* * *

Hooded eyes stared into the dark abyss of your room. You always dreamed about him, it wasn’t anything new. But last night felt too real. Like you were reliving every moment with him. You could see the eyes like emerald with flakes of gold shining back at you, the smell of his natural musk consuming you after long shared intimate nights together, the bittersweet taste of his lips of quick kisses that would strangely mimic their short life together, the feeling of calloused fingers on the expanses of skin covering your body, and you could hear his rich, melodic voice that held so much glee and optimism for a future that never came. They were all right there like they used to be. 

Your shoulders began to shudder as you broke down, clutching onto an unscented pillow. The rapid breath escaping you concealed the sounds of your alarm. Laying on your back you tried to calm yourself, tried to think of the things he would tell you to soothe this panic attack. But it was much harder. You felt physically sick. Y/N didn’t even realize how much time had passed until she heard knocks on her door accompanied by whispers. It was the Hubbards and it was time for breakfast. Finding the little ounce of strength you had left you prepared yourself for the day.

You skipped breakfast after not being able to keep down the first bite of the protein bar, so you planned on skipping lunch, no matter how shaky your hands were. Dr. Hubbard stood outside your station through the window. He watched, with sad eyes, as you struggled to prepare a slide. It was clearly one of those days. Every so often, he would see the young woman fold into herself and drift into a completely different dimension. 

He’d carefully been watching you, not to raise suspicion, since you’ve been here. Dr. Hubbard believed you shouldn’t have been here, you should’ve been back at home with your family dealing with the death of your fiancé, not running away from it. He’d met your parents and in-laws, they were lovely people and are probably heartbroken at the fact you’d left them during this difficult time. 

But he nor they could tell you what to do, you were an adult.

Soft taps on the door caused you to look up and see Dr. Hubbard. When the door slid open, his brows furrowed at the sight of you; tired, pain, and sadness stood before him which was a stark contrast of the wonderous girl he met years prior. 

“May I see you in my office?” He said. 

You nodded, putting the slide down and following him out. It seemed like forever until you reached his office where you stood shocked to see a plate of food on the table and a blanket on the couch. Y/N turned around to object, to say she had too much work but she was met with a stone-faced Hubbard. 

“You will sit, eat, and rest before you go back.” 

Gulping, you did as he said. Well, at least tried. He watched as she picked up the fork and stared at it, before tears welled in her eyes. 

“Y/N,” Dr. Hubbard said taking a seat next to her, just in time for her to breakdown. The sobs that wracked through her body were to powerful for her sleep-deprived self and couldn’t hold herself up as she slumped against him.

As much as Hux didn’t want to admit it, Y/N not joining him and Phasma for lunch made him a little upset. Their little lunch meeting became a regular part of his schedule. You not being there, without warning, was off putting. Phasma suggested you probably had a lot of work, he was the first to understand. Sometimes he requested lunch be held in his office. But if Hux was being honest, he felt like he was making some type of progression with you and he wanted it to continue. Hux strode into the medbay towards your lab to find no sign of you. Turning around, he set his course to Dr. Hubbard’s office, only for his footsteps to slow down at the sound of crying. The two were oblivious that Hux was standing in the doorway, as he had used his master code to override the system. 

“Dr. L/N,” Hux cleared his throat and both of them looked up at their superior. Hux had a mix between pain and disgust and it only made you feel worse. “Go clean yourself up and report to my office.”

Y/N inhaled a shaky breath as she wiped away her tears as Dr. Hubbard helped her up. And he helped you walk towards the door until he was face to face with his superior. General Hux stood stoic staring down Dr. Hubbard. 

“Care to explain?” Hux said. 

“She shouldn’t be here.” Dr. Hubbard. “She’s too fragile, she hasn’t even grieved properly over the death of her fiancé. As her bos―” 

“No, I am her boss and I am the one who makes the decisions on my subordinates.” Hux clarified. Hux was your boss, but Dr. Hubbard was head of the medbay and a dear friend. 

“I understand, sir, but wouldn’t you want your employees contributing their best, while at their best? I think she should be returned back to Terra.” Dr. Hubbard said. 

“The suggestion is unnecessary, I know how to run a ship, Doctor.” Hux clipped. 

“Yes, a military ship filled with more robots than men; and I know how to run a medical center and she is not fit as of yet.” Dr. Hubbard pushed back. 

The General’s blue eyes narrowed in on the man as he stood toe to toe. This clearly wasn’t going to be settled anytime soon.

* * *

Y/N locked herself in the refresher to compose herself. She also found herself expelling her guts and began to cry again out of fatigue. You were beyond embarrassed and really didn’t want to sit in front of the General like this. Luckily, a message pinged alerting you that you were relieved of duty for the next thirty-six hours and would meet in his office. You sighed in relief letting your head rest against the wall. 

Now all you needed was to make it back to your quarters. 

She kept her head down to avoid people looking as she went to the elevator. Thank God that there were separate elevators for the living corridors, at least you could be sad in peace. You slumped against the wall with closed eyes trying to keep the tears from falling. 

The machine came to a stop and you absent-mindedly went to walk out only to hit a black wall. Dark eyes cast upon the black mask and you muttered lowly: “I’m sorry Commander,” as you slid past him. 

“Doctor,” He called out. “This isn’t your floor.” 

His response caused you to look up and find he was correct. Stepping back inside, you stood in the back corner waiting for your floor. Kylo noticed the swaying motion as you stood at attention. He peered into her mind, but didn’t get far as she grunted from the sharp pain in her head. She didn’t know it was from him, she just thought the crying, starvation, and vomiting, was catching up to her. When it finally reached her stop, Kylo watched as you slowly made your way down the hall, a small sliver of him couldn’t help but feel bad for causing this.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Thanks for all of you reading. I know it might seem slow, but I have max. 30 chapters for this series. Most of them are different versions of the chapter because depending on how TRS goes I might switch it up. Also, the next chapter is the big one.


	5. Bullshit

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Just finished midterms, just to turn around for presentations and quizzes. Here's a chapter for the start of a good week.
> 
> Warning: Violence

After crying in the shower, you decided to take it to the pillow. Your toweled covered curls and body snuggled underneath the covers as you found yourself being lulled by the sounds of the base. A message illuminated on the screen of your datapad. You wanted to ignore it but checked just in case it was from General Hux.

BS-1982:  Hello, Doctor, I just wanted to see if you were alright?

MDI-0215:  How’d you know?

Kylo felt caught, how stupid he was to think that messaging you would be appropriate or even a smart thing to do. Now, he struggled to find some plausible explanation.

BS-1982:  Someone in your position seen crying raises questions. 

MDI-0215:  Great, I guess I’ll be hearing how I’ve been terminated.

Kylo could feel your emotions brimming on fatigue, embarrassment, and on the verge of tears. Gnawing at his bottom lip, his next words were for comfort only, no matter if he found it to be true.

BS-1982:  You won’t be terminated, Hux wouldn’t do that. It’s very evident that he likes you, just like everybody I’ve crossed that has met you. It’s just very rare to see a beautiful woman crying. 

There was no immediate response, which caused Kylo to examine his words. He shouldn’t have said Hux, that was to informal for a trooper. He shouldn’t have implied everyone liked you, even if it was true because everyone including himself. He called you beautiful for the first time outside of his mind, even if it was via text, his cheeks were now the hue of his lightsaber.

MDI-0215:  Thank you BS, from your lips to Hux’s ears. It’s just some personal things I need to take care of.

BS-1982:  I can assure you, you will be fine. 

This solidified that Kylo’s venture into your mind had definitely made caused this change in you. For the first time, in a long time, he felt terrible. Granted nobody in the First Order was pure, when it came to you, it was different. There was something in the way you looked at him, smiled at him, talked to him, and tried your best in hiding your emotions from him. You were running away and trying to be someone that you weren’t, just like he once was.

BS-1982:  But, if you need help, I could be there, I can try my best. 

MDI-0215:  That’s really sweet and thoughtful of you, BS.

He gripped the datapad tighter as he could feel another blush rush to his cheeks. Kylo Ren wasn’t sweet and he wasn’t thoughtful. It made him upset that he was so easily falling for this, how could he be so weak. Dropping the datapad, he stomped his way to a private area in his quarters only for his eyes only. Kylo plopped into the chair and held a tight grip on his knees. 

“Forgive me,” 

His head hung low. 

“I feel...something. Something I’ve never felt before. It’s a pull...but not to the light.”

Kylo explained; his mouth moved around unsure of what he wanted to ask. 

“Grandfather...what should I do?”

* * *

She had fallen asleep before he had replied. Y/N woke up a little groggy and confused as she sat up collecting herself. Taking hold of her datapad, she looked at the lonely message that sat on her notifications. But before you could check it there was a knock on the door. Looking at your datapad to see who it was, you were a little shocked to see BS. Putting on appropriate attire, you shuffled towards the door and opened it. 

His back was facing you, but when he turned around he wasn’t expecting to be so taken by you. Kylo knew you had just woken up, he just didn’t understand how you could still look beautiful with sleep still lingering. 

“Yes, BS” 

It came out slow and almost breathless, causing a heavy feeling to hit the pit of his stomach. Sucking in a breath, he furrowed his brows in annoyance at your affect. 

“I just...wanted to see if you…” A lopsided, sleepy grin fell on her full lips which had him trailing off his sentence. Clenching his fist, he continued. “There’s some place I’d like to show you.” 

Then he read your mind. 

“It’s just a window, frequented by many...also, not a date.” His voice rose, which caused you to jump.  You contemplated whether or not to go, but maybe you needed to take your mind off of things.

* * *

“It’s really nice here.”

Y/N’s eyes roamed the scenic view of snow covered ground, large trees, and the beautiful night sky. This was a little hidden spot that most of the lowly workers and troopers went that he saw in their mind. It was just a large unused hall that was filled with various types of seats. The window filled the whole wall and the natural light of the moon illuminated the room. The atmosphere was calm, seeing as eight people, including themselves were in the room doing their own thing. Even Kylo had to admit this was nice. 

Him and Y/N sat on the bench closer to the window. Kylo studied the way the moon highlighted her profile and the curls that rested on her shoulders and back. 

“You’re staring again, BS.” 

You felt heat rush to your cheeks as you teased your new found friend. He scowled and it did nothing to stop his blush. All though you were not ready to pursue anything, you weren’t blind, he was very good looking and tall. Clearing his throat he asked: 

“Do you feel better?” 

It was then when it finally clicked to why he had done this. 

“BS…” You gave him a small smile while placing your hand on top of his fist. 

Surprisingly, he didn’t flinch; he enjoyed the warmth your hand provided him and spread throughout his body.

“Yes, and thank you; some days are just worse than others, I’m still learning how to deal with them.” Y/N told him. 

A pout found its way on his lips when you remove your hand, he wanted to know what happened, but he could feel you sinking into your feelings again.

“Was it bad?” Kylo asked. “How he died?” 

You shook your head. 

“No, but it was so unexpected. It’s almost unbelievable.” 

Y/N furrowed her brows, still not understanding it herself. 

“What happened?” 

He asked, regardless if her mind was trying to block it out. She looked at him in confusion, before looking down and tears coming to her eyes. She couldn’t bring herself to say but he could see her replaying the same scene over and over again. Y/N jumped when she felt a large hand fall to her shoulder. 

“I’m…” 

He started, his hand now hovering before deciding to rest it near her hand. Kylo didn’t need to continue because her hand was slipping under his. Kylo’s eyes dropped down to observe the reason why his heart was beating fast and hands were getting clammy. Your hands were so different compared to his: in color, in size, in feeling. But he liked it. Kylo squeezed it as he brought their tangled hands closer to his face at different angles. 

“Is there something wrong?” Your voice caused him to let go and quickly mutter an apology as he hid his blush. “It’s ok, I think it’s getting late anyway.” 

Kylo agreed, standing up, he walked side by side with you before his comm was going off. He cursed as he saw it was Hux. His eyes washed over you, oblivious to it all as you walked towards the elevator. 

“I...have to go.” 

The deep voice lifted you from your thoughts and had you looking up at him. 

“Ok, have a good night.” You waved off. 

“Are you going to be alright?” Kylo asked referencing to what had happened before. 

Y/N nodded, but he still had a somewhat of a worried look in his eyes as you entered the elevator. Kylo just watched you until the doors closed. It was too much, but you understood the reason why. Plus it felt nice knowing that there was someone who was looking out for you. You were so wrapped in your thoughts, you didn’t even see Antoine standing in the hallway.

“No bodyguard today?” Antoine said in with an accent. 

“No Gallico today?” You quipped. 

A smirk fell on his lips as he pushed himself off the wall and towards you. You were not in the mood so you continued walking. But you were stopped when he got a hold of your wrist. You tugged away but he was much stronger than his slim physique put off. 

“I miss you,” He said. 

“Get off of me, Antione!” You snapped. 

“I’ve never heard you say that before.” 

He chuckled in your ear. Y/N could smell the strong alcohol on his breath; rolling her eyes she tried breaking free but his arms wrapped around her waist and spun her. 

“Antoine, you’re drunk.” You pushed him, but he caught your wrist and gave you a silly smile as he said something incoherent. “Antoine,” You said through gritted teeth.

“Arrêtez (stop), you know how I get when you say my name.” 

His head fell into the crook of your neck. Using your strength, you tried once again, pushing him off of you. But instead, he put your hands behind your back; you tried kneeing him in the stomach, but it seemed he anticipated that. 

“I don’t remember you being so aggressive with me, qu'est-il arrivé (what happened)?” 

You were getting frustrated and tired. You just wanted to go to your quarters and really didn’t want the situation to escalate. 

“Well, you cheated on me, bad-mouthed me, then my fiance, and now you’re assaulting me. I have every right!” Y/N barked. 

She watched as his eyes darken, clearly not liking what she said. Antoine’s hand quickly wrapped around her throat making your head hit the wall with a heavy thud. 

“You’ve been trying to make me look like a fool, this whole time.” He seethed.

“I don’t think I had to try.” You spat. His fingers clenched tighter and your eyes widened. He wouldn’t, you thought, there had to be cameras. 

“Antoine...stop,” 

She spoke calmly as her hand wrapped around his arms. When he didn’t you dug your nails into his skin. He let out a yell and backed off. 

“Stupide salope (stupid bitch).” 

“Don’t ever touch me again, Antoine!” You yelled at him.

They stared each other down, chest heaving, until you felt he got the message. Turning on your heels, you began to walk when he ran up behind you. Your reflexes had you back handing him; Antoine stumbled holding his cheek. He peered down at his hand to see droplets of blood. Your ring had accidentally cut him. Antoine’s nostrils flared before he came charging at you. The fight or flight senses weren’t useful as you found yourself just standing there. 

Because of this he was able to twist your hand and slip the ring off your finger. Y/N yelled in pain, it was such a short moment, she didn’t even realize he had took the ring until he held it up in front of his door with a devilish smile. Your heart dropped as you sprinted toward him, only for his door to slide close. 

“ANTOINE, OPEN UP!” You banged on the door. “DON’T PLAY WITH ME,” 

“ANTOINE!” 

You continued this, not even caring if anyone else heard or saw. They clearly didn’t care when you were getting attacked, why would they care if you were attacking a door? Clearly someone did because a pair of troopers came and ordered her to stop. 

“No, he stole my ring!” Y/N said through gritted teeth. 

“You’d have to file a report. But we’re here to escort you to the General.” One said. 

You stood back confused. 

“Why?” 

They looked at each other before turning back to you. They were just doing their jobs and you were just making their job difficult. Sighing, you followed them. Standing behind them in the elevator. You fully took in the situations and felt your eyes began to well up with tears. Well, not fully; you didn’t even care that Antoine had just attacked, you cared that he took your ring! They led you to his office that you frequented many times, but this time the vibe was different. 

You stepped inside with puffy eyes falling from General Hux stoically sat behind his desk and the looming Kylo Ren to your right. You sat in the chair with all eyes on you. Once the troopers left, Hux began to speak. 

“Do you know why you’re here?” He asked. 

“No,” 

His fingers typed at the datapad. 

“Harassment.” He said and your jaw dropped. 

Antoine. 

“A-Are you serious?” You scoffed. “You can’t believe this!” 

Before the General could speak again you yelled: “He started it! He harassed me!” 

But the General just shook his head. 

“It doesn’t matter who started it first, harassment and public disruption are serious offenses!” Hux stated. 

Kylo stood back and watched as you defend yourself and was quite surprised Hux didn’t side with you. Maybe it was because Antoine had sent a video of you banging on the other side of the door. 

“He stole my ring, Hux!” Y/N slammed her hands on his desk. “He’s been harassing me for months and I haven’t said a word, yet his sensitive ass literally provokes me to do something and I’m the one getting in trouble!” 

Hux was taken aback by this. No one has ever talked to him like that, especially a woman. He had to admit it turned him on, but, he had a job to do. 

“Dr. L/N, I will ask you this once be professional because your behavior in these past hours have been anything but. It is General Hux to you.”

Kylo stood silently just observing pure anger and frustration radiating off her body. This allowed him to dig through her mind and find out what really happened. And when he did he grew livid, just more at himself for not being there to stop it. But you did put up a good fight. 

“Dr. L/N,” Kylo’s mechanical voice had the pair putting a pause on the conversation. “You seemed to have forgotten the mandated standard hairstyle.” 

Hux shot a look of annoyance at his peer who of course would point out something trivial in an important moment. You just stared into the dark mask with disbelief before rolling your eyes and did as told.

The moment you lifted your curls, the dark bruises from Antoine. Hux’s permanent scowl seemed to crack as his eyes softened as he looked upon your neck. 

“I…” She began to speak before the lump of sadness caught in your throat. “I don’t care if you file his complaint because he got his feelings hurt, I just…” 

Tears streamed down your cheeks. 

“That ring is all I have left.” You cried. “Please, that’s all I want. I just want my ring back. It’s all I have left.” 

Hux mouth opened but nothing came out. Heavy footfalls stopped behind you. 

“Go to the medbay, Dr. L/N. Report to me when finished.” The Commander ordered. 

Slowly you stood up and caught the sight of yourself in his visor. Embarrassed was an understatement and you didn’t even want to know what judgemental things your superior was thinking right now. While Kylo could only thing of finally getting back at Antoine Blaise.

* * *

A med droid fixed you up, which you were thankful for, not wanting to explain what happened. You were even allowed in the private med rooms reserved for the higher ups, now you really had to remain on Kylo Ren’s good side if you weren’t going to be terminated, he really had helped you. When you were done you made your way down the busy hall as nurses, droids, and doctors ran back and forth.

“Y/N, what happened to you?” 

You turned to see Mel staring at you.

“I sprained it, what happened here?”

This place was never frantic, seeing it was more for research and high officials. 

“There was an explosion and so many troopers got hurt, they sent them here.” She answered. 

Before Mel could speak she was being commed. “I have to go.” 

Nodding, you started to walk out before your eye caught a familiar name. 

‘BS-1982: Rm 4’

Your breath hitched; you had just been with him hours earlier. Trying to remain calm, Y/N briskly walked over to the room only to stop when the man let out an agonizing scream. Your heart tightened as tears began to surface. Slowly you walked into the doorway to be completely thrown for a curve ball. 

The man in the bed was not BS; he was a little shorter, tanner, and had a short buzz-cut. 

You hid behind the wall confused, before grabbing your comm, and sending a simple signal, ‘hi’, to him. In a matter of seconds you were receiving a ‘hi’.back. You were thoroughly confused as you looked up to see the man, truly in pain. Instead of heading straight to the Commander’s office like you were told, you instead ventured to your quarters to get your data pad. If anything, the General said it was your third limb.

All the while, you would converse with BS, trying your best to not raise suspicions, but holy shit was this boggling your mind! It seemed that luck was on your side as you bumped into Captain Phasma. 

“Y/N, are you ok?” She asked, all emotions hidden behind the mask. 

“Yeah, I’m fine,” Y/N shook her head. “No I'm not, can you...can you tell me something?” 

And Phasma nodded. 

“There’s a trooper that I met, we’ve been talking for about a month. A-And today, I see he’s admitted to the medbay, b-but it’s not him.” Y/N told her. 

“What did your trooper look like?” 

“Well, he’s around your height, pale, long black hair, large n―” 

Your friend’s laugh cut you off. 

“I can’t believe I was right.” She began to calm down. You shot her a quizzical look. “Y/N, you’ve been meeting with the Commander.” 

No, that was impossible. 

Without a goodbye, Phasma watched Y/N flee the scene. Getting into the vacant elevator, you let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding.

“She’s just messing around,” You said to yourself as opened up the messages between you and BS and began reading them. 

You couldn't believe all the things you talked about all the things you shared . Eyes were glued to the screen even as you walked towards the Commander’s office. You were so entranced by Phasma’s theory, the screams coming from his office didn’t even alert you. It wasn’t until you were physically knocked down by something heavy. That something being specifically, a very shaken, sweaty, and slightly bloodied Constantin. 

“You bitch!” He spat as he hands flew to your neck. 

Confusion and terror racked through your body and before you could react, he was sliding off of you as if someone had dragged him. His hand tightly gripped your ankle which had caused panic to set in as you too were now being dragged. You screamed at the top of your lungs trying your best to wriggle out, but his grip was too strong. What you saw next was unimaginable. 

There was Antoine, in the same state as his brother just much worse. Antoine was hovering in the middle of the room, screaming in agonizing pain. His face was illuminated by a red light, which was because of the lightsaber. The lightsaber was held by a man in all black, a man who was named Kylo Ren, a man who was now helmetless so Antoine could see his face and understand his power. 

It was his hair that caused the hairs on the back of your neck to stand up; Phasma couldn’t be right. As soon as that thought popped in your mind he turned, revealing the man you had started to take a liking to: BS. Your mouth dropped as a fierce scowl met your terrified gaze. In long strides, he stomped over to you as you lay there frozen, unable to move or speak. He stretched out his hand and you flinched, before everything faded.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Hopefully his grandfather gives him better wisdom about girls than he does about finishing what he started.☕️
> 
> I also want to apologize on my google translate French. Four years and I only retained the survival words. The twins came from my dream where I was dating one of the Les twins and he cheated on me and clowned me on my birthday...embarrassing.


	6. A New Discovery

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: I wasn't expecting so many hits for about five chapters, I guess I'm doing something right. This chapter is where the real story starts to come together. I know it seemed a little slow in the beginning, but I just wanted to build a foundation that would allow for Kylo and Reader to get to a level that will eventually lead to romance. 
> 
> Warning: Slightly sexual & long

You awoke in your room in the dark. You were absolutely confused. All these crazy dreams ran through your head, well you thought they were dreams until you stirred. 

“Ow!” 

Reaching over, the light turned on showing your bandaged wrist; with great force, you tugged the covers off of you to reveal your bandaged ankle. Those weren’t dreams, they were memories. From Dr. Hubbard, the General, Antoine, Phasma, Constantin, and BS; you shivered your head at that last name. 

She couldn’t believe BS was Commander Ren.

The memory of him torturing Antoine replayed non-stop in her head. The last thing she remembered was him stalking towards her. She must’ve passed out from it being too much, even now it was too much for her. Putting in a quick order from the commissary, you sat on the couch looking at your datapad. It was filled with messages of people checking in on you and Hux relieving you for another twelve hours.

You clenched your eyes tightly to keep the tears from falling. At this rate, you would fire yourself too. It seemed bad luck couldn’t be contained on a planet and would follow you to the end of the universe. Time flew by quickly as you continued to overthink and replay things. There was a knock on the door, which had you opening the door without thinking from the datapad. 

There in the hallway, illuminated by light, stood Kylo Ren. 

She crawled back into the corner of her couch and froze in fear at the sight of him. Her obsidian eyes watched widely as he slowly made his way toward her. As Kylo grew closer, he noticed you were shaking under his stare. Your eyes were glued to his as he slowly kneeled to eye-level with you. They just stared. Y/N looked into brown eyes that became familiar. They were still warm with hints of uncertainty that he tried to mask with indifference. And he saw conflict; you were afraid and had every right to be, but you were more hurt than anything.

Kylo had lied to Y/N and that hurt her most of all. 

She had given him her trust and he had discarded it. He knew he shouldn’t have been so affected by it, but he was. Kylo had never formed a relationship, friendship, or even an attachment. But he did with you. Somehow, in such a short time, Y/N had burrowed her way into his cold, black heart, which is why he was here right now. Slowly, he dug in his pocket and held his hand up between them. 

The object became clear once your eyes dropped to the gleaming ring inbetwixt his gloved fingers. Your ring. Taking it, you slide the ring on your finger before looking at him once more. Kylo was taken aback as your arms wrapped around his neck. She could feel his muscles tense under her; you would’ve stopped but you were so thankful for this, for him. And he heard your thoughts. 

But everything after that happened so fast, even Kylo couldn’t process it although he initiated it. You began to remove yourself from him when you were met with his lips. 

He had kissed you! 

Well, you didn’t even know if it was real or you were imagining things because all you did was a blink and he was gone. But, your lips tingled from the pressure applied by his surprisingly soft, full pink lips. And just around the corner, with his back pressed against the wall. He felt like he was on fire, sweat formed against his brow as he tried to catch his breath. Kylo couldn’t believe he kissed you. He didn’t remember thinking about it, it was almost like an involuntary action. But stars he was so happy he did it. Kylo could still feel your smooth, plump lips on his that tasted like the heavens. 

And ever since that day, you never saw him. Well, you did see him, he just acted like he never saw you. Hux had allowed you to go back to work and even issued an apology which Phasma told you was very rare. So, Y/N appreciated it. Things fell back to their old ways, well sort of. When there were times that Y/N and the Commander had to interact, it was clear there was some tension between them. More him than her. Phasma was the one who confronted you about it. 

“So everything is fine?” She asked. You just looked at her and shrugged. 

“He’s my boss.” 

“Who also likes you and has been avoiding you with the highest amount of cringe factor,” Phasma replied and you couldn’t help but laugh. The two women walked down the halls and when you felt it was safe you told her: “He kissed me.” 

Phasma stopped in her tracks.

“Ren...kissed you?” She asked. “It’s far deeper than I thought.” 

It was your turn to stop. 

“Wha-did you know?” You asked. 

“I-I, I didn’t.” Phasma shook her head so fast, she had to take her helmet off. “Y/N, look,” Her blue eyes looked deeply into yours to show how serious she was. “I’ve known Ren for a long time and I know that he’s emotionally stunted from his teen years just by his tantrums.” 

“Makes sense that he kissed me and ran.” You quipped. 

Phasma’s blue eyes widened before her head flew back in laughter.

“Did he really?!” Phasma exclaimed before laughing once more. 

“Stop, stop,” You shook your head. “I feel bad. I know how he feels and he was always nice to me. He even got me my ring back, Phasma.” 

“Maybe it’s your turn to kiss and run.” She teased. 

“Oh, shut up!” Y/N pushed her friend.

* * *

In the afternoon, you were curled up on the couch catching up on some scientific journals on your datapad when you began to feel a slight pressure in the back of your head. It seemed her feet had a mind of her own as she began to walk down the hall to the elevator to an unknown hall on an upper level. 

Kylo knew it was wrong, but he could feel her conflict and her pity for him. Yes, he was inexperienced, and yes, that was embarrassing; but it was enough that he’d been trying to block it while you unintentionally projected it. 

Kylo found his grandfather’s mask not much help and turned to Phasma who gave him two choices: jump out of an airlock or talk to her. Since he had yet to finish what his grandfather started, the latter was the only option. But the awkward kiss was driving him crazy! He thought about wiping your mind from it, but why waste the force when he could show you he’s the powerful man he projected.

Brows furrowed as you stopped at an unknown room. Y/N was about to turn back but the door slid open. Everything in you beaconed you to go in, almost like it was someone else that carried you in here. Dark eyes widened with a gasp as you saw the helmet of the Commander on a bed of ashes. It was then you saw him staring at you in front of his bed, shirtless. 

“Commander, I-I…” Y/N began to stutter. “I’m s-sorry, I didn’t know thi-this was your room! I-I’m sorry.” 

Kylo silently stalked over to her as she continued her apology. You couldn’t even move, you didn’t know if it was out of fear or something else every time you tried to budge. He towered over you, causing you to crane your neck and look at the face of your former friend, BS. His eyes softened for a moment. 

“Commander, about the kiss...I won’t tell. It’s alright to be ashamed. Not everyone gets it right the first time.” 

The words echoed throughout his mind. Kylo Ren was not bad at anything and he was going to show her. He moved closer so that his chest was pressed against yours, before craning his neck to press his lips ferociously on yours. Your mind was in a haze, you couldn’t even process if this was real or not. Kylo’s hand shakily hovered over the buttons of your blouse and undid them with the force. He slid his rough hand across your copper skin to reveal your black lacy bra. He maneuvered them so that she was now closest to the bed to gently fall on top of her. Your hands felt up every muscle as he deepened the kiss with tongue. Kylo’s hand practically covered the width of the small of your back, fingertips nervously itched its way forward under your bra.

It wasn’t up to regulation standards, but he’d tell you about that later. 

He ventured into your mind and saw everything that you liked, everything that made you mewl, your toes curl your back arch. Kylo’s finger found the protruded nipple under the fabric and took it between his thumb and pointer while kneading your breast. A moan escaped your lips and it was the most tantalizing sound he’d ever heard. Kylo didn’t know if it was in general or just you, but he wanted to hear more. Your lips were pressed against his ear as he nipped at the spot underneath your jaw. The same way your fiancé used to. Her nose softly glided up and down the side of his face, and he basked in it. What he was doing was quite risky, delving into your mind, picking to see what your fiancé would do to you. You think he would learn, but he didn’t as he nervously mimicked the actions he saw in your mind. 

With eyes screwed shut, you felt your body consumed with heat that fogged your mind. It had been so long and it felt so good. The fingers tangled in his long hair made their way down his sculpted back. All of this was new to Kylo and the skin to skin contact of intimacy seemed to heighten all of his senses. Nervously he ventured his hand lower and lower to rest at your hip. His gaze shifted down at the soft skin above your pants and he gulped thinking about what lies beneath. Hooded dark eyes opened to look down at the pale freckled cover back that you were clawing at with the large diamond of your engagement ring mocking you in the dark. It was this that sucked you from your daze. 

“Stop, stop, stop,” You coiled away from him. “Please stop.” 

Kylo immediately stopped at her request, even though it sounded like it was more for her than him. 

His eyes fell upon hers and they were brimming with tears of shame. He felt bad for doing this to her, no matter how bad he wanted her, it was wrong for him to use the force on her to get her here. You hopped off the bed and was about to make a run for the door when you felt a rough hand gently wrap around your wrist. Turning around you met brown eyes filled with remorse. Kylo slightly tugged you so that you stood between his leg. You were shaking and it hurt him even more as you bite back your tears. It was all his fault. You watched as he summoned your shirt with the force into his hand. Gently, he slipped it on you and did up the buttons, without ever meeting your stare. You thought he would but the sound of the blast door opening told you otherwise. So you took it as a sign to leave.

* * *

It was your turn to avoid the Commander. 

When you awoke, you pushed last night’s events way into the back of your mind. It wasn’t just a quick kiss like before, it was a full make-out session on his very nice silk black sheets, if you may add. 

“Today is going to be a good day.” 

You told yourself in the mirror as you brushed back your hair. And it was, so far. Lady Hubbard didn’t talk that much, you were quite ahead of schedule with your work. Hux had “found” himself near the medbay and decided that the pair should walk to lunch together. You listened intently as he talked to you about something, but the smell from the commissary grew more pungent as you grew nearer was driving you crazy. He was telling a joke that made him laugh and looked at you expecting you to do the same.

“Did you hear what I said?” The General asked. 

“Yeah, yeah, do you smell that?” She asked. 

He inhaled and smirked. 

“Ah, yes, they’re cooking a delicacy from one of our ally planets.” 

Hux began to talk to you, but you couldn’t help but feel your mouth filled with saliva. Your hands were shaking, so you balled them up in a fist to keep it together until lunch. Maybe you just didn’t eat enough, maybe your body was expelling the last of the serum that kept you asleep. A lot of others said they suffered the same a month or two after waking up. Or maybe you were finally about to get your period; you knew all of this did a number of your body and expected nothing less for it to give your cycle hell. You knew that once you would sit down you’d be fine, you just had to make it to the Commissary. Seeing the doors, Y/N’s eyes lit up. 

A group of officers swung the doors open wide, having the smell hit stronger than ever before. You felt yourself waver as you could feel the stomach acids scratching at your throat. Y/N stumbled to the nearest bathroom and pushed open the first stall. 

“HEY!” 

A male officer sitting on the toilet yelled before you ran to the next stall and expelled your guts. The sound of it had them running out. Hux watched with wide eyes as the shaken officer exited. 

“What is she doing in there?” He asked still taken aback that you had just run into the men’s refreshers. 

“S-She’s throwing up, sir.” The officer said before running off. 

The General hated sickness and refused to go in so he sent in a trooper. You couldn’t hear anything over the sound of your cries and retching. 

“Excuse me...Dr. L/N, are you okay?” The trooper tentatively asked. She looked at him with blurry eyes thick with tears not able to make out a person, which made you cry even more.

General Hux stood outside waiting for you and the trooper to return. 

“General, sir, she’s not okay.” The trooper came out and told him. “I think Dr. L/N needs to go to the medbay.” 

Hux took a deep breath for ordering him to retrieve you. The trooper braced himself for trying to get you out of there quick enough to avoid seeing throw up. The soldier came just in time as you were flushing the last remnants. 

“Dr. L/N, I’m FN-2187, I’m here to take you to the medbay.” Y/N nodded in response allowing the young man to help you up and take you to the sink. Slowly, you cleaned yourself so people wouldn’t look at you that much as you walked down the hall. You turned to walk towards your escort but found yourself reaching out for him as you felt your body grow heavier, vision turn gray until everything went black.

* * *

A bright light hit your lids causing you to shield your eyes with a heavy hand. A grunt had alerted the two men outside the medbay door that you were awake. 

“Y/N,” 

It was Dr. Hubbard who entered and your tired eyes fell to him. “How are you feeling?” 

You let out a sigh before replying: “Heavy,” 

A chuckle left the doctor’s lips as he checked your vitals. 

“What happened?” She asked. 

“You were brought here unconscious after vomiting. A few people have been suffering the same, but we just took some tests as a precautionary.” 

Dr. Hubbard then leaned against the bed as he looked uncomfortable. 

“I don’t mean to barge into your personal life, but, when was the last time you got your period?” He asked. 

“Um...before I came here.” Y/N replied. 

“Ok… do you know the last time you had sex?” 

You shake your head in confusion, not understanding what he was getting at. 

Dr. Hubbard sighed as he moved to grab a small spherical machine. 

“I don’t know how joyous this news will be to hear right now, but Y/N you’re pregnant.” 

He told her. Her face scrunched up, this had to be a joke or some way for Hux to get you out of the Order after all. Dr. Hubbard handed half to her as he motioned for her to sit up a little. She did as told before he put the other half on her bare belly. Y/N heard it before she saw it: the heartbeat. Slowly, you looked at the other half that was in your hand showing the holographic fetus growing inside you. 

“You’re about fifteen weeks, but the baby is a little smaller but still within the weight bracket so you don’t have to worry. But we still need to catch up on everything you’ve missed and monitor frequently so that everything is okay.” Dr. Hubbard told her while typing away on his datapad. “I mean the fact that it survived the trip with no care or nourishment is absolutely extraordinary.” 

But, you just stared blankly at the image before you, still confused. 

“H-How, how is this possible? I-I me-ean...this can’t be right. I can’t be...that means its…” You closed your eyes, wishing this was all a dream. 

Dr. Hubbard gave you a sympathetic look, he went to speak before the doors slid open revealing Hux in his greatcoat. 

“General, sir.” Dr. Hubbard nodded. You were quick to remove the device from you and hid it under the covers. 

“Doctor, if I may have a minute?” General Hux asked for him to step out, leaving just him and Y/N. “Are you feeling better?” Hux genuinely asked. 

“It’s just a bug. It probably won’t last long.” You said softly. 

Hux sucked in a breath and stood up straighter. 

“Well, when you are feeling better, I’d like to discuss...your bug, as soon as possible.” He told her. 

“Yes, General.” You replied before he left the room. 

Once he was gone you looked down at your belly with uncertainty.

* * *

You tugged on the waistband of your ivory sweater as you nervously awaited the elevator doors to open. As soon as it cracked open, you were sliding out and making quick steps towards Hux’s office. Hux’s assistant had long gone for the night and thought it would be better to have one less set of ears listening to her dilemma. Just before you went to knock, the door slid open revealing the masked man you were trying to avoid. Dark eyes glanced up and then down before muttering an ‘excuse me’, trying to slip past the Commander. 

“Ah, Y/N I wasn’t expecting an answer so soon,” Hux spoke up. 

Kylo looked back confused as to what question he needed answering. 

“Ren, since you are her superior as well, you should sit in on this and at least try to do your job.” 

Kylo would’ve used the force to twist Hux’s arm, but he was far more concerned at the girl who was close to chewing off her bottom lip. So, he took a step back in and lurked on the side out of view, between you and Hux.

“It’s a very unfortunate predicament that you are in. I’m sure you have read the details in your contract for these rare occasions?” Hux asked. 

Y/N shook her head side to side. 

“In the case of pregnanc—” 

Kylo’s mask whipped quickly to you as his voice boomed: “PREGNANT, HOW?!” 

Y/N and Hux turned to his interrupting gesture. 

“It’s not yours, you can’t get pregnant by kissing.” Y/N clipped. 

Hux rolled his eyes and went to continue their conversation when his eyes widened and turned back to Kylo. 

“You kissed her?!” He couldn’t believe that you let this farce kiss you. 

“Twice,” Kylo put up two fingers and Hux was absolutely mad; you were his, he saw you first. Ren didn’t even talk or spend time with you.

“THIS IS ABSOLUTELY RIDICULOUS AND UNFAI—” Hux began his rant but saw you scowling at him. Right now wasn’t the time to plead his case as to why he would be a better choice than Kylo Ren.

Clearing his throat, Hux slicked down his red hair and continued to talk. 

“There are four options you have.” 

Hux began to tell you. 

“You can submit the child into the stormtrooper program, but you won’t be allowed any contact. Then there’s adoption to our alliance planets, which will guarantee your child’s needs will be met financially. If you plan on keeping the baby, your allowed a transfer to an alliance planet.” 

“And what is the fourth option?” Y/N asked. 

“Termination of pregnancy.” 

Hux said with blue eyes falling to his desk. You weren’t even sure how the baby survived this far, but it felt wrong to just end it like this. 

“I don’t know if it’s going to even survive, but I don’t feel comfortable aborting it.” You replied. “Understood.” He nodded.

“I’d like a transfer, if possible, back to Terra.” You spoke up. Hux’s fingers worked at his datapad; clearing his throat, Hux slicked down his red hair and continued to talk. 

“I’m sorry Y/N, but I can’t allow you to return to your home planet.” 

Your mouth dropped in disbelief. 

“W-Why not?” You swallowed the lump in your throat.

“Your contract allows you at least five years before relocating to any alliance planet. Although Terra is, it is very far. The reason we had to put everyone to sleep for the journey was because the time it takes to travel between Terra and Starkiller can be measured in decades. Your home planet is very delicate Y/N, picking a specialized team from your era was a very delicate operation.” 

Both men watched as she leaned back in her seat with tears brimming in her eyes.

“Are y-you saying I can nev-ever go back home?” 

The soft cracking of her voice had the two leading men of the First Order heart’s wrenching. 

“That’s what the Blaise twins were here for.” Hux gritted his teeth at Kylo Ren. “Y/N...I’m terribly sorry.” Hux hesitated to reach out for her but stopped himself. “But in five years, you’ll be able to tra—” 

“I don’t want to transfer in five years, I want to leave now! A-And I want to go back to Terra; if you found a way the first time, can’t you do it again?” The tears slipped down her cheeks.

“Y/N, you have to respect the rules and your rank! You decided to continue with it.” Hux told her. 

“So now I get punished for it? If I could’ve prevented this from happening, I would have.” Y/N scowled through the tears as silence filled the air as a staredown commenced between the General and the Doctor. It seemed like hours before anyone spoke. “So what happens now, since I’ve made my decision and you’ve dismissed it.” 

Hux gritted his teeth if this was any other situation he’d be drooling all over your willpower to not fold. 

“She keeps the baby.”

Kylo once again had them both catching whiplash from his words. 

“She keeps the baby and we look for an allying planet that’s suitable for her needs,” Kylo stated again. 

“And where will this baby stay?” Hux asked. 

“Here, on the base, with her.” Kylo pointed to you and Hux scoffed. 

“This is a military base, not some daycare!” Hux exclaimed. “Children do not belong here!” 

Kylo stood beside the seated Y/N. 

“Yet, we have them because you decided clones weren’t good enough for your army.” Hux turned red at that fact as Kylo continued. “Not to mention both of us were raised on military bases.” Even if that wasn’t a perfect example. 

Hux glared at Ren before turning to you. “Is this...something you’d like?”

Hux knew it was terrible to bend the rules like this for you, but he did, in his own way, care about you. 

“Yes,” Y/N nodded rapidly. 

“Very well, but she is your responsibility, Ren.” He pointed. “Very well,” Kylo turned to walk out without even a sideways glance at you.

“We are not finished, there is paperwork!” Hux called out. 

Ren stopped and begrudgingly walked back to sit in the chair next to you. Y/N finished her part sooner and got a slightly less condescending lecture than Kylo, who was droning Hux out. The only response Hux got from Ren was an: “Are you done?” before he was storming out.

* * *

Kylo was in disbelief as to what he had just agreed upon. For some reason, when it comes to you, he made these impulse decisions. You were just so nice, caring, smart, and beautiful. His thoughts ran rampant as his feet led him down the many corridors of Starkiller. He just needed some time to think, to be alone and gather his thoughts on what to do. Entering the dark, desolate room he began to make his way to a chair that wasn’t illuminated by the moonlight. And then, he heard the sound of a soft voice. Kylo took notice of Y/N sitting in front of the large window where the pair sat before. 

“I don’t know if you’re going to make it, but I couldn’t just do that to you.” She spoke to herself. “I can’t lose anyone else.” 

Your head fell into your hands and Kylo realized you weren’t just talking to yourself, you were talking to your baby. This was a private time and he felt that he shouldn’t be here; his feet shifted, kicking the leg of a lone chair. The sound caused you to look up and catch him looming in the shadows. There was silence before he asked:

“May I join you?” 

You nodded and he slowly made his way over to sit on the other end of the bench.

“Thank you,” Y/N whispered. 

Since there was no one in the hall, Kylo removed his mask and looked at you. 

“I can only do so much, but you have to follow my rules.” 

“Yes, Commander,” You replied. 

“I’ll also help you find a planet that is to your liking, but I can’t promise you Terra.” He watched as she looked down, biting back tears, nodding at his statement. Kylo couldn’t help but feel his heart tightened at the sight before him. 

“Y/N,”

The feeling of his large hand over yours caused you to look up into soft, brown eyes.  _ Why are you doing this? _ You couldn't bring yourself to say it aloud as your brows furrowed. And he couldn’t bring himself to say why either.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: SURPRISE!! This is a STEPDADDY!KYLO. Yes, I said Stepdaddy Kylo. For the remaining chapters, we will get nothing but watching Kylo trying to win the reader's heart and affection and see his relationship with her baby. I've made some cute moments that hopefully, you will all like. I would love more fluff than angst (it's Kylo there has to be angst). But don't we want to see how Moody McMoodyson would be in a loving relationship/family?
> 
> Congratulations to all those who stuck with this story because its just getting started.


	7. Three Weeks I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Once again thank you to all those still ready. I hope you enjoy the premise of the story and will like where it goes. Feedback is much appreciated.

For three weeks, Kylo Ren was gone. You were put under his care and then he left. No one knew where or why or for how long he was leaving for, but he was gone. 

When his ship landed on Starkiller Base, everyone froze as he disembarked and stomped his way down the halls. His cape billowed with every stride as he made his way begrudgingly to Hux’s office. 

“What do you want?” 

He entered. 

Hux looked up from his datapad and growled at Ren as he stood up from his desk. 

“I don’t understand why Snoke considers you an asset when all you do is waste resources.” Hux scoffed as he began to walk past Ren. 

Kylo was quickly by his side as the two began to quarrel, causing passersby to avoid them at all costs.

“This ‘mission’ should be your last in a while once I tell Snoke.” Hux spat. 

“An ass-kissing snitch like always.” Kylo stopped watching Hux’s footsteps come to a halt. 

“You and your Knights are of no use for the First Order, all you do is cause antics. Makers, anyone under you for a matter of fact. You might want to check on your new recruit while you're at it.” He snarled. 

The masked figure fisted his hand. A smirk fell to Hux’s face as he fixed his greatcoat. 

“Now if you will excuse me, I have a job to do.” He turned to walk toward the bridge, but not before tripping by the force user’s hand.

* * *

Kylo walked to the medbay down to your sector and look through the small windows that peered into your room, which was dark and not in use. Confusion set in as he then walked to Dr. Hubbard’s office where the man sat reviewing files on his datapad. 

“Where is Dr. L/N?” The booming mechanical voice caused the older man to jump. 

“C-Commander Ren, s-sir?” Dr. Hubbard stood. 

“Where is Dr. L/N?” 

Dr. Hubbard rounded his desk quickly, closing the door behind Kylo. 

“The General suspended her from work until you came back. It’s honestly unfair, sir.” He told him. 

“When was this?” Kylo asked. 

“Oh, about one or two weeks ago.” Hubbard thought about it before continuing. “It was quite the argument, the General started to yell, Y/N started to cry, I had to intervene. Made matters worse, got us both written up and her suspended.” 

“What was the problem?” Kylo inquired. 

Hubbard sighed as he removed his glasses. 

“It was over clothes. There were definitely underlying tones of something else, but basically her uniform didn’t fit appropriately. I offered some of my tops until maternal uniform could be delivered, even offered to pay for them and he said: ‘Members of the First Order do not fund other’s poor choices.’ Downright despicable. Poor girl has been stuck in that room for weeks.”

The anger that brewed within Kylo over Hux being an ass only intensified when he found out it was over something so trivial. Kylo quickly turned on his heels, but not before Dr. Hubbard was giving him advice. 

“Just be gentle, her emotions are very high. She’s been very depressed since finding out, it's hard getting her to eat and take her vitamins. But be careful, her mood swings can be slightly...volatile.” 

Kylo Ren stayed but didn’t listen to the old man’s spiel. It was a woman, whom he had gotten to know, who had proven to be nothing but level-headed, smart, and thoughtful; you were now pregnant, physically you couldn’t do anything and babies made women nicer. This is what Kylo Ren thought and had him ready to choke Hux for picking on someone in such a helpless position. But, he was also to blame; he had abandoned you and put you in this position.

* * *

Y/N laid in her bed, sulking and overthinking as she had found was the only thing she could do in her free time. Everything was quiet and that’s when you heard the sound of your front door sliding open. You peered around the room looking for the heaviest thing to hit your intruder with. 

Honestly, Starkiller base seemed to be as dangerous as the darkest allies on your home planet. 

Standing on the left side of your bedroom door, you braced yourself for your attacking move as the footsteps grew closer. The blast doors to your bedroom slid open and you swung, only for your wrist to be grabbed by a gloved hand. 

“Quick, but you think too loud,” Kylo said. 

“You...you came back?” 

The soft whisper of your voice hit his ears and his heart dropped.

In three weeks, Kylo pushed down every feeling and thought he had about you and in less than three hours they were all coming back. He shifted his mask, finally looking at you; your dark orbs were tired and red from crying but held a glint of happiness at the sight of him. It invoked something within him to think that you possibly missed him. You had dark circles and a puffy face from crying while you wore a pajama shirt that was no longer oversized due to your swollen belly. And Kylo still found her beautiful. 

“I know I’m a mess, but please stop staring.” She mumbled as she wriggled out of his grip and worked her way to haphazardly clean up the strewn clothes all over her room. 

“What happened?” He asked. It was a simple question yet he felt her emotions flip to sadness as she sat down and looked at the ball of clothes in her hand. 

Silence overcame the room as Kylo slowly made his way next to her. 

“I was trying to find something to wear but Hux kept telling me everything was too tight.” She sniffled. “A-And then Dr. Hubbard tried to help, he-he gave me two of his shirts and a lab coat, but Hux wouldn’t let me go to work be-because I’m fat.” Tears streamed down her cheeks as she bit her bottom lip to keep from embarrassing yourself. 

“You are not fat, you are carrying life,” Kylo stated a fact. In seconds, he watched you go from despair to annoyance. 

“I know that I’m carrying life, but I still can feel fat.” She turned to him. 

“I-I didn’t...I was just stated a fact.” Kylo defended himself. 

“And I feel fat. Women can gain up to forty pounds during an average pregnancy, so that’s forty pounds more than I am. That’s a fact.” You sighed before rambling to yourself. “My stomach is in the way, my thighs are two seconds from starting a fire, plus my feet are starting to swell.” Kylo just sat there awkwardly, thankful for the mask and rethinking if he should’ve listened to what Dr. Hubbard had to say. Thankfully the delivery droid was beeping it’s way in with your meal and vitamins. 

“You just eat and I’ll figure something out,” Kylo said before leaving your room. 

It was some time and you were finishing up your meal when he returned with a pile of sweaters. He looked over your now calm presence as you ate your last scoop of oatmeal. Maybe he just needed to feed you to keep you mellow. Walking closer he held out the pile. 

“I have a few sweaters that you can have until we get you a suitable uniform.” He said. 

“But what if Hu—” 

“Leave that to me.” 

Y/N placed her bowl in the sink before accepting the clothes. “Thank you,” you said softly before going into the bedroom to change. Kylo just stood there looking at her small quarters through his mask before you were coming out. 

Your hair was braided back into a bun, with his black sweater over the borrowed buttoned-down shirt with your leggings and boots and Kylo found himself staring once again. 

“Well, if you’re ready.” He cleared his throat before the pair left and made their way to the elevator. The two stood on the opposite sides of the elevator as it made its way down. 

“What did you say to set the General off, Doctor?” 

You turned to him with a slight look of shock on your face. You were taken aback that it was you that it was your fault. His mask turned toward you as he tapped his temple. “You forget I can see.” 

With a sigh, Y/N turned back to face the elevator doors and Kylo did the same. There was a brief silence before you finally spoke. 

“I called him a refrigerator fuck and then sarcastically apologized to say I meant ginger fuck but that it didn’t matter because they’re both cold and soulless.” 

A hearty chuckle erupted from Kylo’s chest at the woman’s words. 

A small smirk appeared on your lips as the doors opened and the pair walked out to stride down the hall. He was leading you to the General’s office and Kylo could feel your anxiety start to rise. 

“Don’t worry, after this he shouldn’t be a problem,” Kylo told her before barging into Hux’s office. 

“REN WHAT IS YOUR PROBLEM?!” Hux shouted. 

“General, I think we need to discuss the matter of Dr. L/N.” 

Kyo motioned for you to sit and you did. 

“We are putting in a request for maternity clothing and until then she will wear what is comfortable and appropriate.” His gloved hand motioned to her. 

“Commander, I don’t think this attire is appropriate.” His blue eyes fell to you. 

“Well, she is under my jurisdiction and I find this attire acceptable.” Kylo disagreed. Hux grimaced at Kylo’s mask as a silence set in. 

Y/N just sat there uncomfortable with her superiors staring contest. You wanted to speak up but thought it would be in your favor. As Hux hardened stare grew into its umpteenth minute, it began to falter into a twitch. He seemed to be holding his breath or restraining to speak, so you thought. 

“Fine!” Hux let out a breath, rubbing at his neck. “Dr. L/N, you are cleared to go back to work. You are dis—” 

“You are dismissed.” Kylo quickly cut him off. With confusion on your face, you just nodded and left Hux’s office. It wasn’t even a second after the door slid closed when screams erupted and you were quick to power walk to your office.

* * *

Everyone was glad to see you back in the medbay and it made you feel better about yourself. Perched atop your stool, you were so engrossed into your work, you didn’t even see the Commander standing outside your lab. When you finally felt the faint prick in the back of your head you looked to see his massive frame through the window. 

A small smile was gifted to Kylo; he felt the heat build-up in his mask as he stood outside. It was the end of your shift and although you found it a bit much, it was really sweet of him to be picking you up. Turning off your lights and locking the door, you stood before Kylo with a soft slight smile. 

Yes, he was your superior, but you couldn’t help but think about him as BS. And even though he wasn’t really the man he presented himself to you the first time, his character stayed the same. You liked that, even if you two could no longer be as close as before.

Kylo could sense that happy feeling of him appearing and he felt warmth throughout his body. No one had ever been happy to see him, no one had ever thought about him like that. But you did and you liked him. Maybe not like he liked you, but it didn’t matter. 

They had walked from her office to her quarters. 

“Thank you, Commander...for everything.” A shy smile appeared on her face before entering. 

Kylo was right behind her, which caused confusion. Before you could speak, he spoke up: “You are being relocated to different quarters.”

“But why?” You asked. 

“Since you are under my watch, it would be more efficient if you moved.” 

Thankfully you weren’t attached to your room and made your way to your room to pack up your things.

Kylo awkwardly stood there not knowing what to do, but as soon as you were walking out holding the box stacked high, he was quick to take it from your grasp. 

“I can hold it.” You said with slight annoyance in your tone. As if you could read his mind you quipped: “I’m pregnant, not disabled.” 

Kylo was quite disturbed by how fast your mood could change in such a short time. 

He could feel himself getting annoyed, but instead, he decided to compromise. 

“Here,” 

A small baby cactus plant, given to you by a fellow scientist, was placed in your hands via the force. You shot him a look before he started walking ahead of you. It took some time but you were facing a familiar door. Kylo led the way as you followed only to stop. 

“Is this your quarters?” Y/N asked as he continued into the bedroom. 

You really didn’t want to be here and all you could think about was that night. 

Tentatively you stood in the bedroom’s doorway as he set down your pile. Now that there was more light in the darkroom you could see how barren it was with just a few personal items. But what got you was the bed. It was expansive and hovered quite high, which made sense since he was a pretty tall guy. 

Uncomfortable was the theme of the room as each stood in their respective spaces staring at each other. 

Luckily for Kylo, his mask hid all his emotions. This plan was thought with nothing but good intentions and didn’t even take into consideration how you would feel. He was nervous, stars, you made him nervous. To say that he hated how his crush on you made him feel was an understatement. There was just something about you.

“I barely use it. Plus it is the only room that I could get without going through Hux.” Kylo explained. You nodded holding your plant closer to you. Opening your mouth to speak, he walked right passed you. 

“I have things.” 

He awkwardly said before leaving. In silence, you just looked around at your new quarters...for the second time. Most of the place looked unused, his furniture didn’t look comfortable, and there was a stand of ashes at which you thought was a fireplace.

“Stylish,” you placed your little plant on his desk at the far end of the corner to not invade his space.

* * *

Kylo did his best to avoid you for the rest of the cycle. He even planned to have a quick shower and get out. It would’ve worked too if he didn’t stomp around. By the time he got to the bedroom, you were stirring awake. It was enough time to see the small holo placed next to your head. He was going to put you to sleep but you already saw him and was quickly turning off the holo. 

“What was that?” Kylo asked. 

“Oh...it’s hard to go to sleep so I sometimes listen to the baby’s heartbeat.” You shyly said as you place the machine on the nightstand. 

“I’m just going to take a sho—” 

“Ok, I’ll just go to the living room.” 

You swung your legs off the bed the same time he sat down and the bed hovered higher. 

“Eek!” 

Y/N squealed and Kylo halted his actions. Now that he was maskless, he felt exposed; with blushing cheeks, he turned to mutter an apology. 

“Does it move all the time?” You asked. 

“It adjusts to the height of the person.” He told you and watched a small smile grow on your face as you thought about how cool it was. Kylo watched you hop off the bed and walk into the living room. 

_ You’re staring again.  _

His face was red hot; three weeks could not annihilate his feelings for you and now living with you would only make them deeper. He just had to keep his cool and focus on his goal. 

Kylo stayed in the shower longer than usual, but you didn’t know that. When he finally talked himself into leaving his refresher, he noticed the small green cactus on his desk. It was so out of place amongst his things, just like you and he liked it. After getting dressed, he made his way to the living room to see you mid-bite with wide eyes. 

“What is that?” 

“It’s fried ice cream.” You said swallowing your spoonful. 

“Where did you get that from?” He watched your shoulders slump as you looked up with dark doe eyes. 

“I ordered it.” You said shyly. His brows furrowed and you were quick to add: “I was hungry and really wanted ice cream, you’d be surprised what they’ll give you when it’s being sent to your room.” You chuckled but he didn’t seem amused. “I ordered one for you.” 

This piqued his interest. You turned to look at his fridge and so did he. He made his way to the fridge and turned to look back at you before opening it. Lo and behold, there it was his, his fried ice cream ball. He hadn’t eaten one of these since his childhood. It seemed like everything you did just made his feelings grow deeper. He took his bowl and moved behind the couch. 

“What are you watching?” He said with disgust. 

“It’s some series Stacey told me about, it’s very predictable but there’s nothing on.” You shrugged. 

“Then go to sleep.” 

“I’m not tired.” 

“Well, you shouldn’t let your mind be wasted on this.” Kylo pointed to the soap opera. 

“I know, but I fell asleep too early and I didn’t know what else to do. Unless you have some hidden room of pleasure in here.” 

She twisted around to look at him. It was an innocent sentence that had his mind turning dirty as his face spread with red. Kylo looked around avoiding her eye contact. 

“Uhh…” 

He did have something that he thought was fun; his inner me was screaming to play dejarik with you. Although he occasionally played the game for ‘strategic’ purposes, it had been a long time since he had played with someone. The Knights were sore losers, Phasma hated the game, and he wouldn’t dare ask Hux.

“Have you ever played dejarik?” 

Just from the contortion of your face made him secretly giddy. In long strides, he made his way across the room to retrieve the board. You watched as he hunched over setting up the board to his liking with such quickness and beckoning the two black armchairs in place with the force before turning and nodding to you. Placing your empty bowl down on the coffee table you made your way over to sink into the low chair. You weren’t his height, but even you have to admit this was too low. 

“Is it chess?” You asked. 

“It’s dejarik.” He responded. 

“It looks like chess, just with a round board.” 

He felt himself getting worked up but decided to just turn on the game. 

The holomonsters illuminated as they took their places on the board. Y/N leaned closer now that she was eye-level and could see all the intricate details on them. 

“We each have four monsters on squares on the outer ring opposite each other, with the card of the monsters' statistics beside them. Every round, we roll a dye to determine initiative, then take turns activating the monsters.” Kylo explained. “Each monster can move and attack once per round according to what is listed on their card.” 

“So it’s basically chess?” You sat up. 

“No, i—” 

“I bet to win one of us has to completely rule the board by getting to the other side.” 

Y/N folded her arms as Kylo slightly deflated. 

“No, it’s better because there’s fighting.” 

He mumbled but you heard it. 

“You and fighting, is this why you pretended to be a stormtrooper, not enough action for you?”

And there it was. Kylo had been waiting for you to bring this up. You had the right to know. 

“If you beat me, I’ll tell.” He said making his first move. 

Your mouth dropped in disbelief at his tactic. “That’s not fair, I don’t know how to play!”

A small smirk fell to his lips as he waited for you to move. 

“This should encourage you to excel, challenge your mind.” 

“Fine,” you gritted your teeth while looking at the stat cards.

“I guess it’s only fair you can ask me a question if you win.” 

Kylo liked this wager. 

“Deal.”

* * *

“Are you having fun?” 

You were dumbfounded as he had just slaughtered you in this game.

“Are you serious?” You asked and he nodded. “Is that your question?” 

And he nodded once more. A mischievous glint appeared in his eye as he set the board up for another game. 

“I think I have plenty of chances to get to the heavy-hitters.” Brown orbs glanced to see you with arms crossed. “Now this time, keep an eye out on your M’onnok.” He told you as he went first to roll the dye. 

“I don’t know.” You said which confused him. “To answer your question, I don’t know if I’m having fun.”

After winning this game, his next question was something you had been asking yourself lately. 

“Is it a boy or a girl?” 

Leaning back in the chair, you pondered over the question. You went to open your mouth before he cut you off. 

“And don’t say I don’t know.”

You gave him a look before sighing because you really didn’t. 

“I don’t know.” You answered honestly. “Hubbard said I had to wait six to eight weeks, but I think I might just let it be another surprise.” You picked up the dye and rolled it. 

“Why?” 

“You can’t ask, you didn’t win.” 

“Yet,” He added as he moved his Ghhhk. 

You really didn’t want to answer it. 

You still didn’t want to believe you were pregnant and away from your family all because you wanted to run from life’s tragedies. It was all too much at one time. Kylo could see the concentrated look in your eye. Plus he could hear your thoughts on how uncomfortable his question was for you. With laser-like precision, you focused on every move Kylo made and if luck would have it (or the force), you won.

“AHHH!” 

You yelled with the widest smile on your face. 

“I won, I won, I won!”

Happiness and pride oozed out of you and Kylo couldn’t tear his eyes away from you. But then her sparkling dark eyes were on him and he felt a blush coming on. 

“Ok, you read—no, no, you’re going to say that is a question and that’s not what I want to ask you.” You shake your head before you tried your best to start the game up. “How was your trip?” 

This caught him off guard as he went to help restart the setup. 

“My trip?” 

“Yeah, your trip? You know the three weeks you left after making an impulse decision to help me.” Your words tripped him up and he was rolling a terrible number.

You saw it on his face and decided to speak up again. 

“I’m not judging you, look at me?” You pointed to yourself. “I tried getting away after my fiancé died and now I can never go back.” 

It was followed up by a laugh but it was only to keep your emotions at bay. 

“Um...it was semi-effi—” 

“You don’t have to lie to me.” 

He was surprised by her words. 

“You made quite the impulse decision, you needed time to realize what you’ve done and if it was worth it.” Your honesty stilled him; you had basically called him out and he didn’t know how to react to this.

Kylo felt exposed and because of this, he could feel himself growing upset. But you had done nothing wrong and he knew that it was just his defense mechanism. An uncomfortable silence filled the air as they both just stared at the Ghhhk get slaughtered.

“You won, any other questions, Commander?” 

Your voice was thick with sadness as you stared into his brown eyes. When he didn’t answer you inhaled deeply and stood up. 

“Well, Commander thank you for allowing me to exercise my mind properly, but I’m going to go to sleep now.” Y/N nodded before slipping into the bedroom. 

Kylo slowly packed the game up and put it away. When he went to take both ice cream bowls to the sink he heard the muffled sniffles behind the closed door. Kylo realized it would take a lot more than running away for three weeks to protect Y/N from becoming his weakness.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Throwback to the classic trope- share a room with only one bed.


	8. One of Us

The alarm rang causing Y/N to stir in the large bed. Clearing sleep from your eyes, you stared at was now your new bedroom. You had made it through your first night in Ren’s quarters after a friendly, yet strange game of dejarik. Swinging your feet over the bed lowered and had your mind reverting about its fact he had told you last night. Speaking of the proper owner of these quarters, you wondered if he was still here. Slippered feet padded through the doorway of the bedroom to see Kylo standing there. 

“Oh, good morning,” you rubbed the sleep from your eye. “Where did you sleep?” 

But your question went unanswered as he handed you your datapad. 

“Directions and code to the quarters are uploaded and do not go into those rooms.” He pointed and a loud locking sound rang through the room to make sure you understood. 

He left, leaving you alone in your new quarters. Heading for the refresher you thought it was quite a change from last night to this morning. Where did he sleep? Did he shower already? Are there other beds? Was it something you said? But you pushed it in the back of your mind and prepared for your day. 

But when the two saw each other, you wouldn’t have thought they were having good fun a few hours ago. For the rest of the day, you barely saw him, even when you returned to the quarters he wasn’t there at all. 

He was right when he said he didn’t use it all. 

When the two did cross paths it was if you didn’t exist, even in meetings! As this behavior stretched into days you were sure something had gone wrong and it gnawed at you.

* * *

Returning from a long day of work, you played with the hem of Kylo’s black sweater. It had become your comfort in a short matter of time. Maybe it was because, at one point, Kylo was your comfort as BS and now that things were changing dramatically, you missed it. After all of this, you wondered, would he want to be your friend? 

Yes, you were under his command, but the first night proved that there could be some kind of middle ground. Y/N thought that maybe she had pushed her welcome by being so friendly, but after weeks of what felt like an eternity of no contact with anyone, you were excited to be in the presence of someone. Especially, someone you grew attached to. Honestly, you’d rather a friendship with him than living under his command. 

Consumed in your thought, you accidentally bumped into an officer. 

“Oh, I’m sorry, are yo—” 

“Watch it! Just because you’re charging up with Commander doesn’t mean you can do whatever!” The officer yelled. 

“Excuse me?” You were genuinely confused. 

“I said just because you have Ren’s bastard child you can’t get away wi—” 

Pulling your fist back, you landed it right on his nose with a crack. There was blood on his face and your hand as he fell back. This was not good; your thoughts of Kylo and now people thinking you were carrying his child had your emotions threatening to spill. In every twist and turn of the halls you knew you asked a stormtrooper: “Do you know where the Commander is?” 

Of course it was weird, no one voluntarily went to the Commander, yet here you were searching with swollen feet and tired eyes until you bumped into your new enemy.

“Excuse me, General, have you seen Commander Ren?” You asked hiding your throbbing hand. 

“Lost already?” He smirked and you wanted nothing more than to punch him in the gut. 

With a deep breath you ignored it and replied with a lie, “I’m just supposed to meet him after my shift but he never told me where.” 

“Poor leadership, if only you had chosen properly.” 

“This conversation shows your inability to answer a question shows poor listening skills and how wasteful you are of company time by diverging off the simple task of answering. Those two skills are very effective with leadership, which if I should add, the Commander excels in, now General have you seen Commander Ren?” 

With his face matching his hair and a sour look on his face he was spitting out his nemesis’ location. 

“Thank you, General, you show potential.” He was sent a smile that he despised because it made him so weak.

Your swollen feet finally stopped in front of Kylo’s said location, the training arena. You entered and walked down the long hall that lead to the windows outside of the arena. The shutters on the windows were closed but the sound of combat echoed. Y/N had only been here a few times with Phasma, but if she remembered correctly, the door was on the right-hand corner. And you were right, just as you reached the door, it slid open with a looming, maskless Kylo Ren. He stepped out as quickly as the door was closed. 

“What are you doing here?” He asked sternly. 

“I want my own quarters back.”

Kylo’s eyes widened in disbelief. He thought he had done the right thing, why would you not like it?

“Look before you say anything, I’m going to be blunt with you. I want to be your friend; I know you’re my boss and you’re not really BS, but I don’t think that was you just acting. I’d rather be on my own and keep the same dynamic we had before, instead of living in your quarters and being ignored.” You said honestly. “I’ve been dealing with a lot of stress since coming here and you were the only upside to it.” 

Glittering obsidian-like eyes peered up at him and he felt all your emotions. Kylo really did care about your feelings, a bit more than he should have; now with you being pregnant made them very erratic and draining. His eyes fell, only to see your hand.

“What happened?” 

Anger crossed his marble features. This alone should’ve shown you how much he cared for you. 

“Nothing,” You shook your head. “I just punched an officer in the face.” 

His eyes widened because that was something.

**Would you like to tell me or would you rather I look? **

Y/N rolled her eyes with a sigh. “The officer said I was having your bastard child.” 

Kylo clenched and unclenched his fist. 

“Go to the medbay, I’ll handle this later.” 

“I can do it!” The preppy voice had them turning to see Kato, the formerly injured Knight. Kato approached them. “I’m pretty sure she doesn’t want to be back over there with Hux and his shabs.” 

Kylo looked at Kato and then to Y/N. 

“Fine,” 

He opened the door and the rest of the Knights paused to look at you.

“This is—” was all Kylo got out of his mouth before one of his Knights was being thrown against the wall. You were the only one to jump which caused Kato to smile as you were the only one who didn’t hear the Knight tease Kylo for bringing his girlfriend to show off. 

See, the Knights knew about Y/N. It wasn’t every day when their master hid things from them, especially after everything they shared and went through in life. The first hint was the time in the medbay with his discomfort around you. It then progressed with more secretive as time went on and also Kylo keeping them away from Starkiller. He was already heavily guarded, but even more as of lately. So the minute his guard slip when he noticed your hand the Knights instantly picked up on it. 

“Don’t worry, he’ll be fine.” 

Kato pulled you along as Kylo begrudgingly walked towards the rest of the Knights. You sat down with Kato as he got the first aid kit. 

“How are you, doctor? You’re much bigger than the last time I saw you.” Kato smiled. 

“Yes, I’m pregnant and good, how are you?” 

“I feel much better, thanks to you. Wow, a baby!” Kato smiled widely as he picked up your hand and you reciprocated with one that was slightly uncomfortable. 

“You have beautiful teeth!”

He moved closer to look at them. Looking at his necklace, his obsession with teeth as borderline psychopathic. 

“I hope the baby has beautiful teeth like you.” 

“Thank you, Kato.” You bit your lip to keep your nerves at bay as you avoided his gaze by looking away. Your eyes fell on a black tank-clad, muscled out Kylo. 

“He looks much bigger with fewer clothes on.” 

Your eyes widened as they fell back on Kato. He chuckled at your expression as he picked up your hand. 

“It’s ok, if he didn’t want you looking at him he wouldn’t have let you in here.” 

Kato looked up at you. 

“He’s very protective of you.” He whispered. 

“Protective?”

If anything his behavior showed the opposite. 

Kato nodded. “He’s worried about how to protect you from himself and others. There’s a lot of dangerous things out there.” 

He faded out and just stared at your now bandaged hand. 

“Kato?” You asked nervously. You waved a hand in front of his face. A shadow loomed and you realized it was Kylo. 

“I-I don’t know what happened.” 

“KATO!” It snapped him out of his daze. “Go warm up.” He nudged and when he left you and Kylo alone, he looked at you. 

“Are you alright to stay here?” Kylo asked and Y/N nodded. 

You watched up until Kylo dismissed them. Kato was the only one who outwardly said goodbye as they left. Silently, you sat still as Kylo collected his things. When he was ready to go you strode to by his side as they made their way to the quarters. 

“Am I going to have to join some crazy pact now that I’ve seen all of you guys face?” Y/N asked. 

Kylo smirked as he looked at you out of the side of his eye. 

“Is this your way of trying to join the Knights, Doctor?” 

You chuckled as he opened the door to the quarters. 

“I hope Kato didn’t scare you too much.” He said. 

“Slightly, but I guess if this doesn’t work out he can always become a dentist. He has such a cheery disposition, I didn’t expect that.” 

Kylo smiled at your comment. 

“He’s an empath, he’s only like that with us; he’s found something to connect with you.” Kylo told you. Your mind couldn’t help but wonder what he saw and what he felt that made him connect to you. “He’s probably going to cling to you now that your pregnant, us Knights rarely emote more than two emotions, so just let me know if it gets too much.” 

“Really? I thought I broke him today when he just froze up like that.” Y/N said as she sat on the couch.

Kylo chuckled. 

“Kato was just reveling in the complexity of your emotions.” 

“Noted.” 

Y/N picked up her datapad and nervously bit her lip. She wondered if her little speech at the arena got through to him.

“D-Do you want to eat?” She asked. “Are you hungry? Do you want to order dinner?” 

Kylo looked at your nervous face. 

You just wanted to be his friend, was that so wrong? Kylo asked himself. Yes, it was wrong; people like him didn’t and shouldn’t have friends. But what about before? When he was pretending to BS, he wasn’t afraid to think of you in that way. It was almost like his trooper persona allowed him to be your friend and to push boundaries that he, like Kylo, was too afraid to do.  _ I bet you stare more than you eat _ . His cheeks brightened to pink as he mumbled: “Order anything, I’m taking a shower.” 

Like the first night, Kylo took an unusually long shower and when he finally exited Y/N was sitting on the couch in her pajama pants and an oversized cream sweater.

Her dark eyes were glued to his as he sucked in a breath. So this is how it felt to be stared at; even though many people did stare at him out of fear, you didn’t. 

“The food’s here, I just didn’t want to be rude. I hope you like roast.” 

Kylo didn’t have a dining area so they shared the couch in comfortable silence. It was sometime before Y/N was speaking up. 

“So, you usually train all night with them?” 

Kylo nodded. 

“That’s cool. Where do you go after?” This question confused him and she saw it. “I mean, like where do you sleep? I know it’s not the couch, it’s quite small. Is it one of the rooms?” Y/N turned to look. 

“NO!” 

She jumped at his raised voice. She then narrowed her eyes. 

“You haven’t been sleeping have you?”

He couldn’t even deny it because the bags under his eyes gave it away. 

“You know, Commander, even though it’s technically yours, you can sleep in the bed with me. I mean it’s big enough that we won’t even touch each other if you don’t mind.” She cleared her throat. 

Kylo was unsure; you just did not make this whole ‘getting over your crush’ thing easy. Y/N continued to give legs to her offer and he had finally given in. 

“We can always put pillows in the middle to make sure we definitely don’t interfere with each other's space.” 

“Fine.” 

The right corner of her lip twitched exposing her dimple at her success. 

“We can try for one night and if you don’t like it, I won’t bother you about it.”

Kylo could agree to those terms. Y/N got on the bed first and then Kylo as she set up the pillow division. Laying on his back he stared at the ceiling as you did the same. 

“Good night,” Y/N said. 

“Good night,” Kylo used the force to turn off the lights.

Both just stared into total darkness as neither one of them could fall asleep. Kylo could hear Y/N’s thoughts constantly think about the baby’s heartbeat to help her fall asleep. 

“You can put on your machine if you’d like.” He told her. 

“Oh no, it’s ok; it’s pretty bright, I don’t want to be inconsiderate.” 

“You won’t, I don’t mind. I don’t sleep much, maybe it could help me too.” He joked. You smiled and was quick to hook up the machine. 

Instantly, the room was dimly lit from the blue holograph. The heartbeat was strong and melodic, which was something Kylo wasn’t expecting. Peering over the pillow fort, he saw you happily smiling down at the baby’s holographic form. 

He thought you looked beautiful; you were just radiant under this light. The black silk sheets pooled around served as canvas, like you were a dazzling star in the night sky. He was in awe of the sight in his bed. Kylo couldn’t believe how natural it felt and how much he wanted this to be real. And when your eyes fell on him, he was thankful it was too dark to see him blush. 

“Wh-what is it doing?” 

“The baby is practicing its movements to get ready to kick me for the next four months, Commander.” You joked. 

“Kylo,” he said. “I think you’re more than allowed to call me Kylo.” 

You smiled at him. 

“Ok, Kylo and you can call me Y/N, you make me feel kind of old when you call me Doctor.” She teased. 

Kylo huffed in amusement as he turned back to the holograph. “How old is it?” 

“Five months.” Y/N smiled. “Right now, it’s developing all its senses and has ears and can hear now.” 

Kylo watched her brim with happiness. 

“Hi baby,” the baby’s heart rate increased and he could feel both mother and baby’s happiness increase as their bond strengthened.

* * *

The Knights were gathered in the common area of their suite as Kato was telling them about the Doctor. 

“She’s positively wonderful but she’s just going through a rough time after the death of her fiancé. She’s trying to hide her feelings but it’s hard right now that she’s pregnant.” Kato told them. “She’s reserved and nice, she struggles to cope with her sadness but when provoked her anger is a force to be reckoned with.” 

“Makes sense why Kylo would take a liking to her.” Haru quipped. 

“He went undercover to talk to her.” Kato blurted and this made all the Knights laugh as they knew how inexperienced their Master is with women and relationships in general. 

“What else did you see, Kato?” Shiro asked. 

“It’s obvious he likes her and is struggling with it. He’s very protective and so is she. She doesn’t like when people talk bad about him because he’s always had her best interest, it’s one of the reasons why she punched the officer.” 

The Knight’s ingested this information about Kylo’s crush. They too were very protective of Kylo so they had some doubts when it seemed to be just a pretty face causing all this turmoil within him. But since Kato got a good reading, there was no reason to be too defensive.

“I like her, she has beautiful teeth and I hope we can see the baby.” Kato stated.

* * *

The next morning you awoke feeling a little bit better about these circumstances. You weren’t surprised that he was gone without a trace, he was, after all, Commander of the First Order. You were midway through your meal when you heard a knock on the door. She couldn’t help but freeze, who would be knocking on the Commander’s door at this hour? No one knew where the higher officers quarters were due to security purposes. 

“Doctor it’s us!” 

Kato’s cheery voice sung. Of course; Y/N walked to the door and opened it. 

“Good morning, but he’s left already.” She told the Knights, who looked more intimidating with their attire and mask in hand. 

“We are not here for him, we are here for you.” A looming blue-skinned Chiss man told you.

“Oh...ok,” Y/N said nervously. 

“Stop scaring her.” Kato whispered to his fellow member before smiling back at you. 

“Would you like to come in?” Y/N asked. 

“Is Kylo ok with that?” 

The Knights looked at each other at the use of their master’s name. They nodded and she moved to let them all walk in. 

“I just thought it would be nice to introduce you to everyone.” Kato stated. “I’m Kato; that is Kane,” he pointed at the man who spoke at the door. The two guys with similar features and short black hair looked over the still intact dejarik table. 

“Did he make you play this?” One asked. 

“Yeah,” 

“Oh, you poor soul.” The other one said. 

“Those are Shiro and Haru, they’re brothers.” 

He moved over to a short yellow-skinned Mirialan with black hair and deep violet eyes. 

“This is Mika, she doesn’t talk much but that’s what Zara is here for.” Kato directed you to a tall, slender woman with short auburn hair. 

Y/N smiled as she tried to remember their names. “It’s nice to meet you all, I’m Dr. Y/N L/N, but you guys can call me Y/N.” 

“The General and some of his subordinates are giving you problems.” Kane walked over to you. “Don’t worry we’ll handle it.” 

“Thanks, but I think I can handle it.” You told them not wanting anyone else to add more fuel to the fire. 

“Y/N, you can’t keep punching officers, Hux will eventually come for you,” Haru said with Shiro joining in now. “Plus, you’re one of us now.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: The Knights ship it.


	9. Chromed-Cupid

Chrome boots stomped down the halls of the base as Phasma returned from her mission. She had been intragalactic for a little longer than Kylo but for actual official First Order business. The last thing she knew about your little dilemma was the kiss with Ren. 

So imagine, to her surprise, when she found out all the juicy tidbits she missed! 

Everything seemed the same, her mission review with Hux was like any other, exchanges with Ren was quick; Phasma had for the first time a genuine friend and she missed her. She couldn’t wait to tell her the annoyance and incompetence she had faced these past weeks. The time was approaching lunch and Phasma went to pick you up from her lab as usual.

Y/N was happy to see her chrome-armored friend despite the craziness going on. She needed one female friend who wasn’t obsessively cooing over you like Lady Hubbard and the nurses. The door slid open revealing to Phasma, her smaller friend who had grown in width since the last time she saw her. 

“Phasma!” You exclaimed. “How was the mission?”

But Phasma’s helmet was fixated on your protruding bump. 

“I don’t think I was gone that long for you and Ren to have a baby.” 

It was an embarrassing joke that had you rolling your eyes. 

“Haha, you and everyone else are such comedians.” 

Rumors had spread that the Commander was the father of your child. Timing-wise, it was easily debunked. But the optics of the General punishing you for choosing the Commander over his advances, then Ren running away, to now you staying in his quarters, only fueled the fire more. It was annoying, but you knew it was coming.

“Come on, I’m starving and they won’t let me eat snacks in the lab.” You stuffed your hands in your lab coat. Phasma trailed behind you still confused. 

“I just want to know what I missed!” 

“Oh, you missed a lot, I’ll tell you once we get food.” Y/N said. 

The two sat in Y/N’s office, which Phasma found weird, but once she found out why she was pissed. 

“I cannot believe Hux did that! He’s such a doshing prick sometimes.” Phasma spat. “I’m going to have some words with him!” 

She was utterly disappointed in Hux for treating Y/N this way just because of his plan of making her his wife had fallen through. 

“He could be so selfish.” 

“Phasma, it’s alright. I’ve been taken in by the Knights of Ren, so I’ve decided to lay low to not cause any more strife between Hux and Kylo.” You told her. She had agreed that that was a good plan, but what really got her was the use of his first name.

“Kylo, huh?” Phasma leaned on her fist. “He’s your superior, the Knights like you, and now you live together. Is there something I’m missing?” 

You rolled your eyes; twisting your ring, you denied what she was suggesting. 

“It’s not like that, we are just cohabiting...as friends.” 

“Just friends huh? And I bet he still looks at you like you’re the moon and stars above.” She cooed. 

Thankfully, dark skin could mask the blush that you were feeling as heat spread through your cheeks You were very aware of his feelings and tried not to give him the wrong idea, but you noticed the way he looked at you. Like last night when he stared at you with soft brown eyes as he listened intently to the answers for every one of his questions. Out of all the craziness that had happened thus far, that was the most normal and soothing moment that you were happy to share with him.

“Yes, but we’ve established a friendship. In time all will be forgotten.” You pulled off the ring from your swollen finger. 

“Urgh,” for some time you were feeling discomfort from it but refused to remove it, but right now the pain was unbearable. Phasma saw the crestfallen look upon your face. She knew how much the ring meant to you, especially during a time like this. 

“Y/N,” the call of your name caused you to lookup. “Who goes with you to your appointments?” 

“Nobody,” 

“Would you like me to accompany you? I’ll send you all my timesheets and we can work something out.” 

A small smile appeared on your face. “I’d like that very much.”

* * *

After a very threatening and terrifying talk more at than with Hux, Phasma was on her way to her new destination when she bumped into Kylo Ren. 

“Commander,” 

“Captain, how was your mission?” His mechanical voice rang. 

“Successful albeit strenuous, how was yours?” 

He tensed; the closing of the elevator doors caused a switch to go off in Kylo that was holding everything in. A sigh rang out, “I don’t know what I’m doing.” 

Phasma was taken aback by his honesty. 

“You like her that’s what you’re doing.” 

It was times like this he was thankful for his mask. 

“It’s undignifying!” Kylo exclaimed. 

“It’s a crush, calm down! You could’ve been like Hux who made a complete ass of himself at least she likes you.” Kylo perked up practically cornering her to learn more. 

“What has she said?” 

“First, you need to stand down.” Kylo took note and backed off. “Secondly, it’s very evident you two have a connection after that stormtrooper masquerade you played. She does care about you and appreciates you, but you understand only months ago she was about to get married to someone she’s been with for YEARS! And now she’s having a baby.” Phasma explained. “You and Hux might be the brightest when it comes to the military but this is pure common sense. I hope you’re not just doing this so she could like you.” She tutted before exiting. 

Kylo was genuinely offended by her assumption; he had learned pushing her into getting what he wanted didn’t end well and made him feel bad. 

“I just want to see her happy.” 

It was barely above a whisper, a comment that he mistook for thought in his head, that made Phasma stop in her tracks. She had never seen this side of him before. 

“She’s a little sad that her ring doesn’t fit her finger anymore. Just a little hint.” Pushing him in the right direction wouldn’t hurt.

This conversation played repeatedly in his head for the rest of the day, even while he was meditating with the Knights. He always noticed your feelings and would act accordingly, but Phasma was right, he wasn’t good in this department. Kylo did take you into consideration and it was very obvious your presence had changed the man. 

There were fewer arguments, fewer fights, and fewer tantrums. He seemed to be focused on being better to not show you the side that turned him into the fearsome force killer. There was a constant on Kylo’s mind, the hint Phasma had given him. He just didn’t necessarily know what to do with it. Upon entering his quarters, he was quite surprised to see it empty. His heart quickened as he checked the bedroom to see you weren’t there either. 

The need to find you were more of a reflex than a voluntary action, without hesitation, Kylo Ren stormed down the halls of Starkiller. Using the force, he reached out to find you. A wave of relief washed over him as he realized where you were. The doors slid open to show your figure illuminated by the large moon peering through the window. All the other First Order workers scurried at the sight of the Commander as you were too lost in thought to notice. 

“What are you doing here?” His voice came a little harsher than he meant. 

“I’m just having a moment and I didn’t feel like being around too many people.” Y/N said honestly. Kylo understood those moments. 

“I’ll tell Kato, it wasn’t him.” 

Y/N chuckled at his joke. She wrapped her arms around herself; where he was sitting, Kylo noticed your swollen fingers and your gleaming ring sitting above your knuckle. Shaking your feelings aside, you turned to him. 

“How was your day?” 

Kylo was surprised at how you tried to get out of your rut by listening to him. He began to talk and he could slowly feel her spirits rising a little better. Even he could feel himself lifting. He enjoyed being with Y/N. He enjoyed talking to you, sitting in silence with you, looking at you, learning about you; Kylo just liked everything about you. Slowly, but surely, the pair began to fall into a more complacent routine. 

After work, you’d sometimes go watch him and the Knights train or Kylo would be welcomed by you and dinner, and the night would end with the pair in the bed as they exchanged stories. He learned a little bit about your family, life on Terra, the baby, and youthful mischief; Kylo told you just a few things he enjoyed and some of the things he and the Knights got into on missions.

You treated him like someone instead of something, even if it was just asking how his day was. And it was something he didn’t know he wanted until you came around. So, he took Phasma’s hint into consideration. 

It would be a gesture with double meaning. He knew that when men liked women they bought them jewelry and women liked to wear their wedding rings next to their hearts. It was simple really, he’d just push the latter meaning more than the first one to not push uncomfortable boundaries. But he didn’t think it would be so hard choosing one. For starters, there were so many to choose from different lengths, metals, links, clasps, designs, it was overwhelming. 

Kylo narrowed it down to five but felt the window of time narrowing as you began to take off the ring more frequently. Once he finally chose it, he had to wait to get it made. This period between the order being confirmed and it finally arriving had Kylo falling into deep anger. He scolded himself on having feelings for you, for being nice to you. Each day when it didn’t arrive, he regretted even listening to Phasma because why would someone like you even give him the time of day. 

He had seen into your mind and your fiancé, Kylo could never amount. He didn’t even know why he was still trying. It was evident something was wrong, but Kylo told you he had to work late and that you wouldn’t be seeing him as much. But Y/N heard about him lashing out on others.

* * *

Documenting the new growth in the Petri dish, Y/N had missed the exaggerated display put on by Shiro and Haru, clad in all the Knight glory, storming through the medbay to get you.

“We need you to come with us.” 

You were utterly confused quickly putting your things away to leave your lab. The Knights sandwiched you as they walked to the training arena. The way they took her was a different route, that didn't allow you to see into the arena but you could hear the thud of things being thrown. The doors slid open and the remaining Knights that stood watching through the window turned to look at you. Kato was the one to approach you. 

“I know you’re confused but he and Kane won’t stop.” 

Walking to the window you watched as the superbeings went toe to toe, practically to the death as they used the force to hurl things at each other.

It was so intense you could feel it through the window. “What happened?” 

“Kane wasn’t in the mood and Kylo wasn’t having it,” Zara replied.

Everyone just watched the two growl and throw one another around. But your eyes were focused on Kylo; you knew who he was, but seeing him like this was weird. That wasn’t the Kylo you knew, the one he showed you. It made you feel slightly gullible. Y/N was too into her thought to see the bench come flying at the window. 

A gasp left your lips as you jumped back when the bench hit the window. Everything inside started to tighten; you had scared the poor baby and it wouldn’t stop squirming inside you. It had just begun to noticeably kick and move which was quite weird. “Ah!” Both hands flew to your belly, while the Knights tried to get you to sit. Everyone in the room was too occupied with you to notice Kylo’s change of attention on the window.

Kato was asking if everything was alright when Kylo stormed into the room. He was almost unrecognizable; pitch-black tarred over his honey irises and his face twisted in a scowl. He looked at everyone in the room and lastly landed on Shiro and Hiru who were wincing a “Yes, Master.” 

Kylo approached you to take you back to the quarters. Their walk was unusually silent. You were unsure what to say, fearful of setting him off. She couldn't stop thinking about how he had completely transformed into someone she didn't want to believe was really him. So you pushed it deep down not wanting him to know. But, he could sense that. He was ashamed of himself. He couldn’t control his emotions so he lashed out and now you were afraid of him. He entered the room and slinked off into one of the banned rooms and you took to the bedroom. All of this made you tired, so you made yourself comfortable on the bed.

“I-I got you something.” 

Kylo appeared in the doorway, as his fingers were tightly wrapped around a black rectangular box.  There was silence as neither of them knew what to say. With no words, tentative swollen fingers took it and peeked inside revealing the platinum necklace chain. 

“It's for your ring.” Kylo gulped. With furrowed brows focused on the chain , he just couldn't look her in the eyes right now, so he missed the tears that pooled in hers.

“Kylo…” She strained causing him to finally lookup.

“I’m sorry,” you cried. “You didn’t have to do this.” 

It all made sense as to why he was acting the way he was. Even if you did think that he could learn to handle his emotions better.

“I wanted to do it.” 

Your teary eyes looked up at him. From the first time you met him, he was always caring in his own way and it was what drew you to him. But now, in your over-emotional state, you couldn’t help digging yourself in a deeper hole. This necklace was the probable cause that made matters worse. Scolding him would only make matters worse, but being open with your appreciation of him could be a start.

“Thank you, that’s very sweet.” 

His mind tousled over if you really felt that way or if the previous incident had you wary of him. He didn’t even see you take it from him and put it on in the refresher. His nerves and emotions settle were on high all week and Kylo didn’t want them to have an effect on you. Y/N stood in the mirror, softly smiling at the sight of her ring on her new necklace. She drifted her eyes to see Kylo shyly taking a peek at her through the mirror. 

“It’s really beautiful, I love it.” Turning you made your way toward him. “Is this why you’ve been ignoring me? You were afraid I wasn’t going to like it.” 

Reading minds wasn’t needed for this. 

“Don’t patronize me.” Kylo spat. 

“I’m not!” You objected. “I don’t want you to feel unappreciated. You’ve done so much for me Kylo, I don’t know how I can ever thank you. It’s not fair to you to take on these responsibilities that aren’t yours because you feel you have to.” 

“I want to… do these things for you because… it feels right, with you.” Kylo looked down, trying to hide his blush that spread throughout his face. “Even though, I know it’s wrong.” 

You sighed deeply understanding all too well. 

“Come on, let’s play fighting chess.” 

An annoyed huff left his lips; he could’ve played it off if it wasn’t for the sudden glint in his eyes with the twitch of his lips. 

“It’s called dejarik.” 

* * *

This gift seemed to give you an extra boost of confidence that you needed as you were having a meeting with Hux. The Universe had somehow granted you asylum from Hux for a few weeks. Whatever happened between you and Hux was personal and had nothing to do with your career...somewhat. But you knew that he would definitely give you a hard time. 

You stood before him and other officers explaining the various illnesses that were being processed to find cures. It was all well until the baby began to move. Hux, as well as the others, noticed the shift in your stomach but thought that it was just them until it moved, shifting the lab coat. You pressed a hand to your belly to calm it down but that seemed to excite it. 

“In order fo—” you winced at the kick which was jabbed at an organ you most likely needed. 

“Dr. L/N, do you need a minute?” Hux asked. 

“No, it’s just,” 

You didn’t want to seem unprofessional; you were the only pregnant woman on this ship and you already had special privileges. 

Hux and the others watched as you turned around and whispered: “Listen, baby, I’m at work and you need to listen and stop. You can kick me any other time, but we need to be professional.” Y/N turned around and continued her meeting, impressing everyone. 

After, Hux came up to her and commended her on her findings. 

“Thank you, General.” You gave him a tight lip smile before leaving. 

“Uh, Doctor?” 

You turned to see him stride up to you. 

“I just wanted to apologize for the way I’ve treated you. It was totally uncalled for; you have shown a level of professionalism that I admit, lacked in this.” 

“Thank you, General.” 

You would forgive, but never forget his actions and how quickly he would switch up out of not getting his way. He nodded and cleared his throat. 

“Y/N, may I?” 

His blue eyes glanced at your bump. You stepped forward allowing him to feel; his gloved hand awkwardly pressed against your belly which earned a kick. Hux retracted his hand quickly. It made you smirk and couldn’t help but think of what the baby thought of Hux. This added another layer of good to your day. Phasma even surprised you with your ridiculous craving.

“It looks nice.”

Phasma looked at the necklace that held the ring. 

“Thank you,” a bright smile was plastered on your face. 

“Did someone give it to you?” 

“Um...yeah, you can say that.” 

“Was it Kylo?” 

“No!” 

You quickly scoffed before turning your attention to your food. Topics of conversation had passed and Phasma found a way to maneuver it back to what she really wanted to know.

“So when did Kylo give it to you?” 

“This morning,” 

Y/N facepalmed herself as Phasma’s laughter rang through her ears. 

“So he listened to me.” Phasma rested her chin on her fist. 

“You did this! Phasma I told you not to meddle!” 

“I didn’t,” she held up her hands in surrender. “I just noticed your discomfort and said it casually.” 

You side-eyed your friend in disbelief. 

“I don’t see the problem; he likes you, you like him.” 

“And that’s exactly the problem! I’m not emotionally available to pursue a relationship with someone I just met. And with my baggage and my baby, the last thing I need is a crush. You of all people should know.”

“I know we’ve bonded on the fact that we can make intelligent decisions rather than using our heart but isn’t denying all this going to cause more stress?” Phasma asked. “I think Ren, and even his Knights, are completely besotted with you. It won’t be going away any time soon.” 

As much as you hated to admit it, she was right. 

“I can’t be the only one who finds a problem in that right?” You groaned dropping your fork to your now clean plate.  “I can’t deal with this right now.” Tears welled in your eyes as you stormed off, having Phasma call after you.

* * *

People moved out of your way quickly. It could’ve been because an angry pregnant lady was pretty scary, but an angry pregnant lady affiliated with the Knights of Ren was even scarier. Even though Phasma’s thought process was closer to yours, you hated how she was falling into this ‘Y/N+Kylo’ thing. It was frustrating enough having to deal with the nurses constantly cooing over how Kylo was so in love he was stepping up to the plate. It seemed like everyone cared so much about Kylo, while no one was concerned with how you were feeling. You missed your family, you missed your fiancé, you were going to be raising a child all alone who wouldn’t even get to experience all the love and warmth of a family you deserved and it was all your fault.

“Y/N,” 

Kylo called out as she stormed passed him. Her tears blurred her vision, but still, she made her way to her final destination. Kylo felt a rush of emotions hit him and decided to follow. He stopped outside the door to the hideout where he could make out the muffled sounds of her cries. He knew he wouldn’t be helpful in this situation so he sent Kato. 

You were surprised when you felt arms wrap around you and even more surprised to see Kato. But honestly, you were thankful. It felt good to let it out and to have someone just be there without putting in their two cents. When you were feeling better, Kato accompanied you to the arena where the Knights were training. Right before you entered Kato stopped you. 

“I know this might sound weird but may I feel…” He gestured to the bump. 

It was expected, so you nodded. Both hands felt the bump as he smiled at you. 

“The baby loves you very much.” 

You just smiled as Kato when to open the door. 

“I love you too.” You whispered to the bump. 

Y/N sat on the side watching the Knights until they were done. Like usual, Kylo and Y/N strolled to their shared quarters. 

“Thank you for sending Kato.” You looked up at his post-training flushed face. “I really needed that.” 

“You’re feeling better now?” Kylo asked shyly. 

“Yeah… for now,” 

You nodded before becoming silent and continuing their walk like that. They stopped at the door before you turned to him. 

“I was wondering, if you’re not busy, would you like to come with me to my next appointment? I’m able to find out the sex and I know you’ve asked about?” 

Kylo nodded quickly, scolding himself on his eagerness. Clearing his throat, he tried to play it off. 

“I’ll accompany, just tell me so I could put it in my schedule.” 

A soft smile fell on your features before you entered the quarters. Kylo dipped in after you, thankful that you had missed his small smile.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: I've written so many various scenes for some of the chapters, especially for the anticipation of the new movie since I would like to follow the timeline (insert Chrissy Teigen meme because of the possibility of a not-so-happy ending). I'm waiting to see how it ends, to see how this ends.
> 
> Also, I feel that it's so easy to go off track when writing Kylo, but I want to stay as true as possible. I do believe he has some of Han's attributes which allows him to work his "magic" with the reader but with his traumas and training, he'd definitely be struggling. I hope that this is being portrayed in the story.


	10. It’s A...

“This isn’t going well.” 

Black gloved hands rocked the head of their owner between them. Kylo’s brows were set in a deep furrow as he talked to his grandfather’s deformed mask. A deep sigh escaped his lips. 

“I can’t control myself around her. I mean I can, but,” sitting back, he ran a hand through his hair. “The things I do for her feels out of my control. Almost like I respond without thinking.” Kylo began to pick at the fraying thread of his robe. “But, I don’t mind doing it. It makes me feel…” 

He didn’t know what to say. He did, he just didn’t want to say it to his grandfather. His eyes glanced up at the mask and hummed as warmth spread through him. 

“Her name is Y/N. She’s beautiful, smart, and I wouldn’t call her sassy, but she has a way with words.” 

Kylo chuckled thinking about their banter. But then his smile went away and the cloud of darkness rolled over him, having him scowl once more. His fingers tapped against his shaking leg while frustration built up. 

“I can feel it.” He answered. “She’s becoming my weakness a-and I fear it’s too late to stop it.” 

Kylo tilted his head in confusion in the silence of the room. 

“Do I want to stop it? Yes.” A scoff of annoyance rang the air. “She doesn’t deserve to fall victim because I grew selfish and rebellious!” His voice grew stronger as his frustrations he almost missed the alarm on his comm.

* * *

Everyone moved out of the way as black billowed through the medbay. Nurses and patients stayed tucked in their spot. It might've been every day that the Commander was bothered, it just wasn’t every day that he came to the medbay. Y/N and Dr. Hubbard were in the middle of their conversation before the black mass was standing in the doorway. They turned to see the Commander just standing there. 

“You made it!” She smiled. “I thought you weren’t going to show.” 

Dr. Hubbard looked between the two; he had heard about some of the theories others aboard had about the pair, but he knew the real extent of the relationship between you and the Commander. When you told him that Kylo would be joining today, Dr. Hubbard was surprised. He was actually quite glad someone with more power than he, could help you in your situation. It made him see the Commander in a different light.

Ren made it to the side of the hospital bed you were sitting on. 

“My meeting ran a little long.” Clearing his throat, still reveling in the discomfort from his previous ‘meeting’. 

While setting up, Dr. Hubbard noticed how closely Kylo Ren hovered and how you were calm in his presence. Kylo sensed this and moved a few steps back. 

“Alright, Y/N, if you can lay back for me, please?” 

He asked and you did as told before lifting your shirt to expose your swollen belly. Kylo focused on the dark skin that was etched with lighter marks that crept up at the base of your belly. Dr. Hubbard squeezed the ultrasound gel and you winced at its temperature. 

Kylo was quick to latch his hand on to yours. You bit back your chuckle as you knew that he thought it was painful. 

“It’s alright, it’s just cold.” 

Kylo noted and slowly removed his hand trying to rid the embarrassment that fell upon him. 

“What,” he cleared his throat. “What is the gel for?” 

“Well Commander, it creates a bond between the skin and the transducer because the sound waves have a hard time traveling through air, so the gel prevents any extra air space between the probe and your skin in order to create a clear image of the fetus.” Dr. Hubbard explained as he searched for the baby. 

“Does the one you have, have gel?” 

Kylo’s question was directed at you as you nodded. 

“It’s just enough to see and hear, but it won’t be as clear as this one.”

Like always, it was the heartbeat that was bursting as the fetus appeared. “There it is!” Dr. Hubbard explained. “And strong as ever.” 

Both you and Kylo looked as Dr. Hubbard showed you the toes, the hands, the nose, and everything that you couldn’t believe was growing inside you. 

“It’s been some time, I can give you an accurate reading on the sex. Would you like to know?” 

Dr. Hubbard saw you physically say no, but he heard a yes. 

“I’m sorry, can you repeat that?” And it happened again. He nervously chuckled before he spoke. “It’s been quite a long day, I apologize. I see you saying no, but I hear yes.” 

Y/N turned to look at Kylo before replying to Dr. Hubbard. 

“I would like to keep it a surprise, but you can tell him.” 

Dr. Hubbard quizzically looked at Kylo before he tapped to gloved fingers to his temple. So he thought very hard into telling the Commander through his mind and hoped it would work. And it did.

Kylo visibly sat up straighter and then turned to you. For the first time, you were thankful for his mask, even if this still did creep you out. But Kylo just couldn’t believe it. He didn’t know what he would expect or how he would feel, but he didn’t think he would feel like this. The talk with his grandfather did not prepare him for this nor did he even think about it. The surge he felt through his body from the answer was akin to when he finished his lightsaber. He wanted to tell and he wanted to tell everybody. 

Leaving the room, a group of nurses stood anxiously awaiting the news. 

“It’s alright,” 

You told him; Kylo projected the news and he watched their faces go from anxious to confusion to the realization that he had used the force to tell them. The women squealed as they ran to hug you and began to coo. 

“I don’t want to know, so please don’t say it.” 

If this is what it would be like then you’d rather not know.

Walking from the medbay, you bumped into Phasma and Hux and before greetings could be exchanged Kylo was projecting the sex of your baby. It seemed your approval the first time meant all the time to Kylo. Phasma and Hux looked at Kylo and then at you. 

“I thought you didn’t want to know the sex?” Phasma asked. 

“I don’t,” You said through gritted teeth. 

“Congratulations, I can’t wait to meet the First Order’s new addition,” Phasma said. 

Then Kylo’s mask tilted to Hux, who had yet to say anything.

“A new addition to the Order indeed.” He said before wincing as Kylo twisted his hand. “Elated, that you would share such a special moment with us.” 

“Thank you, both of you thanks.” 

They excused themselves and continued to make it to the elevator. 

“You know, it wasn’t necessary for you to make Hux pay me a compliment.” Y/N turned to look at the mask that was held high. 

“I agree,” Kylo said. “It wasn’t necessary.”

They waited in silence until the doors slide open revealing Lady Hubbard. Her face lit up as she reached out for you.

“There’s my little chickie and the little chickadee. How are you two?” She spun you around to get a better look. “Good, how are you, Lady Hubbard?” This question had her rattling off which made it obvious that you wouldn’t be getting out of her grip anytime soon. Kylo sensed your discomfort; he remembered you telling him about this woman. Very nice, but very exhausting, and now he understood why. He knew you wouldn’t appreciate him being mean to her, so he thought if he told her the news she’d be on her way.

Lady Hubbard went on and on before she froze. You were confused until she let out a loud shrill. “Thomas told me your appointment was today but he said you didn’t want to know!” She exclaimed. 

“I don’t, the Commander, you, and your husband are the only ones that I want to know.” 

You lied; hopefully, she would keep it to herself. She smiled as she locked her lips and threw away the key. 

“I’ll throw you a baby shower and we’ll get all the ladies together and get you all the things needed for the baby.” 

“You don’t have to do that.” Y/N shook her head.

“Oh love, after everything, this is the least I could do. We could make it a theme, with knights an—” The next word would have given it away and Kylo was quick to stop her. “Oop, thank you, Commander.” She smiled at him before hugging you. “This is so wonderful dear. I’ll see you around; we have a party to plan!”

Once she was gone the two entered the elevator. 

“Why do you put up with her?” 

“Because...she’s nice, a bit much, but her heart is in the right place.” 

Kylo looked at you and tilted his head. 

“You don’t want the baby shower.” 

“Usually you warn me before reading my thoughts.” 

Your eyes snapped to him and he noticed your sharp tone. This was a topic that was rather touchy to you. 

“I’m sorry.” You sighed. “It’s the hormones.” 

Kylo took note and asked: “Why are you letting her do this for you?” 

“The Hubbard’s daughter died when she was fifteen, this is Lady Hubbard’s only chance.” You told him as the doors slid open.

* * *

As usual, you found yourself going to watch the Knight’s practices. The doors slid open and they all began to line up. Through the force, Kylo decided to tell them the news. You wouldn’t haven’t known due to their expressions minus Kato. 

“Aw, you’re going to have a lit—” 

Shiro was instantly thrown into the wall. Y/N turned to look up at Kylo who was now maskless. 

“Was that really necessary?” 

His brown orbs observed your narrowed eyes that held a playful glint. The corner of his lips slightly tugged up as he matched your expression. 

“Yes,” 

With that, you rolled your eyes and went to go sit in your regular spot. Kylo watched you walk and notice it was somewhat of a waddle and he found it cute. Turning to his Knights, he found them all smirking back at him. 

“Partner up!” He barked which was the complete opposite of his blushing face.

Shiro limped over and sat down next to you. “He’s a bit much, I don’t see him as your type.” 

You wanted to say something but didn’t know how to respond. You just kept your eyes focused on the training as Shiro checked over himself as he continued talking. 

“It’s obvious what he sees in you, but he’s like OBSESSED!” 

“I wouldn’t say obsessed.” You mumbled. 

Shiro chuckled as he presented the big gash on his arm. 

“Then what do you call this Doctor?” 

Squirming beside him, he noticed your discomfort. 

“I didn’t mean to make you feel some type of way, we’ve just never seen him like this. I don’t even think he liked a girl at the temple.” 

You stood up and Kylo was quick to stop everyone. He quickly made his way to you which made you upset as you could hear Shiro’s chuckle. 

“Is everything alright?”

“Yeah, I’m just tired.” You waved off.

“I’ll escort her, I have to get some bacta anyway.” Shiro volunteered. You found yourself being talked to death by Shiro and you felt terrible for thinking Kato was the talkative one. You zoned him out for the most part until they had finally reached the quarters. 

“Hey, can I touch it?” 

“What?” Y/N was confused as she had no clue what he was talking about it. 

“It! You know, it!” 

He motioned to your belly. 

“To feel the baby?” 

“Yeah, like Kato keeps talking about it, plus Kylo flung me into the wall because we’re not allowed to tell you what it is.” 

His last words were to guilt-trip you and although you didn’t feel guilty, you gave in. Both hands held the side of your bump. 

“What does it do?” He asked. 

“Nothing, the baby is probably exhausted.” You told him. 

“Well, hurry up and get out so you can do something cool.” 

Shiro dropped his hands to his sides and you awkwardly chuckled. It was obvious he didn’t know much about babies. 

“Thank you, Shiro; I’ll make a note of that.” 

He gave you a smile before walking away. “Oh,” He scratched his head and turned around. “You know, if he had to fall for anyone, we’re glad it’s you. He’s been less volatile and calmer and focused since you’ve been here.” 

And if you were being honest, you were tired of hearing about Kylo and how good everything was. Everything wasn’t good, nothing about this was good for you. This continued with all the nurses supporting this “relationship” and the Knights trying to persuade you to feel the same as he did. All anyone seemed to care about was Kylo’s feelings and allegiance to taking care of you. You genuinely appreciated all that he had done for you and allowing you to keep your baby, but the others around you were creating some fantasy that wasn’t real and hurt more than it helped. 

The beginning days into your last semester had you slipping into a depression. 

When you thought about this chapter of your life, starting a family, you didn’t picture any of this. Thinking back to where you were half a year ago, you definitely didn’t think you would be alone and pregnant in space on a military base befriending a force user. You were very thankful that things turned out positive in this situation, but you couldn’t stop your heart from breaking thinking of all the moments you have forever stolen from your family. Every time Kylo would do something for you, in the back of your mind you couldn’t help but think of your fiancé. Would he do these things? How would he react? Would he be just as quick to tell people about the baby like Kylo? You felt it was unfair that he wasn’t here to share these moments with you, that he and your family weren’t here to share it with you and it was all your fault.

* * *

Kato was the first to notice your change in emotion and told Kylo about it after you had dismissed Kato when he had approached you one evening. 

“I’m concerned about the stress of the baby, but mostly her.” He told Kylo. It was easier to just go into your mind, but it didn’t work the first time, so he decided against it. Kylo observed that you were no longer wanting to come to watch training, which was understandable because you were tired; but it seemed like you would never sleep, you were always in your lab, immersing yourself in work to run from your problems. Even Phasma told him, how you cancelled lunches with her for work. He was beginning to worry. But you couldn’t keep running when you entered your office to find him and Dr. Hubbard. 

“We are here to talk about your maternity leave.” Dr. Hubbard stated. “Six months leave was the maximum allotted time that the General had fought me down to. I’m pretty sure you will appreciate it since it’s more than they give on Terra.” 

“Thank you, Dr. Hubbard.”

Dr. Hubbard continued to talk to you as Kylo stood there silently. “However, as Commander Ren is your new superior, he has chosen that your leave starts effective immediately.” 

Dark eyes turned to his faceless mask. 

“I’ll be leaving for a mission and I will not be here to oversee your well-being being maintained.” 

Y/N blinked in disbelief. 

“With all due respect Commander, but I believe I can take care of myself while also continuing my job until my due date.” 

“With all due respect Doctor, I think not.”

Eyes narrowed as your fist tightened by your side. What did he mean ‘I think not’? 

“Commander, I’ve proven that I am capable of balancing my health and job, so I don’t know where all of this is coming from.” She argued. 

“Dr. L/N, distracting yourself with work while avoiding sleep and others is not healthy.” 

Dr. Hubbard wanted to say something, but taking sides would only make it worse. So he just slipped out. 

“Am not!” Her voice was shaky and on the verge of tears. She knew what she was doing wasn’t helping but it was a distraction for now. “I’m just trying to make sure everything is in order before I leave.” 

Kylo stood up and walked over to you. He didn’t want to see you crying, especially since it was because of him. He just didn’t want what happened last time when he left to happen again.

“You’re lying Y/N. You’re lying to me and you’re lying to yourself and you know it.” He pointed out. “You will finish up your work today and will be assigned a trooper escort to be with you at all times while I’m away.” 

He gave you no time to speak as he was stomping his way out of your office. When you made your way back to the lab you were fuming. Angrily, you continued with your work as mumbled expletives about Kylo spilled from your lips. How dare he? Who did he really think he was? Kylo might’ve been your boss, but he was definitely not your father. The tears were now free-falling down your face as memories of your father start to resurface. 

Haphazardly cleaning up your station, you accidentally cut yourself on one of the machines. 

“Shit,” you whispered as you went to search for the first aid kit. 

Too consumed with your latest predicament, you had forgotten about the sample you were studying that produced toxic fumes when exposed to the air for too long and since you were too preoccupied to notice, a reaction occurred. You started to cough and when you turned around you understood why. The pink smoke was growing, but still could be handled. Covering your face with the crook of your elbow, you tried to put it under the hood only to drop it. 

“No,” Y/N groaned as she watched the smoke expand and rise.

Of course, all of this would happen right now. Following protocol, you pressed the emergency button on the hood and ran to the exit, only to have the security shutters to barricade the door. 

“No!” Your eyes widened as you banged against them. “No, no, no, no!” 

You even tried banging on the windows that were also sealed off. The air was getting low and you could feel yourself getting faint. You helped yourself down to the ground where there was barely smoke and tried your best not to breath in.

* * *

Kylo’s foot was about to come down on the ramp of his ship before he felt a shift in the force. 

Something wasn’t right. 

Over his shoulder, he saw Hux and a hoard of troopers swiftly making their way down the halls of Starkiller. Without a word, he decided to follow. A pit of worriment grew in his gut that something had happened to you. The fear of protecting you from becoming his weakness was starting to come true; he cursed himself for you being the first thing he thought of. Heavy footfalls lead him into the familiar direction of the medbay, this only made the feeling heavier. 

“What do you mean it closed before she could get out?” He heard Hux say. “Are you insinuating that the technicians I’ve hired don’t know how to do their job?”

“What’s going on?” Kylo towered over Hux who turned to see this menacing figure.

Hux was speechless; he wasn’t the one to be scared of Kylo Ren but he could feel his energy radiating off of him. 

“It’s Dr. L/N, sir. She’s stuck in there and we can’t get her out.” 

It was your trooper escort, FN-2187, who came to relieve you that had alerted everyone of your danger. 

“There has to be some type of code!” 

Dr. Hubbard exclaimed at a scrambled Hux, who tried his master code that only resulted in no change to the blinking red lights. Kylo had no time for this, you were in danger and all this talking did nothing. He moved in front of the door and stretched out both hands. The metal taunted him as it made no attempt to move. Fear crept up at the back of his mind as terrible thoughts consumed him. 

What if it was too late? What if something happened to the baby? What if he couldn’t save you? 

All he could think about was the last encounter was making you cry. Thick air swarmed within his mask, gritting his teeth while he watched the shutters start to budge. Kylo knew he didn’t deserve you and this proved he couldn’t protect you from himself or anything else for that matter. But he refused to lose you. Every bone in his body ached at the thought of you not being here with him. He let out a feral yell as he curled his fingers watching the shutters shake before they were flying past him. 

The others ducked as debris and sparks came flying. Using the force, the door slid open and he wasted no time entering the room. Pink fumes were sparse while he searched for any sign of you. Scanning the room, he saw your limp legs stick out behind the table. He felt his body jerk at the worst thought possible; rushing over, Kylo retrieved her body and carried her out to the hallway. A stretcher was already waiting and he gently set you down. Visibly shaken hands were pulled from under your body as the droids and Dr. Hubbard pulled you away. 

Kylo turned back to Hux, gripping him by the neck and lifting him off the floor. “Your idiocy almost killed her.” 

Kylo’s voice boomed striking fear into those around him as they all watched the General claw at his neck. Hux’s face grew red as he tried to free himself. 

“Commander,” The soft voice of Dr. Hubbard called out. “She’s going to be fine, it’s not worth it.” Those words caused him to drop Hux and leaving him gasping on the floor for air.

* * *

You awoke to bright lights and droids hovering over you. A deep sigh was released as you thought about what led you here. 

“Y/N, you’re up. How are you feeling?” 

Dr. Hubbard appeared by your side. This had to stop happening. She didn’t say anything and Dr. Hubbard decided to continue with his test. 

“Your vitals are stabilizing, you’re going to be fine. I’ll be able to release you after these.” 

As you followed his instructions for the next few tests, Dr. Hubbard couldn’t avoid the tears you were trying so hard to hold back. 

“Y/N,” he called out. “This wasn’t your fault. I know you followed the procedure, there was a malfunction with how it was set up.” He did his best to reassure you, but you were just so defeated. 

Hubbard detached you from all the equipment, helping you swing your legs off the bed. The sound of the door sliding open cause him to say: “Ah, you’re escort is here.” 

Looking over, you were met with the face you didn’t want to see. Well, mask. 

Hubbard thought Kylo had left, so this was a shock to him as well. Y/N was stiff staring openly at the Commander.

“Thank you, Dr. Hubbard.” Kylo strolled in helping you stand. “Include me on any updates.” 

Kylo let you take the lead to the silent walk back to the quarters. He could feel your emotions brewing and was more than prepared for the rageful storm you would inflict on him.

“You don’t have to walk me back as if I’m a prisoner.” She huffed. 

He didn’t respond so you rolled your eyes and walked faster than you could, causing you to gain shortness of breath. 

“Slow down, don’t exert yourself.” 

It was a simple concern that you felt was unnecessary. 

“Okay, you don’t have to rub it in my face that I can’t take care of myself.” 

“I’m not trying to rub it in your face, I just don’t want you to hurt yourself.” He said through gritted teeth. 

You spun around with arms folded and yelled: “You proved your point, why are you still here?!” 

“There’s nothing to prove if everything was right from the start.” 

Your face set into a deep scowl at his reply. 

“It wasn’t my fault! I-I did everything I was supposed to do in that situation, it was the machine's fault!” You told him. 

“I didn’t say it was your fault, Y/N.” 

“But you’re acting like it because I’m just some helpless doctor that always needs to be saved because she can’t take care of herself!” She began to tear up. “You and everyone else just think I’m just a sad cause. And everyone tries to make it seem like everything is rainbows and butterflies out of pity because if we’re being honest, everything about this has been pure bullshit!”

Kylo grew frustrated as she continued to yell at him until he couldn’t take it anymore. 

“YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN! THERE WAS NO BLASTER TO YOUR HEAD THAT FORCED YOU TO SAY YES! AND NO, I DON’T THINK YOUR HELPLESS AND I’M NOT TRYING TO CONTROL YOU. IT’S NOT MY FAULT THAT EVERYONE IS HOUNDING YOU ABOUT WHAT SHOULD BE THE HAPPIEST TIME OF YOUR LIFE.” Kylo snapped. His back faced you with broad shoulders violently heaving while trying to suppress his anger. “I DON’T UNDERSTAND THESE FEELINGS OR WHY I’M LIKE THIS. I DON’T KNOW WHAT’S GOING ON OR HOW TO CONTROL IT AND I KNOW YOU DON’T CARE, BUT STARS! DON’T MAKE ME THE BAD GUY BECAUSE I CARE ABOUT YOU AND HER. I DON’T NEED THAT FROM YOU TOO!”

Everything seemed to halt due to the realization of what Kylo had just exposed. 

“Her? 

“Y/N, I—” 

“It’s a her?” Your voice wavered as the lump in your throat grew too thick to swallow. 

“I didn’t mean t—” He watched as she tried to stop the tears from falling but just couldn’t. 

“It’s a girl?” 

She asked and instead of apologizing, Kylo just nodded. Her chest heaved as she accepted the fact that she was going to have a girl. Y/N didn’t say anything before she went running off. Kylo wanted to go after her but thought it would be best if he left her alone.

* * *

The weather made it impossible for Kylo to leave for his mission, forcing him to be stranded at Starkiller until everything cleared up. Now, he kind of wished that he would’ve ignored that feeling. But then, he wouldn’t have saved you. He entered his dark quarters and removed his helmet to notice your figure nestled under his sheets; Kylo took your silence and calm thoughts for sleep. Gentle steps were taken towards the refresher not to wake you, but it failed because you weren't. 

“He always wanted a girl.” 

The sniffle echoed through the room as he turned around. 

“He always talked about this dream he had when he first met me about a little girl that looked just like me, with his eyes and a whole bunch of curly hair.”

Kylo watched as she tried to stay calm. 

“She would’ve been the first girl in his family. All his brothers had boys. His mother wanted a girl so bad.” Y/N sniffed. “I took away their first granddaughter. My parents will never know their only grandchild.” 

A sob wracked through your body and you clutched onto the pillow in your grasp. Kylo felt terrible; if he would’ve never said anything, this would’ve never happened. 

“I’m a terrible person. I’m going to be a terrible mother.” 

Kylo sat on the bed beside you attempting his best to soothe your pain. 

“You’re not a terrible person and you won’t be a terrible mother.” 

But you just shook your head. 

“You didn’t know if you would’ve known, you would’ve stayed.” He told her. “But, you didn’t know.” 

“I’m selfish and stupid for thinking running away would make everything okay.”

Kylo’s eyes washed over you, hurting at the sight. It was almost like your pain was his pain, to a certain extent he could relate. 

“You’re not stupid or selfish, you were in pain and running seems like the only way out. But you don’t even know you’re just running into something that will change your life forever.” 

Rich brown eyes showed a sign that he knew all too well of what you were suffering with. Your cries had stopped as you stared up at his dazed face. 

“Kylo,” your hands wrapped around the one closest to you. Leaving his thought he looked down to see your sparkling dark eyes staring back at him. “Can you stay with me for a while or do you have to go soon?” 

Now that you had stopped crying, your voice was noticeably hoarse. 

“There’s a storm, I’m stuck here until it clears up.” 

He removed his shoes and cape before laying beside you. It was their first time in bed together without the separation of the pillows, no more sneaking a peak between the holes in the wall of plush they built. They were now eye to eye and he took in her fatigued features. 

“I’m sorry,” She sighed, but Kylo shook his head. 

“Don’t be,” 

“Are the Knights still here?” 

“No, they’ve already left.” 

His eyes shifted to look at his large pale hand covered by both your warm umber ones; playing with his hand had calmed you and it created a calm atmosphere overall.

“I didn’t mean to yell at you.” 

Kylo spoke up and your reddened eyes looked from their hands to meet his. 

“I didn’t mean to yell at you either.” Y/N huffed. “I never wanted to make you feel undervalued or that you’re something wrong. I appreciate everything that you do for me, it’s just weird because everything you’re doing, he was supposed to do and I can’t stop thinking about that. Everything’s changing and it’s scary.” 

All these things were happening so fast and it felt that at any minute all your memories of your family and friends would be lost in the past, never to be seen from again. 

“And those feelings? I know that you like me, you’re not that good at hiding it.” Her sentence made him chuckle and Kylo saw the twitch of her lip as Y/N kept her focus on their hands. “There’s an obvious attraction, it’s just too soon and not fair to him, me, or you.” You told him honestly.

Although it wasn’t the exact response he wanted to hear from you, your acknowledgment had made a difference. For the first time in Kylo’s life, he was sure about one thing. Or should he say two: you and her. They talked the whole night until sleep covered them.

* * *

In the morning, he received a message letting him know he was cleared for the mission. Kylo slipped away to prepare himself as his mind reverted back to their conversation. It consumed his mind as he made his way out the refresher and seeing your sleeping form. His eyes washed over you noticing the changes that have occurred right before his eyes. 

The fullness in your facial features gave you a youthful look, especially when he watched your black orbs light up when you were excited; your stomach, which had peaked out a little from the bottom of your work blouse was now larger as a strip of chestnut skin protruded from her rolled-up thermal. His eyes fell to your hands that were delicately placed near the bump. Even in your sleep, you were protective. 

You were going to make a wonderful mother.

Kylo didn’t think twice before brushing your cheek with his fingers. Y/N began to stir before lashes fluttered open to reveal the sight of a staring Kylo Ren. 

“Did you stare at me all night?” 

You rubbed the sleep from your eyes. Kylo smirked and decided to disregard the question due to time. 

“Y/N, I have to go now.” Your face dropped and so did his heart. “Promise me, Y/N, you’ll talk to me if it gets too hard, okay?” 

He held your cheek in the palm of his hand and she nodded.  _ I promise _ . He took her response as an honest agreement. As he strode down the halls to his shuttle he thought about you. His need for protecting you started off from seeing himself in you. If only someone would have listened and been there during his time of struggle, then things would be different. It progressed as time went on along with the realization of his feelings to protect you from himself. If you became his weakness, it would make you defenseless against others. Kylo stood on the ramp and looked across the base. Y/N was right when she said ‘everything’s changing and it’s scary’; it was. But he’d try to make it better with you.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Its final's week, hope you guys enjoy the series, the new movie and Christmas/holiday break. See you in 2020 folks!!


	11. Three Weeks II

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: It's funny how life turns out. I get sick and have to cancel my vacation and therefore you get the chapter early, which happens to be a filler. I've realized due to certain circumstances I might be having another break in a few weeks. Apologies in advance.

The dark force user levitated in the empty room on the ship, mentally somewhere else in the depths of his mind. Eyes lifted as the door slid open to reveal Zara.

“Where do you want me to put this, Master?” 

“In my chambers.” 

He resumed his meditations to the sound of footsteps disappearing. Kylo was off to find ancient Sith text that had him lurking on the smallest crevices of abandoned posts on various means. It was time-consuming with findings that were too vague to be deciphered. During his search, he came across a chest that once was owned by his grandfather, before he turned. 

‘Skywalker’ was carved into uneti wood that it was made out of. After everyone was on their own, Kylo found himself pacing back and forth in front of the chest. It was obviously something important since it was protected by the force, but his mind went wild at the possibilities. 

This is what he’s been waiting for.

Kylo closed his eyes and hovered his hand over the chest. 

“Grandfather...guide me,” 

His words were soft but the force was strong. The lid flipped with laser-sharp eyes quickly scanning its content causing Kylo’s lips tugged down in disappointment. Inside held a multitude of pages from letters and diaries. It was in disarray after years of abandonment, but also as if they were just trying to get everything they could in there. 

Slowly pulling a page out, he took note of the clean swirls of the persons penmanship that reminded him of calligraphy. Reading the middle page of a letter, he had realized that this letter was to his grandfather from his grandmother, Padmé Amidala. 

He’d heard stories, he’d seen pictures; she was a historical figure canonized as a martyr and Kylo thought about her just like that as everybody else did, regardless if she was his grandmother. A disgruntled groan erupted from him being disappointed, yet again. But to hold something so personal of hers caused emotion to stir within him. Curiosity got the best of him as he read through all the pages in one sitting.

He found out so much about her, about his grandfather, before everything had happened. His grandfather had bought her a calligraphy set and she was using it to write this letter. She loved calligraphy, just like him. His grandfather was extremely cheeky and would slyly bring their past rendezvous to make her blush. They had arguments and made up, just like everybody else. She talked about retiring and raising their family on Naboo and he talked about how beautiful she was growing life. 

With this admittance, his cheeks grew red as he thought about Y/N. Every day, since the moment he met you, you seemed to glow even more than the day before.

He read the letters closely as he looked over the words his grandfather wrote. The way he doted on his wife and pampered her made Kylo think you deserve those things. Unfortunately, there was no one here who would do those things for you, though he didn’t mind being the one. On his many travels throughout the galaxy, his grandfather bought her scarves, jewelry, blankets, flowers, dresses, perfumes, and anything that made him think of Padmé. Kylo didn’t know if you would like all that stuff; flowers would be nice, you liked his silk sheets very much, but the dresses would be nice. He remembered how beautiful you looked in that black dress at Hux’s party, so of course, you’d be beautiful in dresses now.

* * *

Y/N had accepted her maternity leave to begin now and found yourself preparing her mind to raise a child, specifically a girl. You would do your best in raising her the best way you could and trying to give her the life she deserved, a good one. Sometimes, you would think about all your moments with your parents and you would grow sad. There would never be a chance to thank them for helping you become the woman you are today. This sadness occurred frequently as you found more time to think about those you left behind on Terra. But you couldn’t let this happen, you had to be strong for her.

There was a knock on the door and you used the datapad to open it for Phasma to stroll in with a large box. 

“Another one?” 

“Oh don’t act like you don’t like it.” She set it down in front of you before taking off her helmet. “Well...open it!” 

You tugged at the bow, removed the top, and went through all the tissue to see a baby blue gown with a note on top of it. 

“For when you’re feeling blue.” You showed her the card and Phasma rolled her eyes. 

“Makers,” 

“This is super corny.”

“Oh thank the stars, that was terrible.”

* * *

These three weeks didn’t seem as long as the first time and it was possible because of the constant communication. It seemed like Kylo couldn’t finish up with debriefing fast enough. Hux and Kylo made their way to the elevator and stood in stoic silence until Hux spoke up. 

“Y/N’s been looking better since you’ve been gone.” 

Kylo rolled his eyes knowing that Hux was just trying to get under his skin. 

“I guess it has to do with her new wardrobe. A bit colorful for the First Order.” Hux quipped as the elevator stopped. Stepping forward, he slightly turned to Kylo. “Although nice for someone in her position.” 

Kylo rode the elevator by himself thinking about you. When he sent you those dresses he thought you would look nice, but now him being able to see you had him blushing. Thank the stars for the mask. He strolled towards his quarters with anxiety creeping upon him. 

For the first time, when returned there would be someone there and he couldn’t wait to see you. It was new for him to have someone to look forward to when returning from missions. As he stood before the door, he took some time to relax his nerves to not show too much excitement. Even if it didn’t show on the outside, he couldn’t wait to see you. Kylo felt like a pet with its owner; this feeling that he held toward you was something unexplainable, but he liked it.

So imagine, to his surprise when you were nowhere to be found. A frown fell upon his face as he walked into the bedroom to see if you were sleeping. You weren’t, but he sensed you before he saw you. 

“I’m so tired, twenty-one.” He heard you tell the trooper escort. “I think I’m just going to take a nap.” 

Y/N entered the quarters before stopping in her tracks, sparkling ebony eyes stared at the mask that stood in the middle of the room. FN-2187 excused himself and left the two alone. Kylo removed his helmet because he didn’t want it to obscure the beautiful sight of you in your flowing [baby blue gown](https://www.pinterest.com/pin/182536591129525191/?lp=true). 

“Kylo!” 

You smiled at him and he felt his heart rate increase as you came waddling towards him. His eyes traveled over every inch of you and he now understood what his grandfather had written in those letters.

You were beautiful.

You were glowing and smiling and looked like your old self when you were happy. Y/N wrapped arms around him as much as you could with the protruding bump and his arms gently fell to your back. He wasn’t expecting the hug, but he was glad he got it. His senses were on overdrive with your touch and emotions. Kylo pulled back to see your smiling face. 

“How was your trip? How’s everything? Are you hungry?” 

It was so much at one time, he was practically short-circuiting. He watched as you made your way around the quarters seamlessly. 

“Aren’t you tired?” Kylo asked.

“You can tell me while I’m in bed. You know I can’t go to sleep without listening to her heartbeat.” 

It was the first time Kylo had heard you refer to the baby as her and be so happy. He nodded as he followed you to the bedroom. His hands pulled you to stop as you looked back. 

“You look...do you like the dress?” 

You gave him a quizzical look at his question. 

“Like it? I love it, Kylo, it’s beautiful. Thank you so much.” 

Kylo watched Y/N twirl with stars in his eyes.

“You’re beautiful.” He whispered. 

You paused to take in the sweet look on his face before saying thank you. A content smile appeared on his face as Kylo guided you to the bed before rounding to his side. 

“How was it?” 

You genuinely wanted to know and he sensed that. It was a nice feeling that he couldn’t believe he was experiencing. And now, that you were in his bed, interested in what he had to say, wearing the dress he bought you was just something he thought would never be possible after the choices he made. Even if it wasn’t the most traditional sense. 

“It was successful.” 

“Did you find everything you were looking for?” Kylo nodded before telling you briefly and proceeding to tell you about finding his grandfather's chest.

“Darth Vader?” You perked up. 

Kylo nodded in glee. “But before he turned.” He informed you and you were intrigued.

“What was in it?” You whispered. 

“Letters about and to his wife, Padmé.” 

Y/N’s eyes lit up as her excitement rose. “Padmé Amidala? She’s real?! I’ve only heard stories. What was it about?” 

Containing his excitement was the least of his troubles, he wanted to tell you so bad about everything that was in them and how after reading those letters he thinks that he is falling in love with you. But he didn’t reply, just stared deeply into your dark eyes. 

“They didn’t tell you much on Terra?” 

You shook your head no. 

“We actually don’t know much about anything before he turned. The Order gave strict guidelines of what to teach us.”

“You’d like her. I’ll get you a book on her.” Kylo told you.

A loud yawn escaped from your full lips. Fatigue was starting to weigh down on you and was ready to start your journey to sleep. Before you could even turn, you saw the sonogram machine floating in the air to being gently placed between you and Kylo. 

“Thank you,” you said gently as you set up everything. 

The blue hologram lit up and the sounds of the baby’s heartbeat filled the air. 

“What have you been doing?” Kylo asked. 

“Just trying to stay happy. Hubbard said the stress affects the baby and could hurt her. It’s been hard but I’m trying.” Y/N sighed looking down at the hologram. “But I got to find this girl some family.” 

Kylo’s lips twisted up at the sentence. 

“Some family?” 

“Yeah,” you looked up at him through your lashes. “Like uncles, aunts, grandparents, cousins.” 

“And where do you expect to find those?” He asked. 

You looked back down. 

“I was thinking about asking the Hubbards to be honorary grandparents. Every child needs grandparents, especially little girls.” You had a very serious look that matched your tone. “And maybe the nurses for aunts, even if it’s one too many.” 

“What about uncles?” Kylo asked. 

“I-I don’t know haven’t got around to that one.” Speaking honestly. 

“Sounds like you want an army.” 

“Well, I think there are enough bodies to go around.” You joked.

Silence set in the room as Kylo watched you observe the movements of the baby. A question that had been gnawing at him for weeks came to the forefront of his mind. Your lids were slowly falling but he still asked you. 

“What are you going to name the baby?” 

You looked up at him and then back at the machine with a dark cloud coming over you. 

“I don’t know. I like the name Madison, Noah, Diana. But, I don’t know. Phasma recommended Phasma.” 

Kylo chuckled. 

“Hux recommended Leia.” 

Kylo did not chuckle. He rolled his eyes as he fussed around in bed. 

“What about Padmé?” He asked. 

“Oh Kylo, it’s a beautiful name but...it’s your grandmother. I couldn’t take it from you; save it for your daughter.” You smiled at him. 

It was a very nice thought, but what was the point of saving it for a child that might never come? This was probably the closest he’d ever get to having a child. 

“As terrible as it sounds, I always wanted a boy. I chose the boy names and he chose the girl names. There was one name he loved, but...I just can’t remember.” 

Tears began to form in your eyes as you really tried your best to remember and Kylo saw how much this hurt you. 

“Maybe if you go to sleep it will come back.” 

“Yeah, maybe,” Kylo turned off the light before leaving the room. 

Kylo was tentative about doing this in your state, but anything to make it easier. This time would be different, he hoped. Warping your dreams to memories would always invoke some type of emotion due to the circumstances, he just wanted to give your answers. And it had succeeded. You awoke with such clarity. Reaching for your datapad, you opened it to type the name with a smile knowing that it would belong to the love growing inside of you.

* * *

For those who couldn't see the gown:  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Waiting to write the last chapter until after the movie was a good idea before Dec. 20th. At this rate, I'll probably have four different alternative endings altogether and probably just diverge into pick a plot at this point🤷🏾♀️. It's also pretty funny how some of the plot help back up my story now.


	12. The Seed of Love

Kylo strode down towards the quarters to retrieve Y/N. He entered knowing that she might still be getting ready, so he slowed his pace. The bedroom door was open but you were too preoccupied with your dilemma. 

You strained to get one of the many dress boxes that were stacked in the closet. Your fingers tickled the box forward as you concentrated on getting it without creating a mess. Your face lit up when you felt like you succeeded until you saw it began to float right past you. You turned with a pout. 

“I thought Dr. Hubbard said `no strenuous movements’?” Kylo questioned. 

“I had it.” You mumbled as you went to uncover the box. He watched you intently as you pulled out the dress. 

“You’re changing?” He asked. 

Y/N tutted and sighed. “I don’t know, the dress is comfortable but it’s so much.”

She made her way to the mirror and stared with furrowed brows. Kylo towered behind, as he too looked at your reflection in the mirror. The tropical smell of Y/N’s shampoo permeated off freshly washed curls that framed the fullness of your face so beautifully. The [pale yellow of the draping dress](https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&rct=j&q=&esrc=s&source=images&cd=&ved=2ahUKEwig7um-v-3mAhUl1VkKHZF3BgMQjRx6BAgBEAQ&url=https%3A%2F%2Fdiythegalaxyofstarwars.wordpress.com%2Ftag%2Fpadme-amidala%2F&psig=AOvVaw3YTnczFLFy1zVpXGCsPVwG&ust=1578349248265375) made you look so angelic, Kylo was in awe at your goddess-like appearance. 

“You look beautiful, Y/N.” He said softly; your dark eyes met him in the mirror just staring for a while before turning towards him. 

“You’ve changed your outfit.” 

Kylo looked down; he had switched out his black robes for a simple cloak and vest. He looked up to see you smiling. 

“You look nice.” 

A blush couldn’t help but form on his face as he immediately plunked his helmet on his head. 

“I think it’s time, you don’t want to be late do you.” His modified-voice made you laugh as you began to walk by his side.

“No, Commander,”

* * *

Lady Hubbard had poured her body and soul into this baby shower and it showed. Never had anyone seen so much pink aboard Starkiller or anything First Order before. You walked in completely in awe. The nurses who weren’t on schedule, wives of other high officials, and Lady Hubbard grew excited at the sight of you. 

“You look beautiful!” And other compliments poured out from them as they surrounded you. 

Kylo made his way towards the rest of the masked Knights who all stood out against the stark femininity that Lady Hubbard had incorporated for today. 

“Alright, our guest of honors are here!” 

Lady Hubbard placed a paper crown upon your head and clapped so the festivities could commence; Y/N settled into a spot between the girls and the Knights. Looking around a warmth spread throughout and how truly fortunate you were to have people that cared for you and your daughter so much. 

Dark eyes then fell onto the very familiar mask that loomed in the background. You sent Kylo a soft smile before your attention was being turned away. Kylo thanked the stars that the girls were all too preoccupied to notice, unfortunately, his Knights weren’t as all their mask was turned on him.

You were having such a great time with everyone, even as the faces began to change due to work shifts. New nurses and officers replaced the ones who left keeping the party still high on excitement. When it was time to open gifts you were gobsmacked at the abundance of pink, flowers, butterflies, and all things girly that was handed to you at a baby shower on Starkiller base. If Y/N was being honest, the brightest color you thought you could get away with was gray. 

“I got you a gift.” 

Hearing Kato’s modulated voice was something you weren’t used to, yet you could still his chipper tone. You smiled and watched him pull out a tiny black string with a small, lone tooth on it. 

“Oh, Kato that’s very nice of you.” You twirled the string. “But, I think you might have to wait some years to see it in use.”

“I know, that’s why I gave her one for good luck. Hopefully, it will look like mine.” Kato pulled his out, beaming with pride. Behind you, Lady Hubbard and the other women cringed. 

“Thank you, that’s really thoughtful of you.” 

It was some time before the shower was coming to an end, Kylo ordered the Knights to take the gifts back to the room before he escorted you back. Kylo observed you in this element, glowing in happiness and tranquility; it was something that was really rare but hoped it would happen more often. Before you left you thanked everyone who came and Lady Hubbard for putting everything together.

“I didn’t think this would at all be possible after everything. I just to thank you...and ask, if you and Dr. Hubbard would be her honorary grandparents.” 

The last word caused tears to fall as she rushed towards you. Her unsteady hands cradled your face as she said: “I guess I could say the same...I never thought this would happen after Madeline...thank you.” Tears pricked at your eyes, as well as others, as you hugged Lady Hubbard tightly. 

Kylo shifted uncomfortably as he waited for the two to finish before he could escort you back. He was glad the shower was over, it made him quite uncomfortable, but if you were happy he was satisfied. 

“Did you enjoy yourself?” Kylo’s mechanical voice rang out. 

Y/N nodded. 

“Can you take off your mask now?” 

Kylo found the question odd but did as you asked. You looked upon his face and smiled before facing forward. He huffed in amusement. 

“You think because it’s your baby shower you can get whatever you want?” 

“Well, you didn’t give me a gift, so I think it’s fair. You have a nice face to look at.” Kylo rolled his eyes as heat covered his neck and cheeks. 

“After this, you can’t call me out for staring when you purposefully ask me to take my mask off.”

The two walked down continuing playful teasing before getting to their quarters. 

“Honestly, you have quite the humor on you, Commander.” Y/N was walking ahead of Kylo and stopped at his door before turning to see him standing a few paces behind you. You sent him a quizzical look. 

“Don’t you want to see my gift?” 

His question made you narrow your eyes as you walked toward him. Stopping before the towering man, you looked at the door to your left. 

“I don’t remember this door being here.” 

“That’s because we don’t usually come this way.” The door slid open and Kylo let you walk in first. 

It looked like Kylo’s quarters, but it wasn’t. It had a comfortable couch and no fancy fireplace table, but from the looks of the bedroom, it did have the same bed. Kylo walked further into the living room near the wall across from you and pressed a button. The wall moved up revealing a full-window view of the snowy mountain expanse. You gasped in glee as you waddled over. 

“It’s just like the hall!” 

“I know,” he nodded. “I don’t think you’ll have enough time to get over there with the baby being around.” 

You turned to look up at him. “Wait...this is for me?” 

“It’s yours.” 

Another door slid open and you turned to see where it led. Kylo followed close by, nervous yet eager to see your reaction. And it was all worth it as you froze in the entrance with wide eyes.

The gray room was decorated in pink and navy with a rocking chair in one corner, the gifts in another, the crib, changing table, and a dresser. Walking in further you saw the books, figurines, and stormtrooper dolls that lined the shelves. 

“This was Phasma’s idea.” He pointed at the miniature-sized chrome trooper. 

You giggled as you opened the drawer to see pampers and navy onesies with pink First Order insignias. Pulling it out you saw your last name on the left breast in pink and you couldn’t help but smile. 

“For someone who didn’t want to get you maternal uniform, he was very insistent on making sure she had a uniform to separate her from others.” 

“Hux? No!” Y/N said, testing out the rocking chair. 

“He said ‘he’d rather a boy’, but he was very vocal on ‘if he had to have a daughter’.” Kylo rolled his eyes and you chuckled as he sat on the footrest across from you. “He also asked me for the name he could clear her profile.” 

“Clearance! Is Hux mad? She won’t be able to reach that thing let alone understand it.” They laughed at the craziness that was Hux. 

“Did you ever find the name he liked?” 

“Yeah, her name is Antheia...deam florum, blossom.” Y/N stood up and made her way to look in the crib. It was filled with various stuffed animals. 

“Each one is from the Knights,” Kylo told her. 

You looked at the pile, but one stood out. It was faded with bald patches and sewn back together, showing it definitely had been put through use with its previous owner. Turning the bantha plush around you saw the faded letters ‘B-E’ on the horn. You didn’t know why but this one was your favorite. Kylo felt your feelings rise as you held onto the plush. 

Slowly, he made his way behind you and basked in your emotions that were brought on by him. Makers, he’d do anything for you and Antheia. After spending all this time with you and reading his grandfather’s letters, he knew he could no longer ignore how deeply he truly felt for you. You were too wrapped up in looking at the crib to notice he was behind you. Fingers gently brushed against your chin to turn you slightly to see his hooded rich chocolate eyes pouring into yours. 

“Kylo…” you warned him breathlessly as his lips were dangerously close to yours. But your eyes shifted to something out of place. 

“What’s that?” Kylo cursed the end of the moment and turned to see the small, still counting digital countdown clock. 

“I used this for a lesson with the Knights to improve timing.” 

“That’s mean, Kylo. Using a lesson to do hard labor.”

Kylo chuckled as he took the clock. 

“But thank you, and the Knights, for all of this.” She looked around the room getting emotional. “We love it.”

* * *

The first night in your own apartment was strange. The reality of things began to sink in as you lie on the bed. When you pictured yourself at this stage in life, this wasn’t what you had in mind. You could feel your heart racing as your anxiety started to rise. There was no longer a countdown of months to your due date, it was in a matter of days and it scared of you. You couldn’t sleep as you felt your body was being stuck with pins and needles.

There was a knock on your door before it slid open. Sitting up, you watched as Kylo appeared in your doorway. His hair was wild as if he was trying to sleep; when your eyes glanced down you saw the familiar black and white checkered pattern under his arm. Y/N scooted up to turn on the light. 

“Can’t sleep?” He asked. 

“I have to get used to not listening to her heartbeat.” Shaking your head, you patted the space beside you.

The two played round after round of dejarik, sharing silly stories filling the room with laughter. 

“Soon, you’ll have to teach Antheia how to play.” You laughed. 

Kylo looked at your tired yet effervescent glow. You only had so much time left being pregnant, Kylo did his best to remember you like this. There’s never a day where he didn’t think you were beautiful, but he did enjoy the way pregnancy gave you plump features. 

“I would tell you to stop staring but I’m pretty positive this is the only time you’d see me like this.” Y/N chuckled. Kylo tried to hide his smirk as he started a new game. “Do you want to touch it before it’s gone?” 

“Touch what?” 

“The bump. I think you’re the only person that hasn’t touched it.” You began to think about everyone. 

“Who’s everyone?” 

“Troopers, officers, doctors, nurses, Phasma, the Knig –” 

“My Knights, when was this?” Kylo asked. 

“Every time they volunteered to escort.” 

Now it made sense when they fought to take you back.

“I thought you’d hate that,” Kylo said. 

“I do. I was just being nice. It won’t be here for long and I don’t know when someone else will be allowed to get pregnant.” 

His chocolate eyes tentatively looked at you before reaching out to touch your stomach. He could feel her moving within you. 

“She’s strong.” 

You rolled your eyes at his joke. 

“She doesn’t have the force.” 

He smirked as you flicked him. 

He was about to remove his hand when something unexpected happened. It was the feeling of something pushing back and when he removed his hand to see a protuberance. 

“Don’t look like that, that’s her little hand.” Y/N laughed at his face. 

“Is that good?” 

“Yeah, she probably likes you. She kicked Hux.” 

This made Kylo perk up. “I like you too.” 

Y/N enjoyed seeing Kylo relaxed and hoped this rapport would continue like this. 

“You know...if you ever can’t sleep, you’re always welcomed. I’ll be a mom, which means no sleep for the rest of my life.” 

“Thank you, but I don’t want to intrude.” 

“A lot of things are going to change and I would like some things to stay the same.” You spoke honestly. Kylo caught her eye right before she turned the blushing glance. There was something that he’d been meaning to ask since he accompanied you to your sonogram, that he didn’t know how to ask you. 

“Have you prepared everything needed?” 

Y/N nodded. 

“Yeah as much as I can. If everything goes to plan it should be fairly quick.” 

Kylo nodded. 

“And will Phasma be accompanying you like usual?” 

You shook your head no. His brows scrunched wondering who else would you want to be there. 

“Lady Hubbard?” 

And you shook your head once more. 

“No, I thought about it and I’d rather not have anyone because it doesn’t feel right.” 

He could feel how uncomfortable you were answering his question, but Kylo wanted to ask you this for so long and he was hoping you would’ve asked him. He understood this was a difficult situation he just didn’t want you to feel alone in this. Kylo was going away for a mission and just wanted everything to be alright.

* * *

But Y/N didn’t think about it like this. You just couldn’t stand to see someone else standing in the place where your fiancé and mother should be. Just the thought evoked so much emotion and being pregnant was already emotional, you tried your best to stay calm. Even as your water broke and contractions started up more frequently. You watched as droids and Dr. Hubbard began to fill the room. Time was approaching; you gulped feeling your throat thick with tears. You could hear Dr. Hubbard give out instructions, but you weren’t listening as doubt started creeping in. 

“Ok Y/N, just breath until I tell you to push.” 

Y/N nodded; sweat coated umber skin as hands reached out to the sides of the bed to push through the pain. Grunts escaped through gritted teeth while you pushing. The sweat collecting in the palm of your hand made it harder for you to hold on and you could feel the tears prick at your eye. You wished things were different, you wished you could’ve known you were pregnant before, you wished you never left Terra. 

Small sobs began to wrack through your body that blocked everything else out. Y/N squeezed tighter when you left hand held something softer. With blurry vision, you opened your eyes to see the raven waves framed the marble-carved face. Dark eyes looked down to see his larger hand engulfing your eyes. 

“Just a couple more!” Hubbard said. 

You squeezed his hand tightly and did with Hubbard said. Kylo’s grip was steady, keeping his eyes on you as you gave birth to a new life. The wails of your baby girl filled the room which caused Dr. Hubbard to smile. Y/N, who was now relaxed into her pillow, let silent tears fall. You promised yourself that she was your top priority and you had to make smart changes that would benefit her. 

The droid approached with your swaddled bundle of joy and laid her into your arms. Your heart began to swell as she slowly opened her eyes. 

“She looks just like him.” You bit your lip to keep you from crying. 

Meanwhile, Kylo watched in awe. He could feel all your pain and emotion that lead to this beautiful moment. You were always strong in his eyes, but this type of strength was different. It wasn’t just physical; vulnerability was something he only connected with weakness, but you made him see it in a different light. Dr. Hubbard stood to your side with watery eyes as he watched you gently stroke her cheek. 

“What did you decide to name her?” Hubbard asked. 

“Antheia,” you smiled at him. 

He smiled too.  “Antheia, flores florum deam, Goddess of Flowers.” 

“Antheia, Antheia Renee; after Kylo, her godfather, if you’d like to be.” 

It caught him by surprise. He couldn’t believe you thought so highly of him to trust him with your baby. 

“I’d…” He gulped words failing him, so he opted for a nod. 

“Would you like to hold her?” 

Kylo didn’t remember saying yes, but he didn’t remember saying no either, he just looked down and saw Antheia’s tiny form in his arms. 

“Support her head and neck,” 

Never has something so small felt so heavy in his arms. She squirmed a little and he tensed. 

“She’s just stretching.” 

Y/N reassured him pulling the blanket back a bit. Antheia’s little hand reached out just like she did many nights before; Kylo’s hand hovered over hers before holding it. A sigh left her lips and Y/N giggled, his eyes fell to you watching your baby girl with tears in your eyes. Strange emotions began to overwhelm Kylo that made him feel heavy and light-headed at the same time because of Y/N and Antheia. But then a familiar dull pain spread through the back of his mind. Swallowing his emotions, he handed her back to you. 

“Congratulations,” Kylo said. “I have to go now.” 

Before he could run off you caught his arm and tugged him gently to you. 

“Thank you,” full lips pressed against his cold, pale cheek before pulling back. “Be safe.”

* * *

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: If in 10+ years you meet a little black girl named Antheia Renee, it's mine. She's my child. After writing the chapters I have contracted baby fever. I never wanted a girl and now I want two daughters. Hopefully, my fiance doesn't die and I don't fall for some emotionally damaged dude. 
> 
> I also realized I could end the series here regardless of all the chapters already written. It's a sweet ending, don't you think?


	13. Grandfather’s Plan

Phasma sat on your couch in her armor wear, holding two-month-old Antheia in her arms. 

“Wow,” was the only thing that came from her mouth as blue eyes roamed. Y/N chuckled as she made her way around her kitchen. “This is incredible.” 

“It’s been months, Phasma.” You closed the oven door. 

“I can’t get over how beautiful she is, Y/N, you’re really good at this!” 

“Um, thanks, I guess?” A chuckle escaped your lips. “But I wasn’t alone in that. I think she looks like her father.” 

Phasma looked at you and back down at the baby who was captured by her warped reflection in the silver armor. 

“I’m serious Y/N, Antheia is perfect. Your genes are perfect, you could start a new race. We could all get one.” Phasma said in a serious tone. 

“That sounds a lot like a breeder. You can always borrow her, she is your goddaughter.” You said while busying yourself in the kitchen. 

“You should have one with Hux.” 

You fumbled with the spoon that was still in your hand from her words. 

“It would have to be a son; his height, your skin, his hair, your smarts, his eyes, Hux would be annoyingly smug.” Phasma groaned and you couldn’t help but laugh at her misery. “Or Ren; stars, that would be one good looking kid no matter what gender it would be beautiful, as long as they have your temperament.” 

Phasma’s attention was turned back to the small person yawning her tired head off. 

“But not as cute as you. Being cute is tiring, yes it is.” 

Witnessing the Captain of the First Order baby-talk was laughable, it would be funnier if her mask was still on. 

“I don’t know which one is funnier, you and your baby talk or Hux’s awkwardness.” 

“Hux’s awkwardness,” both said in tandem before laughing. Phasma got up and walked toward where you were taking the first batch of cookies out of the oven and the blonde peered over. 

“What are you making?” 

“Cookies!” You smiled. 

“I hope you’ve made enough, the Knights of Ren are complete beast after these long hauls. Chocolate is Ren’s favorite.” 

“Alright, Phasma,” you rolled your eyes. 

“How is Ren anyway?” 

Y/N shrugged her shoulders trying to quickly dismiss what Phasma was getting at. 

“I don’t know, we haven’t talked.” 

“He’s probably missing you.” 

“So he misses me, I miss him, we used to live together, nothing unbelievable.” The last sentence rambled a little longer than she wanted. Phasma’s eyes lit up at your reply. 

“A couple of months ago, you would’ve bludgeoned me with that pan.”

Phasma’s hand maniacally stroked the top of Antheia’s head. Dark eyes were falling on your friend. 

“Please do not pet my daughter, thank you. You’re so dramatic, plus I was pregnant, I think that’s a perfectly good excuse.” You chuckled plating the cookies.

“You’re going to have a full house of Knights, I should let you two rest up before entertaining them.” Phasma placed Antheia in the propped pillow before coming over to you. “Goodbye, hope it’s everything you’ve dreamed of.”

“Urgh, creep.” Y/N shoved Phasma’s helmet in her hand and let her friend out.

There was some good time before your bell was ringing. “Coming!” Making sure Antheia was ok, you leaped from the couch to answer the door. When it slid open, all of them were huddled with a smiling Kato standing in front. 

“Hi, guys, welcome back!” 

Kato was quick to hug you as the others just slid by. 

“We’ve all missed you so much, congratulations.” 

“Thank you, Kato. You guys just have to wash your hands before you handle her.” 

You told them as they all managed to fit their hands in your kitchen sink. You walked back to handle the antsy Antheia, who seemed to be upset that she wasn’t apart of the crowd. The Knights now stood in front of you and something seemed off. Shaking it off you asked: “Who wants to go first?” Kato eagerly stepped forward. 

If the Knights weren’t engaging in Antheia, they were eating all the cookies. You giggled as the ever stoic Kane closely examined the little tike who continuously tried to grab at his long blue locks. 

You could only imagine how bad Kylo would be. Speaking of Kylo; “Where’s your Master?” 

They looked at Kato, who then looked at you. 

“It was a very taxing time, I think he’s just resting before he sees you.”

The Knights had promised they wouldn’t tell you about Snoke, even if they didn’t know what was said between their superiors. 

“Oh ok, I just wanted to know so I could save him some cookies.” You said wrapping up a few, but the Knights knew you didn’t ask because of cookies. 

It seemed like hours had passed before Antheia and the Knights were growing tired. 

“Alright, it was nice seeing you guys. Don’t forget to visit us.” 

Using the baby’s hand you sent them a little wave as they left. Looking around, you were thankful there was no mess; looking down, you saw a sleeping baby and you thanked the stars it wouldn’t be another night of fighting her to sleep. Quietly, you went to place her down in the crib before going to get yourself a glass of water.

“OH!” 

Y/N jumped at the sight of Kylo silently standing in the middle of your living room. Your hand was pressed against your chest as you caught your breath. 

“You scared me.” She whispered, looking back into the room. 

Kylo just gulped as he opened his dry mouth. 

“I’m sorry, if you wanted to see Antheia, she’s sleep. And she’s a bit hard to put down, so I’d rather not wake her up.” You told him honestly. 

“I didn’t come to see her. I came to talk to you.” 

Y/N paused in her tracks on the way to the kitchen. There was something...different about him. 

“Oh...ok,” pouring yourself a glass of water, you offered him some. 

He accepted as he sat down on one of the stools at the island counter. Looking around, he noticed the more homey improvements she had made to her quarters. Settling the glass in front of him, she turned back to the fridge.

“Are you hungry? Well, it’s not food food, but it’s something.” 

Kylo looked up at her and nodded. 

The plate thudded against the counter and he glanced to see a bowl of fried ice cream and a few chocolate chip cookies on the side. He stared openly at the snacks; it seemed impossible how you could make things harder yet easier than it was. 

“I hope you like them.” 

You said softly taking a seat next to him. The silence and the way he stared had you feeling insecure about your actions. But, after one cautious bite he slipped into indulgence scarfing down the items as if he hadn't eaten in weeks. 

“I take that as you liked it.” You sipped your water. 

You tried to keep your eyes off of him but you couldn’t help but notice his dwindling appearance; his hair was straggly, dull skin, beaten-down shoulders, and fatigue in his eyes. What Kato told you previously resonated with you. You couldn’t help but wonder what had happened after he just up and left two months ago. 

When he was finished, he guzzled down the glass of water as you just pondered what happened. 

“Do you want some more?” He nodded, so you went to give him more. “You said you wanted to talk to me?” 

Kylo turned to look at you when you handed him his glass. His brows twitched into a furrow at the sense of you trying to hide your worriment for him. How could you care so much despite him being the person he was, the person he was sure to become. As you sat next to him, you watched emotion and conflict wrestle in copper eyes. 

“Kylo?” 

“I’m sorry,” he sighed, head falling. 

“It’s ok,” you reached out to touch his hand. But, it wasn’t ok and that’s why he had to do this. This was too much and you could tell. “Look, it’s snowing.” 

Kylo looked up to see you staring out at the large window. 

“I’ve sat by this window every night and there was nothing. No snow, no blizzard, or even a moon!” Dark eyes flashed to his.

“Like old times?” Nodding towards the couch placed in front of the window. 

Y/N hopped off the stool and reached out your hand. The glow from the whipping snow behind you cast you in soft light in the dim area. Just like you noticed the difference, he noticed some too. Your dark curly hair was in a smaller fro just above your shoulder, tired yet happy eyes, and all the weight seemed to fall off into the right places. A rough hand engulfed yours to lead him over. 

“Sorry, I stay out here sometime until I fall asleep.” 

You quickly moved the blush blanket to allow him space. He sat down, balancing the glass on his knee. Settling onto the couch, the two sat silently in their respective corners. The sound of the rustling snow roared as they just stared. It was calming, just like the many times they ventured to the empty hall.

Kylo missed being here with you. He missed seeing your face and hearing her voice. He missed you. 

But he had to stop; his conversation with Snoke played over and over again. At one point he could see Snoke right in front of him. 

~‘_Why do you think you deserve any prize for being a monster. She doesn’t care and she’ll leave just like everybody else...if you don’t push her away like everybody else._’~ 

His body trembled in anger, accidentally knocking the glass to the floor. The loud shatter jolted Y/N from the sleep you didn’t know she had fallen into. Before a reaction could happen, the cries from the baby’s room rang out. 

“I’m sorry, this is going to be a while. I’ll clean it up. We can talk tomorrow.” 

You said quickly before fleeing into the room. Using the force, he picked up all the shards and disposed of them himself. Before he left he stole a glance of Y/N softly rocking the baby in your arms as you sat in the rocking chair. He could feel how tired you were and how bad you wish she had stayed asleep, but you didn’t mind as long as it was because of Antheia.

* * *

A heavy sigh left from full lips as Kylo found himself yet again in deep conversation with his grandfather’s mask. 

“I’ve asked you to guide me and it seems your advice made it worse.” 

Gloved hands rubbed at his temples. 

“This argument that ‘the ways of the universe placed her in my life and only that can take her away’, doesn’t justify the fact that he knows and he is powerful enough to create and end life just in one hand!” He exclaimed. 

How could his grandfather be so naive!

“And why shouldn’t I tell her, she has every right to know!” 

Kylo abruptly stood up and stormed out, quickly entering your room to halt before your bedroom. There you were, sleepy eyes staring at a sleeping Antheia by your side. Eyes glanced up at him and smiled. 

“Shh, she’s sleeping,” Y/N beckoned him inside the quiet room. “This is the longest she’s ever slept. I wonder what she’s dreaming?” You looked at him once more. “Do you think you can see what’s going on?” 

“I’d rather not, it could be painful for adults,” Kylo told you before observing you yawn. “You should rest. I’ll come back later.” 

“I can’t, I just can’t stop watching her.” Y/N smiled down at her daughter. “She’s getting bigger every day and it just amazes me. Plus, you said you wanted to talk?” 

Kylo’s mouth went dry again as his mind went racing. 

“Yes, just,” 

Turning on his heels he made his way to the kitchen pouring himself a tall glass of water and gulped it down, not once but twice. And then once more for good luck. When he was finally ready, he entered the room to seem an unexpected pair of eyes looking up at him. Light snores fell from your lips, but Antheia’s bobbing head was steady on Kylo.

He froze, unsure of what to do. 

Taking a step back, he watched a pout was pull down on her little lips. Another step was taken and a cry began to break out. Kylo didn’t know what to do; he didn’t want to wake you knowing you have been trying to get some sleep for months. 

With caution, Kylo timidly walked over to the baby and picked her up. He remembers you told him to support her head, so he moved his hand underneath. She cried still and his brows furrowed. Kylo moved them into the living room to sit on the couch. He remembered last night watching you rock the baby, so he imitated and thankfully she stopped. A pout was still on her lips as wide teary hazel eyes looked up at him. 

These sleep spells were coming at such random times. You couldn’t wait for her to get a real sleep pattern. Opening your eyes, panic set in. 

Where was Antheia? Did she roll off the bed? Was this a dream?

You shot up, ran straight to the living room, and stopped in your tracks. Kylo was too busy holding a stare with the two-month-old, he didn’t see Y/N sit beside him. 

“You know if you get tired holding her you can put her on your lap.”  Both Kylo and Antheia turned because of the sound of your voice.  “You had me worried there. But, I can see that she's in good hands.” 

“I didn’t want to wake you. You looked so tired.” Kylo spoke honestly. 

“Thank you, I appreciated that very much.” 

Kylo turned back to look at the now cooing baby. 

You chuckled, “She’s talking to you.” 

A confused Kylo turned your way.

“She’s talking to you, talk back. It’s stimulating.” 

“But what do I say?” 

“Anything, she can’t respond nor does she have any idea what we are talking about. Babies understand tones and expressions, look,” Y/N smiled at her daughter. “I think someone needs their diaper changed. You smell terrible.” 

Antheia began to smile and wave her arms at her mommy. He didn’t even realize the smell until you said and he pulled his face back from the baby. 

“I can take her.” 

Easily scooping her up, you sauntered to the nursery. 

“You wanted to talk to me, is it still a good time?” 

Kylo followed behind you and watching you from the doorway. 

“I…” You looked so happy and the way Antheia looked at you, he couldn’t ruin that. He bit his tongue and cursed his grandfather. “Just wanted to apologize for leaving abruptly.” 

“It’s ok, Kylo.” 

Your smile dropped when you looked at him. There was something that he still wasn’t telling you. 

“Kylo, are you alright?” 

He opened his mouth only for Antheia to start fussing again. 

“She’s hungry, I’m sorry Kylo, can we continue this later? I feel so horrible for not being able to talk to you.” Y/N apologized. 

Kylo nodded before letting himself and heading straight to his grandfather’s mask where he plopped in front of it. 

“Happy?”

* * *

A scheduled fire drill was set for tonight. Kylo knew it would be around the time that you would usually try to get sleep. Entering the dark and peaceful quarters, he walked straight to your bedroom. He looked upon your face and was brought back to the times they shared in his quarters. You looked so peaceful with your face squished against your pillow. A glimmer hit his eyes through the mask. Kylo didn’t even realize you had put your ring back on your finger. He wondered if you even still kept the chain although you no longer needed it. 

“Christus! We are going to have to start setting rules if you keep sneaking in like this.” You whispered turning on the bedside lamp. “What are you doing here?” 

“There’s a fire drill in a―” 

“That thing is tonight?” She wiped the sleep from her eyes. 

“Yes, and I’m here to take the two of you to the hangar.” 

A deep sigh rang out before Y/N was throwing on a sweater and slipping on her boots. Kylo waited in the living room as you want into the nursery. “Oh, no, no, none of that. Shhh.” He heard her hushed tone as Antheia voiced her discomfort of being moved.

Phasma stood next to Y/N fawning over her sleeping goddaughter as Kylo stood near Hux as he watched the woman. 

“Could you stare any harder?” Hux commented. 

Rolling his eyes under the mask, he turned to the ginger. 

“How about you focus on keeping a short speech this time, so they can get some rest.” 

“My, my, you are taking this whole god ‘father’ thing a little to serious, Ren. If only you did the same with your position here.” 

Kylo wanted to fling him across the hangar but that would most likely scare you and Antheia who would wail for the rest of the night. Five minutes later, the alarm went off and all workers on this side of Starkiller began to fill in. You had to admit, it was cool seeing all the troopers uniformly lined up from your direction. Of course, Kylo had you with the terrifying triumvirate, right behind him with Phasma next to you.

It was about ten minutes into Hux’s unnecessarily long speech, that a small sneeze slipped through Antheia’s lips. 

“Bless you,” you whispered. 

Seconds later, a slightly louder sneeze had Phasma chiming in. You had to get her out of here; her blanket, hat, and your sweater wasn’t enough to keep her warm. 

The third sneeze shook through the poor baby’s body who stared in bewilderment at what had just happened. 

“Bless you,” 

The words echoed in the hangar from the microphone as Hux just froze. 

The response was reflexive as he said it as if it was apart of his speech. Slowly he turned to look at you only to be met with Ren’s menacing mask. It was best that he ended his speech there and dismiss everyone. You held back not wanting to be in the loud, congested halls. When you deemed it fine you began to walk off until your name was being called. It was Kylo wanting you to wait for him. He quickly quarreled with Hux before he was finding a place by your side. 

The walk back to the quarters were even longer, now that you were tired. Kylo noticed how your head pressed against the wall of the elevator as you rested your eyes. The doors opened and Kylo let you out first. Soft steps were taken towards your door. A gloved hand pressed against your back noticing your swaying gait. 

Using the force, he opened the doors to your quarters and helped guide you inside the darkness. But it seems you had done this many times before. Y/N one-handedly move the covers and pillows to place the sleeping baby in the middle, before turning back to him. 

“Stay,” you motioned for Kylo to take the other side of the bed. A surge ran through his body as his brain resisted. 

He hesitated before taking a step further. In the corner of the room, he slipped off his boots, gloves, robe, and tunic, before getting in the bed carefully not to wake Antheia. You were patting her back when you saw the blushing man’s brown eyes fall on you. 

“You know,” you whispered. “You can tell me anything right?” 

“I wish I could.” His eyes fell to the motion of your hand. 

“Or you can tell me nothing at all...but we’ll be here for you. I hope you know that.” 

We’ll be here for you. It hit Kylo’s heart deeper than he thought you could already do. Maybe his grandfather was onto something. His grandfather never got the chance to finish what he started, but maybe he wasn’t talking about ruling the galaxy.

  
  



	14. GBG (Galaxy’s Best Godfather)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Kylo Ren, Commander of the First Order, Master of the Knights of Ren, Godfather of Antheia

“Kylo, thank you so, so much.” 

Y/N used one hand to pull the maskless Kylo in as the other hand supported the baby. 

“I would’ve gotten a droid but I knew you were right next door and I just need a quick shower. She pooped on me and I don’t think I can wait until she falls asleep.” 

You didn’t even give him a chance to answer as you dragged him to the couch and plopped Antheia beside him. 

“She should be good, just you know, make sure she doesn’t fall. She likes to move.” 

Kylo watched as you haphazardly placed an assortment of colorful toys before Antheia.

“Or you guys can go to the floor.” 

You moved Antheia for a brief second before placing her back and taking a few toys off. 

“Ok, I’ll just make it quick.” 

Y/N disappeared into the bedroom, leaving two sets of large eyes staring at one another. 

Antheia, who was now able to sit up on her own, reached out for the red ball that rolled towards Kylo. He rolled it back and she looked up at him with dark hazel eyes sparkling at the new game he had unintentionally started. Once she got the ball back, she rolled it back to Kylo; he played along as she quickly pushed it back to him giddily. She got too excited and leaped forward for the ball, but fell on her side causing her to roll off the couch. 

Kylo’s heart dropped as he used the force to blanket the fall. Antheia laid on the floor gnawing at the ball unaware of the fate of the situation her godfather saved her from. Maybe the floor wasn’t a bad idea. Kylo watched as the baby slobbered all over the plastic before her eyes fell on him. Forgotten was the ball as she rolled on her belly and crawled over to him. Chubby hands tugged on his robes to help support her up on two legs to stare at the man before her. Kylo slid off the couch so that now they were face to face. 

You would constantly say your daughter looked like her father and now he could see it. It was the eyes. Although they both had hazel, Antheia’s were darker, but the shape was there. She was a few shades lighter than you which complemented her dark brown curls that wildly surrounded her head. Little hands were placed on his shoulder as they continued to observe one another. 

“Abababagabah!” Antheia’s voice rang out. “Abawabubba.” She was talking to him. 

“Ok,” He said awkwardly. “I’m Kylo Ren, Commander of the First Order and Master of the Knights of Ren, your godfather.” 

She replied back in her baby language. 

“I’m guessing you are introducing yourself. It is nice to meet you, but I’ve known you for quite a while.” 

Antheia’s attention quickly turned to the long, flowing black tresses that framed her godfather’s face; she grabbed them and immediately stuffed it in her mouth. 

“I don’t...I don’t think that’s going to taste that great.” Kylo tried pulling it away from her but she had quite the strength. 

He jerked his head causing her to lose balance and fall. Kylo stilled not knowing if she would cry, but when she proved him wrong he relaxed as she still persisted to get up again. Little hands failed to grip onto the couch, so he decided to use the force to help her out. Antheia’s large eyes twinkled as she believed she had finally accomplished what she was trying to do. Multiple exciting squeals slipped through her gummy smile that could be heard from the other room. Y/N wondered what was all the commotion as the blast doors opened.

“OH MY G―” You couldn’t believe you were witnessing your baby standing. “KYLO GET TH―” 

And just like that, she plopped down. 

“Oh my g―did you see? Kylo, did you see that?” 

Kylo was very confused as to why you were emotional over a baby standing. 

“Yes, I used the force to help her stand.” His answer killed the whole vibe as Y/N marched over to hit his arm. 

“Why would you do that to me?!” 

“What did I do?” 

“I thought she was standing by herself, you know? Possibly taking her first steps.” You went to sit by Antheia and pull her in your lap. 

“I apologize, she was struggling to get up,” Kylo told you. 

“It’s ok, it’s just, my maternity leave is almost up and I don’t want to miss anything.” 

Y/N brushed the wild curls out of her daughter’s face who began to snack on her favorite red ball. 

“Don’t go back.” He shrugged. 

“I can’t not go back, it’s my job. Plus, I’m very thankful for the time I was given. I would’ve been back to work months ago if I was still on Terra.”

Although he hid it well, Kylo watched in slight disgust as drool covered the red ball and cascaded onto your hands wrapped around the baby.

“Is she hungry?” Noting Antheia’s savage attack on the inanimate object. 

“She’s teething.” You laughed. “Her teeth are coming in and this keeps her from being crabby.”

“Isn’t she a little young?” He asked. 

“Eh, not really; each baby is different. Some progress earlier than others. That’s why I got so crazy when I thought she was walking.” Y/N smiled. “I think she’s really advanced for her age. Look,” you placed Antheia in between you and Kylo. 

“Where’s Antheia? Where’s Antheia?” 

You sang and she began to pat her chunky legs as she got excited. 

“Antheia, where’s mommy?” 

Antheia quickly crawled to you and was welcomed with a plethora of kisses. 

“Now where’s Kylo, Antheia?” 

Rolling off your lap she crawled to him. Antheia looked up at him with that same gummy smile and felt the left side of his face tick as he suppressed his adoration before telling Y/N: “I’m not saying she isn’t? It’s just that I was the last one.” 

You rolled your eyes and booed him. Kylo placed Antheia back between them. 

“Mommy,” Kylo pointed to you and Antheia did the same. 

“Kylo,” he pointed to the baby and her brows furrowed before pointing back at him. 

“Gabugh.” 

“No, I’m Antheia.” 

He told her and serious babbles rolled off her tongue. You chuckled at her serious face. 

“You’re Kylo.” He told her once more. 

“Gabugh!” She shouted before she began getting loud with sparse brows set in a deep furrow, catching Kylo by surprise. 

“She’s very smart for her age.” He chuckled in disbelief that a baby had bested him. 

“What do you expect she is my child.” You couldn’t help but proudly smirk.

* * *

Putting Antheia’s feet in her pajamas, your datapad buzzed alerting you that Kylo was at the door. The door slid open revealing Antheia and Y/N smiling up at him. 

“And what do we owe the pleasure?” Kylo followed behind as you walked into the living room. 

“I―” Kylo started before the baby was reaching her arms out to Kylo. 

“Aw, you want to go to your godfather?” Y/N cooed as she approached him. He tensed before clearing his throat. 

“I got her this.”

Kylo kneeled starting what appeared to be a hoverboard. 

“What’s that?” You asked. 

“It’s supposedly the best and safest walker out there.” 

You couldn’t help the smile that appeared on your face as you placed her inside and knelt beside him. 

“Kylo!” 

He turned to see twinkling eyes on him before they turned to the baby. 

“Do you see what your godfather got you, Blossom?” 

Antheia began to jump in excitement and flail her arms. A timid smile appeared on his blushing face as Y/N doted on him and Antheia approved. 

“Watch her real quick, I’m going to take a picture.” He nodded turning back to observe his goddaughter. Y/N returned with the datapad in hand. “Urgh, it’s hot,” 

He didn’t mean to watch you as you stripped off a layer of clothing, but the gleam from around your neck caught his attention. His heart began to stammer at the realization you were wearing his necklace. Now that he thought about it, every time he saw you, you were always wearing a sweater with a high collar. Unlike now, that you were wearing the low cut tank top that was now being pulled up to cover your cleavage. Mahogany eyes cut to your onyx ones before turning back to Antheia. 

“Alright, smile, you two.” 

Antheia did as told and Kylo just looked at you with soft eyes. 

“Ok, now what do we say?” You lifted her out of the walker as Kylo stood beside you. 

“Thank you, Kylo.” Y/N smiled before hugging him. Long arms wrapped around her and gentle enough not to squish Antheia before little pats were placed on his shoulder from Antheia’s little hug.

* * *

MDI-0215:  What are you doing?

Com. Ren:  Nothing of importance. What are you doing?

MDI-0215:  Nothing of importance or ignoring the General’s meeting ?

Com. Ren:  How do you know I’m in a meeting? Are you tracking me Dr. L/N?

MDI-0215:  You forget that many moons ago, I too was there ignoring the General’s meeting.

MDI-0215:  Can he see you ? Are you using the force or are you hiding under the table?

Com. Ren:  The Commander of the First Order does not hide under the table. And you never answered my question.

MDI-0215:  Sorry Commander; I’m running away from your goddaughter. As of now, I’m icing my leg that she insists on running into. If she keeps doing this I’m chucking her out the window.

Com. Ren:  Seems a little harsh.

MDI-0215:  Maybe you should try it. It’s all fun and games until someone gets hurt.

Com. Ren:  Fair; bring her down to the training arena at the regular time.

MDI-0215:  Copy that and pay attention. Can’t have you getting hurt because you were talking to some girl.

* * *

The Knights stood before Kylo with a bored expression wondering why he was keeping them here. Kylo saw the time and wondered what could be keeping you. A baby was much work, but he was pretty sure he had given you enough time to get ready. The doors slid open revealing an aggravated Y/N, with a baby in one arm and the walker in the other. 

“You will not believe all the things I had to go through to get here.” You walked over to the group. “Antheia is not cleared to leave the residential unit, therefore we set off a security threat. Then I had to be escorted to Hux on the bridge to ask for her to be cleared to come here. Only for Phasma to enter and every time Antheia sees Phasma in armor she gets all excited and Phasma’s no help as she encourages it. So now, Antheia is restricted from the bridge due to public disruption.” 

Like mother, like daughter. 

“Woah, banned from the bridge?” Shiro awed “None of us are even banned from the bridge!” Haru high-fived his brother. “Totally bad-ass” 

“Well, I’m glad you think that.” Y/N set the walker down and placed Antheia down. “Go, be free. Hit other people’s knees.” 

Antheia slowly tottered toward the towering Knights who matched her inquisitive stare. 

“Y/N has something to ask you all.” Kylo’s voice boomed and the Knights gave him their undivided attention. 

“I just want to say thank you, you guys have always been really nice to me, and now Antheia.” 

Nervously twiddling your fingers, you turned to Kylo for some encouragement. 

“And I was hoping that you guys would be open to being her honorary cousins. We don’t have a family here and I don’t want her to miss out. Plus, you guys are too cool not to be cousins.” 

That should’ve been enough to stroke their ego. 

“Of course!” Kato beamed. “We’ll be there for you.” 

Kato told you before kneeling and cupping the baby’s chubby cheeks. 

“And you too, little one.” 

Antheia smiled revealing the slight white that hid beneath her gums. 

“Ha, she’s getting teeth!” Kato smiled. 

“Yeah,” Y/N laughed. 

After accepting their new position, the Knights got to know their rambunctious baby cousin by chasing her around the arena. Kylo and Y/N sat on the side benches just observing. 

“Thanks for giving my leg a rest.” 

“Whenever you need it, just let me know. They seemed to have underestimated the raw energy of a child.” Kylo joked. 

“If this is a way of enrolling in Knights daycare, then I might have to take you up on that.” You laughed. 

“If you need a break, I...the Knights will be more than happy to entertain her.” His eyes feel to the speeding walker that chased after Shiro. 

“Thanks but I’m trying to enjoy every moment with her before I go back. Plus, I’m still weaning her off and pumping is uncomfortable.” Y/N told him. “That’s why they look so much bigger. I saw you looking at my chest the other day.”

A smirk appeared on your lips as you Kylo stiffened as if he was about to croak. 

“I-I, it wasn’t li ―I just sa―” ramblings sputtered from his lips. 

“It’s alright, just teasing.” A pat on his thigh had him fidgeting in his spot.

Throughout the sea of Knights, Antheia could be seen slowing down and nodding off every so often. 

“Look,” you pointed at your daughter who was off in the corner asleep. The pair slipped off the bench and made their way to retrieve her. You got caught up with the Knights who shared their opinions about your daughter, which left Kylo to stand before the sleeping tot. 

With furrowed brows, he contemplated picking her up; he didn’t want to rouse her but the crooked position her head was in couldn’t be comfortable. He looked back at Y/N who laughed at one of the Knight's stories. His hands stretched out to gently take her and lay her on his chest. At that moment Y/N’s eyes saw Kylo holding Antheia with his gaze washing over her to make sure she was alright. 

“Excuse me, but I have to make sure we get back to not wake the sleeping dragon.” 

You bid adieu to the Knights as you went to retrieve the walker. Kylo nodded a dismissal for the group before falling into step beside you.

With their backs pressed against the wall, they rode silently in the elevators. A small grin graced your lips as you looked at your daughter whose body had gone limp from exhaustion. Your fingers brushed against her cheek and whispered: “That was a really good plan.” 

He watched you look up at him sweetly. Kylo couldn’t help the bashful look that set upon his face; everything felt soft around him from the love that oozed out of you. It was as if there was a blanket wrapping around the three of them and he wanted nothing but to be swaddled in it.

* * *

When they entered your quarters, he was instructed to lay Antheia on the changing table. Gently, he placed the baby who began to stir as the adults watched with bated breath. Once it seemed like she had relaxed Y/N went to work changing her. Kylo stood back observing the nursery he helped put together. There were tiny additions and alterations that he noticed as he looked around the dim room. 

Turning, his eyes fell on something he’d never seen. His hand touched the rhodium frame that held the picture of Y/N and her fiancé; his arms were wrapped around you as you both wore wide smiles. Could you ever be this happy again? His hand fell to the side as you made your way to place Antheia in the crib. You draped the blanket over her before they exited the room. 

“Thank you for today. You’re really good with her.” Y/N said to Kylo.

His hand raked through his jet black waves as he shook his head. 

“I just try to follow what I see you do.” 

“Well if that’s the case you’re a great student.” 

His eyes shot up to see you giggling at him. It was an odd thing to hear that caused delight to spread in his chest; how rare the phrase was that was dispersed throughout his old memories. Something that was once cherished in his boyhood with great promise that taunted him now. 

“No, but really,” Y/N placed a hand on his arm as you peered up at him. “You’re the best.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: Sorry for making you guys wait, school started, you know how that goes. But thank you to everyone reading, liking, commenting, bookmarking, and subscribing. It means a lot since this was the first idea I ever had and will be my last series. For anybody that follows my other works, I'll try to finish the other ones before this one is over.
> 
> I also strangely delved into a rabbit hole googling about walkers only to find out they're trying to discontinue them. I mean I was in a walker and I'm pretty good at walking just clumsy. What they need to discontinue are the chest carriers those are death and torture traps, just saying. I don't care how cute dads look with them.


	15. Pulchra Durmiens

Thick vegetation laid slain before Kylo as he cut through the depths of the forest. He was growing increasingly frustrated as the Knights of Ren made their way through Mimban’s jungles. It was hot, humid, and the air was disgustingly moist. He stopped, ripping off his mask only to realize it’s hotter here than in the mask. Kylo turned to see his Knights doing the same with drenched hair sticking to their skin. 

“Master, I think we should take a break before advancing to the temple,” Kane said. 

“No, once we get there we rest.” 

With his helmet under his arm, Kylo slashed through more foliage with his lightsaber. He gritted his teeth as it seemed the further he went the thicker it got. Kane rolled his eyes as he went along with the rest of the group that followed Kylo. 

Kylo hated this place, he hated the stale air and hated these sudden mishaps that have been happening since he stepped onto this forsaken planet. Explicits ran through his mind continuing further without even paying attention as they walked above wet rocks. The rubber sole of his left boot failed him as it made contact with the slick rock causing him to slip. It happened so fast, no one could stop it. With a thwack, Kylo groaned as his head made contact with the ground. He reached up to check if he was bleeding and burgundy liquid clung to his leather gloves. 

“Fuck,” he closed his eyes and deeply exhaled.

* * *

The mission was successful as they retrieved whatever they were looking for. His ‘injury’ had them quickly rushing back to Starkiller so Kylo could properly fix him up. A pissy look was permanent on his face as the droid patch him up. Fingers rapped at the door and Kylo was ready to force slam them until he realized it was you. 

“You’re back earlier than expected.” You leaned against the door. 

“How’d you know I was here?” 

“I was told that my supervisor was here.” Y/N began to saunter over to him. “More like ordered; something about you not doing too well in medical settings.” 

Kylo’s eyes roamed your body noticing how the lab coat tried its best to hide your new curves but failed. 

“It’s nothing, I just slipped.” He brushed off as he watched you softly trace the ridges on his helmet that was off to the side. 

“Did the helmet not work?” You asked. 

“I didn’t have it on.” 

Your eyes cut to him. 

“Then what’s the point?” 

A serious stare was held between both of them before Kylo cracked and laughed. Like anything contagious, you laughed too. His hand waved off the droid as he stood up from his spot. Standing next to you, he never realized how much taller he was. 

“What are you doing here?” 

Craning up to see hooded deep brown eyes, you curled your arms around the helmet and held it tight. 

“I thought I could use you to get out of work early.” 

A smirk was painted on pink lips as he huffed in amusement. “And?” 

“And what?” 

“What was your plan?” He asked. 

“Well...since you’re not able to wear the mask. I can create a diversion so you can slip off without anyone seeing you.” Y/N told him. 

“Or we can just use the private elevator.” Kylo began to walk and you followed with his helmet in hand. 

“I didn’t know this was here.” 

“That’s the point of private.” His teasing was returned with your narrowed eyes on him. “Who’s watching Antheia since you’ve returned.” 

“The 9A-NY droid.” You told him. 

The ride was quicker than usual and in no time, the door to your quarters was sliding open to reveal Antheia busy with her toys. 

“Antheia! Mommy’s home!” You sang and she turned wearing the biggest smile on her face as she crawled toward you. Y/N met her halfway before picking her up. “I missed you.” Kylo watched from the side as you covered her face in kisses as the little tot laughed. “And look who I brought!” 

The two pairs of eyes were now facing Kylo. His arms accepted his goddaughter who’s hands wasted no time going straight to Kylos hair. Y/N put away the droid and turned to see an uncomfortable Kylo being tugged by the locks. 

“Kylo don’t let her do that to you.” Y/N gently tugged at Antheia’s dark brown coils gaining a confused look from her daughter. “You don’t like that do you? Then don’t do it to others.” 

Antheia was in disbelief at being scolded. Kylo watched as her little bottom lip jutted out into a pout as her cheeks sagged down. Hazel eyes grew wider as her demeanor shifted from her usual playful self. She nuzzled into her godfather’s chest; he felt bad for getting her in trouble, so he stealthily put a small strand into her little hand.

“Would you like to join us for dinner?” You asked. 

Kylo looked down and thought it wouldn’t be so bad having dinner all together. “Ok,” he moved them to the couch and Antheia sat right up under him. You finished putting in the order and immediately heard the buzzer of your door. With furrowed brows, you were surprised to see the Knights. Opening the door, the Knights walked in. 

“I think some people are here to check on you, Kylo.” Y/N said as Kylo stood before his Knights.

“Renee,” Kane said. “We came to see Renee, not Ren.” 

Kylo was taken aback as he looked back at Antheia who was looking at him. He slowly sat down while Kato, Shiro, and Haru were quick to act silly to make Antheia laugh. 

“We bought her something,” Kane revealed and revealed a small pink-flowered pot. “You told us on your home planet, Antheia is the name of the Goddess of flowers.” 

Antheia reached up, babbling for her gift. 

“Yes; look, Blossom, isn’t this beautiful?” Y/N spoke to her daughter. “It’s beautiful you guys, but I don’t know if she can be around this. She might be allergic.” 

“No worry, it’s fake Mother Ren.” Zara’s words caused you to freeze. 

“Um,” you looked back trying to see if Kylo would step in. “That’s very sweet but Mother Ren, I don’t think that will go down well with Kylo’s future wife.” 

“She won’t mind.” The soft voice of Mira was clear as day had a perplexed Kylo staring at her. Did she just talk? Mira never talked. Looking around it seemed no one had heard. 

“We didn’t mean to; it’s just you are very close to us and her middle name is Renee.” Kato sighed. 

“I understand, I just don’t think I should bear that title. Plus, I’m pretty sure Kylo is the only one to bestow that title.” You picked up Antheia and handed her the little plant. 

“Kylo, won’t mind either.” A malign smirk was etched into canary skin. Abrupt moves were taken as Kylo jumped and thundered towards her. 

Confusion set in as he found himself walking straight into your room. He turned back to see the closed door as if he walked right through her. Pain surged through his head causing him to clutch at his skull. 

“Aargh!”

He fell upon your bed with his fingers digging into his scalp. Knocks sounded from the other side of the door. 

“Kylo?” Your soft-question hit his ears. “Kylo, are you alright?” There was a pause before you continued. “Your dinner is in the oven when you’re ready.” 

Heavy breathing filled the room that spun around him and blackened.

There was some time that passed by before he felt softness caressing his face as a breath slipped from his parted lips. A soft hum danced into his ears that caused eyes to open to your serene face. Chestnut fingers traced his skin, observing every aspect of it. 

“Pulchra Durmiens,” 

“What?” He groggily asked. 

“Pulchra Durmiens, sleeping beauty; there was a story on Terra about a princess who slept and was awoken by a kiss.” Y/N told him. “You’re like that. Pale, luscious hair sprawled out, beautiful.” 

“Beautiful?” He questioned. 

“I mean handsome.” 

You diverted your eyes. Pale fingers wrapped around your wrist and brought it to his lips. He sat up looking at you from beneath hooded eyes as you peered up from your lashes. 

“Where’s Antheia?” 

“Sleeping,” you replied. 

Lips were quickly hooked to yours as hands pulled you against his chest. His tongue swiped along your honey lips and you were melting into him. 

“This is what you want.” 

Kylo pulled back to see Mira standing to the side. 

“Mira, what are you doing here?!” 

“Showing you what you desire.” 

She pointed to Y/N who was unaware of the young woman beside her. 

“How can you even talk?” Kylo questioned. “Snoke cut your tongue out.” 

“Indeed, but with the state you're in I was able to penetrate your shield?” 

“My state?” His brows furrowed. 

“When you slipped, you were knocked out.” 

“Is that why she can’t hear you?” 

His eyes fell to Y/N who sat idly in front of him. A sinister smirk appeared on Mira’s face as she brushed your hair. 

“Wonderful, isn’t she? So sad what happens.” 

Kylo’s eyes flickered to anger as a deep scowl set in. 

“What happens? WHAT HAPPENS?!” He towered over Mira as her maniacal laugh was the last thing he saw.

* * *

Fluorescent light hit his heavy eyes causing him to awaken. Blinking through blurry vision, he took in the sight of the private medbay room. The beeping of the machinery and dripping of IV echoed in the annoyingly quiet room. Kylo needed to get out of here. The sound of babbles had Kylo straining to turn his head as a groaned slipped. Y/N turned to see that he was no longer sleeping and made your way over to his bedside. 

“How are you feeling?” Y/N sat on the bed with Antheia on your lap. 

“I slipped and was knocked out.” 

His reply amused you as you nodded in agreement. 

“Yeah, you were.” Kylo noticed your casual appearance. 

“You didn’t return to work?” 

“This is probably ill-fitting, but thank you; your injury brought me more time. I was told you don’t do well in medical settings.” You said as Antheia played with your fingers. 

His eyes fell to the baby as he reached out for her socked feet. Chubby hands reached out to gnaw on his fingers. 

“Antheia!” You removed his hands from her slobbering mouth. “What did we say about this? Cannibalism only when necessary.” 

Kylo chuckled at your joke that flew over the baby’s head. 

“You’ve been cleared and we are here to take you home. They just wanted you to rest up. They said you were dehydrated mainly.” Y/N told him. “We will be waiting outside when you’re ready.” 

Picking up Antheia, Kylo watched as they made their way out. As he fixed himself, his mind couldn’t help but revert to what Mira had said. What was going to happen? He wondered why did Mira show him that; Snoke purposefully cut out her tongue because of her gift of sight and yet she shows him in a dream. Kylo stood before the door with anxiety crawling up his spine. The love between mother and daughter permeated through the door and it made him tense. Opening the door, he walked toward you. 

“What’s your plan on getting me out? Creating a diversion with Antheia?” He whispered. 

A quizzical look was sent his way; maybe the slip caused some damage. 

“Or we can take the private elevator.” Y/N pointed to it. 

“How...how do you know about that?”

“It’s what we take when she has her check-ups. She’s restricted from a lot more areas than you know.” 

You nuzzled your nose into your baby’s plump cheeks. Kylo stood beside you as the elevator quickly took you to your floor. All of this felt eerily familiar, yet different as he entered your quarters. 

“Are you hungry?” Y/N asked. “This is around the time we eat, would you like to join us?” 

His eyes cut between yours and Antheia’s matching expression showing the dimple on their right cheek, who waited for his reply. 

“Yes,” Kylo nodded. “Whatever you like.” 

“Ok,” 

Y/N smiled as Antheia began stretching out towards her godfather. Kylo accepted her as Y/N went to retrieve her datapad. Before Antheia could even reach up Kylo caught her hands. 

“I’m sorry little flower, you don’t understand but I'm saving you.” He moved them to sit on the couch just as Y/N walked.

“I’m trying to get back into cooking but you ca―” 

You paused as your eyes fell upon Kylo and Antheia comfortably snuggled up against each other. The corner of your lips tugged up just when the sound of your buzzer went off. 

“It’s the Knights,” 

Kylo said as you went to answer it and sure enough, he was right. 

“Yes, I think some people are here to s―” 

Y/N was cut off by Kylo who balanced the tot on his knee. 

“Renee, not Ren, right Kane? You have something for her?” 

Kane nodded and revealed a small pink-flowered pot. 

“You told us on your home planet, Antheia is the name of the Goddess of flowers.” 

Antheia reached up, babbling for her gift. 

“Yes; look, Blossom, isn’t this beautiful?” Y/N spoke to her daughter. “It’s beautiful you guys, but I don’t know if she can be ar―” 

“It’s safe, it’s not real,” Kylo told you. You nodded and let Kane give her the plant.

Kylo’s brows furrowed as he realized what he just prevented. Brown eyes locked with Mira who stared back. There was no expression, no hint of knowing what had occurred in his dream. He tried going into her mind and was immediately blocked. Another buzz from the door alerted Y/N that their food had arrived. The Knights began to collect themselves as the droid wheeled your plates. 

“It was nice seeing you all again.” Y/N said as Kylo stood behind the group trying to rush them out. 

Mira was the last out and noticed the droid setting a second full plate down. She turned to look at Kylo with violet eyes that glinted in awareness. The door slid closed before Kylo could do anything leaving just the three of them, once again, in the privacy of your own quarters. 

Antheia’s high chair was settled at the head of the table between Kylo and Y/N. 

Between bites, his eyes couldn’t help but observe their interaction. It was so easy to get lost in how natural their mother-daughter relationship was; how you doted on the jolly baby who’s face seemed to gain more food than her stomach as she babbled on happily at the silly things Y/N did to get her to eat. You wouldn’t think that these two were living on a military base of the most ruthless order. They seemed to live in a bubble of a perfect world with an almost-perfect family. There was only one thing that was missing and he seemed to be the one trying to fill the void. 

Maybe that’s what Mira was trying to show him.

He wanted to be here, having a seat at the table every night for dinner. Returning to see Y/N greeting him after every mission and Antheia reaching out for him. That’s why it was so easy for him to be afraid of what Mira said. What would happen to you? Kylo easily remembered the way he handled the mishap in the lab. 

He sucked in a breath not being able to think of what could happen to you now with Antheia here, or to Antheia, or to both of you. Dizziness settled in and the items of the room appeared out of depth. 

“Kylo?” Your soft-question hit his ears. “Kylo, are you alright?” Y/N took in his wobbly state. “Why don’t you lay down in my room. I’ll put your dinner in the oven when you’re ready.” 

You moved by his side to help him make it to your bed. He settled horizontally across the bed with heavy breathing filling the room that spun around him and blackened.

There was some time that passed by before he felt softness caressing his face as a breath slipped from his parted lips. A soft hum danced into his ears that caused eyes to open to your serene face. Chestnut fingers traced his skin, observing every aspect of it. 

“Pulchra Durmiens,” 

Kylo couldn’t stop his heart from beating faster as his mind reverted back to the dream and what this moment led to. 

“What?” 

His question was an involuntary response that had you replying. 

“Pulchra Durmiens, sle―” 

“Sleeping Beauty,” 

A smile surfaced on your lips. “Yeah, how’d you know?” 

“I’ve heard it before.” Kylo shrugged. 

You thought he fit the description; the way his raven locks sprawled around him with his marbled features littered with beauty marks. And the peaceful expression he held on his face, he really was a sleeping beauty. 

“Antheia’s sleeping.” 

You nodded at his statement as your fingers still tickled at his skin. Kylo held his breath as his fingers wrapped around your wrist slowly, slightly brushing his lips against it. Kylo went to sit up only to moan in pain from his head. 

“Don’t get up,” you pressed your hands against his chest. “Just go back to sleep and rest.” Kylo closed his eyes and sighed as he felt your lips press a kiss to his forehead.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: The next chapter will be posted on March 8th because I have exams and it's my birthday weekend, so I'll either be studying or drinking. Enjoy your lives, rereading, or checking out other work💜


	16. Something There

Your heart stammered rapidly against your ribs as you held Antheia in your arms. The door slid open to reveal a masked Kylo waiting for you. 

“Are you ready?” 

“No,” you said as the two made their way down the hall. 

“You remember the plan?” Y/N asked him. 

“Get you out as quickly as possible, even if you stiffen up, fold you in half.” Kylo nodded. 

It was Kylo who had to knock on the door as you clutched to Antheia’s sleeping form. Lady Hubbard was quick to answer with a smile. 

“Good Morning, come in,” her whispered words beckoned for you to cautiously walk in and settle on the couch. Shrugging off the diaper bag, you began to tell her everything that was in the bag and Antheia’s usual schedule. Antheia began to stir and your breath caught in your throat. Lady Hubbard was quick to scoop her up and lull her back to sleep. “If you want to video call, I had Thomas teach me how.” Lady Hubbard said. 

Y/N nodded due to not being able to find the words to speak. A gloved hand reached for your arm alerting that you needed to go. You nodded once more before following Kylo out. 

As the pair rode the elevator in silence, Kylo could see the tears that welled in your eyes as you did your best to soothe your emotions. They had arrived at their floor destination but the doors didn’t open. You looked toward Kylo, who gave you his back. From his end, he could hear brief cries, sniffles, and the rustling of clothing. 

“I’m good,” you sniffled. He turned to see your well put together look with only your eyes showing a hint of sadness.

Hux stood off to the side as he and Phasma conversed. Everyone began to file in for the start of the meeting. The two bringing up the rear caused him and Phasma to watch and observe. Kylo loomed closely behind Y/N like a large threatening shadow to warn others. You shyly greeted everybody who welcomed you back. Before you could make it to your regular seat, Kylo was forcing an officer near to give up his chair to you. Of course, you didn’t know this as it was sent through the force but Kylo was offering the newly opened seat near his. 

“Makers, it’s worse than I thought,” Hux said. 

“Until he starts speaking for both of them, then we could worry.” Phasma’s mask tilted. “I think it’s nice. He’s been balanced, more or less, he and the Knights are not bothering you as much. So far public enemy number one seems to be your niece.” 

Hux rolled his eyes at this topic. 

“I can’t believe you put her on a threat list.” 

“She is a threat, she’s a baby. It’s a big concern to have that around this.” Hux pointed to Phasma’s blaster. 

“You never know, she might be a sharpshooter like her godmother,” Phasma told him before walking off. Another eye roll was given before he started the meeting.

You didn’t miss these meetings at all. The only good thing about it was that you needed your datapad for notes and sometimes you’d occasionally look at the photos of Antheia. 

“There will be two scientists from our destroyers attending the mission to collect samples and I would like our own, Dr. L/N to lead.” Hux’s words caused you to quickly fall from your daydream. 

“Uh...yes, thank you, General. For how long?” 

“If you would’ve been listening you would’ve heard the full rundown of it.” 

All eyes were on you and you couldn’t help but feel tears prick your eyes. Curse your hormonal emotions. 

“Apologies, General, but collecting samples and setting up a post don’t require the same amount of time.” 

“She’s right,” that was a good comeback and Kylo’s confirmation sealed it. 

The ginger-haired man clenched his jaw as he looked at Phasma who he knew was smirking under that mask. 

“It would save on how many troopers we send out,” Phasma told him. 

“The Knights and I will go with her,” Kylo spoke up.

“Fine. I’ll revise and send out a memo. Meeting dismissed.”

* * *

Hux sat in his office across Phasma waiting for her response with his idea. 

“Honestly Hux, I never thought I’d see the day you’d help Ren.” She said. 

“I’m not helping anyone, I’m helping the Order.” 

“Of course you are! Sending Ren and Y/N away for a week. Just. Them.” 

Hux cringed at her assumption. 

“It’s not just THEM, it’s them, troops, Knights, and other scientists.” 

Hux said before his office door slid open revealing the man he was dreading. Heavy boots echoed as he stood by the seated Phasma. Green eyes fell on both the masked figures; how he was envious of the way they could hide. 

“Ren, I was revising the mission in response to your subordinate’s request. I found that a week of sampling should suffice.” Hux told him. 

“And why are you telling me?” 

“Because...we know how much she values you. To hear it from you won’t cause too much back and forth.” Hux said. 

“So you’re asking me to persuade her? I guess your power only goes so far.” 

Leather-clad hands squeaked from Hux’s clenching fists.

Phasma knew where this was going and refused to be caught between yet another ‘display of power’ between the two. 

“We know how hard it will be for Y/N to separate from Antheia for so long, especially so soon. You’re closer to her than anyone on the base, you would definitely know how to soften the blow.” Phasma did her best to convince him. “Plus it’s a week of just you two, like before.” 

His helmet tilted showing that she needed to further persuade him and his obliviousness. 

“A week is a long time for her, I can only imagine how today must’ve felt. But you were there for her, just like you would be on the mission. Not to mention her first time in the field, she would need someone to show her the ropes and be a face of familiarity...I mean mask.”

Hux wasn’t the one for prayer, but for maker’s sake, he prayed this would work because he did not want to spend the rest of his night revising a simple mission because of a child. Kylo stood silently, before looking at Hux. 

“I’ll talk to her.”

* * *

After a long day, you collected Antheia and snuggled with the little person who missed you just as much as you missed them. You heard the door slide open but didn’t need to look back to know who it was. With no helmet, Kylo came into view with something to say but you beat him to the punch. 

“You have to talk to Hux.” 

“I just finished with him,” Kylo told you. 

“Please tell me he lessened the mission.” Y/N bounced Antheia on her lap. 

“He’s giving you a week.” 

“A week? No Kylo a week is too long for her.” 

Kylo looked at the baby who was too busy playing with her sock before he sighed. Sitting beside you on the couch, he listened to you plead your case. 

“I looked over the area, it doesn’t have much. Their ecosystem is similar to other tropical planets. Plus you only plan to cover less than 5% of the planet. It honestly makes no sense for me to be gone in a week.” Y/N explained. “I’ve already researched the other scientist, they each specialize in different fields and we can all categorize everything.” 

He was listening, but it saddened him that you wanted to cut spending a week with him short. It’s not like you were aware of what Phasma said, but it didn’t stop Kylo from feeling as if you didn’t want to be with him. 

“Kylo, did you hear me?” Your question pulled him out of his head and he was asking you to repeat it again. “I said two days, do you think you can get him down to two days for me, please?” 

Onyx eyes glistened in their doe-like state, while Antheia began to seriously babble at him. Great, now she had something to say. 

“I’ll do my best.” Kylo nodded. 

“Thank you, Kylo.” 

You smiled a sigh of relief as you squeezed his hand. A tingling sensation prickled throughout his hand accompanied by a blush. Removing himself from the couch he quickly put on his helmet. 

“I’ll let you know by later tonight.” As promised, right after bath time:

Com. Ren:  Three days, two nights.

MDI-0215:  Deal.

* * *

There were weeks until the mission, so Y/N made sure her plan was solid to prove that three days were more than enough. So when the day came, like any other day, you dropped Antheia off with Lady Hubbard and was on your way. Just like on your first day back, Kylo went to accompany you to your destination, this time from the elevator to the hangar.

Com. Ren:  How was it?

MDI-0215:  Easier than the first time, surprisingly. I think it’s you.

Com. Ren:  Me? Do tell.

The door slid open as the message went through causing the masked figure completely stunned by you. Kylo had seen the black field uniform on plenty but his eyes were definitely noticing things he’d never seen before. The mandated black bodysuit, that served as one layer had reflective stripes that dipped and darted along and across the curvature of your body; the shield guards that padded your torso appeared as a mercenary’s corset that pushed your chest up, along with the boots that made your legs look longer and made you closer to his height. You looked...dangerous. 

“I don’t understand why I have to wear all of this. I’m just picking berries.” Y/N tugged at the gloves. “And it’s cold, you think all this guard wear would do something.” 

Your eyes fell to Kylo who just stared silently with that emotionless mask. 

“Commander?” 

The use of his title caused him to snap out of it. He didn’t even realize they were in a public zone where many people went to and fro the hangar. It was a very busy spot and many people were going to see you walk the full length clad in body-hugging attire. His fingers were quick to unlatch his cape and wrap it around you, immediately swamped by the thick fabric seeing you were nowhere near his build. 

“Thanks, Kylo,” you shyly whispered. 

A grunt cackled through his vocoder as he started to walk past you. He wondered if you genuinely knew what you were doing to him and if so, was it on purpose? But you couldn’t have. Not with how your thoughts swarmed about how his cape smelled faintly like him, how warm it made you feel, and the image of you just bundling yourself in it for a nap.

Phasma was busy tending to some technicians and was too busy to miss the entrance of the head Knight and what appeared to be his counterpart. 

“And I thought it couldn’t get worse.” 

The mumbled breathing of Hux reached Phasma causing her to see what he was rambling about; even she wasn’t prepared for the sight. 

“I think my conversation might’ve influenced more than we thought.” 

A shaky sigh slipped Hux’s lips as a curt glance was given to his silver friend. 

“If anything happens on this mission, I’m blaming you.” Hux snarled. 

“Blaming me? I don’t think I can tell them what to do or not do. I think you’re afraid of gaining another niece or nephew since you’re doing a terrible job with the first one.” Phasma pointed out. “You have to admit, together, they bring about some type of soft power that could be used to advantage.” 

The pair had finally made their way to Hux and Phasma was round of greeting by rank was thrown around before Hux was giving you your instructions. 

“Copy, General,” you nodded before heading off. 

“L/N,” Hux called out. “If you need more time, please don’t hesitate.” 

A slick smile was sent your way that made you want to punch his chest in. 

“Only if necessary,” Y/N smiled before walking away. 

The two dreadful masked superiors turned to Hux. 

“That was uncalled for,” Phasma spoke up as Ren just stared him down. 

Green eyes rolled before looking at his foe. 

“You should be going as well, I believe you have some protection to do.” 

A smirk was apparent on the ginger’s face as Kylo was left to make a dramatic exit sans cape to the shuttle. Hux huffed in amusement at the force user's failure but he wouldn’t have the last laugh. Just before you went to board the Command shuttle you watched Kylo intimidatingly stomp his way towards you only for the loud banging of Hux colliding with the floor to take your attention. 

“Is he ok?” A gasp left your lips as you pondered about Hux’s condition. 

“He’ll recover,” Kylo stated entering the shuttle.

* * *

People watched as the Knights of Ren marched down the ramp of the Command Shuttle with a helmetless woman in tow. It didn’t take long to recognize your station; approaching your fellow scientist you greeted them with a shy yet eager smile. 

“Hi, I’m Dr. Y/N L/N, the epidemiologist at Starkiller.” 

“Nice to meet you, I’m Dr. Ron Coffert, botanist on the Dominion.” The tall auburn-haired man shook your head. 

“I’m Dr. Esther Li, entomologist; Dominion as well.” The young white-haired woman greeted you next. 

Dr. Coffert’s blue eyes looked you up and down noticing your attire. 

“I didn’t know Starkiller gave out capes.” He said. 

“Oh...they don’t. It was cold and I just…” 

Your mind went blank as you removed the cape. It was Dr. Li’s turn to comment on your appearance. 

“Your guards are supposed to be on the inside you know?” 

You took in a sharped-breath knowing what they were trying to do. You had already searched into their background to know they put in years for the First Order and many expeditions, yet they could never land a huge promotion to locate them on the base working with multiple units as you did.

“Yes, but I was informed by others that they rub against your skin and sweating in high temperatures can cause a rash. Not to mention the uncomfortable living conditions we might have to endure.” You replied. Dr. Li subtly twitched as she shifted her guard that was underneath her bodysuit. Clapping your hands together you started to get on with the expedition. “Now that we are acquainted we can begin with our work. I’ve already sent out the memo so it should be fairly easy to jump straight in since we only have three da ―” 

“Why do we only have three days?” Dr. Coffert rudely cut you off. “We’ve never had such a short time.” 

“Well after researching the area and comparing it to other planets there are many similar―” 

“Have you ever been on an expedition before?” He asked. 

“Yes, many back on my home planet, Terra, has many sites.” 

“Terra?” It was now Dr. Li’s turn to interrogate. “Terra? You’re one of the specially handpicked people the General picked?” She moved closer. “Do you know the one that got pregnant?” 

“What?” Your eyes widened in disbelief. 

“Everyone keeps talking about her. I mean it’s died down, it’s been months, but still. At first, it was assumed she was a spouse but then it was like she was a worker in the medbay, but only medical doctors work there.” 

The disbelief of your life spreading throughout the Order caused your mouth to dry. There were no words that could express how you were feeling or even what you wanted to say. But the force seemed to be on your side as five looming shadows presented themselves behind you. Fear shined through the two doctors' eyes as their Commander, Kylo Ren stood stoically by your side. 

“Commander, sir,” they said in unison. 

He looked at them and then to you. 

“Doctor,” 

“Commander,” You looked at him before turning back. “These are the Knights of Ren and will be our protection as we venture out. I’ve assigned you all pairs.” 

You couldn’t help the glee that bubbled within you as you watched the sweat beads began to swell on their brows. If only you could see the proud look Kylo was giving you right now under his mask. 

“Dr. Li, you’ll be with Mira and Zara. And Dr. Coffert, you have Shiro and Haru.” 

Y/N desperately wanted to give the latter Kane to scare him into oblivion, but the twins' annoying mischievous attitudes would have to do. 

“Oh excuse me, sorry I’m late.” 

You turned to see a short young-man craning to look up to you and the last two Knights left, Kane and Kylo. 

“My name is Officer Grof Mills. I was a last-minute entry to be part of the expedition.” He said shyly. You couldn’t help the sweet smile that formed on your lips. 

“It’s ok, I’m Dr. L/N, the epidemiologist, what’s your specialty?” 

“Zoology...I mean, I’m working on it. I just have a great appreciation for creatures, especially avian species.” Officer Mills' brown eyes glinted. 

Now you felt terrible because who could you pair this sweet boy up with; Kato wasn’t here and he would’ve been perfect. Y/N looked up at Kylo, who looked down at her before looking at Kane. It was now your turn to look at Kane only to look back at the officer, who just looked at the strange interaction of the masked men and the doctor. 

“Officer, I’m pairing you with Kane. He could be great for reaching things.” You tried to look on the bright side using their height difference. You watched them walk off with a worried face. 

“Use your head to tell Kane to be gentle with him.” 

“Gentle?” Kylo questioned. 

“Yes, he’s nervous and he seems so sweet.” 

“You care for this person?” Kylo scoffed. 

“I mean, this is all daunting, ok? Not everyone is lucky enough to have a mask.” You snapped and before you could even walk away you were frozen in place. Narrowed eyes were sent maliciously at the cause of this trick. 

“Let me go.” You said quickly. 

Kylo towered over you as you felt a prick of pain in your head. 

“They said something to you,” Kylo said. “And it bothered you. Not you letting someone get to you.” 

“Yeah, well things change.” 

He released you from his hold just in time for you to shove his cape back and walking away, but not before Kylo noticed the glossy look in her eyes.

It was a strenuous workday as the Knights led the protection unit for your group. It wasn’t just the constant whispers from Dr. Li and Dr. Coffert, but the stubborn cold shoulder you were giving to and receiving from Kylo. Now as night was upon them, the two separate groups huddled to enjoy their dinner. Well, the scientists did as Dr. Coffert pointed out the observation that these Knights had yet to remove their mask. 

“They’re just private people.” You said. 

“People or androids? I bet they hardly sleep!” He joked. 

Y/N just rolled her eyes as she finished up her rations. 

“I don’t even know why they are here. Aren’t troopers enough?” Dr. Li quipped.

“I’m pretty sure the Knights of Ren are better than trooper escorts.” Officer Mills mumbled. 

Dr. Li side-eyed him before Dr. Coffert was speaking up: “I don’t see troopers inappropriately abusing power and joking around.” 

You suppress a smirk, satisfied that the twins had annoyed him well.

“What’s so funny?” 

You snapped up to see all eyes on you. 

“I know you don’t like them either.” Dr. Coffert stated. “It’s obvious that you were upset about being stuck with the Commander.” 

Y/N shifted uncomfortably. 

“Starkiller must be hell. I can only imagine. I’ve dealt with the General, but both he and the Commander plus the Knights must be hell.” Dr. Li groaned.

“It isn’t that bad. You do your work, you continue with life.” You shrugged. 

“You're just being diplomatic.” Dr. Coffert and Dr. Li went on and on bad-mouthing Kylo and the Knights; it was irritating. They didn’t know anything about them and the fact that they kept pushing you to say something was annoying. If you were being honest, you were surprised none of the Knights were flinging them into the line of trees. “I mean I guess they must be nice to let someone keep their baby. It’s probably one of theirs.” 

And this is what got you. 

“Maybe when you guys get promoted to Starkiller, you can tell me how it is.” Throwing away your garbage, you marched over to the lone fire in the middle of the camp. 

Heels dug dirt back and forth as you tried to keep your emotions from showing. But it was hard when your chest heaved with anger and eyes stung with tears. You were like that for a good while until black was settling in your periphery. 

“I just want to be alone.” You mumbled. 

“You can’t be alone with nine other people here.” His monotonous joke rang through his vocoder. 

Y/N shot him a look, really wanting to say something, but decided it wasn’t worth it. So instead, you continued digging your heels. Kylo took a deep breath knowing that you were upset and seemed to only get worse. He inhaled as a small voice told him to talk to you. 

“Why are you upset?” 

“I’m no―” A groan rumbled through your lips as you rolled your eyes. “It’s nothing, I’m just tired of these stupid emotions and being sensitive to everything.” 

With gritted teeth, you dug even further into the ground. 

“That’s why you snapped earlier.” 

Your eyes turned to look at him. 

“You looked inside my head.” 

“Because you were taking your anger out on me.” 

“You were being rude.” You retorted. 

“Rude?” He scoffed. 

“Yes, with that scoff; insinuating I have no idea what I’m doing.” 

Now Kylo was confused and getting upset about what you were going on about. 

“I fail to see how you got that impression.” 

Rolling your eyes you went to stand up, but immediately sat down. 

“Commander,” you said with a clenched jaw. “Release. Me.” 

“You will sit here and talk.”

“Let me go.” Your voice started to shake because you wanted to yell at him so bad. 

“I will not until you do what I say.” 

Tears began to well in your eyes as the silence began to settle in the background; you were sure people were beginning to eavesdrop on your conversation. 

The hum from the red saber echoed in your ear as you turned to see Kylo in a defensive stance, turning to see a group of snarling Acinonyx stalking towards you all. They approached closer to the others as the Knights formed around the helpless group of scientists. 

“Kill them,” Dr. Coffert said. 

“No, don’t, don’t do that.” Officer Mills said. 

“Don’t kill them.” You whispered as you sat still. 

“What do you mean? Do you have a death wish?!” Dr. Coffert exclaimed. 

“They’re protective, not cold-blooded killers,” Mills spoke up. 

He was right they weren’t; the alpha of the group headed straight towards as you went back and forth with Kylo in your head to get him to stand down. Kylo was one snap away from breaking its neck before it began to sniff you; all the other Acinonyxs noticed and did the same with Kylo and the Knights. The large Acinonyx laid across your feet and gently laid her head in your lap. 

“They’re maternal creatures. They can smell Antheia.” You took a look at the one curled next to Kylo and even the other Knights. “They can smell her on all of us.” 

Retracting the weapon, Kylo stood dumbfounded. Officer Mills had known this and you were pretty sure he would out you being the face to the rumors. Standing up, you immediately trudged to your tent with the alpha Acinonyx in tow and stood guard as you went inside. You were upset and missed Antheia; you just really wanted to be alone right now.

Kylo waited until the rest of the scientist before retreating to your shared tent. His Acinonyx followed and laid beside yours outside. In the corner, he saw Y/N curled up in the corner. Removing his mask, he could see your shakes more visible. A frown settled upon his face as he laid a hand on your shoulder; you stilled, turning so he could see your reddened eyes. You watched as he sat on his sleeping bag waiting for you, so you wiped your eyes and sat up. Before you could even speak Kylo was talking. 

“I don’t like seeing you like this. I never liked when you cry. Your emotions overwhelm me and your actions brought back memories that I try to repress.” You were taken aback by his honesty, even if it was confusing. “I just want to know what happened today?” 

You twisted uncomfortably in your position before you softly answered. 

“Those doctors, they’ve just been sizing me up and trying to undermine me. Questioning all my decisions; I know they’re just trying to intimidate me. That’s not it, it’s just,” You bit your trembling lip. “I knew me keeping Antheia would be talked about, I just didn’t know it would be spread. To other stations, it’s just a rumor, but it’s different when the rumor is about you.” 

Y/N gulped. 

“I’m not ashamed or ungrateful about having her but the way they talked and twisted what happened just made me want to burrow myself in a hole. They just sat there talking, joking, and insinuating things, unintentionally mocking me. And I let my emotions get the best of me.” A tear slipped down your cheek. “Before Antheia, rumors wouldn’t even phase me. But, it’s not just me they’re talking about, it’s her and I want to protect her.” 

You wiped away the tears that rushed out of your ducts. 

“After having Antheia, it was so hard. I was just so disappointed about what I have done; it’s not fair that she has to suffer because of my choices. I know I shouldn’t care about others, but I feel so alone, and this trip is making me feel worse.” 

You hid your face in your hands. 

“I feel so stupid crying in front of you.”

He was speechless as he watched you breakdown in front of him. He felt disgusted, he felt pity, he felt upset, he felt hurt, he felt protective, but most of all he understood. 

“I know the feeling.” 

His words caused you to lookup. He gulped trying to carefully word his story. 

“Before I joined the Order, I attended a Jedi temple.” He told you. “People talked about me, even before I got there, there were already whispers. And it seemed to get worse as I got older. Because of my lineage, I was already branded ‘tainted’ therefore, I started to believe it. I tried to ignore it, but when left alone to my own devices, I couldn’t help but realize that I’ve been perceived that way before the temple.” 

Kylo licked his lips. 

“I remember the looks I used to get when I was little and the whispers I heard when I used to get upset, the arguments between my parents, wary interactions between other children, the scared look on mother’s face when I lost control of my powers one time. It’s when they abandoned all hope in me.” Glossy chocolate eyes stared into the corner of the tent, pass you. “My parents told me ‘going to the temple would be good for me, meeting kids like me’, but that couldn’t be far from the truth. They knew it and I knew it; no matter what I did, I seemed to destroy everything.” 

The fiery night at the temple resonated through his brain.

The sobs that wracked through your body had Kylo reverting back to reality. He was confused as to why this had hurt you even more. 

As a mother, you just couldn’t listen to this without thinking about how children perceive things differently from adults. You understood what his parents were trying to do, but as a child, he didn’t. 

“As a mother, I NEVER want her to feel that there’s something wrong with her because of what I did. And as a child you don’t see things the way as adults, it could be confusing because they don’t know.” 

Kylo watched as you crawled over to sit before him. He looked upon your tear-stained face before you were wrapping your arms around him. 

“It wasn't your fault. It wasn’t you,” you mumbled into his neck. Kylo’s arms dropped to the side, feeling paralyzed at your statement.

You pulled back only to be shocked to see they were no longer in the tent; they sat under a large shade tree. Obsidian eyes marveled at the bright blaze of flaming flowers, swirling clouds in violet haze over fields of amber grain as the colors changed to soft hues. 

“Where...where are we?” 

You asked turning to see a quivering Kylo with tears threatening to spill. As soon as you release your breath, he crumbled before you. Kylo was doubled over as his cries rang through the air. Without hesitation, arms were wrapping around to hold him. It was at this moment that you understood where you were. It was his safe space and he was trusting you to be in it. There were so many layers to Kylo, that even you think even he didn’t understand the complexities within himself. So sometimes, when it became too much, he would retreat here.

Time moves differently within the confines of the mind than in reality; you were confused when you pulled back from what appeared to be the hug from before. Y/N’s head throbbed, with squinting eyes from the heavy migraine that beat against your skull. Kylo watched a shaky hand reach your temple before he was guiding you to lie down. 

He knew this would have some effect on you, seeing as you weren’t force-sensitive, so he tried not to leave you in there for too long. 

Kylo gently laid beside you as his eyes took in your exhausted figure. Gloveless fingers pushed back the strays out of your face as he just stared, wondering. What would’ve happened if he had met you earlier? At the temple or even before. Would it still be how it is now or would you be like the others? Could you have helped him? Could things have been different? Or would he have destroyed you like he did everything else? A whimper left your lips; a pout tugged on his lips as he thought you were the only good to come out of this terrible situation.

* * *

Morning came and you stirred from the deep sleep. You must’ve cried yourself to sleep last night, you didn’t remember anything but the weird dream with Kylo. You prepared yourself for the day and took a deep breath. You refused to let anyone get to you today. You earned your spot fair and square. Emerging from the tent, you only saw the Knights sans helmet, noticing the Acinonyx were gone. They all nodded and it was Kylo who walked up to you. 

“How are you feeling?” 

“Better,” you stared up into rich eyes trying to figure if that was really a dream. There was a feeling that just felt it was pulling you to him and you didn’t know why. 

“Are you okay?” He asked. 

“Yeah,” 

He nodded before placing his helmet on his head. 

“Good morning, Dr. L/N,” Officer Mills' voice caused you to turn to see the others lagging behind him. 

“Good Morning, glad everyone is up; we are heading a little farther out, so we’ll be leaving a few minutes after breakfast.” You said. 

“Why are we leaving later? Wouldn’t it be smarter to leave straight after or eat when we get there.” Dr. Li piped up. 

“I don’t mind leaving you behind if you can’t keep up because of fatigue, I’m pretty sure the Knights would be more than happy to stay with you.” Y/N looked to the Knights, who in their masked glory, shook their head no. 

“Dr. Li?” You turned back to her. 

“Copy, Doctor.” 

“Dr. Coffert?” You looked at the man who always had something to say. He shook his head. 

“Very well, breakfast will be fifteen-minute max.” 

The scurrying of footsteps was all you heard as you turned back to Commander Ren. 

“You’d leave them behind?” The amusement was clear in Kylo’s voice. “And have one of us clean up the dirty work?” 

You shrugged with a smirk. 

“If I have to,” 

Kylo’s eyes followed as you sauntered off; maybe the name Mother Ren wasn’t too far off.

After breakfast, the whole group ventured off to their destination. It was obvious that Y/N and Kylo’s conversation allowed you to release some emotions that allowed you to be the person that you usually were. 

And he loved watching you. 

Kylo could watch you all day meticulously go about your surroundings doing your job; you were so focused on whether it was looking overwork, talking to others, and especially explaining things to him. Of course, you didn’t know that under that menacing mask, topaz eyes sparkled as they studied everything you did. To Kylo, Y/N was something rare that couldn’t be ignored. Your beauty, self-awareness, mental and emotional intelligence was something he never came across or even experienced. And Kylo thought you were the perfect specimen.

With your hard work, amazing planning, and staying on top of the others, everyone was fortunate to leave early. 

“It was nice working with you, Dr. L/N.” Officer Mills shook your hand. 

“It was nice working with you as well. I wish you the best in your endeavors, Officer Mills. I look forward to the notification of your promotion.” 

A large smile was present on his face before the two said goodbye. 

Y/N was the last to board the Command shuttle and wasted no time relieving your straight (y/h/c) hair from the bun. A deep sigh escaped your lips as all you thought about was getting home to Antheia. The ramp began to move up and you stumbled forward only for Kylo to catch you. Large hands ran across your back and lingered along your hips. 

“Are you alright?” His mechanical voice rang out. 

“Yeah, just tired.” 

Kylo nodded before recommending the corner seat.

* * *

Kylo was busy piloting, but would occasionally look over his shoulder to check on you. Once the shuttle was in hyperspace, he made his way over to you. Your eyes were closed, so you didn’t see him, but you felt something brush against your arm. Lids slowly lifted with your vision clearing to see the fleshed-face of Kylo Ren. 

“Are we there yet?” 

His lips tugged up at the innocent comment that he too had used once in his lifetime a long time ago. 

“No; did I disturb you?” 

Y/N shook her head. 

“Are you ready to go back?” He asked. 

“Yeah, I miss my little Blossom. I just need to see how I’m going to rest a little before getting her. Walking seemed to give her even more energy now.” You chuckled. 

“Let her stay with Lady Hubbard another day.” 

“I can’t do that, she’s done enough. Plus, it’s been too long.” 

Kylo hunched forward and nervously let out a breath while wringing his hands. 

“How about...dinner, then while you rest and I’ll get Antheia.” 

An inquisitive eye was given to him.

“Dinner?” You asked. “Are you asking me to dinner?” 

Rich mahogany eyes glanced up as blush crept up his cheeks from the back of his neck. 

“I-I was...whew, by the time we get back it will b―we don’t have to have dinner alone. Antheia can join, I don’t know...I mean, you’ve been eating rations all weekend.” He muttered. 

Laughter slipped through your lips at how you had caused him to act this way, even if you didn’t mean to. 

“I’m just pulling your leg, you’ve got a better plan than me about all of this.” 

Kylo flattened his palms against his legs as he leaned back. “Thank you,” he mumbled. 

“Where’s your mask?” 

Taking the object beside him, he put it in your hands and watched you examine it. 

“How does it work? I always see you press the buttons and it unlocks, but how does it know to lock when you put it on? I was never good with mechanics.” 

“Why don’t you try it on.”

Jet black eyes glanced up at him with excitement. Kylo removed his gloves, he didn’t need to, but he couldn’t stop himself from feeling the softness of your skin and hair on the pads of his fingers; even as your hair twisted around his hand into a bun before you placed the helmet on your head. 

“This is really cool.” You said. 

Kylo watched as you looked around as his heart was beating loudly in his ears. He had thought about you, on more than one occasion, in his mask. 

“Does this thing have an x-ray?” 

The masked gaze started at his head and dipped lower. That was enough. 

“Watch your hair.” 

Both his and your hands were flying up to remove the helmet letting your hair tumble down. 

“What do you and Kane do? Wrap it?” 

Kylo shook his head no and replied, “A bun or braids,” 

A little smile found its way on your face. 

“You’ve got to let me braid your hair one day.” 

Y/N handed him back the mask. A deep breath escaped your lips as you closed your eyes. 

“I’m so tired.” 

You breathed before your head lolled to the side. Kylo slid down a little and gently placed your head on his shoulder. It didn’t take the use of force to feel eyes on him; turning, Kylo saw Mira looking at him before she was turning around.

* * *

You two were the last to embark down the ramp; you were ready to make a run for it until you felt your hand wrapped in leather. You turned back to see a masked Kylo. 

“Not yet, we need to go into quarantine.” 

Still holding your hand, he guided you over, subtly hiding their hands in the darkness of his cape. 

Way above, in a glassed room, Hux and Phasma watched them. It wasn’t hard to miss the closeness of the two as well as your tousled hair. 

“They seem closer. Phasma I swear if anything comes of this.” Hux quickly turned to his armored partner. 

“Hux when would they even find the time! You’re overreacting.” Phasma replied at the moment Ren’s cape moved to see them holding hands. A squeal zipped from her vocoder which caused Hux to make a face. 

“What was that?” 

“Nothing, nothing,”

  
  



	17. Baby’s Day Out

In separate showers, Kylo and Y/N got quarantined before they were meeting each other in the sickly grey patient set. Your wet curls were thrown up into a bun as Kylo’s was just slicked out of his face exposing just how much his ears stuck out; you thought they were cute. Laughter couldn’t help but escape you as you looked up at the towering man. 

“What are you doing here?” You asked. 

“I promised you dinner.” 

“You’re not supposed to be here.” Due to the quarantine, all quarantined were put into individual rooms with one glass wall to see the hallway. “You used the force, didn’t you?” 

Black eyes narrowed at him. His face twitched a fleeting smile before he was off to sit at the bottom of your bed. You shuffled along and sat cross-legged beside him; your eyes glanced at the tray atop his lap. 

“What is it?” 

“Not rations,”

He opened the lid to reveal two canteens, two bowls, and two ration bars. With this, you cut him a look. Rolling his eyes, he put the tray between them to begin to eat. 

“Urgh, this soup has no flavor!” You cringed. 

“They can’t give us anything too heavy because whatever foreign pathogen might be invading our body,” Kylo explained. 

“Do you really think we got infected?” 

He looked upon your nervous doe-eyed expression and felt a blush coming on, so he looked away. 

“No, it’s just because of those Acinonyx. We won’t be here for long.” 

You nodded and continued eating. Hopefully, he was right, you missed Antheia. But for the time being, you enjoyed candid Kylo from his dry humor, mischievous eyes, and his hidden smiles. You wish you could see it more often. 

“It kind of sucks that we are here like asylum patients.” You said once your laughter died down. 

“Where would you like to be, if you could choose?” 

Confusion set on your face.

“Um...I don’t know, obviously not here.” 

Kylo was sending mischievous eyes once again. 

“Close your eyes.” Tentatively, you did as he said. “Open,”

And when you did, you were transported to the same colorful place the other night. 

“So this wasn’t a dream. It’s real.” Your eyes looked around. 

“Technically it is not.” Kylo sat beside you in more casual attire. “It’s a realm I created.”

“An escape,” you softly replied. “Have you been to a place like this before or just put all your favorite things in one place?” 

“Favorite things,” his eyes were on you as you continued to study the world around you in the pale gold dress that glistened along with your golden brown skin under the glow of the sun. 

“It’s really beautiful Kylo, we should’ve had dinner here.” Y/N joked. 

“I’d have to train you for that.” 

“Train me?” 

“The force drains your energy quicker. After this, you'll sleep for a while.” He told you. 

“So, if I train, I get to come here?”

He nodded. 

“I’ll think about it.” You hummed.

“I have to tell you something.” 

You turned giving him your full attention. 

“You have to stay in quarantine for 24 hours.” 

“WHAT?!” Y/N snatched away from him and hurt Kylo more than he wanted to accept. 

“Due to your role as a scientist and a mother, Hux has recommended a longer stay for the benefit of Antheia and I agree.” 

You narrowed your eyes at him, you couldn’t be mad because it was something you didn’t think of. 

“I guess he’s right. I just miss her so much, I feel terrible that Lady Hubbard hasn’t gotten a break. And I’m pretty sure Antheia's wondering what happened to me.” 

Kylo could feel your emotions start to rise. 

“I don’t know how I’m going to make it sane in the next 24 hours.” 

“You don’t have to worry. Staying here for a few hours will guarantee you sleep until your release.” 

A dimpled-smile was sent his way. 

“Thanks for looking out for me.” 

Kylo just nodded. Kylo watched as you got up and looked over the lea that rolled beyond the hill they sat upon. 

“How far does it go?” Y/N looked at him. 

A small smile was present on his lips as he made his way beside you. 

“I’ll show you.”

* * *

Kylo gently laid you down and draped the blanket over you. Lips hovered over your cheek contemplating their next move. He could no longer deny how he felt about you, just the thought of your name could cause his heart to start up. Spending time with you in the realm was surreal; like they were the only two in the world. He used this realm to escape when things got too much or when he needed to find peace. To a certain extent, you provided him peace; you were now a part of his world and he wanted nothing more than to share it with you. Taking a deep breath, he pressed his lips to your supple cheek and felt sweetness take over him.

There wasn’t a long wait after Kylo had knocked on the Hubbards door. He contemplated removing his mask and did at the last minute feeling Antheia’s approaching presence. 

“Oh!” Lady Hubbard exclaimed. “Excuse me, who are you?” 

Clearing his throat he answered: “I’m Kylo Ren, Commander of the First Order and Master of the Knights of Ren… Antheia’s godfather.” 

Lady Hubbard suspiciously eyed him until she saw the mask. 

“Commander, sir! My, you are quite a handsome man.” 

A blush began to consume him as she continued. 

“Tall, good build, you have a presence. I wondered what Y/N saw in you, but nice looking men always find nice looking women. Speaking of Y/N, where is she?” 

“She’s indisposed at the moment, I was coming here in her place t―” Kylo couldn’t even finish before Lady Hubbard was handing him Antheia and her diaper bag. 

“Tell Y/N it was a lovely weekend; I already bathed her, she just woke up and she’s in a fresh nappy.”

Kylo was being pushed with baby and bag in hand before the door closed in his face. He stood shocked but could hear Lady Hubbard’s thoughts of relief in his mind. Eyes cut to the large hazel ones that stared at him. 

“What did you do?”

The pair entered your quarters and he set Antheia and bag on the couch. Kylo paced the floor and Antheia just stared. He was very glad she wasn’t crying but what was he supposed to do with her for the next 24 hours. 

Kylo was so in his thoughts he didn’t see her little self walk right past him into her room. Antheia’s little arm reached for her plush toys that were too high to reach. Putting two and two together she walked back to the pacing giant and babbled at the man. When he didn’t hear her, she talked a little louder. Kylo paused and looked down at the little human who looked up at him. Bending down, he sighed. “Yes, little Flower?” 

Antheia was running off and pointing to her toys. 

“You want to go inside?” 

Kylo scooped her up and put her in the crib. Antheia wasted no time throwing her toys outside the crib. Picking them up he placed them back in the crib, only for her to throw them out. Kylo let out a deep breath; he was the future emperor of the galaxy, not a babysitter. 

“Antheia,” Kylo sternly spoke as he placed the toys back in. 

She began to jerk to initiate her tantrum as she cried out for Y/N. 

“Mama, mama!” 

Panic quickly set in, unsure of how to handle this. Crying babies didn’t go well with anyone and he was pretty sure it would be worse with him. Scanning his surroundings, he saw the picture of you and your fiancé. 

“Look, look!” 

Thankfully this calmed her and she happily babbled mama. Kylo held it carefully so she wouldn’t break or hurt herself with it. Chubby fingers smudged all over the glass as she pointed to Y/N and then her father with a quizzical look, before sending it to Kylo. 

“That’s your...that’s your...dada.” He said uncomfortably. 

“Dada, dada,” shoving her fingers in her mouth she continued testing out the name. This seemed to preoccupy Antheia, so he placed the frame back. Kylo moved over to the rocking chair to just take a breather; he didn’t know how you did this, how anybody did this. How his parents handled him. Emotions began brewing inside him and as much as he wanted to react and retreat he had to be alert for Antheia.

His closed eyes opened when he heard a thud; the shock was written on his face as Antheia stood right in front of him with all her plush toys on the floor. 

“How’d you…” He was ignored as she handed him a plush and took one into the living room. This kept happening until Kylo got the hint to go into the living room. With toys in hand, he made his way to the living room where Antheia had all of them placed around her, so he did the same with the one she handed him. 

Kylo watched as she played diligently. Using the force, he made the stuffed animals dance around her. Antheia’s face lit up at her dancing toys. They began to float in the air in a circle, she stood and began to turn until her dizzy self began to stumble. She dropped with a loud thud and Kylo gasped. It was his gasp that was causing her to cry. She tottered over to Kylo motioning to be comforted. He had never done this before and wouldn’t know how much help he would be. He awkwardly tucked her into his side as her sniffles subsided. Looking down to check on her, he saw no tears. She was faking. Were all babies this dramatic or just Antheia?

A buzz rippled through the room and he summoned his datapad to see a message from one of the Knights. Eyes widened as he forgot about the training session. Kylo scooped her up and was flying out the door. The Knights all stared at the blast doors that slid open to reveal Kylo and Antheia. 

“Why do you have Antheia?” Kato asked. 

“Y/N is in quarantine.” 

“Still? But all of you are out, she should’ve been out.” Kato took hold of the happy baby before looking Kylo up and down. “You requested longer stay so she could have a break and rest.” 

Kylo clenched his fist from Kato calling him out. 

“You should be thankful you are holding Antheia.” 

The master pointed out before going over to the rest of the Knights. Luckily, Antheia loved the Knights and vice versa; it was easier to get her to sit, watch, and entertain her.

“Look, Antheia!” 

Shiro said as he swiped at Haru’s leg causing him to flop backward. Her laugh echoed through the arena even amongst the other sparring. 

“Kick his leg,” 

Shiro egged the little one on; her little kick caused the Haru to dramatically fall like before. Her four-teeth smile beamed up as she jumped in excitement. She kept kicking and the twins were happy to act as if she was really doing something. Phasma walked through the doors to greet Ren only to be surprised when a little curly person came running towards her. 

“ANTHEIA!” She squealed as tiny hands smudged her armor. “What are you doing here?” 

Antheia reached up to be held by her godmother and Phasma happily obliged. 

The little one's hand flew to the helmet and tried to pull it off. 

“I don’t think she likes masks.” Kylo walked up to the two. 

“Really? She’s surrounded by masked figures all the time.” Phasma replied. 

“We do not wear our masks around Antheia.” He corrected. 

Phasma rolled her eyes underneath; Kylo didn’t like wearing his mask around Y/N either. 

“Ren, I think it’s time for a change.” 

His brows furrowed confused about what he could possibly need to fix. 

“Her diaper. It’s wet.” 

Brown eyes looked at the child who was too busy playing with her warped reflection. 

“If you want, I’ll change her,” Phasma told him. 

“Thanks, I’ll just get the diaper bag.” 

Ren began to walk out. 

“Where are you going?” 

“To get the diaper bag from the room.” 

“You didn’t bring it?!” 

“I don’t know!” Kylo huffed. 

“I have obstacle training, Commander.” She reminded him and it was too much. 

“Just take her. I’ll be quick.” 

From one arena to the next, Antheia sat beside Phasma as they watched troopers complete an obstacle course. Thankfully, they were behind the glass because Antheia was amazed, clapping and squealing. Phasma found it amusing. Hux walked through the door because he wanted to check on the new recruits. 

“Captain,” 

“General,” 

“How are the recruits?” 

“Abysmal, but she seems to like it.” 

The mention of a ‘she’ had Hux looking past her and seeing the intrigued tyke. 

“Why is she here?” He asked. 

“I’m watching her until Ren returns.” 

“What happened to Lady Hubbard?” Phasma just shrugged, she didn’t have all the answers. “She shouldn’t be here, it’s a liability.” 

Phasma picked up Antheia and put her face to face with Hux. 

“This little princess is your niece really?” 

Hux scowled at Phasma and then the little girl. Surprisingly, the little one returned the scowl. Little legs kicked fast until Phasma was putting her down; Antheia ran up to Hux and began to kick at his leg before fleeing the room. 

“ANTHEIA!” Phasma called out. 

“This!” Hux yelled. “This is why a CHILD should not be on the base!” 

“Instead of yelling, you could be going after her,” Phasma told him. 

“Going after her? Why should I? She kicked me!” 

Phasma rolled her eyes at the whiny ginger. 

“Because she’s your niece!” She ran after her. 

Antheia made it all the way down the hall and stopped short right before her towering godfather. He eyed the little girl with the mischievously innocent eyes. There wasn’t even a second for him to question before Phasma was barreling around the corner. 

“Antheia don’t run o―ah, she sensed you, Ren.” 

“She doesn’t have the force.” Kylo handed Phasma the diaper bag and Antheia. He huffed in exhaustion; did Antheia act like this all the time or just when you weren’t around.

* * *

After she was changed they retreated back to Y/N’s quarters. If he remembered your conversation correctly with Lady Hubbard, this was around the time Antheia ate. She sat in her high chair contempt with whatever she was talking about, while Kylo raided your cabinets for baby food. And when he did find it, there were so many choices, but one stuck out amongst them all: root leaf stew. 

He remembered that from his childhood. With a baby spoon and small jar of the pureéd substance he tentatively did his best to feed her. She gave him a hard time as someone as playful as she does, so he tried to think about how Y/N did it. 

“Ok, Antheia, this is an X-wing.” Kylo pointed to the spoon. “And you are a black hole, swallowing and destroying all resistance fighters!” 

Maybe you weren't as dramatic, but his dramatics caught her attention and soon enough she was eating. 

“Little Flower, this is the last X-wing in all existence of the galaxy. The end of the resistance is upon us and it’s up to you to destroy them all!” 

Finishing the last spoonful, Antheia was clapping and smiling at the entertainment her godfather provided.

After rounds of play, Kylo found himself ready to throw in the towel. He honestly didn’t know how you worked, took care of Antheia, and even put up with him. 

You deserved this rest. 

Kylo lied on the ground trying to trick her into relaxing, but she wasn’t dumb. And it didn’t stop her from using him as a human jungle gym. When she realized he wasn’t playing she took a seat upon his chest and just stared. Why wasn’t he playing with her? Brown orbs observed her face that began to pout. 

“Mama, mama, mama,” she started. 

He sighed because he missed her mother too. 

“Yes, you’ll see her soon.” 

Just not soon enough. 

“Mama, mmmmmmama, mama” 

“Mmmh,” he tiredly hummed. 

“Mama, mama. Dada!” she yelled. “Dada, dada, dada, dada,” Antheia babbled “Mama, mama, mama, daaaaaa, daaa, dada.” 

This continued until she tired herself and fell asleep on his chest. Kylo breathed a sigh of relief. He’d been waiting for this all day. He tried to get up but she began to cry so he rested back in his position. 

A few minutes later he was looking around at the mess that had occurred taking care of Antheia. Using the force, he cleaned your kitchen and placed all of her toys back in her crib. He even tried to use the force to place Antheia there, but she still felt the difference. Kylo just accepted his role as a mattress and decided to nap as well.

* * *

Y/N stirred awake from her hibernating nap. You felt well-rested and energized, but you couldn’t wait to see your baby. Sitting up from the bed you began to stretch and crack your joints. Across from you, the door slid open revealing Kylo and running from underneath his cape was Antheia. Your heart and legs leaped as you pressed yourself against the glass. 

“MAMA!” She squealed banging on the glass. 

“BLOSSOM! Hi, Antheia,” 

“Hi,” Antheia said sweetly and your heart swelled as tears pooled in your eyes. 

“Hi, baby,” you bit your lip to stop your tears. 

Kylo just watched the touching moment and felt a blush hit his face when you thanked him. 

“We’ll wait for you. I got you a change of clothes.” 

It didn’t take long for you to be discharged and exit to find the two waiting for you. Antheia was in Kylo’s arms playing in his hair, as usual, and you couldn’t help but smile at the sight of it. 

“You guys having fun without me?” Y/N’s voice caused her daughter to leap into her arms for a hug. You squeezed returning the little big hug. “Aw, you missed me, Blossom?” 

“We missed you.” 

Sparkling onyx eyes cast up at topaz ones as you felt heat consume your umber skin. 

“I missed you guys too.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Hope all is well during this crazy time. I won't be going to school for the rest of the semester which is fine by me. I guess all this extra time I can finish all the works still in progress.


	18. More Than Words

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: Quite a long chapter. I feel like the lockdown has me going back and editing a lot of this story which is terrible because I just keep writing new endings.

Kylo walked in and immediately paused. 

Antheia stood in the middle of the floor spinning. Just spinning as she was fixated on the way the white glitter fabric fluttered and sparkled. 

“Blossom, you’ll get dizzy. Come here so I can do your hair.” 

The little one obeyed her mother as she did her best to not lose her balance as she met you halfway. His eyes then cut to you exiting from your bedroom in a fitted off the shoulder shiny burgundy dress. Kneeling before your daughter, you looked at the visibly upset man. 

“Yes?” 

“Is this all necessary?” He asked. 

After Antheia’s day with the big wigs of the First Order, she had received multiple red letters in her file that basically deemed her an enemy and danger within the base. A ladder of scold proceeded from Hux to you to Antheia; she wasn’t bad, just playful. Sure she might’ve had your mischievous streak and her fathers ‘not-so-innocent’ innocent eyes, she was just like any child on any other planet. Antheia was very smart and very aware, and you wanted Hux to know that.

“It’s just dinner.” You told him putting a little red bow to match the top of her dress on Antheia’s brown curly bun. 

“If it’s just dinner, why are you doing her hair? You never do her hair.” Kylo pointed out. 

Black eyes narrowed at him. 

“First of all, I do do her hair. Two, she wears little afros to keep her edges intact. Three, don’t ever insinuate I don’t take care of my daughter.” 

That last sentence had Kylo falling back, afraid you would strike him at any moment. 

“Hux doesn’t even eat dinner, this is ridiculous.” He mumbled. 

“I know, that’s why I thought it would be nice to dress up. It’s her first time wearing a fancy dress and fancy shoes!” Her excitement was reciprocated as Antheia hopped in her shiny black mary-janes.

You stood up using your datapad to take a picture of her. Kylo noticed unfinished zipper work that exposed your smooth mahogany skin and black bra, along with just how fitted the dress was as you bent over to fix Antheia. 

“Are you wearing that dress?” 

“What’s wrong now?” Rolling your eyes. 

“It’s very fancy, do you not have anything more…” Basic, bland, ugly, looser, or perhaps just not go at all. 

“I know, but nothing else fits. This one hides my little pouch. I haven’t lost enough weight for the other ones.” Y/N sighed.

Kylo felt bad; he didn’t mean to confront your weight. He liked you in any size. 

“No, no, no, you look very nice. I just...Hux, I―urgh.” A groan slipped from his lips not knowing what to say. 

“I know you hate it, but can you zip me up, please?” 

Looking up at him, you saw him wet his lips before shaking his head feverishly. One hand was pressed along your back while the other guided the zipper along the back. 

“Thank you,” Y/N went to put on her heels.

“How long are you staying?” 

“An hour maybe?” You called out from your bedroom. 

“What time are you supposed to be there?” 

“Why are you asking so many questions, Kylo?” 

“I just want to know.” His defenses went up. “No one told me anything about this until a few hours ago and it wasn’t even from you.” 

The click of your heels entered the living room before you. 

“I know you’re my superior, but I didn’t think I’d have to run a dinner with another superior by you.” 

Kylo sucked in a breath from your statuesque figure and sultry curls the bellowed down to one side; his necklace also added a nice touch and he hated it. 

“I didn’t say that. I’m just saying we always have dinner and there’s not all this fanfare.” 

“Kylo it’s just one dinner!” You stressed. “Just one that will probably never happen again. And if you want, next time we’ll all dress up and do our hair for dinner. Is that what you want?” 

Kylo looked as you stood before him with Antheia in hand. 

“I didn’t say that, I―” Shaking his head, he just took a deep breath. 

“I’m only doing this because of whatever you and Phasma did.” 

Y/N was right and he couldn’t argue with that. 

“I’m going to meditate.” He walked off, clearly upset. 

Sometimes he was worse than Antheia. 

“I heard that!” He yelled. 

H ux was just getting a sample of something he couldn’t have, he’d make sure of it.

* * *

With Antheia perched in your arms, you stood before the doors waiting for them to open. It slid to reveal Hux in the same pose, just with Millicent. 

“Us and our babies,” you joked as Hux’s brows furrowed. “I’m holding my baby and you’re holding Millicent, who is probably like your baby.” 

He only huffed as he let you enter. Your eyes scanned his spacious place that seemed to look different from the last time you were here. Looking into the right-hand corner, you chuckled thinking about how Kylo stalked you for half an hour only to come up with a lame joke. 

“Y/N would you like something to drink?” Hux’s voice caused you to turn to see him with a bottle of wine. 

“No thank you,” 

“You can sit down if you like.” 

A small smile was given to him before sitting on the black couch. Hux watched you and Antheia settle into his couch. He wouldn’t have imagined a mother and child in his quarters with such contentment. His lips twitched when he saw Millicent walk over into what could be a nice family scene. But these happy thoughts were short-lived when the bottle of wine spilled on his shirt as if it had the mind of its own.

“Ren,” he growled causing you to look at Hux in confusion as he stomped off to change his shirt.

* * *

Blast doors slid open to reveal an armor-less Phasma sparring with droids. She stopped to see Ren with an even deeper scowl than normal. With a wave of his hands, the droids were gone and a sparring stick was summoned to him. 

“Dinner date?” Phasma asked. 

“It’s not a date, just dinner.” He swung at her head as she ducked. 

“I told her to tell you earlier.” 

“She doesn’t need to run her life by me.” He gritted. 

Neither of them knew if Kylo genuinely felt this way or not. A heated match ignited as Kylo took everything out on Phasma, who used this moment to find out how Kylo really felt about you. Y/N had been on the base for over a year and what a year it’s been with all the changes, it was only a matter of time before things would grow deeper.

* * *

Antheia had found herself rather intrigued with this new space and ventured off the couch to explore. 

“Antheia,” you said knowingly and she looked up with hazel eyes before deciding that staying close to you was her best option. 

But Antheia wasn’t the only curious one there. 

Millicent watched from afar as the little person took little steps to look at her surroundings. As Antheia walked the perimeter of the coffee table, Millicent followed. Of course, you watched on high alert knowing how both cats and babies were very dramatic. They seemed to be fine as long as they were in view or didn’t disturb each other. You were honestly surprised that your daughter wasn’t curious about this creature, but at this point you were just thankful she wasn’t allergic. 

Those peaceful moments were only for a while as Millicent playfully tapped her tail along Antheia’s back. Confusion was apparent on Antheia’s face as she looked to see nothing. This continued until your daughter was fed up and grabbed the feline’s tail. The cat hissed and you were quick to move Antheia away. 

Now that they were apart, everything seemed peaceful until Millicent had sneakily made her way under the table surprising Antheia who jumped back in shock. A small cry shrieked from your daughter’s lips before she was running to you. Hux entered the room to see Millicent peering up at the teary-eyed baby being held by her mother. 

“Is everything alright?” He asked. 

“She just scared her that’s all.” Hux nodded. 

“Dinner should be here very soon, the kitchen just alerted me. Would you care for a little something while we wait?” 

“Yes that would be nice. And may I have a glass of water?” 

As Hux busied himself in the kitchen, Millicent jumped on the couch and just looked at Y/N and Antheia. 

“Um...Hux, is Millicent allowed to be on the couch?” 

“Yes, it’s fine.” He replied. 

Millicent stalked closer and you were ready to jump up but the cat’s reflexes were too quick. A paw had quickly swiped at Antheia’s face and in response Antheia kicked the cat off the couch. 

The sound of Millicent hitting the table, you standing up, and Antheia’s fussing had a perplexed Hux turning around. 

“I’m sorry, I can’t do this. Millicent has been after Antheia all night and she just swiped at her face.” You cradled chubby tawny cheeks checking for any scratches, thankfully they were only just tears. 

“Put all the red letters in her file, I just can’t stay here with her in this uncomfortable situation.”

* * *

“It’s just,” Phasma grunted. “Hux!” 

Kylo spun missing Phasma’s strike. 

“EXACTLY! He takes things way too far and doesn’t know when to stop.” The same could be said about him. “He’s never cared about Y/N nor Antheia this whole entire time!” 

“Well, in the beginning, he was constantly after her, she just never gave him the time of day.” Phasma reminded him. 

He didn’t like it and swiped at her leg. 

“After her and caring for her are two different things. The slimeball was just thinking about his own selfish needs. He only wanted one thing from her.” 

“Ok and what did you want?” Phasma pushed him off of her. “You pretended to be a trooper, protected her, cohabitated, and you’re practically raising Antheia together!” 

But Kylo shook his head in disagreement. It wasn’t the same, it was far from it. 

“That’s not the same. Hux wanted a breeder for his ginger devil spawns. I wouldn’t let him do that to her.” Kylo knocked Phasma to the ground. 

“So you don’t want a family with her either?” Phasma rolled up. “Or you just don’t want others to?” 

She knew her words would strike a nerve as his usually angry face cracked. Fierce strikes were thrown against her and she blocked them with all her might. 

“To you, that’s your wife and daughter.” 

“Those words mean n―” 

“Those words must mean a lot more than you’re letting on, Commander.” 

Kylo didn’t want to believe it, it just couldn’t be right. This moment allowed Phasma to catch him off guard; swinging at his leg, he landed on his back. With a stick to his throat, Phasma looked at him with ferocious blue eyes. 

“If this is what you truly want, you know what you have to do.” She extended her hand to help him up. “The mistakes of the past are meant to be learned from for the future.” 

Unlike intellectual conversations that she shared with Hux, Ren and she were more fights less talk. 

At this moment, he found out how much more she actually had to offer and was thankful that she seemed to be an enlightened source not only in Y/N’s life but now his. Kylo felt your worked up presence. After staring at her bewilderedly before fleeing. 

Phasma exhaled: “Love, it’s overrated.”

* * *

A panting and sweaty Kylo was parked in front of your quarters, waiting. 

“Why are you so sweaty and out of breath, I thought you were meditating?” Y/N asked. 

“I sparred with Phasma.” He shook his head. “You’re back early. What happened?” 

“You already know, why do I need to tell you.” 

Kylo was on your heels as you walked straight into Antheia’s room. 

“I don’t know what you’re talking about?” He lied through a manic smile. 

“The wine bottle that just poured onto Hux’s shirt?” Your onyx eyes cut to him. 

“It fell,” he shrugged as he continued to coax you to tell him. 

A giggle slipped past your lips as you found him adorably boyish with wild hair to match his wild eyes as he found enjoyment of his enemy’s misfortune. Kylo rarely showed that side, so you did everything you could to savor the moment.

“What happened? Please.” 

His little plea tugged at your heart and you were giving in. 

“Ok, ok, fine, after the wine bottle ‘mysteriously’ poured its entire content on his shirt.” 

“Because he’s clumsy, go ahead.” Kylo interrupted. 

You rolled your eyes as you finished undressing Antheia and placed her down. 

“That cat was stalking Antheia and I was like, it’s curious. Millicent has never seen a baby and Antheia has never seen a cat, so I expected this.” Y/N told him. “But then she kept hitting Antheia with her tail, it was cute at first but Antheia got upset and just yanked the tail.” 

A proud smirk was worn by Kylo as you approached him to unzip your dress. 

“And then what happened?” His fingers worked down the zipper of the dress. 

“I moved her away from the cat, but Millicent snuck up on her.” Y/N ventured into her bedroom as Kylo stood along the wall respecting your privacy. 

“Can you hear me?” You yelled out. 

“Yes, yes, continue.” He responded as Antheia walked out in her onesie and tights that helped her glide across the floor. 

“Millicent swiped at Antheia with her paws.” 

“I’ll kill that cat.” 

“Kylo you can’t kill his cat?”

“Why not?” He called out watching Antheia entertain herself with spinning around. “I’ve killed bigger for nothing.” He mumbled to himself. His eyes were fixated on the twirling tot as he intently listened to the story. Antheia stumbled and his hands were quick to catch her. 

She looked up with wide hazel eyes and her four-teeth grin appeared when she realized who it was. Her arms shot up as she exclaimed: “Dada!” 

Kylo picked her up, but was too preoccupied with the story to realize what Antheia had said. But you did. 

“She just kicke―” 

You froze from the words you heard. Fear washed over you, which disturbed you as you never prepared or even conceived of this ever happening. The door was sliding open to see your terrified face only to be met with “Antheia kicked Millicent?” 

Antheia’s tawny chubby hands were placed on both sides of the man’s unaware face as she continuously repeated “Dada”. 

“Yeah, it’s getting late.” 

Y/N’s hands were removing her daughter from Kylo’s arms and bolting into the nursery with the door quickly cutting Kylo off from the pair. His brows furrowed as he stood there dumbfounded. When minutes passed and you didn’t come out, he got the hint that you wanted him to leave. Entering his desolate quarters, he plopped on his couch wondering what happened.

* * *

It was almost as if you were a ghost trapped in his mind. Kylo didn’t see you, but he could hear and feel you. Your emotions were strong and scratched in the corners of his mind. It wasn’t his fault, but to him it was. 

Y/N avoided him like the plague; this was easy due to Kylo being able to hear your plans to leave as early or late as possible to avoid seeing him, even finding ways to skip the General’s meeting to avoid him. Kylo never intended to wrong you in any way, so the least he could do was remove himself from your sight. 

You thought this would be good, but you found yourself torn from avoiding him and missing him. The latter caused you even more frustrations. And Kylo knew this too; the tenseness of his shoulders was ever apparent with the no communication of the little L/N family that lived next door to him.

Fatigue rested under your eyes as insomnia granted you many sleepless nights. Not to mention Antheia’s crabbiness with the entrance of a new tooth. Antheia whined at not only being in her uncomfortable state but trying to avoid going to bed. You were tired and although you knew sleep would escape you, you just wanted to be in bed. 

“Antheia, you have to pick up your toys and go to bed.” Y/N said sternly, yet tired. 

Dry eyes stared wide as she just wailed, she was tired and you both knew it. You just wished for a moment, just a moment to regroup. Unfortunately, it was interrupted with Kylo and cape bursting through your door. 

“Y/N, we need to talk.” His voice boomed over the crying child before continuing. “You’re avoiding me and I want to know why?” 

Antheia yelled louder as you placed all her toys away. 

“Kylo, I ca―” Y/N stumbled around your daughter who followed closely. “Can we please talk about this another time.”

“Another time seems like another excuse to avoid me.” Y/N rolled her eyes. “Please, I’m trying to put her to bed.” 

But it didn’t stop him from continuing. Between Kylo and Antheia’s competition for your attention, you were on the verge of tears trying not to go mad. Antheia hit you and you were quick to scold her. She did it once again and you squeezed her hand: “Do not hit mommy, this isn’t a game you want to play.”

Kylo’s voice still sounded off in the background, not caring if you listened or not. Even with the warning given, Antheia delivered a kick to your leg. Two pops to her thigh caused her to become silently stunned. 

“Didn’t I tell you to stop? No hitting and no kicking. You don’t listen, you get popped.” 

Antheia’s eyes were wide in disbelief and hurt before cries erupted and she was running to Kylo’s leg. 

“Dada, dada, dada!” She called out as she clawed for him to pick her up. 

Kylo paused his sentence and fearfully looked down at the child. Was she talking to him? Did Antheia think he was her father? When his eyes fell back on you, it all made sense. 

It was almost as if a bomb had gone off with an ired expression he had never seen from you. 

“YOU WANT TO GO TO HIM, THEN FINE, GO!” 

Y/N yelled causing both Kylo and Antheia to watch you in silence as you frantically moved throughout the quarters. 

“This is what you want right?” Y/N haphazardly stuffed the diaper bag. “No one wants to listen but just tell me what to do and just cry and yell. Then deal with each other.” 

Y/N picked Antheia up to put her in his arms. Both Kylo and Antheia were in shock as you pushed the diaper bag into his arms and was putting them both out. Kylo stood in the hall a few seconds replaying the last fifteen minutes or so. Brown eyes turned to the little hazel ones which were just as confused as his.

* * *

They entered his non-babyproof quarters, still unclear on what just happened. Kylo contemplated dropping Antheia off with Lady Hubbard, Phasma, or even Kato, but the way the curly-headed little girl placed her head on his shoulder and fisted his robe to calm herself, he couldn’t do that to her. 

Although he might’ve not agreed, Antheia wanted to be with him. More like, chose him and you sent them off. Antheia had been fed, bathed, and all the other nightly routines she underwent, Kylo just needed to get her to bed. His mind reverted back to the time he watched her and she literally and physically ran circles around his tired body. 

Antheia sat perfectly still as she watched her godfather, or father as she thought, frantically pace back and forth. Something must’ve happened to you on this trip for you to do this. Makers! Kylo thought, something must’ve happened to you before that to even trust him the way you did to start. Here he was trying to figure what was going on and also how to survive with a teething baby. None of his training had prepared him to deal with women and especially not children. 

Kylo paused in his tracks and glanced at Antheia. As soon as their eyes connected, she was lifting her arms up to him. His feet were glued to the ground no matter how much he fought with himself to pick her up. This shouldn't have escalated as far as it did now; the fact that the beaconing appearance of her pout was already causing his thoughts to search for ways to make her happy was another inkling of how far left things had gone.

A little cry broke through and he was rushing to pick her up. Settling in his arms, he furrowed his brows as he thought about the control her mother possessed and now she did over him. It was terrifying and insufferable, and it confused him. He began to pace once more. 

Kylo was falling over himself for you two. All the times he did began to replay; most of them he didn’t even realize he was doing it! The man was pacing so fast that Antheia’s began to blink rapidly due to the wind he generated. Like before, her small fist gripped tightly to him because of his movements. When Kylo realized this he stopped and wiped the tears that brimmed. 

“I’m sorry, Little Flower.” 

A pale thumb brushed against her cheek as she snuggled against it. He was doing it again. He huffed through his nose as he settled the babe down on the bed. Kylo quickly removed his outer layer to prepare for the night. He wasn’t tired but hopefully this time he could trick Antheia to go to sleep. Kylo rummaged through the diaper bag and found an empty bottle; picking up Antheia they made their way towards the kitchen to open his almost barren fridge. 

“Do you want milk?” Kylo asked Antheia. “Milk?” 

“Mill,” she tried to say. 

He pulled forward the two he had: blue and chocolate. 

“Dada,” she reached for the chocolate milk. Kylo couldn’t stop the smirk that fell on his face that matched his quicken heartbeat. 

Chocolate milk was his favorite. 

Kylo knew he shouldn’t have felt this way at this moment, but he never would’ve imagined being apart of or having a family in any capacity. The words that his grandfather told him whispered once again. He sighed in defeat retrieving the milk. 

“That’s a good choice.” 

He opened the bottle and began to pour it, he also pulled down a cup to pour himself one too. Kylo handed Antheia the bottle as he held his cup to make their way to the bedroom. 

Antheia didn’t move from his arms even when they were lying in bed. One large hand was settled on the little one’s back who’s head settled right onto his chest above his heart, while the other handheld the datapad that played some random baby nonsense that Antheia enjoyed. 

Occasionally, Kylo’s gaze would drift from the screen to Antheia. It amazed him at how comfortable she was with him, not just now but all the time. He could now understand why Antheia would think he was her father. Phasma was right, he was practically helping Y/N raise Antheia. He’s always been there since the beginning before even Y/N found out. 

Kylo’s mind reverted back to the many arguments he had with his grandfather. His grandfather had wielded power many couldn’t even begin to imagine, yet what he yearned for most wasn’t to rule the galaxy, but a family. 

A loving family, complete with all those that had impacted him in the best ways. 

Kylo always ignored his grandfather’s disappointing views of Kylo and his family’s relationship, but now with Kylo awakening to his grandfather’s words about you, maybe things could be different. There was no chance he could reconcile with his family with all the hurt suffered, but maybe he could move forward with you. 

Y/N had to come to terms with her choices and things that happened in the past, he too, should do the same. Kylo was pulled from his thoughts with wide hazel eyes staring up at him. A soft smile found its way onto his lip as he thought of his ‘Little Flower’. His Little Flower turned back to the screen and kicked the datapad out of his hand. 

“Antheia!”

* * *

It seemed like forever had passed as you sat on Phasma’s floor as she poured you another glass. You couldn’t believe you had basically thrown out your child with some guy you liked because of your unresolved feelings. Y/N swirled the glass before drinking it. 

“I can’t believe I did that.” You sniffled. 

“Me neither, I’m also surprised we have yet to get a message from Ren.” Phasma replied. 

“That was so selfish of me, I wasn’t even thinking straight.” 

“It’s not selfish, you have feelings too. You’re tired, you do everything on your own!” 

But you shook your head as you pushed the glass away. 

“I’m a mother, Phasma. I’m not allowed to be selfish. She’s going to hate me.” 

“She won’t hate you, she won’t even remember this.” 

But, Y/N didn’t listen to her. You couldn’t help but think of that course you took in college that explained how the earlier a child’s memories occurred meant they suffered something traumatic. What if you had traumatized Antheia and this would be her first memory: you yelling and kicking her out. All because she thought Kylo was her father. 

It wasn’t her fault, she obviously didn’t know what was going on. And although the picture of her actual father was planted by her crib it was Kylo who was always there for her. There for the both of you. You ducked her head into your knees; it was your fault because you set shoddy boundaries while also using him and all the others to fill the emptiness you so badly didn’t want Antheia to endure and quite honestly, something you’d want to forget.

Y/N looked over to Phasma who was still talking. Phasma wasn’t much help, you needed someone else. Maybe someone that was removed from all this like Hux, but he probably would make it worse. Y/N looked at the dark liquid that filled the glass. 

“Phasma,” she stopped talking. “This wine is disgusting.” 

“I know I didn’t want to waste it, someone had to drink it!” 

Y/N gave her friend the middle finger before getting up. 

“Are you good enough to make it home?” Phasma asked. 

“Yeah, I’ll be fine.” 

Y/N’s feet led her from one hallway to another as she approached the familiar door. Knocking, you nervously awaited an answer, if any. The door slid open with a surprised Dr. Hubbard in his pajamas. 

“Y/N? What ar― is everything alright?” He asked. 

“Yeah, um...is Lady Hubbard awake?” 

Tying up her robe, Lady Hubbard appeared with worry set upon her face as you entered in your flushed state. 

“I...I don’t know what to do and I don’t know who to talk to, but I…” Tears coated your lashes as you struggled to find the strength to say your next sentence. “I really need a mom right now.” 

A sob took over you as your hands flew to your face. Lady Hubbard, on the verge of tears herself, was quick to hug you as your head fell to the crook of your neck as she guided you to the couch. Dr. Hubbard excused himself, this was a private moment only mothers and daughters could share.

* * *

When he woke up, with Antheia’s butt in his face, he had sensed that you weren’t home. He used this time to collect some things for the child. There were a few things Kylo didn’t have a problem doing and there were others that he feared. 

Changing Antheia, for starters, due to Antheia being busy and trying to run away. Not to mention searching how to change a baby on his datapad. Once he succeeded, he realized she needed a bath. This would start the process all over again. 

The bath was...stressful and uncomfortable. 

Antheia cried at the bath that had no bubbles or toys; Kylo used the force to wash her and the self-washing washcloth seemed to do something to calm her but not enough. Wrinkles were definitely settling in with his deep-set furrow trying to think of how to please her. 

“Antheia, Little Flower,” 

Kylo thought of something as he pleaded with her. Antheia watched as water moved above her head and gently trickled down. A laugh escaped the wide smile plastered on her lips as she flapped her arms. Kylo deflated, thankful she was not crying.

Kylo rushed down the hallway towards the Hubbards only to stop when he felt your somber presence. It hit him like a blaster beam and it hurt to know he was one the reasons. 

“You know what?” Kylo turned to Antheia. “We’re going to work.” 

“Yeah,” Antheia replied and he found it amusing. 

Kylo was shackled to his office now that he had Antheia. There was no need to have a repeat of last time, so he would keep her sectioned off from the population. And it seemed to be working. Food, toys, and that ridiculous show she liked kept her calm. 

Hux entered Ren’s office to be met with two people he couldn’t stand. 

“What is the meaning of this?!” 

“Please, she’s been calm thus far, don’t rile her up,” Kylo warned the man. “I’m watching her for the day. We’re in here, so could you just leave us alone.” 

“I actually came because I wanted to talk to Y/N, but she’s been very good at ignoring me.” 

“That’s because your cat almost mauled her face off.” Kylo cradled the chubby cheeks of Antheia. 

“Millicent did not, it was an accident and I’m trying to apologize!” 

“It’s a little too late for that one.” Kylo scoffed. 

“Why, wh―why are you so up in arms about all of this? Hmm, I could’ve sworn she was just ignoring you too.” 

Kylo’s jaw clenched as his large form hunched over Antheia. 

“Dada,” she pointed to the show she wanted him to watch. 

Hux’s eyes widened. 

“Daddy?” 

Kylo shot him a look before Antheia was once again asking him to pay attention. 

“Alright, Little Flower,” he whispered quickly. 

“When did this occur?” Hux made his way to the couch as he placed himself on the couch with a sly grin. 

Kylo shook his head. 

“It’s none of your business.” 

“It is seeing as I’m her superior.” 

“I’m her superior too, so you can stop throwing around these titles that make you feel important just to get some gossip that’s just a misunderstanding to fill your tiny little brain.” Kylo spat, quickly shutting Hux up. 

Pulling himself together, Hux removed himself from the couch and eyed the man who gently held the tiny hand in his palm. Kylo was a jedi killer, who killed mothers, children, and families, did Y/N know this? 

“No,” Kylo turned to Hux. “She doesn’t and she won’t,”

* * *

The day had come to an end as Kylo dragged himself back to his quarters with a babbling Antheia in his arms. As he grew closer to your door, he could feel your nervousness spilling through. 

“Mama?” It was almost as if Antheia could sense you as well. So Kylo made his way over and knocked. 

What would he say, Antheia missed you? It wasn’t a lie. And what about him, he could apologize and remove himself from her life to not cause such disruption. Even if that’s not what he wanted. The door slid open and Kylo tentatively walked into the room. The smell of savory dishes permeated through the air causing him to turn in that direction and instantly caused his heart to stop.

There Y/N was, in a fancy emerald cocktail dress with (y/h/c) cascading down and makeup painted onto her umber skin. 

“I…” You started. “I thought we could have dinner.” 

Kylo nodded as his cheeks turned red. 

Placing Antheia in her high chair, Kylo sat across from you. Black eyes looked from Kylo to your daughter. 

“I just want to start off by apologizing. I’m sorry for the way I behaved last night, it was...selfish and uncalled for and I wasn’t thinking straight. I never meant to hurt you guys. I care about you very much.” 

You looked between the two. 

“And Antheia,” 

Y/N turned to her daughter who looked upon her mother’s tearful face. 

“I know you don’t understand what has happened but I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if I wasn’t truthful to you. I’m sorry for the way I behave, I love you so much and I want to be the best mother I can be because you deserve it. You’ve done nothing to deserve anything less. And I know you only have a few words in your vocabulary, but mommy’s sorry and I hope that you can forgive me.” 

Antheia was reaching out to you and you accepted the little hug removing her from her set to hold onto her tightly. Kylo watched on the other side of the table as a single tear slipped down your cheek. 

Your apology to Antheia had him contemplating the times with his parents, he could remember moments like that, but it was so far and few in between that their apologies meant nothing when they took out their problems on him. He hoped that it wouldn’t be the same with Antheia, but he doubted it would. 

“Kylo,” you said. “I’m sorry too. I didn’t mean to ignore you, that was very immature of me. It wasn’t your fault and I took all my anger on you. You’ve always been there for us, especially her a-and I couldn’t think of a better person to help me throughout all of this. I know this is all different and uncomfortable for all of us. She’s still young, this can be easily sto―” 

“Y/N,” he interrupted. “It’s a privilege for her and you to think of me so highly. I know it was a misunderstanding. I apologize for causing strife; whatever you feel comfortable with, I respect your wishes.” 

Y/N nodded. 

“Dada!” Antheia pointed to Kylo to let everyone know she had an opinion. The two adults awkwardly chuckled. 

“I guess she has spoken.”

It was a nice dinner that all three of them enjoyed. It really helped put into perspective what Y/N wanted and needed to do. After placing Antheia in her crib, you went to join Kylo in the living room. He sat on the couch as you approached him. 

“I just want to thank you, once again, for taking care of her.” Y/N said. “I know she could be a lot.” 

Kylo shook his head. “It was nothing,” he lied. 

You knew this too and it caused you to chuckle. 

“Well, I know you said you don’t mind, but if you don’t feel comfortable with her calling you,” you couldn’t say it yourself. “I can fix it, she’s still young. I feel terrible that I kind of pushed godfather on you. Parenting is hard, look at me. I’m struggling with dealing with my problems and being a good mother and trying to make it seem like everything is fine when sometimes it isn’t.” Thickness began to consume in your throat.

His hand reached up to your temple and you stopped him. 

“I can’t do that.” Y/N lowered his hand. “I can’t escape this. I have to deal with everything here.” 

Kylo gave her a confused look not understanding why she would want to continue with these feelings. 

“These emotions are something I have to work through by myself. Putting people in the places of others to fill the void won’t help either. You’re not the only one, I’m even having a hard time with her calling the Hubbards grandma and grandpa. Everything that has happened is something I have to learn to deal with because I put myself in this position and it changed my future dramatically. Not everyone has the privilege to escape their problem.”A subtle crack in your voice caused his lips to tug in a pout. 

“You shouldn’t have to feel like you are alone and unappreciated.” Kylo’s words caused you to look at him. “Earlier you told Antheia she’s done nothing to deserve anything less, I don’t think you do either.” 

He moved closer to you. 

“What if I told you I’ve been talking to my grandfather.” 

“Your grandfather? Darth Vader? But he’s dead.” 

“I know but I’ve been communicati―” 

“Through the force.” 

Kylo nodded at Y/N’s answer. 

“I’ve been trying to finish what he started and asking for guidance.” Brown eyes stared heavily into yours. “But I think the path he chose wasn’t the path he wanted. Or that he wants for me.”

* * *

Hux stood in the hallway talking to an officer when his attention was brought to the mother and daughter duo that approached him. 

“Dr. L/N,” he said before eyeing the child. 

“We are here to apologize for Antheia’s actions. It was very rude of her to kick you as well as running around the base.” Y/N placed Antheia down. “He might be your uncle, but he’s allowing us to stay here and keep us safe. Now, go apologize to General Hux.” 

Hux watched as the baby slowly approached with sad doe eyes looking up at him. Her little arms wrapped around his leg. Antheia had misinterpreted ‘Hux’ for ‘hugs’. 

Cerulean eyes averted the child who still was hugging his leg. It didn’t take long for him to break his rigid exterior as he knelt down beside the child. With a pout, tears welled in her eyes as she looked at the ground. He was terrible for treating someone so precious like this. 

Clearing his throat, he began: “Thank you, Miss Antheia. I should apologize for Millicent as well as myself. I should’ve never held so much animosity towards you. But I know you’re very smart like your mother and will listen.” 

Antheia nodded, which Hux found adorable with her little sniffle. Antheia turned to Hux and gave him another little hug. His large hand gently patted her back. Y/N smiled at the start of a better relationship.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> P.S.: A breakthrough, you're welcome.


	19. Another Year Around the Sun

“No,” Antheia repeated as she stared out the large window. 

Kylo shook his head and smirked. 

“Snow,” his gloved finger pointed to the snowflakes falling to create a sparkling blanket over Starkiller base. 

Antheia looked at him before her little finger pointed to the window. “NO!” 

Y/N walked out of the bedroom to see a kneeling Kylo with a gentle hand on Antheia’s back as he tried to get her to say ‘snow’ correctly. He felt your presence and turned, causing Antheia to do the same. 

“Mommy,” her little ponytail bounced as she ran to you. 

“Yes, Blossom?” You picked her up. 

“No!” She pointed to the window with the biggest smile. 

“Yes, snow.” Y/N chuckled. 

Kylo tentatively walked over to the two with brows beginning to knit. “Are you sure you want me to take her outside?” 

“Yeah, I think it would be nice for her birthday. If we were on Terra, there wouldn’t be snow for months.” You softly smiled. “You want to go out in the ‘no’, Antheia?”

“Yeah,” she smiled. 

“You want to go with mommy or,” 

“DADDY!” 

You still weren’t comfortable with calling Kylo by that title no matter how much he stepped up to the plate. But Antheia loved him and he seemed to love her as well. Who were you to break a bond that could give her a father figure in her life. 

“I’ll get her dressed.” 

Kylo nodded trying to hide his nervousness. Yes, he’d been left with Antheia plenty of times but not outside. What if he did something wrong or she got hurt? Y/N and Antheia would never trust him again. A groan left his lips; when did their opinions begin to matter? 

He knew the answer but thankfully turned to see Antheia’s little face sticking out from the thick black snowsuit. His eyes glazed over in adoration looking at the little girl who beamed up at him. 

“Have fun!” You pressed a kiss to Antheia’s nose which gained a giggle before you were passing her off to Kylo. “Keep an eye on her, she’d rather freeze her butt off than stop playing.”

And you were right. 

When Antheia and Kylo first stepped into the winter garden, he saw hazel eyes illuminate in wonder. Slowly, due to her size and the added layers for warmth, she ventured out to see what was usually observed through a window. A screech of excitement surged through the air as she smiled at the snowfall that began to fall. Of course, she didn’t know that it was Kylo’s use of the force that made this happen in the small area she occupied. Long blinks were taken as the snowflakes hit her curled lashes before giggling. 

“Daddy!” Antheia turned to Kylo. “No!” 

His heart filled with glee as he watched and felt her pure excitement of experiencing snow for the first time. Kylo gently nodded. He couldn’t believe he was experiencing this moment, a moment many people wouldn’t get the chance to; including his grandfather, Antheia’s real father, and you since you were at work. The least he could do was make the most of it.

Strides were taken toward the tot before he knelt down. 

“Little Flower, do you want to play a game?” 

“Play...yeah,” 

She licked at the melting snowflakes near her lips. In their time spent outside, they made a snowman, ran around, made it snow once again, and was now teaching her how to make a snow angel. Kylo was enjoying this moment so much, he had failed to see the clues that Antheia was freezing and she wouldn’t say anything because she enjoyed playing with her Daddy so much. He didn’t notice until he received a message on his comm.

MDI-0215:  I got off earlier than expected and am guessing you guys are still outside. I’ll have soup and blankets waiting when you all are ready to come in. Hopefully sooner than later.

Kylo looked at Antheia shivering. 

“Oh, I’m sorry Little Flower.” Kylo scooped her up and began to trek back to your quarters.

The doors slid open with two very exhausted people. 

“Mommy!” 

Antheia held her arms out for you. 

“Blossom, how was the snow?” You asked, removing her layers. “Was it fun?” 

“Yeah!” She giggled. 

“Did you stick your tongue out like this?” 

You playfully did it and caused more laughs to escape her. Kylo stood back watching the scene with a glint in his eyes and a lazy smile on his lips. 

“Daddy?” 

Antheia’s little voice pulled him from his thoughts. 

“You have to take a bath, you’ll see him after.” You told your daughter who began to whine but you immediately ended it. “No, no, no, he’s going to take one too. You both don’t need to get sick.” 

Antheia hushed up as Kylo hummed in amusement. 

“Are you telling me what to do, Dr. L/N?” 

“Yes, because I’m not getting blamed for why the Commander is sick.” You said matter-of-factly before entering the bathroom.

* * *

Kylo entered your quarters with his freshly washed hair slicked back off his face exposing his ears. Just the way you liked it. A smile surfaced your umber skin when you noticed. Antheia was already seated and Kylo took his regular seat as you continued to move about your kitchen. 

“Ok, here, nice and warm.” You placed a bowl for Kylo and went to your seat to feed Antheia. “I hope she listened.” 

The sentence was for Kylo but pointed at Antheia. 

“She did. We built a snowman.” 

Kylo watched as your face lit up prompting Antheia too. The more he told you what happened on their adventure outside, the happier they both got, including him. A large scoop flew into his mouth quickly to tell you more. Y/N chuckled as some of the soup dripped from the side of his lip. 

“Kylo,” you giggled. “Please don’t choke!” 

A blush hit him as he wiped his face. He glanced up from his napkin to see your eyes still on him before you shyly cut away.

“Mommy,” 

“Yes, baby,” Y/N brushed her daughter’s cheek. 

“I tired.” 

“Ok, let’s get you ready for a nap.” 

Picking Antheia up, Kylo reached for the dishes. 

“I’ll…” he cleared his throat. “I’ll clean up for you.” 

“Thanks,” you smiled.

It was only a few dishes, so it didn’t take long until Kylo was sitting on the couch waiting for you. Y/N was leaving the nursery but not before she was picking up a box filled with pink and yellow party supplies. 

“I thought you said you were having something small?” Kylo questioned looking at the box. 

“I am.” You said. “Just us, the Hubbards, the Knights, Phasma and Hux.” 

Kylo could care less about Hux with the mention of ‘us’. 

“I meant the supplies.” 

“Oh, no, it seems like alot but it’s cups, utensils, streamers, table cloth, and balloons. The box is just small.” Y/N pulled a random item out of the box, which happened to be the number ‘1’ candle. 

“Stars,” You looked over it in amazement. “I can’t believe she’s one already. It feels like just yesterday she was born.” 

“I know,” Kylo agreed. 

“She wouldn’t be here if it wasn’t for you, thank you. She knew you deserved that title.” 

“I was just trying to be...a good friend.” He said shyly. 

Your full lips tugged into a smile. 

“I can’t believe we’ve known each other for two years, Kylo. It feels much longer.” Tears began to well up. “I don’t think I could’ve made it without you. Stupid emotions, I’m sorry, it’s just a lot with Antheia’s birthday and being here for two years. I’m just missing home a lot right now.” 

Kylo watched as you rushed off to get a tissue. 

“I was planning on not celebrating birthdays when I came here, but I can’t do that now, right?”

“I understand.” Kylo nodded. “I guess this means I might have to start celebrating as well.” 

Y/N laughed at his expression. 

“We can dread it together.” 

“For Antheia.” He nodded. 

“For Antheia.” You hummed.

* * *

Antheia awakened to be transported to a pink and yellow filled world with streamers and balloons. “Happy Birthday!” Were wished upon the child who smiled in glee with not an inkling that was going on. 

She played with the maskless Knights, as Phasma and Hux got stuck with Lady Hubbard, and Kylo talked to Dr. Hubbard. Occasionally, his brown eyes would fall on your smiling face even though he could feel the small bit of sorrow that permeated in their soul. 

Everyone enjoyed the cupcakes you baked, especially Antheia who got to eat her special one on her child-size tea table set bought by her Uncle Hux. 

“Y/N said no gifts.” 

“It’s a peace offering.” Hux rolled his eyes, hating to explain herself. 

The party ended when the birthday girl had fallen asleep underneath her new tea table. Kylo stayed behind to help you clean up while you put Antheia to bed. 

“You didn’t have to.” You said entering the kitchen. “But thank you,”

Kylo nodded. As he put some things away you reached into the oven. 

“Are those the batch of cupcakes you burnt?” 

You turned with a shocked expression. 

“I could hear you panicking if people would smell it.” 

Embarrassment washed over you as you dragged your feet towards him. 

“Well, I think you owe me an apology.” 

Kylo turned to see you standing before him with a lone chocolate cupcake with a single candle lit atop of it. 

“What a coincidence that only one cupcake survived.” Y/N smirked. 

“What is this?” His eyes were still fixated on the small good. 

“I thought we could start things off right. Happy Birthday, Kylo.” 

His eyes fell to yours to see nervousness and hope swirling about. 

“Make a wish.” 

His brows furrowed at your words before he looked at the dancing flame. You watched him contemplate his wish with such a serious, concentrated expression. You just couldn’t help yourself.

Kylo went to blow out the candle only to meet your full lips. It had been so long since their last kiss, they forgot how soft each other’s lips were. Kylo could taste the sweetness from the cupcake you had earlier on your as the moved against each other. He sucked along your bottom lip as he let out a sigh. You pulled back with heat spreading all over you.

“I’m sorry,” you looked down. “I should’ve let you finish.” 

Kylo said nothing but both hands cradled your face causing you to look up at him. His eyes glazed with tears as he softly smiled at you. Kylo chuckled and a full smile appeared on his lips due to his grandfather whispering some very reassuring words at the moment. Kylo’s hands fell to your waist and wrapped around you until your head was pressed against his chest. He nuzzled into your hair as he held you tightly. You fought back the tears that threatened to spill as you listened to his heartbeat.

A cry from Antheia’s room quickly ended the moment as you were leaving his arms. Before you entered, you turned back to Kylo. 

“I’ll be right back.” You went to lull Antheia. 

When you returned, your happiness dropped to see Kylo was no longer there. Y/N went to see if the cupcake was still there, which it wasn’t. It was replaced with a small chip that you eyed suspiciously. You placed it on your bedside to watch after you prepared for bed. 

Knees propped up the datapad as you entered the chip and watched it load. A black screen popped up with a play button. Your finger tapped the screen and vaguely familiar music began to play. 

“WELCOME TO TERRA!” 

The overly animated man cheered. And then you remembered. Tears slid down your cheek as you watched the nostalgic Terra documentary that was played throughout your childhood and Antheia would get a chance to view it too. Now you were able to keep a piece of Terra with you as you made a new life here, happily in the First Order.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm truly amazed at the amount of hits this has gotten. Thank you to everyone who has and continues to read this. As some may now, this is my last SW series. I'll be finishing a few others and ending with this. The series is actually almost over now that I officially picked the ending and right now I'm just editing the chapters in between. Once again, thanks for the support and stay safe.


	20. Jedi Temple Dating 101

Kylo entered your quarters to see your smiling face looking up at him. Your lips parted to say ‘good morning’, but were quickly blocked with a swoop of his lips on yours. His gloved hands found their way to your back to push you closer to him. 

“Kylo,” you removed yourself. “Not in front of Antheia, remember?” 

You gave him a knowing look. It had been weeks of this constant reminder, but he couldn’t help himself. At least he had stopped asking for permission to kiss, hug, and hold your hand. 

“Mommy?” 

Antheia tiredly walked out of her room, only to perk up when she saw the other adult in the room. 

“DADDY!” 

She ran quickly to jump into Kylo’s arms. You watched as they both wore wide smiles as they greeted each other. It was such a beautiful moment you couldn’t tear your eyes away from it. 

“Mwah!” Antheia pressed a kiss to his cheek.  **I don’t think she would mind the kisses.**

Y/N rolled her eyes before continuing to pack Antheia’s baby bag. 

Kylo, ever the gentleman, slung the bag over his shoulder before you could. 

“You know I could hold things.” Y/N looked at the large man who held Antheia, his mask and the bag. 

“I don’t need you coming up with an excuse not to hold my hand.” 

His explanation made you laugh. 

“Are you serious? But how can you, if you’re holding everything?” 

It didn’t matter how good he wielded the force, this whole romance thing would always trump him. Y/N shook her head as the pair made their way to the Hubbards. Lady Hubbard greeted them with a smile before little Antheia was nuzzling into her neck. 

“Gan Gan, I tired.” 

“Too many tea parties I bet.” Lady Hubbard chuckled. 

“Every morning she wakes up early to set it up for breakfast.” You nodded. 

Lady Hubbard nodded once more before she was looking between you and Kylo. Awkwardness rose in the air before Lady Hubbard said: “Well, I must let you two go; very busy.” 

She smiled a smile that made Kylo feel uncomfortable.

The two turned and began walking down the hall. 

“She knows,” Kylo whispered. 

“No she doesn’t.” 

“Yes, she does. How can you tell me? I can read minds.” 

You rolled your eyes. 

“She has an inkling, she doesn’t know. It’s like intuition.” 

“I know what intuition is.” He grumbled. “I’m just saying.” 

“I’m guessing we can’t hold hands.” You said continuing toward the elevator leaving a stumped Kylo. It wasn’t long until you saw a black mass approach in your peripheral and his glove hand was engulfing yours. A tiny smirk appeared on your full lips as he slowed you down to enjoy this moment of you two alone.

* * *

But it seemed like Kylo couldn’t leave you alone. This was all new to him and would cross paths with you as a reassurance as he was in disbelief. Someone liked him and he liked them and it made him feel good. Your head was lowered as you concentrated on the materials around you. The door slid open and you didn’t need to look up to know it was your approved stalker. He entered, sitting on a stool in the far corner with his mask fixated on you.

“Do you need anything?” You asked with your eyes remaining on your work. 

“No, I just came here to see you.” 

Your eyes finally looked up at him, although it wasn’t the look he wanted, he still couldn’t stop his heart skipping a beat. 

“I could feel your nervousness.” 

His honesty had you shuffling in your seat. 

“This is the same experiment that I was doing when I was pregnant and had the accident.” Y/N spoke softly. 

“Would you like me to leave?” 

“Yes,” 

Kylo stood up and made his way to the door. 

“Wait,” you called out. “Can you stay, please?” 

The shades on the windows began to lower as you gasped thinking of what had happened before. Kylo’s hands rose to remove his mask as he settled back onto the stool. 

“What are you doing?” 

“What?” Confusion was apparent on your face. 

“Tell me what you’re doing.” Kylo responded. “Talking through helps me sometimes.” 

Y/N looked at him with uncertainty before you were citing the procedure.

* * *

Kylo stayed with you for the remainder of the experiment even though you told him it wasn’t necessary. Unfortunately, he had his own work to do and would be back before dinner. You told him it wasn’t a problem but he couldn’t get enough of you. Or Antheia, as he now sat across from her at her tea table as you finished dinner. 

“Daddy?” Hazel eyes were wide as she softly called out for him. 

“Yes, Little Flower?” 

“I thirsty,” Antheia peered up with her doe eyes. “Can I drink choco mill?” 

The corner of his lips tugged up at her pronunciation of the drink of choice. Kylo nodded and got up to retrieve this only to be stopped by Y/N when she saw Kylo reaching for Antheia’s sippy cup. 

“What are you doing?” 

“I’m getting Antheia some milk.” 

His obvious tone had you sighing at your daughter’s manipulation. Either she was too good for her age or Kylo was really easy to persuade. 

“Kylo, Antheia is not allowed to drink chocolate milk before dinner. And she knows this.” You told him. 

“What do I do?” He asked. 

“Don’t give it to her.” 

“But I told her yes.” 

“Then tell her no. She knows better.” 

He defeated some of the fiercest warriors, won battles, wielded the force, commanded armies, and yet he didn’t know if he could do this. 

You stayed in the kitchen as Kylo went back in the room to talk to Antheia. It wasn’t long before a slumping Kylo came to sit at your table. Y/N turned to look at his disheartened expression. 

“You need to get over this if you want to be a parent.” Y/N advised him. 

“I feel like I can’t say no when she looks at me like that and calls me that name.” 

“Well, you’re going to have to learn how to say no. Trust me it’s much easier once you start.” 

“I know how to say no.” Kylo defended himself and met your unbelieving stare. 

Y/N walked over to him and held out her hand. 

“Give me your lightsaber.” 

“What?” 

“Give me your lightsaber.” You said with the straightest face.

Brown eyes flickered in confusion as your rich eyes held a serious stare. His hand twitched and you huffed in amusement. 

“Are you serious? Are you really thinking about this?” You were met with no answer as Kylo was lost in thought, or the appropriate term, short-circuiting. 

“Fine,” Y/N sighed. “Can I get a kiss?” 

The mention of a kiss helped him come back to reality. Like you told him previously ‘you don’t need to ask’. He smirked as he brushed a strand of hair back. Kylo could feel your breath fan across his lips before his instincts kicked in. 

His hand clasped around the wrist of your hand that held his lightsaber. Pulling back he didn’t know whether to be disappointed in himself or proud of your deception. And it was apparent in his eyes. 

“Quick, but,” Kylo started. 

“I think too loud?” 

He shook his head. “You didn’t think at all.” 

The look that was present in his eyes now was pride.

Kylo slowly turned you around, with his hand over yours now. 

“Watch your fingers.” 

You moved them back before he was igniting the crackling red beam. Even though Kylo held a firm grip, you could still feel the heaviness. The heat that rolled off and the cracking from the seemingly unstable saber made you move a little closer to Kylo. 

“I got you, it won’t harm you.” Kylo waved it around. 

“I guess I’d have to know how to protect myself since we’re dating.” 

Dating? Kylo’s mind went blank at the word. 

“Oh, dinner is ready!” Y/N said removing herself as the lightsaber deactivated. “Antheia, dinner’s ready!” 

Kylo took his seat completely blown away. 

Were you two dating? 

Was he really dating you? 

Were you ok with that? 

Was he ok with that? 

Nothing was ever said; you’d been in relationships before so of course you would rely on previous experience. 

But Kylo? 

He’d never seriously liked someone, he didn’t even think he ever liked or thought of someone in the way he did with you nor did he even date. 

Were you two really dating? 

Kylo didn’t even know what dating fully entailed. The only time he recalled seeing someone date was in holo-movies and stories he read, and the occasional secret relationships at the Jedi temple. Dark brows furrowed as he thought about that. 

He remembered couples sneaking kisses and holding hands, watching each other practice, helping with their work, staying up late, having special secret places, eating meals together. Kylo looked up to see you taking a bite between feeding Antheia. Oh Darth Vader, he was dating you! 

“WE’RE DATING!” 

The booming revelation caused Y/N and Antheia to give him a strange look. 

“Yes,” you answered nervously, returning your attention back to Antheia. 

Kylo nodded and mumbled “We’re dating,” before his blushing smile appeared. He couldn’t wait to tell his grandfather.

  
  



	21. Who’s the Boss

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg 200 kudos, thank you so much! I'm really glad people are still here and enjoying it. I apologize for not posting as usual. I'm graduating this month so I have a lot of things due. So don't be mad if there's no update in 1-2 weeks. Stay safe everyone <3

Kylo had a girlfriend. 

You were beautiful and intelligent and compassionate and witty, and you were his. 

Y/N was his and he was yours...and Antheia’s. 

Kylo’s rich brown eyes turned from the movie to you lounging on the other side of the couch and to Antheia who sat right up under him. A pair of hazel eyes looked up at him before scolding him. 

“Daddy, look.” 

He did as she said before a blush was blooming on his face. 

He had a girlfriend and a step-daughter, a little unorthodox family but he loved every minute of it.

* * *

Kylo was there every second, from when Antheia woke up to right before she went to sleep. Of course, he had reserved time for you, but sometimes his presence wasn’t helpful at all. 

You were running late and he just continued to play with Antheia. 

“Kylo, I,” a frustrated groan caused him to look up from his spot on the floor. “I asked you to make sure she puts her toys away, not have a tea party.” 

Y/N began to pick up the toys much to her daughter’s dismay. Kylo caught your hand and gave you a sympathetic look. 

“You’re stressed.” 

An obvious look was painted on your face as you wriggled out of his grip. 

“Hux is going to kill me.” You groaned as you now went to search for your datapad. 

Kylo felt terrible that he was no help; leaving Antheia in her room, Kylo used the force to summon your datapad. 

“Here,” you turned to see him handing you the missing item. 

“Oh, thank you.” You sighed in relief. 

You were on the move once more before Kylo caught your arm and pressed a kiss to your lips. 

“Kylo, I don’t have time for this. I’m going to be late! And I still have to take Antheia to Lady Hubbard. Not to mention I have to swing by the lab before the meeting.” 

“Relax,” His hands firmly grasped your shoulders. “I’ll take her with me today.” 

“Thank you,” Y/N sighed before realizing what he meant. “No, Kylo. She cannot go to work with you again.” 

“She’s fine.” 

“No, people are working, she doesn’t need to be in the way.” 

“She wo―” 

He was immediately cut off from the incoming call by Hux. As the annoying shrill of Hux’s voice rang through the speakers, Kylo took this moment to scoop up Antheia and her baby bag to make his way to the door. He was almost out the door till obsidian eyes cut to him. ** I’m taking her to the Hubbards.** You nodded a thank you before rolling your eyes at your superior on the other end.

Antheia’s little face scrunched as she looked from one end of the hallway to the other. 

“We go to Gan Gan now.” She said. 

“We can go to Gan Gan.” Kylo started. “Or you can stay with me.” 

Her face lit up as her little arms wrapped around his neck. 

“PLAY WITH DADDY!” 

A smile was present on his face as he entered the empty elevator. 

And they played. 

Kylo watched in amazement at her energy, he couldn’t even imagine what he could do if he could harness all that. His mind began to wonder what you would think if you found out. You and Lady Hubbard equally deserve a break and he was comfortable enough with Antheia now. Antheia ran up and down the training room with a smile present on both of their faces. 

Antheia would love Chandrila, Kylo thought, you too. 

Antheia would love to play on the rolling hills and Y/N would love to sit out at night to see the sky. Y/N could work in the city and on weekends they could go to stay in a little cabin in the countryside and sleep in one bed. The memory of his little self snuggled between his parents was present before him.

He blinked back to reality with heavy breathing in disbelief. Kylo hadn’t thought about his life in Chandrila in years. Yet here he was thinking about it because of you and Antheia. 

“Daddy,” Antheia bobbled. 

“Yes, Little Flower?” He sucked in a breath. 

“I hungry.” She dramatically fell into him. 

“Ok, let’s see what we can get you.” 

Scooping her up, Kylo made his way down the hall. He couldn’t go back to your quarters and he had no food in his. His office would be the next best thing so they could order from the kitchen. This was going well until he sensed Y/N near. And it didn’t help that Antheia was talking. Quickly turning around he booked it to the nearest safe place.

Hux looked up from the sound of his door sliding open. There was only one person who was disrespectful towards others' privacy, he just didn’t expect to see Antheia with him. 

“Hux,” Kylo said, catching his breath. 

“Hugs!” Antheia was reaching out to be in her uncle’s arms. 

“Keep her for lunch, I’ll come back.” Kylo grudgingly gave up Antheia to Hux who was clearly taken aback from this. 

“Re―wait!” Hux’s words hit the closed door as silent permeated through the air. 

Cerulean eyes turned to the baby who looked up at him. 

“Hugs!” Once again, the child was reaching out to him. Awkwardly he accepted the small hug before she was pulling back. “I hungry.” 

Red brows furrowed. 

What did babies eat? He knew milk was a definite but she was too big just for milk. 

He placed an order for an array of small sandwiches that, hopefully, would be to Antheia’s liking. Between the time of the order and the delivery, he just watched Antheia explore his office. No area was left unturned as she pointed to the items and he identified them. Finally, the droid delivered the sandwiches and Antheia sat on his desk. 

“Ok, I don’t know whi―” 

Antheia’s little fingers plucked one triangle and tried stuffing it in her mouth. 

“No!” Hux caught her just as she began to choke. 

Hux poured some water in a glass and helped her small self. 

“You mustn't be so savage.” He wiped her mouth. 

Taking the knife on the tray he cut the sandwiches into smaller sections. Antheia gasped completely enjoying this. When he did it again, she began to clap. He huffed in amusement. 

“Antheia, you’re a young lady. You must act like one.” He told her. 

Hux placed one piece on a little napkin before her. 

“Ank you,” 

Her little voice caused him to bite back a smile. Hux looked over her in disbelief that he had once hated her. It might’ve sounded strong, and as childish as it sounded, Antheia represented a loss of Y/N. Whatever plans he had that he wanted with you had ceased once Hux found out you were pregnant. But, you were a great mother and Antheia was a bright child, albeit mischievous. But he believed that was because of Ren hovering around.

“Antheia,” the call of her name caused her to look up at her uncle. 

“You’re a little princess and must act like one.” 

“Pri...pri…” Antheia tried to pronounce the word as best as she could. “Pri-yes!” 

“Yes,” Hux nodded. “Small clean bites.”

* * *

You made your way down the hall only for the officers that you were talking to to scurry away leaving you two alone in the hall. Turning, you saw Kylo Ren stomping down the hall with billowing cape and menacing mask. 

“Dr. L/N,” 

“Commander?” 

Even though his face was hidden, there was something off. 

“How was your meeting?” Kylo asked as he tried to turn you around. 

“Fine; I need to go that way.” Y/N spun around for him to block you. Dark eyes narrowed at him before she stepped aside and he mirrored her. “

I need to see the General.” 

“Why?” You tilted her head. 

“Commander…” 

“Doctor…”  _ What did you do? _ “Are you assuming I did something?” 

“You’re acting like you’re hiding something you’ve done.” You looked him over before sighing. “I don’t have time for this, I have a meeting with Hux and I’m pretty sure every second I’m here the closer he’ll be to sending out a search team.” 

“MOMMY!” 

Y/N looked over Kylo’s shoulder to see Hux speed walking with Antheia in his arms. Kylo immediately took off his mask before turning to see Antheia. 

“DADDY!” The child exclaimed. 

A side eye was sent to Kylo who was quick at retrieving the child.

“Y/N, I can explain.” Kylo turned to suffer under the daggered-stare of Y/N. “I just thought you and Lady Hubbard deserved a break. Plus, she had a much bigger space to play instead of running in the small quarters.” 

“I disagree,” Hux cleared his throat. “Y/N has proven that she and Lady Hubbard can handle child care. Antheia has a lot of potential that shouldn’t be wasted in play.” 

Kylo turned quickly to Hux to begin an argument about what they thought was best for your daughter. 

“Please stop!” Y/N grabbed Antheia “She’s my daughter and I make the decisions for this family.” Before storming off down the hall.

* * *

Kylo sat in the dark room across from the distorted mask. He felt physically sick. You were very mad at him and didn’t want to see or talk to him right now. His eyes glossed with clear liquid before shooting an angry look at the mask. 

“HOW?” He yelled. “She doesn’t want to even see me.” 

Sometimes he didn’t even know why he listened to his grandfather. Rolling his eyes, he scoffed. “Okay, so some of your advice was helpful. SOME not all.” Kylo pointed. 

By some force, Kylo was being pushed, with him and the chair falling backwards. Furrowed brows warily looked at the mask before stomping out the room to your door. 

“I ask him to guide me to reach my potential and he ignores me. Throw some girl in and he won’t shut up.” But you weren’t just some girl and his grandfather knew this. 

The door slid open to your stern face. They both knew why he was here and his apologetic demeanor showed it. Stepping aside, you allowed the saddened giant into your quarters. Kylo turned to see you folding your arms. He noticed the smell of dinner dissipating and the closed door to Antheia’s room. They had had dinner without him and more knots in his stomach. 

“I should’ve never done that.” 

Your eyes widened at his opening statement. 

“I know that wasn’t good. Can you just!” He mumbled to who you thought was himself. “I…” He was too afraid to say what he really wanted to say, what his grandfather was urging him to say, so when you began talking he was more than thankful. 

“Kylo, I know you care for Antheia and have good intentions, but she needs to be at the Hubbards. Lady Hubbard isn’t just letting her play all day. She needs the structure, she’s growing up and we live on a military base.” Y/N told him. “As her mother I have to ensure her safety and stability, she can’t be running off with the Commander and General. I’m thankful for the both of you, but this is still my job and I would like to carry a level of professionalism where I keep personal life separate.” 

Kylo’s heart dropped at what he believed was next to come out of your mouth. 

As if you knew, you reassured him: “I’m not breaking up with you.” 

All the weight was lifted off his shoulders as all his emotions made him feel lightheaded. 

“But you need to understand, you might be the Commander out there for the First Order, but in here, with this family, I’m the Commander and what I say goes.” 

There was silence as Kylo walked up and knelt before you. 

“What are you doing?” You asked about his suspicious actions. 

“I’m pledging my allegiance.” He replied. 

“What?” 

“It’s customary to show respect to the leader of a clan.” Kylo bowed his head. “I pledge my allegiance to you.” 

Y/N couldn’t help the laugh that ripped through her as she shook his head.

“You’re so annoying, you better be glad you’re so cute.” A blush spread as he stood up, hugging you.

“Ok, well, I need to go to bed early so we don’t have a repeat of today.” You told him once he set you down. 

“Can I stay?” He asked softly. 

Your eyes looked over him; he was still a little shaken up, so you nodded. Kylo removed his robes and stripped down to his thermals as Y/N slid into her spot. With pulsating nerves and heart, he did the same; palms sweating as he fixed the blankest as he turned to face you. Kylo gazed upon your peaceful face as you spoke. 

“Goo―” 

“Mommy?” Y/N turned to see Antheia and her stuffed bantha. 

“Come on, Blossom,” She pitter pattered towards the bed before Y/N was pulling her up with one arm. 

“Daddy!” Antheia whispered in excitement as she saw who awaited on the other side. 

“Okay, now we have to go to sleep.” Y/N reminded the two. 

“Okay,” Antheia whispered as she found her spot between the two adults.

His grandfather gleefully taunted his grandson. Kylo grumbled moving in closer only to see his long-time friend stare back with one glossy eye and the button that replaced the other. How weird they were both in the same position they were in many moons ago, under different circumstances. It was no longer his little self gripping tightly to it between his parents from the scary thunder, Kylo now had the job of protection. But could he protect them?

  
  



	22. Home Is Where You Are

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> IM DONE...with classes!

There was a knock on the door before you were walking over to open. You could barely get a word out before Hux was speeding past you. 

“I’m late, I know!” 

He made a beeline to Antheia’s room where she sat at her tea table with Kylo, Kane, and Mika. Y/N chuckled, peering in to see the towering figures folded to entertain your daughter. Returning to dinner, you could hear her little voice saying something before heavy footfalls followed after. 

“No, Daddy!” 

Antheia pointed her finger as Kylo sulked towards the kitchen island. A deep sigh left his lips and you bit back a laugh. Another sigh left his lips and you turned to look at the dramatic man. 

“What are you doing out here?” You playfully asked.

Kylo rolled his eyes. 

“Antheia kicked me out because of Hux.” 

“Because of Hux?” You inquired. 

“He started it.” 

“You two should really get along or you’ll miss out on all the happening parties at Chez Antheia.” Y/N chuckled. 

“It doesn’t matter.” Kylo shrugged. “I can always stay here with you.” 

Your eyes widened thinking about the others in the room. Shooting him a look, he looked back at her room. “REN! GET OUT OF MY HEAD!” Hux yelled. Kylo turned back to you and shook his head. 

“He didn’t hear anything. I’ll talk through the force next time.” 

“Yes, maybe that will be for the best.” 

In time, the tea guests were exiting and saying a friendly goodbye, minus Hux who stayed to boast about how your daughter was a lovely young lady and had a wonderful mother as a role model. Kylo just grumbled as he waited for the copper-haired man to leave. If it wasn’t for the alert on the bridge, Kylo thought he would never leave. 

“Finally!” He exclaimed as he stalked towards you. 

“Stop,” Y/N swatted. “You look like a creep.” 

He froze in his steps and looked at his feet. “What did you do to me?” He dramatically gasped. 

A laugh ripped through you. 

“Oh my stars, you are so extra!” You exclaimed. “Since you have so much energy, can you get Antheia ready for dinner, please?”

“Can I get a kiss?” 

“No,” you sang. 

Kylo stood shocked before lunging and stealing a kiss. 

“Kylo!” Y/N shout-whispered. 

“You said I never had to ask.” He quipped. 

“Yes, but there is a little thing called consent, darling. But, I’ll let you off with a warning.” Y/N narrowed her eyes. 

“Thank you, I’m forever indebted.” His bow was met with a roll of your eyes as he walked to get Antheia ready.

* * *

All three sat at the table as Antheia did what she did best, talk. 

“And why’d you kick him out?” You asked about Kylo’s departure causing him to roll his eyes. 

“Daddy no share,” Antheia shook her head. “Daddy no share with Hugs.” 

“Uncle Hugs,” you corrected her.

“Daddy no share with Unka Hugs.” She repeated with the correct title. 

“You didn’t share?” You turned to Kylo. 

“No, Daddy no share and that’s no nice.” 

“You’re right, that’s not nice.” Y/N agreed with her daughter. 

“Well, it was my space.” Kylo mumbled and you laughed as he tried to defend himself against a one year old.

Kylo offered to clean up while you bathed Antheia and you were thankful to have one less thing to do. He was putting away the last plate when he heard his name being called. 

“Hey, she wants you to read her a bedtime story.” 

Kylo’s brows furrowed as he looked at you. Tentatively, he walked into the room to see his Little Flower nestled under her pink blanket with the plush bantha right beside her. 

“Ok,” he said looking at the arrangement of physical books he had found for her on one of his missions. “Do you want…” He skimmed the titles. “This one?” He pulled out the blue book. 

“No, red!” 

Of course she knew what she wanted. Antheia was a big girl in her big girl bed; she was growing too fast. He picked the red one and made his way over. Slowly, he read aloud, stopping when Antheia would correct his work. Kylo didn’t have much experience in reading stories to kids. He remembered his father telling outlandish stories that were even too much for fiction. But Antheia didn’t complain too much, so that was good. As they got to the last page Antheia jumped up to see the picture of the beautiful garden. 

“It’s bootiful.” 

Kylo couldn’t help but chuckle in agreement at her pronunciation. 

“Can we go there, Daddy?”

He looked down into her innocent hazel eyes and of course he wanted to say yes, she was his Little Flower. He felt terrible that Antheia was trapped inside all the time. 

“We’ll see,” Kylo pressed a kiss to her forehead. “Goodnight, Little Flower.” 

“Goodnight, Daddy.”

* * *

Y/N strained to reach the equipment on the top shelf. In seconds, it was floating past you to land gently on the table. You turned so your eyes landed on the masked man at the door. 

“Yes, Commander?” 

Clearing his throat, Kylo walked in closer and removed his mask as the blinds closed in your room. 

“You’re not getting a kiss.” You warned him. 

A sigh fell from his lips and the blinds and his mask going up. 

“Is that all?” 

“No, I came to talk to you about Antheia.” 

Y/N perked up and gave all the attention to Kylo. 

“Have you ever been to the botanical hall?” He asked. 

“When I first came here, I was allowed to see it but not enter because we were all still recovering. Why?” 

“I wanted to take Antheia. And of you, of course.” Kylo told you. “It’s just when I was reading to her, she was so in awe of the garden and asked if we could go. I wanted to talk to you about it.” 

“I want to take her too. It hurts me that she’s locked inside all the time. But, I’m just worried something might happen or she might be allergic. Call me high strung, I haven’t gone myself and just been avoiding it all together.” You sighed. 

Kylo nodded at your explanation. 

Antheia frequently went to Dr. Hubbard to get check-ups, not just because she was a child but to make sure everything was ok. Lacking the attention and nutrients in the first few months of pregnancy seemed detrimental, but Antheia was healthy as ever and you wanted to keep it that way.

“But I’ll talk to Dr. Hubbard about any precautions. It really would be nice to be in an environment like that again. When I was younger, I was outside or in the park every sunny day.” 

He felt your happiness engulf him and the little prickles of sadness that fell upon him as well. 

“Let me know when you talk to Dr. Hubbard. I’ll see you later.” 

“I’ll see you later.” Y/N turned quickly to hide the bubbling tears.

* * *

Kylo led the way down the hall as you followed tentatively behind with Antheia in your arms tightly. They all stopped before the door where Y/N placed Antheia on the ground and knelt beside her. 

“Now Antheia, if anything starts to hurt or you feel tired or funny, you have to let mommy know, okay?” 

“Okay,” She nodded. 

Holding your hand, they led her into the viewing hall of the botanical hall. She was too short, so she had no clue what was behind the walls until the door slid open and her face was lighting up. “MOMMY LOOK!” Antheia exclaimed. 

“I see Blossom.” 

“It’s bootiful!” The two adults chuckled at her description. “Can we go? Can we go? Can we go?!” She jumped. 

“Yes, Blossom,” with this approval she was running straight for the large patch of grass. 

“You’re not worried?” Kylo asked. 

“A little, but I got this device that tracked her vitals.” Y/N showed him. Kylo was impressed, grabbing a hold of your hand the two entered the hall. 

You and Kylo sat on the grass as Antheia played before them. 

“Mommy, look!” Antheia approached them with a small yellow flower in her hand. 

“Wow, it’s a pretty little flower.” 

“Like me, Daddy.” She turned to Kylo who couldn’t help but chuckle.

“It is, Little Flower.” 

Y/N sighed looking around the room. “This reminds me of home.” 

“Home?” Antheia asked. 

“Yes, Mommy’s home.” 

“Where mommy home?” 

“Mommy’s home is on a planet named Terra. It has a lot of trees and flowers and animals.” You told her. 

“Where mine home?” She asked. 

“Right here,” 

“Now mommy stay?” 

“Yes, my home is wherever you are Antheia.” Y/N hugged her.

“Where Daddy home?” Antheia asked with fingers in your hair. 

“I don’t know, you have to ask him.” 

Turning her head, Antheia asked Kylo: “Where Daddy home?” 

“I don’t have one.” 

His answer was met with forlorn expressions from both you and Antheia. 

“No Daddy,” Antheia said. “You stay with me and Mommy!” 

Her arms wrapped your neck as she giggled. Kylo peered into both you and Antheia’s eyes. He got to witness their loving little home and you allowed him to be a part of it. And for that, he was grateful.

* * *

<https://www.pinterest.com/pin/6966574412691995/> Here's a little something for even more feels.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm editing the final chapters and I'm sad this is ending. Hope you guys enjoyed the photo.


	23. And So We Meet

Kylo went on missions frequently to retrieve artifacts or sometimes to train. You noticed early on, while you were pregnant, he would distance himself. Days to weeks before and after training he would keep his distance. Y/N didn’t think too much into it, just a technique that he would do. But recently, it felt differently. 

You had heard him say something to no one in particular, or so you thought. Although the words were inaudible, it was the look in his eyes that worried you. You had never seen that look in his eyes before. When you asked him if he was okay, he brushed it off to continue to play dejarik. 

Usually Kylo went to train with the Knights, this time he went alone. This, for some reason gave you an unsettling feeling that the Knights tried to help you dismiss. The Knights were always around you, always just so happening to be in your vicinity. Suspicions really began to rise when you found out Hux was gone too. To where? You didn’t know, but for some reason, something wouldn’t let up. You didn’t know if it was intuition or something else, but it felt as if you were trying to be told something.

* * *

This morning as you prepared breakfast for you and Antheia, you received a message relieving you of your duties for today from Hux. Brows furrowed as to what had happened, before you could even reply, another message was alerting you to meet now, this was from Kylo. Turning off the stove, you couldn’t help but get a heavy feeling in your gut. 

“Antheia,” Y/N walked into the room. “Mommy can’t have breakfast with you today.” 

Antheia presented you with a little pout. 

“I know but Mommy has a meeting.” 

“Ok,” she sighed. “Is Daddy back?”

“Soon,” you took a deep breath not knowing what was going on. 

“And I show him my colors?” She pointed to the pictures she drew for Kylo. 

“Yes, Blossom, you can show him your colors.”

After dropping Antheia off, you briskly made your way to Kylo’s office trying to calm your unsettling feelings. You had barely made it to the door before he was stepping out mask and all. 

“Come with me,” was all he said before you were following behind him. 

Entering an elevator, he removed his helmet and continued to look straight forward. 

“You need to listen to me and remember everything I say.” Kylo started. “Follow me and bow when I do. Do not get up or speak unless told to.” 

“Who are we meeting?” Y/N asked inquisitively. 

Brown eyes quickly cut to look your way before returning to their previous position. 

“Don’t ask anything, don't think of anything, don't think of anyone you love. Don’t think of your family, don’t think of your fiancé, don’t think of Antheia.” 

You knew he was trying to help you but it only made you fearful of what was to meet you on the other side.

It opened to a large black hall with a long walkway. Kylo took the lead and you did your best to keep up before finding yourself standing beside him. He initiated the kneel and you followed suit. A chill crept through your spin before you heard a booming voice. 

“Rise, both of you.” So they did. 

Before you was a large, looming hologram of...someone you presumed, someone that didn’t help with the feelings that were already squirming inside. Beady eyes were on Kylo before they fell on you. 

“Do you know who I am?” 

“No sir,” 

“My, my,” He tsked. “My apprentice has failed on the most basic levels.” 

This caused Kylo to look down. 

“I am Supreme Leader Snoke, ruler of the First Order, and his master.” The booming voice emphasized the last title and it started to make sense as to why Kylo was acting the way he did.

“And what is your name?” 

“Dr. Y/N L/N, sir.” You cleared your throat. 

“A doctor,” he hummed before proceeding to ask basic information that could be found in your file. 

“You're not married?” He asked in almost a condescendingly mocking way. 

“No, sir,” 

The Supreme Leader’s eyes flicked down to the ring that gleamed on your left hand. “Are we lying?”

His question caused your hands to ball into a fist to cause your fearful nerves. 

“No, I was engaged and then he died.” You knew Kylo didn’t want you to say these things but what could you say? Another hum left his lips before he looked at Kylo. 

“His death influenced your choice in deciding to work here as well as many others.” 

Kylo knew what he was playing at but did his best to ignore it. 

“It seems the two of you have grown close since your arrival and influenced a change.” There was baiting silence and when no one faltered, Snoke was dismissing them. “Thank you for your service, Dr. L/N.” He nodded. “Ren,” before the figure disappeared. 

As soon as the pair entered the elevator, Kylo’s hands were flying to your shoulder and looking into your eyes. 

“Kylo, what?” Y/N said nervously. “What are you doing?” 

“Did he say anything to you?” This question confused you. “Did he say anything to you in your head?” 

“No, Kylo, wh―” 

“What were you thinking of? Did he show you anything? Did any part of you feel weird?” 

There was that look again; along with the look and his actions, he was scaring you. The soft Kylo that slipped from your lips made him internally scream. His panicking was scaring you and the fact that his grandfather was showing Kylo his trauma did not help. Tears began to well in his eyes as heavy breathing set in. You were scared and confused and unsure of what was happening and what to do. 

“Y/N, I’m sorry.” His hands cupped your face as you felt yourself on the brink of tears. He pressed his forehead to yours and let the tears fall freely from his eyes. Kylo had failed and felt this was only the beginning of a nightmare soon to come.

* * *

“Things will be different from now on.” Now that Snoke has met you. “You have to tell me every dream, every thought, every occurence that just seems strange, ok?” 

Kylo calmly sat down and talked to you. It took him some time to get him to this point; the tears had dried, the breathing leveled out and they were able to talk about what just happened. 

“What about Antheia?” You asked. 

“I’ll get her a trooper escort when she’s with Lady Hubbard.”

“All that stuff you said about the Supreme Leader manipulating you―” 

“He didn’t manipulate me, he showed me my potential!” Kylo snapped and you were taken aback. 

“I-I didn’t mean it like that, but you said he can alter your mind, what if he does that to Antheia?”

A deep breath escaped him. This was all his fault. 

“I don’t know.” He said, defeated, as his head hung low.

“We can ask her to color.” 

His head picked up when he heard your voice dripping with timidness. 

Through the force he could feel that you weren’t afraid of him, thankfully, but you understood it was a sensitive topic for him and an unknown situation for you and emotions wouldn’t help. 

“Yeah,” Kylo nodded. “That could work.” 

Y/N nodded in agreement before standing up. Kylo caught your hand and pulled you toward him. 

“Things will be different from now on.” He repeated. “And I want to let you know…” Kylo could hear his grandfather telling him to do it, just say it. But he couldn’t. “How I feel about you won’t.” The palm of your hand gently cupped his cheek as you pressed a kiss on the other side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I literally hate when a series comes to an end. I get such anxiety that the ending will fizzle. This will be my last SW pic so I'm trying to make it as good as possible.


	24. The Start of Many

Snoke’s plan was to break his apprentice. And he did with each meeting. But each time Kylo came back, he gained even more vigor and it was all because of you. He thought it would be easy to finally have Kylo under his full control, all he needed to do was shed his ties to the light, and then you came. Although there was no shift, it was only a matter of time. He knew what ‘love’ could do. Kylo just needed to see that love wasn’t worth it, that he wasn’t worth it. But no matter what Snoke did, your feelings for Kylo unintentionally fought back.

* * *

There were more arguments then the two of you usually got into. It was mainly due to Kylo’s paranoia and obsessiveness, it became overbearing for Y/N. You felt that you were constantly being watched and had to be on alert from Snoke, and Kylo wasn’t helping. 

Kylo sat across from Antheia as they colored together. Antheia’s trooper alerted the Commander that Antheia woke up screaming and would not stop causing Lady Hubbard to panic. So now Kylo was trying to see if anything unusual happened. Everything seemed normal as she focused on her coloring, sometimes talking about the colors. Her hazel eyes glanced at his paper that was filled with blue flowers.

“Good job, Daddy!” Antheia exclaimed.

The blast door slid open to reveal Y/N. 

“MOMMY!” Antheia ran and jumped in your arms. 

“Hi, Blossom.” 

You pressed a kiss to the side of her head before looking at Kylo. He shook his head and you nodded. While looking at him, you noticed the fresh bruise under his eye. 

“Look, we color!” 

Antheia was quick to show you her and Kylo’s work of art. 

“It's a beautiful Blossom, when you're finished we can hang them up.” 

Antheia smiled brightly before returning to coloring. Y/N looked at Kylo before motioning him to come out. He caught it and followed you out. The couple sat on two opposite ends on the couch. The constant back and forth the two have endured was causing tension to arise.

“She’s fine, there was nothing and I saw noth―” 

He stopped when he saw your head whip towards him. He had promised to never go into Antheia’s mind. 

“I didn’t.” Kylo said. “I just heard whatever she projected.” 

Y/N nodded and her worry started to decrease. The two welcomed in more silence before Y/N was walking away. A sigh escaped his lips as his gaze casted down. Things had changed dramatically; it seemed that they would never be where they were. He didn’t understand why he thought he could have this. A jolt ran through his body causing him to jump from the biting cold that fell upon his cheek. Turning, he saw your obsidian-like eyes concentrating on the cold compress pressed against his face. 

“Did he do this to you?” 

“Y/N.” Kylo’s authoritative voice warned you. Rolling your eyes, you allowed him to take control of the compress. “You shouldn’t question anything.” 

“I know,” you exhaled as he continued to tell you what you shouldn’t do. “I know!” Your voice rose a little before you were looking at him. It hurt him to see the hurt in your eyes. “I care about you, Kylo. I feel so useless when I see you like this. I just want to help but I don’t know how.” Little did you know that you were helping in a way. “It just seems like ever since that meeting, everything has gone bad. I just don't want to let that happen.” 

Although he didn’t say anything, it meant a lot that you wanted to fight for their relationship. So why should he accept defeat when you clearly wouldn’t. 

A little giggle interrupted the adult conversation and eyes shot to the little one peering out of her room. 

“What are you doing, little miss missy?” Y/N inquired. 

“You kiss now!” Antheia said gleefully. 

Heat rose through Y/N and Kylo’s face at the toddler’s words. 

“A-And why do you think that?” 

“Gan Gan story say kisses have supa-pow-wah.” She said seriously. 

“Well, why don’t you give him a kiss?” 

“Cause I not strong yet!” 

Her answer amused you and you asked her to explain. 

“Mommy kisses make you better.” She told you. 

A smile formed on your face from your daughter’s reply as she bounced. 

“How about you draw a picture to help?” 

Antheia nodded excitedly as she ran into her room. When she was gone, you pressed a kiss to Kylo’s cheek. A muffled giggle caused you to turn to the empty doorway of Antheia’s bedroom; a chuckle left Kylo’s lips before his hand was bringing your face towards him to kiss your lips. Y/N pulled back to see a tired eyes being lit with a soft smile. 

“You two are in cahoots, I swear.” You shook your head in amusement.

* * *

Y/N was being summoned to another meeting and it made Kylo uneasy. The pair stood before the holographic Snoke who just looked between the two. Kylo stood firm with bated breath, trying to figure out what Snoke was planning. 

“You're missing your fiancé more, as of lately.” 

Y/N looked down at Snoke’s statement. “Yes, sir,” 

“The anniversary of his death is near isn’t it?” 

“Yes, sir.” 

Kylo could feel your mixed emotions, no doubt Snoke could feel them too, you were trying to underestimate the situation for your feelings and Kylo’s. 

“It was an accident wasn’t it?” Snokes question caused your head to snap up. Kylo watched as your eyes went vacant, as if you weren’t here. “There were others; he called you right before they left, but you didn’t answer.” 

Tears could be seen gliding down your umber cheek. Snoke was showing you what happened. Kylo could feel his anger began to boil as he watched your emotions begin to overwhelm you; he could see your hand twitching to reach out. Your mouth opened and closed with inaudible noises. 

“Ky...K―” Y/N stuttered out and Snoke was quickly looking towards his apprentice. 

“Do it!” Snoke goaded. “You already put her in this situation, imagine what your other actions could lead to.” 

Kylo’s chest heaved as he tried to keep control as your pleads and sobbing became louder. This was his fault and your torture was due to him, how could even just stand there and let this happened to the person that he loved. 

Loved? 

This wasn’t the most appropriate time for this realization but was love letting you suffer? Was love interfering and making the situation worse? Kylo realized he was stuck in between a rock and a hard place. He couldn’t keep letting this happen, he couldn’t let you suffer at his expense. Two choices were presented to Kylo and whichever he chose would change his life.

A loud shriek and thump caused Kylo to jump; you dropped like dead weight as Snoke’s hologram disappeared. Kylo rushed over tentative hands hovering over you in uncertainty. Where you...no he could see the small shakes your body was emitting and hear the small sobs. 

“Y/N,” Kylo sighed, releasing his tears. He scooped up your limp form hugging you. “I’m sorry,” he pleaded. “Y/N, I’m so sorry.” 

Kylo constantly apologized. He never wanted to hurt you or put you in any harm. His indulgences and selfishness had blinded him; Kylo had once again hurt someone he loved. And looking back at his track record, if he didn't change, this wouldn’t end well for the both of them. He was doomed to destroy everything he touched.

* * *

Everything was silent. Gently, he placed Y/N down in the bed before quickly fetching some water. 

“Y/N…” Kylo softly called out. 

Your stare was wide and unending, and your mind was blank. You were just a shell of yourself. Furrowed brows thought of what could help you through your shock. 

“I want…” Your hoarse voice strained to just make a whisper. “Wa―ant…Antheia.” 

Kylo nodded slowly before going to retrieve her from Lady Hubbard’s. He came back quickly with a very talkative Antheia, who seemed to notice the distress as she entered the gloomy quarters. The blast doors to your bedroom slid open and Antheia let out a jubilant “Mommy!” When you didn’t respond, a pout found its way on her little plump lips as she looked at Kylo and then back to your still form. It was as if she could feel your feelings. 

“Mommy?” 

Antheia left his arms and crawled on the bed towards you. She gently placed her little palm on your cheek and your eyes lifted toward her face. Hazel eyes looked down at you with worry; tears were filling in your eyes as heavy, aching limbs wrapped around her. 

“Mommy sick?” 

Y/N nodded holding her tight. Antheia shuffled down, hugging her mother back. Tears fell freely as you hugged her as if she was the stuffed Bantha she held at night.

“Please...leave,” Y/N whispered shakily. Kylo looked over them in hurt before he was slowly slinking out.

* * *

Kylo sat in his room with his bottom lip trapped between teeth. Fingers dug deeply in his scalp when they weren’t scratching at the raw expanse of skin on his back. Loud voices haunted making it harder for his grandfather to get through. 

Snoke traumatized you so badly you wouldn’t even look at him or let him be near you. He berated himself over and over for what had happened to you. He broke you. 

Kylo was in love with you. He loved you and he loved Antheia. Antheia loved him and he thinks, before all of this, he might’ve had a chance to be loved by you. 

Sweat drenched his skin as he trembled while the salty sweat stung at his scratches. The more time that passed the more he believed the voices. Kylo didn’t deserve you or whatever life he thought he could have, he’d be your undoing, you’d think he was weak, you’d be repulsed by him, you’d never love him, and you would leave him without ever looking back.

* * *

Time had passed before Kylo was cautiously entering your quarters. Night had fallen, creating a pitch black blanket. It was usually the time they ate dinner; he knew you wouldn’t be up to it, but you would at least appreciate him feeding Antheia. 

When the door to your bedroom slid open, Antheia was already sitting up. The little one crawled toward him to be lifted into his arms. 

“Did you just wake up?” 

Antheia nodded in response. The two made their way to her bedroom; Kylo had ordered dinner, with a plate and dessert on the side for you. Kylo and Antheia ate at her tea table while watching one of her shows. 

“Daddy?” 

“Yes, Little Flower?” He looked upon her face to see inquisitive eyes. 

“Are you my Daddy for real? Mommy say no.” 

Kylo couldn’t look at her, it was too painful. It was true and it would eventually come out, he just hoped not now. Everything was crumbling so fast. 

“No, I’m not your real father, Antheia.” He replied. 

Small hands found their way to the sides of his face to make him look at her. “Mommy say I choose you.” 

“You did choose me.” Kylo nodded with reddening eyes. 

“You my Daddy, too.” 

Kylo was quick to embrace the little one as tears clung between lashes. 

“Thank you,” Kylo breathed. “For choosing me.” 

Antheia’s small arms wrapped around his neck. 

“I love you, Little Flower.” 

“I love you too, Daddy.”

He stayed with Antheia until she was falling asleep once more. Squeezed up in the corner of the toddler bed, Kylo brushed the brown curls off of Antheia’s little face. Through the force, he could feel Y/N getting up. Kylo listened intently as feet slowly made their way out into the main area. You were slightly beginning to panic due to Antheia missing but in your lethargic state you did notice an adult and a child’s plate soaking in the sink. Kylo tensed as he sensed your presence outside of the door before your stomach was begging you to fill it. Y/N went to the kitchen and found the food Kylo had set aside and once again retreated into the bedroom.

Later when you went to put your dishes away, you were startled by the sight of Kylo. A wince was prematurely reacted before the dishes clanged to the floor, but it never came. Dishes floated up to your eyesight and then into the sink. He slowly approached, noticing your trembling hands. 

“Let’s get you back to bed.” His hand engulfed yours as one pulled you into his side. 

Onyx eyes watched intently as large hands gently tucked you in. 

“Y/N,” Kylo sighed as he looked down. “Ever since meeting you, my anxiety has increased tenfold. I’ve always had these conflicts and decisions looming, you make it harder.” Gently, he picked up your left hand. “I...want to be with you like this.” He fixed your ring. “I know I’ll never have a chance after your fiancé and after all of this, the least I could do is make sure you’re safe.” Placing your hand on the bed. “It would be best...if we...put some distance between us.” 

Words had never felt so painful or heavier ever in his life. When there was no response, his eyes searched around the room. Noticing the empty glass of water he went to retrieve some more; he placed it down and prepared to leave before he heard your voice. 

“H―He showed me...how he died.” 

Kylo watched as tears began to well as you stared at the ceiling. 

“But it wasn’t true...it wasn’t real.”

Kylo’s brows furrowed in sympathy. “Y/N...I’m s―” 

“I used to have this nightmare...on how it happened. I believe it, but everyone said it was wrong and suffering from False Memory Syndrome. I made up a scenario because I just couldn't believe how he died!” You told him. “It wasn’t real, but it felt real.” 

Kylo sat on the opposite side of the bed as you continued. 

“He wants full control of you.” Y/N turned to look at him. “I don’t know what’s going on, but by any means necessary he’ll get rid of me.” 

“Did he tell you all of this?” 

“Just the last part.” Y/N nodded.

“I know,” you gulped. “I know what you did and who you are. And I know why you didn’t tell me bu―” 

“I’m sorry,” Kylo looked down. “This was one of the reasons. I just never thought I’d feel this way about someone or have a chance, not after everything I did.” 

“I’m to blame too. I’m not naive to your position or even the Order. I’ve struggled with it.” You told him honestly. “I think it’s right for us to separate. The reason he hurt me was because he saw...he saw how I felt about you. He might’ve told you were only a filler in the void of where my fiancé would be, but it’s not true. If something happened to you, I’d just have another hole because I care about you...a lot.” 

Kylo leaned back on the bed with a deep sigh. Fingers gently brushed into the palm of his hand before you were holding his. 

“This will be hard with Antheia.” 

“I know,” Kylo nodded. 

“But this might be good because we aren’t staying on this base forever.” 

This realization hit Kylo in the heart like a blaster. How could he forget the mandated five years before transferring; A sliver of him had hoped, that with everything you would stay. But it wasn’t safe and it was his responsibility to find a home for you and Antheia. Maybe, he could find a silver lining.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry I forgot to post yesterday, my days have been all crazy. I recently had a bit of a hard week and contemplated leaving this site without finishing my series. I was going to do a mass post, but the last time I did that, many readers found it hard. If anyone reads end notes, thanks for reading and giving me kudos. I do enjoy writing, but sometimes that one negative can really get at you. Hope everyone is safe and take care of yourself.


	25. Tension

Kylo swung his legs over the bed. It’s been a long, exhausting few weeks since him and Y/N had parted. 

Times were different and everyone noticed. 

As usual, the Commander always created an uncomfortable presence when he was around; since your arrival, and Antheia’s, it had been tolerable. But now, it was back. 

Everyone moved out of his way as he stomped down the hall for before the blast door was opening. 

“Nice of you to finally join us, Ren.” Hux said, causing everyone in the meeting to turn to face the masked figure. 

Y/N was slow to turn around. Lagging behind, you tried not to be too obvious but the stammering of your heart said otherwise. Obsidian eyes peered up at the mask that seemed to be on you. Well technically it was facing forward, but you knew his eyes were. You could feel them burning into your soul. Even when you turned and the meeting continued, you could feel the gaze burning into the back of your skull. You couldn’t wait until this meeting was over.

Unfortunately, that meant seeing Kylo once more as you had promised Antheia she could play with Kylo. Their eyes met and held a stare as hearts stammered loudly before Antheia was jumping out of your arms. 

“DADDY!” 

She ran to a kneeling Kylo who welcomed her with wide arms. 

“My Little Flower,” Kylo whispered as he held her in a tight embrace. 

“I’ve missed you.” 

Eyes casting up briefly at you. You sucked in a breath and looked away. 

“I missed you too, Daddy.” 

Your brows furrowed at the sight before you. It was a shame that their bond would have to suffer. You hated having to keep her away from him, but she was too young to understand. 

“Look, I have colors.” The little one waved her paper proudly for him to see. 

“It’s beautiful.” He told her. 

“Can we play now?” She rubbed her eye. 

A chuckle left his lips and he was picking her up. 

“Can I have some help?” 

His bare palm was placed in front of you. Tentatively, you placed your hand there and helped him rise. Kylo missed the feeling of your hand in his and you’d be lying if you said you didn’t either. Y/N looked between them, watching their connection. 

“Well, I have a meeting to attend to. Behave.” You walked up giving a kiss to Antheia. 

“And Daddy gets one.” She pointed out. 

Both you and Kylo tensed as they avoided all eye contact, regardless if they want to follow Antheia’s command. 

“You have a meeting.” Kylo said.

“Right,” You cleared your throat, before nodding. “Lady Hubbard will be waiting when you’re ready.” 

Kylo nodded before hands slipped and the two were going their separate ways.

* * *

Kylo watched as Antheia bounced throughout the training room with such glee. He missed her so much, and he missed you too much. He hated that he only got to see you in passing or when you went to drop Antheia off. He wanted nothing more than to go back and be with you two like old times. All this time made Kylo think of a plan. Snoke wanted them apart and you would eventually be transferred; he thought, if you would accept, to let him love you and let him protect you, it would work. 

After training he was high-tailing it to Hux’s office; the blast door slid open and Hux jumped from being startled by the masked figure. 

“Re―Ren, what are you doing here?” Hux stammered. 

“I need a list of First Order planets.” Kylo ordered. 

“Ren, you could’ve looked it up on your datapad instead of bothering me.” 

“Well, I need to bother you because it’s about Y/N’s transfer.” 

Hux’s eyes widened as he looked up. “Tr―transfer, how do you know?” 

“What do you mean, how do I know? Her five years are coming to an end.” Kylo removed his mask and eyed the man before. Hux was nervous and hiding something. “You’re nervous, why?” Kylo took in Hux’s formal attire and sweaty palms as he worked. “Why are you so dressed up?” 

“It’s my uniform, Ren.” Cerulean eyes diverted to avoid Kylo’s narrowing ones. 

“No, you’re meeting someone.” Kylo said. 

“With Snoke, so quit it!” 

“And someone else, someone who is making you nervous, someone you’re fond of. Who is it?” A cheeky grin found its way on his lips. 

“It’s no one, Ren. I―I think you should leave.”

Through the force, Kylo could pick up on what he was trying to hide. Hux saw it as narrowed brown eyes widened in surprise before glossing over in tears and hurt to pure rage. 

“YOU’RE TAKING THEM AWAY FROM ME!” Kylo shouted. “YOU’RE TAKING Y/N!” Hux’s hands rose in surrender as he defended himself. “YOU JUST COULDN’T LET IT GO!” 

“Ren...I―I’m just following orders from Snoke.” 

The mention of his master caused fire to ignite in his eyes. Kylo moved closer, stretching his hand out and raising Hux off the ground. 

“What did he say?” Kylo asked. 

“REN!” Hux squealed out. 

“WHAT DID HE SAY?!” 

“Ren...I―Snoke has,” Hux coughed out; eyes widened at the sight of the saber crackling in front of him.

* * *

You and Antheia were once again dressed up and joining Hux for a redemption dinner. Instead of his quarters, he gave you strict instructions to meet at his office. It was late so you didn’t mind letting Antheia walk a bit ahead of you and exploring expansive hallways of the base. 

A sad smile appeared on your face as you wished she could enjoy this much freedom everyday. Although you were grateful, you wished Antheia could have a normal life, interacting with other children, being outside, and not having to worry about her getting mixed up with all the commotion that happened on the base. 

You were too in your thoughts to hear the yelling coming from Hux’s office and missing Antheia stumble upon the familiar mask that her Daddy always seemed to carry around. 

Hearing the sounds of his voice, she was instantly filled with glee before she went running to find him. 

“Daddy!” 

“Antheia!” You blinked back into reality as the tyke went speeding off. 

And the minute you turned you saw it and it was too late to protect your daughter as her scream pierced the air causing Kylo to turn around. Eyes with a burning glow looked at Antheia screaming in terror into her mother’s chest and then up to you who looked on with shock horror as you shielded your daughter before running away. 

A loud thud came from him dropping Hux behind him. Hux watched as Kylo’s whole body tremored; he spun to look at Hux who had closed his eyes and waited for the worse. But after a few seconds, when Hux opened his eyes, Kylo was gone.

* * *

You had finally got Antheia to calm down and go to sleep, but for extra precautions, she would be sleeping with you tonight. After changing into pajamas, you went to refill a glass of water just in case she woke up in the middle of the night. Exiting the room you jumped from finding Kylo standing in your quarters. 

“Where’s Antheia?” Kylo begged. “Please let me talk to her.” 

“Kylo, she’s sleeping. I just put her to bed.” 

Your hands were held out in front of you trying to block him from entering. 

“Y/N, I need to apologize. I have to apologize.” He held your wrist. 

“Kylo, I know, but she needs tim―” 

“No, Y/N, I need to apologize, I didn’t mean for her to see that. I was trying to protect you two. I’m trying to keep you safe.” His hands were placed on the side of your face as he continued to repeat himself. 

That look that scared you was back in his eye and he was too wrapped up in the motions to see your apparent fear and traumatized expression.

“Kylo, Kylo, Kylo,” You removed his hands trying to get him to stop and listen to you. “I know you’re trying to pro―” 

“He was going to take you away. You and Antheia, he was going to take you away.”

“Kylo,”

“Snoke was going to make you marry Hux and move you and Antheia to live on the Supremacy.” He told you.

“Kylo, what...no, I’d never marry Hux.” 

Tears begin to brim in your eyes. You’d never do that to Kylo. 

“You wouldn’t have a choice, that's what tonight was about. An―Hux was never going to tell me, if I was never there, I wouldn’t have a chance to protect you.” Kylo spoke in a manic tone. “Please let me talk to her.” 

“No Kylo!” You backed away from him. “I’m protecting her; you cannot talk to her!”

His brows furrowed in anger in disbelief in that answer. “If you wanted to protect her, you shouldn’t have let her see that?!” 

“Wha―How was I supposed to know you were there?!” Y/N shout-whispered. 

“If you would’ve done better, we would never be in this. SHE would’ve never seen me like that.” 

“We? No you, Kylo! I did not tell you to attack Hux.” 

“But you let her see it and now you won’t let me apologize!” 

“No I won’t.” Y/N pointed. “I’m her mother and you need to respect that I’m not going to allow you to speak to her right now!” 

Kylo’s chest heaved as he stared at you in disbelief; you couldn’t be turning on him. He was so hurt right now and it was as if you didn’t care about him. 

“You’re a horrible mother.” 

Kylo’s words gutted you, it was as if his saber slashed right through you. He watched as onyx eyes filled with pain. Y/N could feel the tears welling; quickly you shut your eyes. What he said was wrong. For someone who constantly talked about protecting you, it was the complete opposite of what he wanted to do. 

“Leave, Kylo, now.” 

Mahogany eyes struggled between the conflict of emotions within him. With one last scowl, he left in a hurry before you burst into tears. 

He didn’t mean it, that’s what you wanted to believe, but regardless it still hurt. Collecting yourself, you silently stepped back into your room to crawl behind Antheia. A shaky breath escaped your lips as you gently brushed back her dark brown curls. You weren’t perfect, but you weren’t terrible. It didn’t matter because you were Antheia’s mother and would do anything for her. The only opinion that mattered was hers.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I actually calculated how many hits I get in 24 hrs and its 100+. Thank you guys so much, I'm going through the final chapters so I can get this right for you.


	26. One Last Time

Hux’s head was down when he heard the doors sliding open. It could only be one person. 

“What do you want, Ren?” 

A snarl left his lips before he was pausing at the sight before him. Kylo had removed his mask to reveal bruises and small scratches on his face. 

“I...overreacted,” Kylo said just above a whisper. 

Hux looked him over before clearing his throat. “I understand.” 

Silence set in as Hux noticed the struggle that was apparent on his face. Shifting in his chair, Hux was speaking up once more. 

“I have until the end of the week.” 

Kylo looked up confused at the man before him. 

“A week until…” Hux trailed off until Kylo understood. “I know that you two haven’t been―” He struggled to find the right words to describe it. “For their sake, I’d know it would mean a lot if it would end on an amicable note.” 

End. The word that had been haunting Kylo weeks before any of this had happened; what he feared the most once he finally accepted his feelings for you. He looked Hux over trying to see if any of this was a trap, but it wasn’t, he was being genuine. Although Hux would never want to admit to helping Kylo.

* * *

There was a knock on your door and you opened it to see none other than the man who had been on your mind for the last few days. The first thing you couldn’t help but notice was his battered face. 

“I...” He sensed you trying to bury your worrying with the anger that still lingered from their argument. “Forgot my first aid kit is here with you.” 

Y/N nodded before turning to retrieve it from the bathroom. Turning on the light, you rummaged through the draw only to realize he had followed you inside. 

“Here,” you handed it to him. Grabbing it, his fingers brushed past yours and it was like something was set off inside of him as tears began to brim. 

“Y/N, you don’t have to forgive me, you don’t even have to say anything but I’m sorry. I know I can’t take back what I said, but I shouldn’t have said that. You’re an amazing person and mother, and I was just hurt. I was hurt and afraid you were turning against me; it felt like you didn’t care and I wanted to make you feel my pain. But I was wrong. I shouldn’t do that to the person I’m in lo―” 

“Mommy?” 

Antheia’s little sleepy voice interrupted their conversation. The two adults turned to see the hazel doe eyes peering up. 

“Little Flower,” Kylo cracked a teary smile before bending down before her. 

But he was met with a tensing toddler who began to break out into a little cry. Y/N was quick to scoop her up and bring her back into the room. As you went to close the door, you couldn’t stop your heart from aching as the last thing you saw was Kylo drop his head into his hands on his knees in your bathroom. 

You didn’t know how you felt about everything, but at this moment your concern was Antheia. 

“It’s ok Blossom.” You hushed her as you rocked her in your arms in the rocking chair. “I know you’re a little shaken.” 

You pulled back to wipe the tears of your daughter. 

“I know you love him very much and he loves you too, this situation is just weird.” 

Y/N didn’t really know what to say, but you didn’t want this fear to linger on and create anxiety at such a young age. 

“You’re my brave little Blossom.” You pressed a kiss atop her head. “Mommy’s little survivor.”

* * *

Kylo stood at the door waiting as he prepared himself. The door slid open revealing your obsidian eyes looking up at him. You looked so beautiful, he thought as he just looked upon you. It reminded him of the time he had come to ask you to the hall. That was many moons ago and a different realization of feelings he held for you. 

“She asked for me?” He asked, just wanting to make sure. You nodded as you let him in. He could hear Antheia’s favorite little show being played in her room. 

“I’ll go get her.” 

He watched as you disappeared into the room for a while before the two were coming out and sitting on the couch. Antheia held onto her Bantha plush while she angled her body into her mother’s chest.

Kylo could feel the tears coming on as he bent down to her eye level. “Antheia, I―I’m...I’m so sorry.” His head fell down. “I never meant to scare you, I don’t want you to fear me. You might not understand the ways of the galaxy, but I want to protect you a―I never want you to feel afraid, I always want you to know I’m here for you.” Kylo looked between Antheia and Y/N, who steadily held the tears that threatened to spill. “So please,” He expanded his large hand with tearful eyes looking down. “Daddy’s sorry.” 

Antheia seemed to just stare at the palm before her almost in contemplation of what to do. She turned to look at you as if asking you what to do. 

“However you feel Blossom.” You whispered before pressing a kiss to the side of her head. 

She turned back to Kylo and looked him over once more. He exhaled a shaky breath ready to accept defeat before he felt the small pressure in the palm of his hand. 

The little tawny, chubby hand laid there as it did on many occasions; sliding off your lap, Antheia made her way over to be enveloped in a hug. 

“Oh Antheia,” Tears fell from his eyes as he held onto her tight. “My Little Flower,” lips pressed into her hair. “I’m so, so sorry. Can you ever forgive me?” 

Pulling back he watched the little one nod before hugging him once more. A deep sigh left him; he didn’t understand how he got so lucky. 

“Mommy,” Antheia turned to you and pulled your hand for you to join. 

“I don’t know if a sorry and a hug is going to make it better.” You told Kylo honestly. 

What he said to you hit way below the belt; you had expressed to him on multiple occasions how motherhood made you feel. You were truly not ready to forgive him. 

“How about a vacation?” 

“A vacation?” Y/N scoffed. 

“Vay-yea-shun,” Antheia tried to pronounce the new word. 

“Hux said he has until the end of the week. I just wanted our la―” 

“Fine,” you said getting up. He watched a little hurt but understood you were still angry at him. Hopefully, this vacation would help mend the rift between them. 

“Daddy, let’s play!” Antheia tugged him. 

“O-Okay, Little Flower,” he looked you over once more before venturing into Antheia’s room. 

  
  



	27. Just the Three of Us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Apologies, I had a funeral last week. Also, I had to cut down chapters due to the maximum character limit so it will be longer than intended.

Nothing was needed, everything would be provided. That’s what Kylo said. 

It was just going to be you three for a whole weekend, as regular people. No epidemiologist, no Commander, no First Order; just a mother, daughter, and an ex who was like a stepfather. 

Antheia fell asleep the minute the ship jumped into hyperspace. You kneeled beside her as you brushed the curls off her sleeping face. 

“You know,” Kylo cleared his throat. “If you want to sit, this chair is always free.” 

Your eyes turned to the co-pilot chair that was a few feet away from him. It was a small, travel pedestrian ship that would help them sneak throughout the galaxy. Eyes then flitted to Kylo; you really hadn’t talked to him since that night, it usually was just short responses. You looked over Antheia once more before sucking it up to sit in the only spot left on the ship. 

Bones cracked as you made your way over to sit. Your eyes were steady on the blue that rushed past you, while Kylo’s were on you. He didn’t know what to say or where even to begin. He’d apologized so many times, but it could only go so far. He had really hurt you. 

“I think you and Antheia will really like this planet.” 

“Anything outside of a base will please us right now.” You responded slightly detached from the conversation. 

“Y/N, I…” He sighed. 

“Kylo, just...let’s not got into this. You said it and you can apologize but it still hurts.” 

“And I shouldn’t have, I only said because I wanted you to feel like I was feeling.”

“You knew how I felt about that. I confided in you, I trusted you!” 

“I know and I’ll never forgive myself fo―” 

A little cry from Antheia caused them to stop bickering. The two adults turned to see the little one stir before drifting back to sleep. Y/N looked at Kylo before turning back. 

“I’m not going to say ‘I’m never going to forgive you’, but I just need some time.” You sniffled. 

“I understand.” Kylo nodded.

The ship landed in front of a beautiful house with an expanse of grassland that led to a beachfront lake. 

“It’s a bit big.” 

“Do you not like it?” Kylo strolled beside you with sleeping Antheia in his arms. 

“I never said that it just looks like something for a larger family, not just us.” 

He knew he shouldn’t have looked too much into your words but it made him feel a bit better that you still considered him as a part of the family. Deciding to keep his mouth shut in fear of ruining the moment, he led you inside for them to explore. The house was beautiful, inside and out. It honestly reminded you of your in-laws home, well, who was supposed to be in-laws. 

“How’d you find this place?” You asked. 

“It was...umm, hard, at random.” Kylo chuckled. 

“You did well.” You nodded before going into one of the many rooms. 

“I guess Antheia and I will take this room.” 

Eyes widened in surprise; for some reason, he thought you all would be staying in one room. Maybe he should’ve chosen the one-bedroom apartment above the flower market.  “O-Okay,” he went and settled the baby down and awkwardly stood before you. 

“I’m going to take a quick nap and then I guess we could figure out what we are going to eat?”

Kylo nodded in response. He left the room with you on his heels; he turned to see you holding onto the door. 

“Y/N, I hope you’ll be able to enjoy your time here.” 

“Thank you, Kylo.” You nodded before closing the door.

* * *

It was weird seeing yourself in regular clothes, especially anything with color. The pale yellow and pink striped sundress you had picked out from the closet complemented your ebony skin tone and were honestly something you would’ve found in your wardrobe back home. Kylo paid a bit more attention than you thought; every article of clothing he had chosen for you and Antheia was more or less spot on. 

“Ok, I'm ready.” You descended the stairs to see Antheia giggle in her powder-blue dress. 

“You look funny, Mommy.” She giggled.

“I look funny, how?” Antheia didn’t respond, just giggled. 

“The restaurant is walking distance from here. It’s at the opening of the main st―” Kylo was cut off by giggles from Antheia and you trying to suppress a smile. 

“You look funny, Daddy!” 

“I look funny?” 

Kylo looked at his choice of attire; he did struggle a bit of what to wear to hide his saber. 

“I think what she means is that it’s funny to see us in regular, non-dark clothing.” Y/N said. 

Kylo nodded putting two and two together. “Well, you look funny too.” Kylo teased. 

“No, I look cute.” The little one responded without missing a beat. 

“Oh, you little!” Y/N ran scooping Antheia up and tickling her.

* * *

Y/N, Kylo, and Antheia entered the quiet yet busy restaurant. It had been a long time since either of them had interacted with ‘regular’ people, so they stood awkwardly at the front door. 

“Hi, welcome, I’ll take you to your seat!” A chipper older woman led them to a small table before she was settling down a coloring page and crayons. 

“COLORS! Thank you!” Antheia exclaimed, causing the adults to chuckle. 

“I’ll give you guys some time to decide.” The waitress left. 

“Daddy color with me?” 

“Of course, Little Flower.” 

You looked over the menu as Kylo and Antheia split crayons between them. It seemed the waitress was back before you knew it and was taking your orders. 

“And for you sir?” 

She said to Kylo who was immersed in coloring. 

“Ky―” You paused realizing that using his real name wouldn’t be good. “BS,” without hesitation he looked up at you with those soulful brown eyes that you fell for. 

You cleared your throat, “What do you want to eat?” 

The waitress chuckled. 

“My husband is like that too with our grandkids. Here on a family vacation?” 

You were downing some water as Kylo looked at Antheia and you before saying “Yes,” with a glint of hope and then gave his order. 

“Ok, I’ll put these in with the kitchen. You two have a beautiful, sweet little girl, but it’s no surprise as to where she gets that from.” 

The waitress looked between the three of them before leaving. With heat rising on both of their faces, they looked at each other and quickly averted to hide the blush. 

“Mommy wants to color too.” 

Y/N picked up a lone crayon, just to do anything but continue this situation. 

“Yay, Mommy color with us.” Antheia clapped.

* * *

Daylight was still upon them as they walked the crowded streets of the town. Antheia was perched on Kylo’s shoulders and you walked by his side with a noticeable distance by him. At one point it got so crowded, you were occasionally being separated. Instantly his larger hand was wrapping around yours. Your heart quickened and you cursed yourself; this is what you wanted, right? Well, sometimes you wanted your hands in his to hold and other times you wanted it around his neck to strangle. 

“Look!” Your daughter gasped as she pointed to the little park puppet theater. 

“Do you want to go?” He asked. 

“Yes, yes, yes!” She smiled. Kylo looked at you to see if it was ok. You were a little worried but decided it would be good for Antheia. 

“Ok, but we still need to get some groceries.” 

The three of them were steering over to the park and Kylo was settling the little one on the floor with the other kids. The show began and Antheia was absolutely in awe. Kylo thought the plot had a lot of holes in the story and was confused as to why she would like this. While you fought back tears watching your baby participate in something normal. 

She sat there watching and laughing with other kids and interacting with them really well. You wish you could provide this for her more often. You wished she could’ve met her cousins back at home and your friend’s kids and others. 

Damn the tears that escaped as you tried to blink them away. You didn’t want anyone to see, but it was too late. Kylo didn’t say anything, just gently rubbed his hand up and down your back. This wasn’t helping, to what? You didn’t know. But thankfully, Antheia was running back to show you her souvenir. 

“LOOK!” She beamed. 

“Wow, it’s beautiful, Blossom.” Y/N smiled back tears. 

“A big flower for my Little Flower!” Kylo exclaimed, throwing her in the air. 

Laughter sounded in the air and you watched them. 

He was so different when he was away. Even when he was on the base, when he was with you and Antheia he was a whole different person. 

“Y/N?” Kylo called out. “Y/N?!” 

You fell back into reality and caught his concerning brown eyes looking at you. 

“Yes?” 

“Are you ready to get groceries?” 

“Yeah,” you nodded, putting your hand in his and heading off. 

It had been so long since you’ve gone grocery shopping and you never went with a kid, but with Kylo it was like two kids. You were glad when you all went home and forced Kylo and Antheia to run off all that energy they seemed to have before dinner. It only seemed to make them more energized as Antheia wanted to help, prompting Kylo to use his ‘ srekit pow-wahs ’. And by the time it was time to eat she was falling asleep. 

“She’s absolutely exhausted!” Y/N chuckled at the toddler who had dozed off mid-meal. 

“I’ll,” Kylo quickly stood up. “I’ll put her to bed so you can finish eating.” 

You just nodded. He was coming down fairly quickly and settling in his seat. 

“She’s completely out.” He said. 

“I know, she had an action-packed afternoon. I can only imagine what she would want to do for a whole day.” You chuckled. 

“She wanted to go to the lake, but I told her she had to ask you first.” 

“If it’s a nice day, it should be fun.” You sent him a small smile before returning to silence and eating your food. 

“Did...did you have fun?” 

“It was really nice to do all that.” You nodded. “I know you had fun.” 

A blush covered his whole face while he took a bite. 

Kylo didn’t just have fun, he loved every moment and wanted to relive the last few hours for the rest of his life. 

Y/N was picking up her plate and placing it in the dishwasher before she was standing in the entranceway of the dining room. “Thank you, Kylo. I look forward to tomorrow.” Was the last thing you said to him before heading to bed. He smiled to himself, this was a good start.

* * *

After breakfast the three of them ventured to the lake just behind the house. Unintentionally, you were all matching in your pale red swimwear, which made Kylo look extremely pale. 

“I think,” you tried to stop laughing. “You need the sun more than you think.” 

He shot you a look as he shifted a bit more into the sun to help Antheia build a sandcastle. 

“I burn easily.” He mumbled.

It was a nice moment with architect Antheia telling you to collect shells and Kylo to help build. 

“I think she needs to stop hanging with Hux, she’s becoming bossy like him.” He whispered and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

“Antheia, do you want to go in the water?” You asked. 

“Yeah!” She beamed running to you with her large arm floaties. Kylo sat back and watched as the tide tickled Y/N and Antheia’s feet. Their laughter was a part of the beautiful symphony that played as he watched the masterpiece in front of him. 

You were so happy. You were practically radiating, your energy could compete with all three suns of Tatooine. It was just you and your little girl in the calmest place you’ve been in a long time. It was beautiful just watching the two of you. Kylo sighed as brown eyes watched the sight dreamily. Y/N whispered into Antheia’s ear that made her wave at him. He waved back with a smile. 

“DADDY!” 

“Yes, Little Flower?!” He shouted back. 

“Play with us!” She wore a wide smile and when he looked at you, yours was just as wide. The sand was flying in the air as he ran into the water creating a big splash causing them all to laugh.

* * *

The waitress from the restaurant had told you of a big firework celebration that would be held tonight. Everybody was dressed in their pajamas and sat in Kylo’s bed because his bedroom had the best view. 

“It’s loud.” You told her. 

“Big loud?” She asked and you nodded in response.. 

“But it’s beautiful,” Kylo said to the little girl who was now looking at him. 

“Like Mommy?” 

“Yes, like Mommy.” Kylo shyly looked your way. 

“And you too!”

Y/N tickled her just as the fireworks began. Antheia stared in wonder at the beautiful sight in front of her. “SPARKLY COLORS!” She jumped causing the adults to laugh. 

Kylo noticed you yawn but didn’t say anything. Your head would nod every once in a while, so you decided to just lie down and watch. 

“YAYY!” Antheia clapped and Kylo followed suit when it was over. She looked over to her mother to ask why she wasn’t clapping until she realized: “Shh! She’s sleep.” 

Kylo nodded. “It’s time to go to sleep.” 

“We sleep with you.” 

Antheia climbed between the two. A kiss was awkwardly placed on your face by the toddler. 

“Goodnight, Mommy.”

Her tawny hands reached for him to crane his neck so she could reach him. 

“Goodnight, Daddy.” He reciprocated the kiss. 

“Goodnight, Little Flower.”

“Ok, Mommy’s kiss now.” 

He could feel her heavy stare even in the dark as he stretched over Antheia, careful not to crush her and pressed his lips to your forehead. 

“Goodnight, Y/N.”

  
  



	28. Once in a Lifetime, You Were Mine

Kylo found himself coming back into consciousness hours later. His eyes fluttered in the dark before they landed on Antheia who was asleep on his chest. He turned his head to where you were and found an empty space. Through the force, he reached out to find you deep in thought. Slowly, he removed himself from under Antheia and sought you out. He found you on the balcony of one of the other bedrooms. You were too deep in thought to notice someone else had entered the room until you felt warmth fall upon your shoulders. Y/N turned to see Kylo’s chocolate eyes staring. 

“I didn’t want you to be cold.” He said. You bundled in the cover with a soft thank you before looking back out into the night sky. 

“It’s beautiful here.” 

“It really is.” But he couldn’t stop looking at you. 

Almost three years ago, he met you, and three years later, you are the love of his life. 

The moment was almost reminiscent of that first night in the hall. Your natural curls and umber skin glistened under the moonlight as the stars outlined your profile. 

“Kylo?” Your voice carried him back into reality to see you looking at him. “Can I...can I tell you something?” 

He could feel your nerves shooting up and fear of his reaction. 

“You can tell me anything, Y/N.” 

“I’ve really enjoyed our time here.” Y/N looked him in the eye. “And Antheia is absolutely in love! We’ve had such a wonderful time, Kylo.”

Your mouth began to move but no words came out; you were looking away. 

“All my life, all I’ve ever known is the First Order, never gave it a second thought. But, I…” Gathering all the strength you could, you said it. “I don’t want to be a part of the Order anymore. I don’t agree with the things that are going on, I can’t bring Antheia into a world like that. Or like this, with the war; I mean, what are we even fighting for? It just seems like a never-ending cycle with a different generation with added personal feelings.” You scoffed. “The Resistance, the Order, the war, th―” 

A hand was gently placed on top of yours; frustration, confusion, and hurt fluctuated within you. Tears brimmed in your eyes as you looked him in the eye. You continued your rambles as you did your best to find the confidence to tell him the truth. And Kylo didn’t rush you. 

“I don’t want to go back and I’ll never be able to go back home. I want Antheia to grow up with kids and freedom like she did today. And I don’t want to marry Hux. I’d never thought I’d get married after he died, I never even thought I’d fall in love and yet―” You cried. 

“I…” you looked down to avoid him. “I’ve been thinking about everything and with everything going on. I know this probably isn’t what you want to hear...and puts you in a terrible position. But, I don’t know who else to turn to. You’re our only hope.” There were tears in his eyes as he watched you release everything. His hand gently caressed your neck as his lips attached to yours. 

At this moment, they no longer were held back by the intricacies of life. They were letting their souls deepen with the truth that they were in love and in love with each other. 

Kylo’s eyes were shut as he regulated his breath; his bareback stung on the cold marble floor. Two bare bodies stuck to each other on the floor of the balcony due to the film of sweat created in their previous actions. The hand on your lower back twitched against your skin causing the blanket to cover you more. The night breeze danced along your exposed shoulders making you snuggle into Kylo even more. You glanced up to see Kylo still asleep. Unbeknownst to you, he was very much awake and could hear your thoughts. Tears clung between your lashes as you hugged Kylo tightly. None of them wanted to let each other go, but they knew they had to.

* * *

You awoke to something tickling your face. Your eyes fluttered open to see a smiling Antheia in your face.

“Mommy!” She smiled. 

“Blossom,” you said groggily before stretching. She laughed at you before her attention was turned to Kylo who was coming through the door with a tray of food. 

“SA-PRISE!” Antheia exclaimed. 

You were confused as you sat up. 

“Good morning,” Kylo’s deep morning voice made your skin feel on fire. And when you looked at him, a blush bloomed on his face as he thought about what occurred between them. 

“Mommy?” Antheia asked. “Why you wear Daddy’s shirt?” 

Y/N’s mouth opened trying to come up with something. 

“It was cold,” Kylo said. 

“You not cold?” Antheia asked, noting his bare chest. 

“No, Little Flower,”

Her eyes were then noticing the little scratches and bruises that littered his shoulder. 

“Oh no, Daddy’s hurt!” She gasped, while the adults were quite embarrassed. 

“Antheia, do you want to help Mommy eat all of this?” 

“Yeah,” thankfully, she was bouncing back towards you. 

“Me and Daddy made this!” 

“You did?! It looks very good, you did a very good job.” 

“And Daddy did good job too!” 

“Yes, he did.” You softly smiled at Kylo before Antheia began to talk once more.

When breakfast was finished you helped bring down the dishes. 

“Kylo,” Y/N said. “I was thinking about going into town, just t―” 

“I’ll watch Antheia.” 

Y/N didn’t say anything, just nodded. You just wanted to go on a walk, just a little time for yourself, you wanted to clear your thoughts about a few things. You were extremely nervous; it had been so long since you had time to yourself and the only time you left Antheia was for work. It was silly to be nervous, right? But you were. 

You descended the stairs to see Kylo waiting for you with Antheia in his arms. 

“Where Mommy going?” 

“I’m going on a walk, is that alright?” 

Funny enough, you were met with skepticism before Antheia was looking at Kylo.

“Mommy is going to go on a walk and you're going to stay with me and play.” 

“PLAY!” The little one squealed and you couldn’t help but laugh. 

"Alright, well, give me a kiss.” 

Antheia was leaning forward and planting a kiss on your nose. Both Antheia and Y/N giggled. 

“Now Daddy!” 

Your heart quickened at her words before stepping closer to Kylo. You stood on your toes and pressed a kiss to his cheek. A blush formed as the backdrop of his smile. 

“I’ll be back soon.” 

Kylo opened the door and you began to walk down the trail before turning around. There Kylo stood with Antheia in the doorway waving at you. This sight of them, with the house and nature and all the feelings that were happening, caused a heavy yet uplifting emotion to occur within. You wished you could live the rest of your life like this.

* * *

Kylo and Antheia played catch out in the yard. Although she wasn’t good at throwing, she loved running down the small hill to retrieve the ball. A smile was wide on both of their faces until there was a pull in the force. 

It was you. 

You were able to call out to him, this alone showed how deep their bond had become. Someone who wasn’t a force-user being able to do this was amazing, yet also terrifying if the wrong person found out. 

**Y/N. **_Kylo?_ **Y/N, are you alright?** _Yeah, I think so...I just, there’s someone following me. _**What? Who? Explain them to me. **

Kylo tried to focus on you while Antheia tried to get his attention. 

“Daddy, look!” 

“One moment, Little Flower.” 

**Now, Y/N any distinctive features?** _She ha―wait, she’s gone. I’m coming back. _**Okay, just come home**. _I’m coming, just wat―_

“DADDY!” 

Kylo turned to see two men holding Antheia. She was kicking and screaming as one held a blaster to her. Kylo’s hand twitched toward his lightsaber. 

“Don’t do it!” One of them yelled. 

Kylo’s chest heaved as he looked at the men and then at Antheia. Fear was apparent on her face just like the night he scared her. He couldn’t do that to her again. Not after everything going so well. A defeated sigh slipped through his lips as he let them take her away.

* * *

You entered through the door calming your nerves. Something about that woman caused you to feel like something was off. But, you were just happy to be back, soon you’d have dinner with Kylo and Antheia, and maybe you’d snuggle up together and watch a movie or camp out under the stars. 

“Kylo!” You called out “Blossom! Mommy’s home!” 

Kylo met you in the hallway; his glum expression was a stark contrast to your happy smile. 

“Hey, where’s Antheia?” 

“Antheia isn't here.” 

You rolled your eyes; ever since you taught Antheia hide and seek, this had become her thing. 

“Okay,” you chuckled. “Too bad Antheia isn’t home, she can’t see what Mommy got here!” 

“Y/N, Y/N,” 

Kylo tried to get you to seriously listen to him as you continued to call out for your daughter. 

“Y/N, she’s gone. She was kidnapped.” 

The seriousness of the last word seemed to get through to Y/N. 

“Kidnapped? Wh―” 

He watched your expression drop, your mind began to swirl as tears formed in your eyes. 

“Ky―what do you mean gone? Kidnapped? YOU WERE WATCHING HER?!” Y/N’s chest began to heave. “Kylo where is she?” 

“Y/N, I―” 

“Who took her? Wh-Why didn’t you stop them?” 

“I didn’t want to scare her like last time. We can get her back.” Kylo began to tear up. 

“Scare her? Kylo she’s out there by herself with strangers. They could hurt her.” You cried. “Why didn’t you do anything?!” 

“I couldn’t scare her like that again, please Y/N, listen to me.” Tears threatened to slide down his cheeks. 

“We have to go get her, we have to go now!” 

“We don’t know who took her, Y/N, we’ll find her. I just need you to cal―” 

“CALM DOWN? CALM DOWN? MY BABY’S OUT THERE, MY LITTLE GIRL IS ALL ALONE. SHE’S ALL I HAVE!” 

You began to yell and hit him before you were collapsing into him. 

“Y/N, I know, I’m sorry.” Kylo held you in his arms almost afraid if you would physically break. 

“LEAVE ME!”

You pushed yourself away from him and ran upstairs. Kylo heard the door slam before he broke down too. How could he have let all this happen?

* * *

In the early hours of the morning, Kylo slowly entered the bedroom to see your tear-stained face nuzzled against Antheia’s Bantha plush. Heaviness hit his heart at all the hurt he caused. Scooping you up, he carried you to the ship and laid you in the bunk. The ride was quiet and painful when he would occasionally hear your cries. Throughout the journey, Kylo tried to think of what he could do to solve this. You’d never forgive him after this and he’d have to accept that, but he loved you and Antheia; he needed to bring her back and make sure you guys were safely away from the Order and the Resistance. It was the least he could do. 

The ship landed and Kylo rested his hands on his lap. “We’re back,” was all he said before he heard your footfalls disappear in the distance. When Kylo emerged, he was donned in full Commander attire. An officer outside of the hangar stood at attention due to Kylo’s presence. 

“Tell the General and Captain to meet me in the briefing room, immediately.”

  
  



	29. Until the Pain is Gone

Phasma and Hux sat in the meeting room at an obscure hour of the night as Kylo dramatically stood there breathing. Phasma was half asleep under her helmet, but Hux was thoroughly pissed. 

“Please do get on with whatever you need to tell us. Weren’t you supposed to be back later on tomorrow?” Hux scoffed. 

Kylo turned and removed his mask before bracing himself on the table with his back facing them. 

Blue eyes rolled as he whispered to his chromed-friend: “The dramatics,” 

“Antheia...Antheia’s gone.” 

This got their attention. 

Phasma was removing her helmet as Hux stared, unsure of what they had just heard. 

“Anthe―” Kylo swallowed the lump in his throat. “She was kidnapped. Y/N was at the market, I was wi―someone was following Y/N, she said someone was following her. I think that woman and the men that took her were working together. They could’ve been Resistance or a gang working for them. But...they knew where we were and who I was an―” 

“Where’s Y/N?” Phasma asked, concerned about her friend. 

“She’s in her quarters.” 

Phasma wasted no time to leave and console you. Hux steady breathing contrasted Ren’s erratic ones. He stood up and made his way to Kylo, who’s back still faced him. A hand stretched hovering over his shoulder; red brows furrowed before he was retracting his action. Kylo quickly turned to look at Hux giving him a look he had never seen. Especially a man like Ren. Hux wanted to extend his deepest apologies, but his mask was locking into place before he could flee the room.

* * *

Brown eyes were forward as Snoke spoke to you. His jaw was locked as he felt your emotions rise as his master talked about your daughter. 

If it wasn’t hard enough that he was the cause of it, then having you stand next to Hux didn’t help either. 

Snoke purposefully made you stand where Kylo wouldn’t be able to even see you. 

“Once again, I’m sorry about your daughter,” Snoke said. 

“Thank you,” your voice cracked. 

“I wish this would have occurred without all of the dramatics, but you and the General will be married in a weeks time.”

Y/N could feel bile rising. “Yes,” 

“At this time, General Hux will head the secret investigation with the help of our full resources. Since one of my subordinates caused this, maybe the other can fix it and as your future husband, it’s only fitting.” 

Snoke’s eyes cut to Kylo, whose head was falling down. 

“I will do my duty, sir.” Hux nodded. 

Snoke looked from the couple to Kylo. “You’re all dismissed.” 

Kylo felt disgusted at the fact he was called in to be mocked. Y/N had barely made it past the threshold before breaking down in tears. Kylo felt his heart caught in his throat. He just wanted to hold you and help get Antheia back. In seconds, Hux was wrapping his arms around you. Kylo felt like he was on fire. That was supposed to be him! 

“Kylo,” Snoke’s call had him turning around. “Actually, there’s something I found that could be of use to you in finding the person you’re looking for.”

* * *

A week turned into days in your search for Antheia. The first thing you found out was that she was taken to one of the many Resistance bases. But other than that, it seemed to be a dead end. You were wearing yourself thin, always trying to keep up with any new information. Hux also thought it would be best if you took time from work to lessen the stress. You rarely slept and only spoke to a few these days. One of the few did not include Kylo. He just watched you slowly deteriorate from afar. He was the only one to blame. But he couldn’t let that eat away at him. 

He was becoming closer to his goal; recently he had captured a Resistance pilot and brought him for questioning. This could be advantageous to both him and Y/N. As he searched for Luke Skywalker, and you, Antheia, the common link between them obviously was the Resistance. 

Kylo’s cape billowed down the hall before turning and finding you alone in the botanical hall. 

As the door slid open, your emotions washed over him in a thick wave. Carefully he made his behind you. Afraid he would scare you, he whispered your name. 

“Y/N,” 

You turned to peer up at him with red eyes. You’d been crying, that’s all you’ve been doing since that night. 

Kylo gulped before speaking, “I know I’m the last person you want to see or speak or even be in your presence. And I’m the last person you probably want to help but we have a Resistance pilot in our custody. I’m going to ta―”

“No,” you said catching him off guard. “I have to talk to them.” 

“No, I can’t let you do that.” 

“She’s my daughter, Kylo.” 

“You’re emotional, I don’t know what he could say.” 

Tears that you didn’t know you still had welled in your eyes. 

“Emotional? Of course, my daughter is missing. There could literally be a whole entire galaxy between us.” Your voice was heavy with exhaustion, but you pressed on. 

“Y/N, I won’t let you.” He stood firm in his decision. 

“She’s my daughter, Kylo!” 

“I forbid you, I will handle this.”

“Handle this? You’re the reason we are in this mess!” 

He took a deep breath because this was true.

“You don’t understand, I couldn’t let her see me like that again, I couldn’t scare her.” 

“She would’ve gotten over it like she did this one.” Y/N pointed out. 

“Antheia loved me like a father” 

“And I’m her mother!” You yelled. Your chest heaved as you stared deep into his soul with nothing but anger as emotions swirled around them. You began to shake your head. He watched your mouth open before red lights began to flash and sirens blared. He was quick to pull you out the hall before it locked and found the closest trooper. 

“Escort, Dr. L/N back to her quarters, IMMEDIATELY!”

* * *

It was now down to hours. Just forty-six to be exact. 

Word got around that Kylo had found another Resistance member and made sure everyone was careful to not have a repeat of last time. Hux’s investigation was coming to a dead-end, especially since he started to become preoccupied with taking down the Resistance. 

It just left you. 

You had suggested, more like ordered, that they trade Antheia for their captured member. Hux warily answered vaguely saying that was Kylo’s jurisdiction. So you were going to convince him. 

You secretly made your way down to the holding cells. If you couldn’t convince them, maybe you could talk to this person. You knew Kylo nor Hux would allow you to talk to this person, but you didn’t care, this could possibly help get your daughter back. As you walked down the hall, you noticed two troopers standing in front of a door. That had to be the one, but how would you get them to let you in? Could you bribe them? Could you assert authority? No, that wouldn’t work. 

In the forty-four hours left, your engagement with Hux would be announced and forced to move to the Supremacy. This wouldn’t be good. Y/N deeply inhaled and exhaled before continuing down the hall. 

It seemed the galaxy was on your side as the troopers were leaving their post. Quickly you silently crept towards the door; biting your lip you wondered how you would get in as you knew you had no access. But the doors were sliding open revealing a black mass, but not before you were getting a glimpse of the young woman who appeared to be out of it strapped to some crazy contraption. A gloved hand wrapped around your forearm pulling you away. 

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING?” The menacing mask shouted.

“What happened to her? Why is she strapped like that?” Y/N asked with concern.

When the two found a secluded section Kylo was ripping off his helmet. 

“I forbade you from coming down here, you disobeyed me!” 

“You can’t tell me what I can and cannot do when it comes to finding my daughter!” You remove yourself from his grip. 

“I’m not trying too!” Kylo yelled. 

“You won’t let me talk to any of them!” 

“I will talk to them!” 

“Yeah? Like the pilot who hitched a ride with the rogue trooper?” You scoffed. 

He gritted his teeth as his eyes looked into yours that began to well with tears.

“What would you want me to do, Y/N?” He sighed trying to find some way to appease you.

“Offer her up for Antheia. Tell her what happened, tell her about Antheia, she’ll give you everything you need and then tell he―” 

“No! I’m not doing any of that. I will not do a trade, she stays; I have to make sure she stays with me.” 

Your brows furrowed and eyes narrowed. “Who is she?” 

“She’s nobody.” He answered too quickly for your liking. 

“Nobody? But somebody important that you carried her and has been sitting by her side until she wakes up. Who is she?” 

Kylo’s eyes narrowed as he tilted his head. 

“Wh-Who told y―what do you think this is? I’m looking for Luke Skywalker and she might know and she might be the piece to finding him and finally finishing what my grandfather started!” 

You had known about his search for his Uncle and what had happened at the temple. To him, his search for Luke was as important as yours for Antheia. Lips pouted as tears pricked your eyes from the pain in your heart, that due to his erratic feelings, he missed.

“So when you guys find him and you guys finish whatever it is, I’m just left to marry Hux and the possibility of my daughter being gone forever because it doesn’t really matter if you’re a pawn.” 

Confusion appeared on his face at your words. You began to leave when he called out your name. He ran after you, grabbing ahold of your hand. 

“Let me go, Kylo.” 

“Y/N, what are you talking about?” 

“Go, you need her, clearly to live the life that you wanted, that will make you happy, and prove others wrong.” 

“Why are you saying this?” 

“Because it doesn’t matter anymore, we don’t matter!” You yelled. “It doesn’t matter if things seemed like they were working out or if things seemed good and people were happy, none of it matters because it’s all gone, everything is gone. Everything I tried to piece together for Antheia is gone and she’s gone and she has no family and she’s all alone somewhere with strangers!” 

Kylo watched you begin to hyperventilate through your manic rambles that he could piece together. You were spiraling over the possible loss of your daughter and everything was coming out. 

“You can’t say that I love Antheia as my―” 

“YOU’RE NOT HER FATHER!” Y/N's voice echoed. “She can call you that name as many times as you want and you can believe that she chose you, but you are not her father. You can act like you care and have real responsibilities, but you don’t. If you were her father, you would’ve wasted no time getting her back!” 

Tears streamed down in the dead silence of the hall. Kylo blinked in shock as you choked on tears. 

“Nobody here is our real family, nobody cares about us truly. If something was to happen to her no one would care but me.” You cried. 

Kylo began to shake his head. It wasn’t true and he knew all of this stemmed from years of pain you hid deep inside. He was watching the woman that he loved disintegrate before him. 

“And it’s nobody to blame but me. She’ll never forgive me.” You hiccuped. “And I’ll never forgive myself.” 

He went to reach out for you but you moved back. 

“Please...don’t give me pity. I’m hurting enough already.” Y/N said before walking away.

* * *

Onyx eyes peered up at the large door before opening it. You walked down the neverending black runway until his hologram appeared. 

“You asked for an audience, my child?” Snoke’s voice boomed. 

You bowed before he was beckoning you to stand and say your piece. Nervously you inhaled before your shaky start. 

“I’m very fortunate to be working for the Order and the luxuries it has given me, including taking care of my daughter. I’m also very fortunate that you would think of me as a good match for one of you protégés.” 

Snoke chuckled. “You do flatter me, go on.” 

“I’m very thankful for you allowing a personal mission to find my daughter. Everyone assigned has done their best, but with under forty-eight hours to g―” 

“A mother’s love, it’s an unbreakable bond. You are the only one fit enough for the job to find her.” You nodded in agreement. 

“I’ll alert the General; a ship and pilot will be waiting for you at the hangar.” 

“Thank you, Supreme Leader.” 

“ Of course, it’s only right, I wouldn’t want a somber moment dampening two joyous unions.” 

Your brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Two?” 

You knew of yours, but... 

“The girl that Ren found is a force-user, once he gets her to join there’s no stopping them within the galaxy. They’ll pave the way for the future.” 

You tried to steady your breath. With all the emotions that were affecting you today, you hated that jealousy was one of them. 

“Oh don’t worry my dear, no need for jealousy. You’ll never see each other after this ever again.” His psychotic smile caused a chill down your spine. Snoke threw his head back and began to laugh as you quickly got out of there. 

You ran to your room and began to think of things to prove that she was your daughter only and that you were from some weird planet that travel was decades between destinations and you’ll never be able to go back. You changed into your Terra clothes that were strikingly different from other planets. You didn’t have time for goodbyes and hopefully, it wouldn’t be necessary and you’d be returning with Antheia safe and sound in your arms. You made your way down to the hangar walking the empty halls. You went to turn a corner but stopped at an open door with a moonlit room. It wasn’t just any room, it was the hall you had favored many moons ago. In there, stood the silhouette of a maskless Commander. Slowly, you entered with brimming nerves.

You knew that he knew you were there but made no sudden movements. 

“I…” 

You started. 

“Just wanted to say, I’m leaving...and goodbye.” 

Your eyes glanced down in the dark. 

“After this, I have to go to the Supremacy. But I don’t know what’s going to happen and...I’m scared.” Y/N took a deep breath. “Things haven’t been good in a long time and we’ve said hurtful things, but she does love you and I shouldn’t try to get between that. You’ve been there for her more times than I can count. Even for me.” 

Tears welled in your eyes.

“We don’t know what happens after all of this, but I do know and wanted you to know, I did love you, I st―I didn’t think it was possible to happen again, especially so fast. But I know first hand that the universe doesn’t care about what you want.” You took steps closer to now have his back close to your face. “I hope that through all of this is that you know that you do deserve it; to not just give it, but to be loved as well. I hope you have a happy life with whomever or whatever you choose, as long as it’s your choice. Just promise me, Kylo, you choose what you truly want and not what someone else thinks you should do.” 

Y/N hesitated to hug him but thought it would be best to leave it at that. 

You finally entered the hangar and saw the lone ship that was destined to take you to your daughter. You took one step before you were having a bad feeling about this. 

Something wasn’t right, but you didn’t know what. 

You didn’t know how long you were standing there until you heard your name being called. You turned to see Hux with a nervous yet sad expression in his sleep-deprived cerulean eyes. 

“Yes?” You asked in concern. 

“I have a ship and pilot ready for you.”

“Isn’t that the ship Snoke had for me?” You pointed to the one behind you. 

“Yes, but,” he looked in your eyes before he was pulling you over to the one he chose. 

Far above in one of the rooms overlooking the hangar, Kylo watched the interaction. He saw the physical exchange between them; they held each other in a tight embrace. Even as he looked on, Kylo could feel your arms constricting around him. When all of this is over, he’d never get to hold you or Antheia, or even see you two for that matter. Unbeknownst to Kylo, a crack was forming within his walls that had sealed off his emotions, that had occurred since the minute things began to take a turn for the worse, was expanding.

* * *

As soon as he watched your ship safely fly off, Hux made his way back to his quarters. He rubbed his eyes in his tired state. This week has been so much. Hopefully, all of this would be worth it. 

“Hux?” 

The red-headed man groaned as he turned to deal with whatever Ren was dealing with. But instead, he was met with reddening eyes and wild hair. 

“I-I can,” Kylo cleared his throat. “When they come back, I can erase their memories so they won’t remember any of this...or me. Then they can stay on the base, right?” 

Hux had never heard his voice so soft, it was almost as if he was pleading. How could he tell him that wouldn’t be necessary because after you reunited with Antheia, you were never coming back.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wasn't ignoring you guys, the hurricane knocked my electricity out and I just got it back.


	30. A Mother’s Love I

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One day I will learn how to count tbh.

Leia’s mind wandered as she left behind her work and decided to go on a walk. The base was quiet, a little bit too quiet which is how she heard the whispers and cries coming from a hidden location.

Using the force she reached out, only for her eyes to widen as she stood frozen in shock. The door slid open and the five adults froze as a little child cried their eyes out. 

“What is going on here?!” 

Nobody said anything. Pressing her comm, she looked fiercely up at them again. 

“You have three minutes before you’re arrested, explain yourself!” 

Now everyone was fumbling to talk over each other. Eyes rolled as she was shouting at them to be quiet. Once again, they stood in silence as the child’s cries continued. Leia’s eyes looked over the little one's tear stricken face. It was a girl who couldn’t be older than three who looked absolutely terrified and exhausted at whatever just happened. But there was something about her that felt eerily familiar.

“Who is she?” 

This question had one of the men smiling. 

“General, I think this will solve everything. This is the Commander’s daughter, Renee.” 

She felt her breath escape her. 

“No...it’s not!” It couldn’t be, could it? 

“Yes, General she is. Lox who’s spying sent us a message of when and where the Commander and his family would be vacationing.” 

“Family?” 

“Yes, General; him, his daughter, and his wife.” The woman replied. 

His wife? He had a wife? He got married? 

Leia felt dizzy with this information, but this...this couldn’t be right. It didn’t feel right. 

“No,” Leia shook her head. “Lox was just planted less than a month ago, how could he have found out this information before the spies we’ve had for years!” 

The people just shrugged. Her eyes diverted to the little girl. “Why’d you take her?” 

“Bargaining chip, he’d have to fall to his knees, right?” The other man said. 

But Leia wished this wasn’t true, she didn’t want any innocent child to fall victim to this since she knew Snoke still held power over her son. Especially a child who might be her granddaughter. 

Before anyone could say anything, guards were appearing. 

“Yes, General?” 

“Arrest them.” 

The three stood confused; they told her everything, why would she still be taking them into custody?

Leia stood by the child and watched them get taken away; when it was just them two, she kneeled beside the little girl. 

“Shh, it’s going to be ok,” Leia said softly. “I know you miss your Mommy and Daddy and want to go back home, I’m sorry for that. But, I’m here to help. I want to help you.” 

The little girl’s cries began to die down before large hazel eyes were looking at the pale, outstretched hand before her. Little feet shuffled toward the older woman, who took her by the hand and led her through this large, strange place.

Leia wanted to avoid as many people as possible. Not just to avoid questions, but not to scare the little girl. They quickly and quietly made it back to her quarters where she was rushing to get the little one a cup of water. 

“Here,” Leia kneeled helping the girl drink. 

Leia noticed her taking big gulps, she must’ve been hungry as well. 

“Are you hungry? Do you want something to eat?” 

The child hiccuped and nodded with wide, scared eyes. Leia went into her kitchen to see if she had anything a child would like. Quickly turning to check on the child, Leia observed the child’s disheveled appearance as she roamed about the space, from the unraveling bow in her hair to the missing shoe and dirty socks. A small plate of fruits and crackers was placed on the coffee table, the little girl paused and cautiously grabbed a cracker. 

“Thank you,” the little girl said softly.

“You’re welcome.” A smile was present on Leia’s face. “My name is Leia, I know I might seem strange, but I want to help you. Plus, I think I might know your Daddy and he would want you safe.” 

The little girl continued to stare. 

“I heard your name was Renee, is that right?” 

The little girl shook her head no. 

“Okay, do you feel safe in telling me your name?” 

Hazel eyes looked over Leia before nodding. 

“Antheia,” it came out barely above a whisper.

“Antheia? That’s a very pretty name, for a very pretty little girl.” 

“Thank you,” 

A smile was reappearing on Leia’s face. “You’re welcome, Antheia.”

Leia continued to speak to Antheia for the remainder of the night to try and make her feel comfortable, as well as gaining any information about her parents. The built-up stress and crying had clearly exhausted the tyke, as Antheia was soon dropping into a deep slumber. Leia placed her in the middle of the big bed with a sheet covering her. Leia furiously messaged her head spy at Starkiller for an explanation of who Antheia was and how she was connected to Kylo Ren. As she awaited an answer, Leia looked over the little girl. Antheia had to be someone close to him, it was his force signature she could feel after all.

* * *

In the next few hours, Leia investigated this child’s background. She interrogated the three about what they knew about her mother and all they could tell her was she was a higher-up. It wasn’t any help, especially when Antheia woke up crying her eyes out. It had been so long since Leia had been around a child and with the way her own turned out, she was a little tentative. Leia took a deep breath and tried to remember anything that would make her son happy when he would cry. Antheia’s cries suddenly ceased when she heard a high-pitched voice and the older woman acting silly. She couldn’t help but laugh and this helped to ease Antheia, allowing Leia to bathe and change her. 

“Can I color?” Antheia asked politely. 

“Of course you can, Antheia. Do you mind if I work by you as you color?” Antheia shook her head no as Leia found her some paper and colored pencils. 

Leia received no answer from any of her spies on Starkiller and was forced to search through the vast profiles of higher-up women. 

“Can I have choco― MOMMY!” 

Leia’s eyes turned from the girl to the screen. There you were Y/N L/N, epidemiologist and head scientist for the First Order. 

Leia didn’t know what she expected or how she would react, but she would find herself looking at your profile a lot in the hours to come. It wasn’t just about finding a way to reunite you and Antheia, but you had to be someone special to be mistaken as Kylo Ren’s wife. Leia found herself wondering what you were like, what did you like, what didn’t you like? Would you like her, would she like you, did you truly love her son? But she need not wonder as Antheia did what children did best and that was telling without needing to be asked. 

“That’s Mommy’s mad face.” Antheia giggled at her mother’s picture. 

“Really? Does Mommy get mad a lot?” 

Antheia shook her head no. “Only when me and Daddy play when we not ‘spose to.” 

“You play a lot with your daddy?” 

Antheia nodded fervently. “Daddy like to play, Mommy does too, but Daddy can play at work and Mommy can’t.” 

Leia’s heart began to flutter as she listened to the stories Antheia told her. This only fueled her hope and knowledge that there was still good in him.

“Do you, Mommy, and Daddy live together?” 

The young child was a bit confused by this answer. 

“Does Mommy and Daddy sleep together in the same bed?” 

A deep red blush formed on Leia’s cheeks causing Antheia to laugh. 

“You red like Daddy!” Her tawny little finger pointed at Leia’s cheeks. 

A laugh escaped Leia before she was asking the question once again. 

“Yes and I’m in the middle.” Antheia continued to color. Leia nodded before she was asking her more about her father. 

The child set her pencil down and gave a serious look. “I have two Daddies.” 

This caught Leia off guard before she was asking her more. 

“Mommy say I have two Daddies. My Daddy for real die and this Daddy I choose.” 

Leia’s heart broke a little; it was heartbreaking she would never know her real father and being caught in the crossfires of being affiliated with Kylo Ren. 

“Well, the Daddy you chose, what does he look like?” 

“He’s really big!” She reached up high. “And he has long, black hair. He lets me do it and he braids my hair like his.” 

Leia smiled widely at remembering doing the same thing with him. Leia listened intently as Antheia answered every one of her questions about her Daddy. Leia prayed to the makers that if not for her and his father or himself, then for Antheia and Y/N that the light would prevail and Ben would come home.

* * *

What a week it had been! The battle between the Resistance and the First Order was picking up. Not to mention Poe being taken in by the Order then escaping with a trooper to now dealing with said trooper begging them to get his friend back along with a reunion of her estranged husband. Those expressive brown eyes looked up at Han and he automatically knew how she felt as people talked about taking down the man that was their son. After the meeting ended, Leia approached Han. 

“Come with me.” 

Of course, he followed but was completely thrown off at what welcomed him behind the door. 

“What’s with the kid?” Han’s eyes looked at the little one who colored diligently in the back of Leia’s quarters.

“She’s our―”

Han’s hands lifted up in defense. “Now wait a mi―” 

“Grandchild.”

Han froze and looked at the child who was unfazed as she colored with headphones over her ears. 

“Ho―Wher―When did this happen?” 

“Almost a week ago, some three nerf-herders kidnapped her. I just found out then.” 

Han’s eyes stayed glued on the child looking over her features, trying to see if he recognized any. 

“Is she really his?” His voice was soft in disbelief. 

Leia deflated thinking of what Antheia told her. “No, she told me her real father died and she chose him. He stepped up and became this child’s father. Han, you should’ve heard all the things he’s done for her and her mother. I mean...that proves it right there.” 

Han turned back to see the glint in Leia’s eyes. He recognized that all too well. “Leia…” 

“Han...this could be it. This could b―” 

“Excuse me?” A little voice caused the two to look down. Hazel eyes looked from Leia to the strangely familiar-looking man. 

“Antheia, there’s someone I’d like you to meet.” Leia picked the toddler up. “Antheia, this is Han. Han, this is Antheia.” 

“How’s it going kid?” Han shook her little hand. 

Antheia nervously hid a smile before horribly whispering to Leia: “He looks like my Daddy.” 

And that filled Han with so much joy he couldn’t even begin to explain all the reasons why. In an instant, grandpa-mode was activated. 

“Do you want to go play with a giant teddy bear?” Han asked. 

Antheia looked happily at Leia, who smiled back at her before she was giggling and jumping down to reach for Han’s hand. Han looked at Leia who mouthed ‘I know’; it was a moment they never thought they’d have. 

The three of them walked down the hall before Antheia was jetting off in front of them. 

“TWO-ONE!” She yelled as the ex-trooper, Finn, looked at her with complete shock. 

“ANTHEIA!” He was catching the little one who jumped in his arms and hugged him. 

“Where’s your other head?” Antheia asked. 

“I lost it, but how did you get here?” 

Leia and Han rushed toward the two as people began to look. Before Finn could say anything, Han was pulling him along back to Leia’s office. With a babbling Antheia in his arms, Finn tried to ask what was going on and why’d they have Antheia. 

“Alright, listen,” Han said. “We’ll explain and you’ll explain.” Now pointing to the little girl. “Got it?” 

Finn nodded as he stood protectively with the little girl. 

“Why do you guys have Antheia?” He said sternly. 

Leia approached cautiously with words directed towards the girl. “Antheia, do you mind coloring while we talk?” 

“Ok,” Once she was far enough Leia began to explain what happened, easing Finn that it wasn’t an explicit order from Leia or even the Resistance. “Now, I think I found who her parents are but I just want to make sure.” 

Leia handed over the datapad that had both Y/N’s and Kylo’s information on it. 

“That’s her mother, but,” he shook his head. “That’s not her father.” 

“The kidnappers told me she was the Commander’s daughter and this was his wife.” 

“No, they aren’t. It’s not lik―ok, it’s kind of like that but it’s a long story.” 

Han made himself comfortable on the couch. “I think I have time.” 

Leia rolled her eyes before Finn was dishing the full story behind the Commander, you, and Antheia. Leia and Han were at the edge of their seats with every word Finn said; hope flitted inside at the mentions of the genuine things their son had done. 

“How do you know all of this? You were just a Buckethead!” Han asked. 

“I was chosen as Antheia’s trooper escort when she was placed with Lady Hubbard, who was like her adopted grandmother. She liked to talk, like a lot.” 

Finn explained before he was getting lost in thought. 

“I just don’t get it,” Finn said. “Y/N is so smart and so nice, why would she choose him? I mean when you talk to her, she’s really listening. I thought he was changing, he wasn’t the same after they came. But he’s turning into a monster and they don’t deserve that.” 

As much as it hurt Leia to hear that, Finn was right, Y/N and Antheia didn’t deserve that. Leia made sure that she would reunite Antheia, safe and sound, with her mother. 

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Y'all really though I wasn't going to give Leia and Han some grandparent moments? It's what they deserve tbh.


	31. A Mother’s Love II

Stepping out of the ship you looked around at the bustle and movement. Involuntarily, you reflected all of the propaganda you’ve been told about the Resistance from Terra. Slowly but surely, you’ve been deprogramming yourself from everything that you were taught to believe. 

Dark eyes followed and watched everything that passed by until a young blonde woman with two buns appeared in front of you. 

“Follow me,” no one even noticed as you followed her within all the chaos until there were fewer people. Stopping before a hallway, she motioned you to continue. “The General is in there.” 

“Thank you,” you nodded before nervously walking towards the lone door. Fingers tightly gripped the strap of your bag slung over your left shoulder as you tried to calm your nerves. Before you could knock, the door was sliding open. Y/N stood there with bated breath before walking in a few seconds later. Entering the office, you noticed how cluttered it was and thought of how Hux would hate this. 

“I should’ve cleaned before you came, but it’s a method to my madness.” 

Y/N jumped at the woman’s voice; turning an older, graying woman stared at you from the other side of the room. 

“I didn’t mean to scare you.” She made her way closer before stopping a few inches away and just looked at your face. Her familiar brown eyes concentrated on your face with a glint that you vaguely recognized. 

“Umm―I...I-I I’m here for Antheia. I know you guys think Kylo Ren is her father, but he’s not.” 

You pulled the bag to show her evidence with a few contents spilling. Immediately, you fell to your knees trying to collect the items while trying to explain the misunderstanding that had occurred. 

“I-I don’t know if you’re a mother, but,” you licked your lips as tears began to form. “I need my baby back with me. She doesn’t know what’s going on and why. If you could please j―” 

“Y/N,” the softness of her voice when she called your name caused you to lookup. “Do you know who I am?”

“The General?” 

The older woman chuckled at your confusion. 

“Yes, but do you know my name?” 

You shook your head. 

“I’m Leia Organa-Solo,” there was a pause to let you think about that name. She watched as you looked through her features once more before you were slowly connecting the dots. “I’m Be―” 

“MOMMY!”

Antheia’s jubilant voice hit your ears and nothing else mattered. Antheia ran to you in a cream dress with two buns in her hair and a flower crown. Her name slipped from your lips like a whisper; tears began to stream down your cheeks as you held tightly to your daughter. Your heartbeat rapidly against your chest as you allowed yourself to be carried by your emotions. 

“Blossom, I’m so sorry. I’m so, so, sorry.” You repeated refusing to let go. You just couldn’t let go. 

“It’s ok, Mommy.” Antheia hugged you back. “I missed you.” 

And that broke you down even more, but you tried to bring yourself back to a calm place for her. 

“I missed you too.” Y/N pulled back eyes scanning over her child. 

“Nothing happened,” Leia interjected. “I made sure of that. She’s been by my side this whole time. Or Finn’s.” 

Your brows furrowed at Finn but your attention was immediately taken by your daughter who wanted to tell you about the flower crown she made with her new friends, Poe and Finn. 

“Poe and Finn? H-How old are they?” You looked between Antheia and Leia. 

“You can meet them if you like.” Leia was ushering you up and you didn’t hesitate to prop Antheia right on your hip. 

You followed Leia closely as you held tightly onto Antheia before you stopped in front of a large and looming ship. 

“Poe, Finn, this is Antheia’s mother Y/N.” Leia introduced. 

“Hi,” you shook hands with Poe and turned to Finn. 

“It must be weird, right? Us both leaving.” Finn said. 

“Were you the stormtrooper who escaped?” You asked. 

“I don’t think you’ve ever seen me with my helmet off Dr. L/N. Although Antheia did when Lady Hubbard made cookies.” 

It only took a few seconds before you were shouting. “Twenty-one!” 

“Finn,” 

“Finn? Finn! Finn, Finn, I got it...I think, yeah. Oh my...I’m sorry, it’s just so much.” You chuckled through your embarrassment.

“No, a lot has happened for a week so.” He laughed with you. 

“Ok; are you sure?” Y/N gulped. “This is what you want, right?” 

Finn sighed in relief before he nodded. 

“Yeah, this is me. This is my destiny. To make a better galaxy for the future.” He pinched Antheia’s cheek causing her to giggle. Finn stumbled back from you hugging him tightly. 

“I’m proud of you, please be safe.” 

“Thank you, Dr. L/N.” 

“Y/N,” you corrected him as you parted. “No more Order.” 

Finn smiled at that answer. “No more Order.”

A loud roar sounded from behind you; you turned to see a brown furry giant towering over you. 

“She’s not Ben’s wife, don’t harass her.” A scruffy older man pulled up beside him.

“Y/N, this is Chewie and this is Han.” 

You shook his hand as Antheia whispered. “He looks like Daddy, right?” 

With this, you really looked at him again and he did look like Kylo. 

“Yeah, he does.” You smiled softly thinking of him. 

“Y/N, is it ok if we talk for a while.” Leia’s hand fell softly on your back. 

Your mouth opened unsurely; you knew she meant privately and without Antheia and the last thing you wanted to do was be away from her. Leia sensed this. 

“It’s ok, it won’t take long, it's to ensure you and Antheia’s safety.” 

You still didn’t want to do that. 

“I can,” Han cleared his throat, stepping in. “Antheia promised me a flower crown.”

Antheia’s eyes lit up. 

“Please Mommy, please, please, please?!” 

“Okay, okay,” you nodded, placing her down on the floor. 

You watched Antheia tell Han what they needed to do first and the way he poured all of his attention into her and did whatever silly thing she said reminded you of Kylo. But it only made sense, that was his father.

“Y/N?” 

“Yeah, I’m coming.” You turned to follow Leia. 

This time you didn’t go back to her office, you went to a secluded place. You knew it was about to get heavy.

“I know it’s been a long week for you, I can’t even imagine,” Leia said. “I’ll get straight to the point. I know you and Antheia aren’t returning to the Order, but you can’t stay here.” 

It felt as if your lungs were being punctured as your chest heaved rapidly. 

“Where am I to go?” Tears formed in your eyes. “I’m a single mother with a toddler who just defected from the First Order. I can’t even find a way back home without figuring out time travel. I’ve only ever been to four planets my whole life. Five if you count Starkiller. I have no family and no money. All we have is each other, whatever is in this bag, and the clothes on our back.” 

“Y/N, no,” Leia’s hands cradled your face with thumbs wiping your tears. “I’m not going to desert you two. Especially not the people who my son cares about and loves.” 

You shook your head at her words. “He doesn’t, he can’t.” 

And it broke Leia’s heart. 

“Ever since Antheia arrived she’s shown me that my son still does exist. I never lost hope and you shouldn’t either. There’s still good in him and you two are the proof.” 

Obsidian-like eyes looked up at her; you did believe there was good in him. 

“You can help us. You can help change him, bring him back.”

“No, I can’t, I can’t...I can’t change him, Leia.” You were shaking your head once again. 

Leia began to try and persuade you but you didn’t want to hear it, you couldn’t it just really hurt you. Y/N really loved Kylo. 

“Leia,” You sighed. “No one can change him. Only him. For so long people told him who he was. He needs to figure who he is for himself. It’s going to be hard but he must be the one taking the first step on that journey.” 

Leia looked over you with nothing else to say. She knew you and Antheia could be the key, she could feel his force presence imprinted on both of your souls. 

“Okay,” Leia ended the conversation. “We just need to get you to the medbay for a test to find you a new home, okay?” Y/N nodded and followed her out.

* * *

After the medbay, you returned to see Chewie, Han, and Antheia adorned with flower crowns. 

“Mommy, I made you one!” 

“You did?!” Your smile was wide as you picked up your little girl to place it atop your head. 

“Thank you, Blossom. I love you.” 

“I love you too, Mommy.” She pressed a kiss to your nose. 

Han looked at the sweet moment reminiscing of the good days of fatherhood before Y/N was asking a question: “Is that the Falcon?” 

Han looked at the ship and then avoided you stare. 

“Did he...ever―” 

“Yeah,” you nodded. “He tol―” 

“Mommy, do you have Fluffy?” 

Y/N began to dig in the bag before presenting the bantha plush. The corner of his lips tugged up at the old beat-up stuffed toy he had gifted to his son many, many moons ago. 

“Did she fight him for it?” Han joked. 

“The first few nights I had to remind him it wasn’t his anymore.” 

The adults laughed before Leia was joining them.

“Y/N, it’s time to go.”

“Already?” 

Everything was happening at such a rapid pace, you didn’t think your brain could catch up. 

“I know but, we’re going on a mission and I’d rather know that you two are out of harm's way,” Leia explained. 

You nodded and looked at Han. He looked so hurt, he wanted to get to know you and hopefully find more things about his son. 

“Well, it was nice meeting you, Y/N.” He stretched his hand out, but instead, you pulled him into a hug. He was taken aback but seeing Leia tear up, caused him to as well. 

“It was really nice meeting you.” You told him. “I hope we can all see each other again.” 

“Me too,” 

“And you take us flying in that.” Antheia pointed to the Millenium Falcon. 

All the adults laughed. 

“You got it, kid.” Han pressed a kiss to Antheia’s cheek and then yours. “May the force be with you.” 

You smiled softly. “You too.”

* * *

The ride seemed to be never-ending, but in the end, it was worth it. When you emerged you stared in awe at the landscape around you. A large luscious garden and greenery wrapped around the villa on the small hill. You really wished Antheia was awake to see this. 

“I did the same thing my first time.” Leia smiled before leading you to the front door. 

Everything outside and inside had exquisite perfection down to the smallest detail. The ornate furniture had you guessing who could possibly live here or own the place. It had to be someone royal. Everyone that you crossed paths with bowed, but you thought it was just out of respect for Leia. 

“Your highness, we aren’t expecting you so soon.” An older woman bowed before Leia was hugging.

“Shima, call me Leia, it’s been far too long.” Eyes were then falling on you. 

“This is Y/N and her daughter, Antheia.” 

You walked up to greet her with the sleeping toddler in your arms. 

“Wh-Where are we?” 

“Shima will explain in due time, but this is your new home.” 

You froze at this newfound information. 

“My mother’s family came here after her death, Shima and the other caretakers took care of them. And now they will take care of you two.” 

“Leia I―” Tears filled in your eyes. “I-I, I don’t know how I can thank you.” 

“You already have.” Leia smiled sweetly. 

“Is it no longer three persons?” Shima asked. 

“No, there is,” Leia replied. 

You looked at the two women in confusion. “Are you staying with us, Leia?” 

“No, Y/N, I’m not.” She sighed deeply. 

“So who is the other person?” 

Brown eyes lowered and you followed to see she was staring at your lower abdomen. 

“What?” You said breathlessly. 

“Y/N, I didn’t know how to tell you this, but your medbay test results showed that you’re pregnant.”

“What? No, no, no, no, no!” You shook your head. 

This couldn’t be happening. Your body began to softly shake as you started to cry. 

“No, no, this can’t be true! I can’t be; I can’t do this. I can’t.”

“Y/N, yes you can.” Leia tried to get you to relax. 

“No, you don’t understand! I can’t go through this again. I can’t do this without him. I can’t do it alone.” 

Leia hated that she had to watch you suffer and tell you positive things as you pleaded for help. 

“Yes, you can, Y/N. You have to for them.” 

You shook your head with eyes screwed shut. “No, Leia, he helped me with Antheia, I don’t think I can do this without him. It’s not fair, this is his child he needs to know!” 

Leia felt terrible for even having this conversation. Thankfully, Shima interrupted. 

“He won’t find you, ma’am, this whole planet is hidden from the force, he’ll never sense you three.” 

Tears fell silently down Y/N’s face.

“But...but what about the baby? Bad enough Antheia never got to say goodbye; they’ll never know about each other. It’s not fa―” 

You broke down and Leia wrapped her arms around you tightly. Now, she was going to make sure that she brought Ben back and straight to you three. 

“Y/N, you’re much stronger than you believe.” Leia’s hand straightened the flower crown that you were wearing with teary eyes. “The force will always be with you.”

  
  



	32. Broken

Heavy feet pulled Kylo down the empty hallway. He felt like a shell of himself, almost as if he was watching himself through another pair of eyes as he crossed the threshold. Brown eyes scanned the area as the sunlight softly lit the space; your scent still lingered and so did Antheia’s toys that were propped on the couch. Kylo’s chest tightened as he noticed all of your pictures were gone. 

The ones of your parents, your cousins, your in-laws, one of you and your fiancé, They were all gone. 

The reality of the situation began to sink in as he felt the room spin around him. It became harder for him to breathe as he stumbled as he braced himself against the wall. The air around him felt dry and hot as it constricted his airways as he slid to the floor. 

The pastel hues illuminated around him as he opened tear-filled eyes to see his safe place as he thought of all the times he brought you here. A scorching scream crawled out of Kylo’s throat as the realm began to shake; everything around him began to crumble. His body violently shook as he let out another yell from all the pain and emotions that were building up inside him. Kylo let out another yell in pain before it died down. He regulated his breath as everything seemed to turn black.

A firm hand was placed on his shoulder and adrenaline shot through his body. He let out a gasp as he shot up, feeling as if this was the first time he could breathe. 

“Don’t be afraid.” The male voice rang out in the air. 

Kylo quickly turned in defense as the tall, older white-haired man stood stoically before him. 

“You know not who I am.” He huffed in amusement. “Don’t even recognize my voice?” 

He was taking a step before Kylo was attacking with the force. Without a flinch, the man easily blocked his attack and was knocking Kylo over. Mahogany eyes looked up angrily through the strands of hairs that had fallen in front of his face. The man approached him with a helping hand. 

“Obviously a Jedi.” Kylo scoffed, noticing the brown and cream robes. 

“Not anymore,” 

Kylo’s brows furrowed. “You’re not a Sith, I’ve studied all of them too!” 

“Not anymore,” 

“Is that all you can say?! Then what are you?” Kylo asked angrily. 

“I’m dead,” the man said without skipping a beat. 

Kylo’s annoyed face did not match the proud smirk that the old man wore on his.

“Forgive me,” the man apologized. “It’s not every day I get to react with a relative in physical form.” 

This caused Kylo to freeze as he mulled over everything the man had said. Once a Jedi, once a sith, and a relative. 

“You...you’re Darth Vader.” 

He nodded. 

“Anakin Skywalker, better known as your―” 

“Grandfather,” they said at the same time. 

Kylo was breathless as he stood there speechless that the man in front of him was his grandfather.  A rough, calloused hand brushed against his cheek pulling him out of his daze; tears welled in blue eyes as they gazed upon his grandson's face. 

“You have your grandmother’s eyes.” A doleful smile presented itself on a wrinkled, pale face causing him to remember why they were here. “I can’t let you do this.” 

Kylo’s brows furrowed in confusion. 

“Do what?” 

“Become me.” 

“I-I...I don’t understand.” Kylo shook his head angrily. “All my life I was told I was just like you! Why here?!” Kylo shouted. “Why now?” 

The sadness appeared as Anakin dipped his chin. 

“You must understand the ways of the universe in order to answer that question.” 

“No, but why now?! I’ve called upon you, time and time again and you never responded, you nev―!” 

“You know why.” The soft reply caused Kylo to shut his mouth quickly. 

The two men just watched each other before Anakin was turning and walking away. 

“Where are you going?!” But Kylo’s shout fell on deaf ears as the man grew further and further. With a grumble, Kylo quickly caught up with the man. “This is because of Y/N isn’t it?” 

“No, it’s for someone else.” 

Kylo narrowed his eyes but detected no sarcasm. Kylo stopped dead in his tracks and crossed his arms. “I won’t go any further until I know who this is for.”

Anakin stopped and turned to his stubborn grandson who held the same trying glare as his beloved. “Then it is you that will lose.” 

Anakin noticed the twitch on Kylo’s face that caught him off guard. 

“Tell me, you would follow out orders from a man that uses you, but rather defy your own flesh and blood?” Anakin walked up to him. “I welcomed destruction and it got me nothing. If I can prevent you little sadistic laserbrain from turning into damaged goods then I will have done my job as you constantly whine and call upon my guidance!” 

Kylo had shrunk in size as the raw energy his grandfather was emitting dwarfed him. Not to mention he felt like a child being scolded. Lips moved and barely a whisper came out before Anakin told him to speak up. 

“I said I’m sorry,” Kylo replied. 

Blue eyes rolled before he pinched the bridge of his nose. 

“It’s alright, just don’t...don’t do it again. I’m really to blame here. You do get it from my side of the family.” Anakin said casually before he continued walking with Kylo right beside him. 

“Where are we going?” 

They had been walking in nothing but blackness unless his grandfather was able to see something different. 

“To show you where this path will lead you.” And in a wave of his hand, there was light. 

Immediately, Kylo noticed the scent of fire and burning flesh. 

“If you do not change, young one, you’ll spiral into a path of chaos. Losing everything that you have.” 

“I already lost everything...what does it matter?” Kylo spat. 

“Lost? No. Misplaced? Yes. They are two different things. One, is for now, the other eternity.” 

Kylo found himself in the middle of his slain Knights. Although they knew death was inevitable and could come at any time in their position, it didn’t make him feel better. He actually felt hurt. 

“An unorthodox set of friends.” His grandfather said. “You all did care about each other and had a bond. It’s okay to be sad.” 

But, Kylo brushed off this reassurance. 

“We face death every day.” He hardened himself and walked further, with the older man in tow.

They walked before they were stopping in front of the mangled body of his father, Han, with hazel eyes absently staring. 

“I might’ve not been a fan and my daughter could’ve done better. But, he did and he does love you. He had no guidance into this role, he could’ve done better, but you can’t deny some of the life long lessons he’s taught you. Good or bad.” 

Kylo felt sick at the sight. For a man he disliked, this isn’t the death he would want for him. That was his father and he was like him in many ways that he hated to admit. That hurting feeling came back growing deeper no matter how he tried to shake it off.

“And your mother.” Anakin sighed deeply as he furrowed his brows. “I watched my mother die in my arms. Our last moment is a part of the only few memories I had of her.”

He turned to Kylo with glossy eyes. 

“You two might be on different sides, but there is not a day that doesn’t go by where she doesn’t think of you. Blame herself for everything. All she wants is to make things right; she’ll even risk her life for it.” 

Tears began to well in Kylo’s eyes as he looked at his mother’s frozen body floating lifeless in front of him. Her swollen body and damaged skin showed signs of her dying in space. Alone. Forever drifting in the vast vacuum of space. 

A growl ripped from Kylo’s throat, “What is this supposed to do?!” He yelled. “What is this supposed to do? Make me feel bad because they’re dead?! This could happen if I was good or bad!” 

“You’re right. But if you could prevent this, wouldn’t you?” 

This question had Kylo staying silent; gulping, he turned forward, hesitant to move forward. Seeing all of this was draining. He got the theme of what his grandfather was showing him and he knew there were two more people left. Sweat began to form as he felt himself getting physically sick afraid of what he would see. 

“I know who’s next.” Kylo spat over his shoulder. “Just show me.” 

“There’s nothing to show.”

Kylo spun quickly. “You showed me the Knights, you showed me my parents, and you’re not going to show me Y/N or Antheia?” 

He literally has one job, Kylo thought. Soon enough, a smack on the back of his head through the force was happening. 

“There’s no force.” 

“They aren’t force-sensitive. You showed me my father, he isn’t force-sensitive.” Kylo said while rubbing the back of his head. 

“No, the force is in everyone. But theirs…” His blue eyes cast down as white brows furrowed. “It’s gone, disappeared. As if they ceased to exist.” He looked up sadly at his grandson. 

Emotions brewed behind glossy mahogany eyes. 

“Impossible!” Kylo shook his head. “I felt them. I felt them when they reunited, when they were with my mother!” 

Anakin shook his head as Kylo continued to refuse this truth. 

“They’re not gone! Try harder! Find their force!” He yelled through the tears that stung his eyes. “Do something! Find them! Find her! Find―”

“Mommy?” 

Antheia’s soft voice called and Kylo spun quickly. There before him, Y/N and Antheia sat in a field weaving flowers. It was picturesque the way the sun spotlighted the two with the golden accents on their dresses glimmering. Their conversation sounded like a whisper amongst the nature that surrounded them. 

“They’re safe.” A single tear escaped as he breathed a sigh of relief. 

If only he knew that this was all being created by his grandfather. 

Kylo watched as your back straightened and you turned to look at him, well it seemed like you were looking at him. 

“Mommy, I miss Daddy.” 

“I miss him too.” You sighed before looking at your daughter.

Anakin strolled beside him; he could feel his emotions ripping. Maybe this would work, Kylo just needed one push to make him realize this path wasn’t worth it. 

“They miss you and you miss them too.” 

“I know,” Kylo sniffled. 

“So, you have accepted the truth. This isn’t the way, this isn’t the path. You can’t have this as Kylo Ren, but Ben Solo can.” 

Kylo quickly turned to face his grandfather and spat: “That name no longer has any meaning for me.” 

“It is the name of your true self. You've only forgotten. I know there is good in you.” Anakin spoke the words that were once spoken to him. “Snoke hasn't driven it from you fully. That is why you’re conflicted. That's why you tried to hide them from Snoke. You were afraid of what he would do to them because of you.”

With this, Anakin began to press terrifying images into his head. Kylo felt bile rise within him as he bent over. The scenes he saw, the sounds he heard crippled him as he fell forward. This was the weight of Snoke on top of him, he could even feel the suffocating cuffs that chained him to his master. Heavy eyes struggled to look up, pleading with his grandfather to help him. 

“You can do it, Ben. I once thought as you did.” 

Blue eyes looked down at his grandson who screamed in agonizing pain. 

“I can’t...I can’t.” 

“Search your feelings, Ben. You can do this. I feel the conflict within you. Let go. You can fight this, you can be free!” 

But Kylo shook his head. 

“You don't know his power, I must obey him!” Kylo cried. 

“But I do, Snoke was once my master.” 

Kylo looked up in confusion. 

“Snoke is Darth Sidious.” 

That couldn’t be true, Darth Sidious died during the Battle of Endor. It was a fact, he had heard it all of his life, from his mother, his father, and Uncle Luke. But...his grandfather wouldn’t lie to him about this. Would he? 

“You must break the cycle, you have to end it, Ben. You must defeat him once and for all.” 

“How?!” Kylo yelled as the violent pain continued to shake his body. “I cannot do this alone!”

Anakin knelt before him and whispered: “The girl, she is his granddaughter. That is his weakness.” 

When Anakin pulled back he noticed a shift, as Kylo’s eyes darkened, his face morphed to something sinister. The old man’s chest heaved, the light was dimming. 

“I’ve tried to save you, but I’m afraid your freewill will lead you to a new fate.”

A bright light blasted and Kylo was brought back into reality. With blurred vision, Kylo stumbled as his mind replayed everything that had happened. The clang of shattered pieces sounded behind him. He turned, vision clearing up, only to reveal the small cactus laying on the floor. The pot and dirt were scattered around it, but his eyes remained focused on the two pink flowers that bloomed since the last time he saw it, since the last time he visited these quarters. His fist tightened as he watched the cactus shrivel up and decay in front of him. Kylo’s mind thought about his grandfather’s words. He knew who he was and no longer would anyone tell him.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: This was actually supposed to be posted last week but at the last minute I deleted half of it because it just didn't sit right with me; I actually just finished it at 1 am.


	33. A Silver Lining

Adjusting to a new planet was always hard. What was even harder was adjusting to a new life, name, and even persona, and top that off with trying to explain that to a toddler as well as everything else that had suddenly changed during her deep slumber. But those above blessed you with an understanding child who didn’t ask too many questions and seemed to understand to the best her young mind could of what was going on.

That first month was hard, just like the first time. There were many nights you cried yourself to sleep but each time you’d see Antheia, you’d think about how beautiful the outcome was. This would probably be no different. You had no time to dwell on the negative and sought to only find a silver lining in all this. 

You were on a planet, no longer a base; you had no job, which meant you could spend all the time with Antheia. There was a diverse community with children Antheia’s age that she could interact with. Slowly, but surely you were beginning to come around to this new life.

* * *

Hand in hand, you and Antheia strolled down the market picking fruit that you were going to put into the pies you were baking for Shima and the others before you froze. Dark eyes wavered in disbelief of the man that stood a few feet away. Y/N didn’t know if it was mind tricks or if he was real. His lips ticked up with a smile before he was sending a small wave. 

“GRAMPY!” Antheia yelled, running to Dr. Hubbard. 

The old man bent down and scooped the little one up. Blues glossed over as he expressed how much he missed her and how big she’s gotten. You had finally made your way up to the two. 

“What are you doing here?” Y/N said breathlessly, on the verge of tears. 

“It’s a long story.” He sighed, then he noticed the state you were in. “And I think you should sit down.” 

Dr. Hubbard led the pair to a little flower shop called ‘Sylvie’s Rose’. Your eyes glanced up and then around the shop. 

“I’ve heard about this place, i-if I would’ve known, I would’ve come sooner, I’m sor―” 

“No, no need to apologize. I was told to wait for you to find me.” He told you. 

Your brows furrowed. “By who?” 

“I’m afraid, I cannot say.” He guided you and Antheia to the small kitchen in the back. “I really am sorry for all the secrecy. I’ll tell you as much as I can.” 

“D-Do you live here?” 

He nodded. 

“Is Lady Hubbard around?” 

Solemn blue eyes looked at you and then Antheia, who thankfully was too preoccupied with all the flowers. 

“She...she didn’t make it.” 

You took a deep inhale to try and stop the tears. “I’m so, so sor―” you bit your lip to break the sob that threatened to fall from your lips. 

“Starkiller Base erupted." 

You gasped in shock at this information.

"I t was a struggle to make it to the escape ships, they said she kept going back and forth to help more people. In the end, when we reunited on the ship she told me: ‘that was the most interesting thing I did my entire time on the base; terrifyingly exciting, but I’d rather just do crosswords with you with a cuppa’. Then, she had this confused look on her face and clutched her heart.” His words ceased as he fell into a daze, almost as if he was there right now.

Your teeth gnawed at your bottom lip as tears streamed down your umber cheeks. The kettle whistled and Hubbard jumped out of his daze and went to fix the tea. 

“I know she’s happy now. She’s with our little Rosie.” He softly smiled as he placed your cup in front of you. “But, she would’ve wanted me here with you.” He placed his hand on top of yours. “The universe placed me in your life, whether it be at the university, Starkiller, and now here, for a reason. I’ll always be there for you and Antheia.” 

You nodded through your tears. “And we will be there for you.”

* * *

Dr. Hubbard told you as much as he could about Starkiller, although it was obvious there was a certain someone who he refused to mention. You wept at the death of Lady Hubbard, Nurse Stacie, Neema, the other nurses, and officers that you had grown close to in your three years on the base. It just didn’t seem right to let their deaths go unacknowledged. 

In your backyard, Y/N, Dr. Hubbard, and Antheia planted flowers for everyone who had joined her ‘for real Daddy and her Gan-Gan’ as stated by Antheia. As a custom on Terra, you and Dr. Hubbard dropped rocks into the water and let the tide carry their fallen tears. 

  
  



	34. All Night

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A Change of Heart is one year old! What better way to celebrate than putting up the final chapter. Hope you guys enjoy <3 Thank you so much for reading, giving kudos, and comments. This was the first idea I ever had to write and was too nervous to write. It feels good that as this is my last series written, this one would be it and I hope it's a good send-off.
> 
> (Also, it's not set at night, it's just the title of the song that inspired me).

Eyes roamed around the pure opulence of the sitting area, taking in the marble columns and gold details that arched and wrapped around the capital. The clips of heels could be heard every step made against the gleaming, patterned floor. Out of respect, he stood up just as the two young women rounded the corner. 

“Lady Alderaa,” 

You froze at the sight of fiery red hair that glistened in the sunlight as he bowed before you. Coming up to his full height, he could see your face set with confusion and other emotions at the same time. 

“Lira, ca-can you set us up in the dining room, please?” 

“Yes, milady,” she bowed before going off. 

You let out a deep breath before you whispered, “Wha―?” 

“Nobody knows I’m here, you’re safe.” He watched all the tension leave your body. 

“But, I sti―” 

“We can continue in a more comfortable setting.” Hux strolled beside you, giving you his arm. You took it and led the way. Ever the gentleman, Hux helped you into your seat before rounding to sit on the other side. 

“I―” 

“Let's,” he interrupted. “It’s been a while, how have you been?” 

“I’ve…” tears began welling in your eyes. “I’ve changed.” Your gaze diverted to the napkin you placed in your lap. 

Hux took the time to look over you. He hadn’t seen you in a year; your dark curls were now cascading down your back due to gravity, your skin held an ethereal-like glow which was probably due to the fact that you lived on a planet with sun and great atmosphere, Hux even noticed how you delicately moved about. You always seemed to have this effortless touch because of the workings of your job, but now due to your status, it was even more graceful.

These were just some of the changes he noticed. With this new life, came a new you, but you were still the same beautiful woman he saw in that pod many years ago. 

“Times have changed indeed, Doctor.” 

“I’m not a doctor anymore.” You whispered to avoid the humiliation that lingered inside of you. 

Ginger brows furrowed, he went to apologize but Lira was presenting the two with a trayful of refreshments. 

“Thank you, Lira.” 

“Thank you,” Hux nodded before looking back at you. “I didn’t mean t―” 

“No,” it was your turn to interrupt. “It’s just a bit hard to have to give up everything you worked hard for.” 

Hux gulped because he knew the feeling all too well.

“Well, Lady Alderaa, I must say the place is beautiful and the refreshments look divine, not like those terrible deviled eggs that one time.” A laugh escaped you as he brought up an old memory. This lightened the mood and made the conversation flow easier. 

“Hux, I―” 

“Armitage,” he corrected. 

“Armitage,” you said. “I still would like to know...why are you here?” 

It was just above a whisper but weighed heavy on Hux, he would tell you...just not at this moment. 

“I did want to see if the General was holding up her end of the bargain,” Hux said in his familiar, holier-than-thou self. 

Y/N couldn’t help but laugh. 

“I still don’t understand how you became a spy for the Resistance.” 

“It’s a rather funny story, actually.” The corner of his lips twisted up. He began to tell you how it all started when he had intercepted a message between a Resistance informant and one of the Lieutenants of the Resistance. “So sometimes, maybe after a few drinks, I would reply back acting as the informant.” Your eyes widened in disbelief that the actual informant got shipped off to some awful planet and Hux continued to pretend to be him. “So much so, that I rose within the ranks and was in direct contact with General Organa herself! I mean they gave me more promotions in the span of a year than the Order does in decades!” 

“No, Armitage, this doesn’t make sense!” You laughed. “How did no one know? How did none of the force users sense it?” 

“I have you to thank for that.” 

“Me?” You placed a hand on your chest. “How?!” 

“By the time suspicion started to fall in, you were pregnant and that just effortlessly concealed everything.” 

Dark eyes rolled as a chuckled slip passed your lips. 

“So what did Leia say when she found out it was really you?” 

He licked his lips as his eyes glanced up to the ornate chandelier as he thought about what she had said. 

“Something along the lines of ‘the Resistance will not fall’ and that mantra they yell. Then I told her, both of us were traitors seeing as the two head Generals of opposing sides had been in direct contact with each other for years.” That was the ruthless Hux you knew. “And then I told her about you.” His cerulean eyes captured yours as he spoke. “I told her everything that happened and everything that was going to happen if there wasn’t a plan to ensure you and Antheia’s safety.”

You sucked in a breath trying to collect yourself. You really didn’t want to know what would happen if things turned for the worse, even now you tried to keep your fears of tomorrows pushed deep into the back of your mind. 

“I don―” 

“Mommy?” 

The adults turned to see hazel eyes peeking out from behind a column. 

“Hello Blossom, did you have fun planting flowers?” Y/N smiled as Antheia skipped forward, eager to tell about her day. 

Hux stared with amazement at how much Antheia had grown; she was taller now, with her baby-face slowly maturing, her articulate sentences were fully-formed and expressive, the brown ringlets that haloed her head were braided in an intricate design, but her hazel eyes were still as wide as ever. Her pink dress with gold flowers that matched her gold earrings really did make her look like a little princess.

“Are we going to go riding?!” Antheia squealed, noticing your outfit. 

“Yes, after mommy finishes talking to her friend. Say hello.” 

Antheia turned with narrowing eyes to look at the man before her. 

“Quis est?” Antheia asked. 

“Est mammam scriptor amici, dicere salve, nec rude est.” 

“Hello,” she waved shyly. 

“Go upstairs and get ready. Ut quietam est dormienti.” 

“It’s fine, I’ll let you go, I should be going as well.” Hux stood up, clearing his throat. 

Your brows furrowed, there was something about his composure that felt off to you. 

“Alright, Antheia, say goodbye.” 

“Goodbye, Mister…” Antheia stood before the man who had tears welling in his eyes. Hux kneeled to be at her eye level. 

“Hux,” 

“Goodbye, Mr. Hugs, I mean Hux.” Antheia embarrassedly covered her face trying to hide. 

“No, no, Hugs is fine too.” He said, voice thick on the verge of tears. 

Antheia ran past him and up the stairs. 

“Quietly.” You reminded her as her footfalls became quieter. 

Hux was now at full height as he watched the little girl disappear into the upstairs hallway. 

“She...she doesn’t remember me.” 

“No,” your brows furrowed, looking down. “The first month or two she asked about everyone and then after...nothing. Once Dr. Hubbard appeared, there was only one person that she asks for.” 

Hux turned back to you blinking back tears. 

“Dr. Hubbard is here?” 

“Yes, did you n―” 

“No, I didn’t...with everything with Starkiller there was so much going on. When I found out about Lady Hubbard, I went to pay my condolences, but he was gone.” 

If it wasn’t Hux that got him here, then who was it? 

“Hux,” you asked warily. “I vaguely know what happened with Starkiller, but what’s really going on?” Hux could no longer bite his tongue. “I’m going to die, Y/N.” 

Shock consumed you as you tried to process his words. 

“No, no, no, you ca―” 

“The Order is falling; another General has collected all the data that shows me in direct contact with the Resistance and will report me for treason.” 

“Hux, no, you can’t die! What about Millicent? What about Phasma?” 

A soft smile fell on his lips as you asked about his beloved. 

“Milly is safe, I found her a good home. Phasma, however…” 

He looked down, he couldn’t even bring himself to say it. And to be honest, you didn’t even think you could hear it as bile began to rise at the thought of your friend dead. 

“I know I shouldn’t,” you gulped. “But what about…” 

“Don’t,” Hux shook his head. “He’s changed.” 

Your tongue swiped against your lips from this small drop of information. Hux sensed you wanted more. Sucking in a breath, he told you: “After you left, after Starkiller, he went mad; the Knights couldn’t even help him. He said your force was gone, we all thought you two were dead. It’s one of the reasons I wanted to see you.” 

Your heart began to ache. 

“And I needed to tell you, although I never understood the two of you together, he’s not the same man he used to be. He’s paranoid, a shell of a man, he keeps himself holed up talking to himself. He never leaves, I do everything!” 

“Do the Knights try to help?”

“The Knights,” Hux shook his head. “Snoke killed them.” 

A breath escaped you; it was as if someone punched you right in the gut.

“They pledged allegiance to Ren, not Snoke. He killed each one of them and made us watch.” Hux’s face twisted in disgust. 

“Leia thinks there is good in him, I though―” You looked down to hide the tears that were breaking free. 

“They tried, Han tried to get him to return from Starkiller and Ren killed him. He kept saying ‘let the past die, kill it if you have to’.” 

Your hand flew to your stomach. You couldn’t believe this, no it had to be a lie. “No,” you whispered as you shook your head. Every few weeks, like clockwork, rare delicacies, and gifts could be found waiting for you all. It had to be him, no one else could find you or visit such places to get these gifts. But timing, it had been a year since Starkiller’s destruction and you received a package just a few days ago. This didn’t make sense.

“Yes,” Hux’s long fingers gripped your shoulders. “He killed his uncle and he killed Snoke too. Ren is now the Supreme Leader and he won’t stop until the Resistance, the scavenger, and everything is completely annihilated.” 

The room felt as if it was spinning. You should’ve never asked, this is what you get. Hux was right, this wasn’t the same man he used to be, the same man you loved. 

“I tried to help him, I thought I could, maybe for your sake, but,” Hux shook his head. “I don’t know and will never know how this ends, but you should let go and move on.”

Lips parted to say something, only for your attention to be turned to the loud thud coming from upstairs. With this, came the cry of a baby. 

“Mommy,” Antheia came running out in her riding gear. “Padmé’s awake.” 

“Antheia!” Lira scolded, before apologizing to you and ushering her back in. 

“Padmé?” The accented question caused you to turn to face him with teary eyes. 

“Now you know why it’s not that easy to just let it go.” 

“Is that...is she Ren’s?” 

You nodded, sniffling. “He doesn’t know, they wouldn’t let me tell him, Antheia couldn’t even say goodbye. But, I guess after everything, that was for the best.” 

Hux sighed; he wished he could’ve done more to help you as he watched you cry. 

“I’m sorry, I wish I cou―” 

Your arms wrapped around him in a tight hug, just like he had down to you the last time you saw him. 

“May the force be with you.” You whispered. 

He returned the hug, tightly holding on. 

“And to you.”

You watched him leave trying to avoid the fact that you would never see him again. Before anyone would notice, you slinked off and made your way to the lake. You placed a rock for each one of the Knights and Phasma, and a freckled one for Hux. In your hand, you held a black rock with a crack that exposed a stream of silver. Y/N had been keeping it because it reminded you of Kylo’s mask. Your breathing became heavy as you contemplated placing it in the water. You reflected on Hux’s words; he was right, you had to let go, not just for yourself but for them. You knew it wasn’t going to be easy. In the distance, you could hear Antheia calling out for you. You pressed a kiss to the rock and placed it under the water; wiping your tears, you made your way back home.

* * *

“Mommy, that one looks like a heart!” Antheia pointed up at the cloud. 

“It does.” You noticed. 

“Padmé, can you say heart?” 

“H-Har,” 

Antheia looked up at you with a big smile, which you returned. 

“It sounded like she said it!” 

“Yeah, it did. She’s trying, she wants to be able to talk to her big sister.” You looked between the four-year-old and the soon-to-be one year old. 

Another year had passed and things had gotten better. You felt more settled into your new life and accepted the changes that had occurred. You were more comfortable to make new friends and be more sociable within the community. Even Dr. Hubbard had started seeing someone, but you weren’t ready for that. 

You removed the meat from the peach, so it was easier for Padmé to eat. You stared lovingly at your two girls, you couldn’t have done this without them. It didn’t matter who or where you were, you were very happy and very honored to be with them as their mother.

“That one looks like a ship!” Antheia bounced. 

You turned, but only saw the cloud it pierced through. 

“Did it look like the ships from the airshow?” 

“No, it looked like a cloud and was round, not colorful.” 

“So I’m guessing it wouldn’t win.” 

“No, too boring.” Antheia took a sip of her drink.

Antheia continued to talk to you about anything and everything that popped in her head before she froze. It was only the movement of her lips that formed a word with no sound before her eyes were widening. 

“Anthe―” 

She jumped up and ran past you.

“DADDY!” 

You turned to see the man Antheia was running toward; he was different, not just in appearance, and you could feel it. 

Hearing that name carried by Antheia’s jubilant voice had him falling to his knees. 

“DADDY!” She jumped into his open arms and he hugged her tightly to make up for all the lost time. It made all the hardships worth it to know that he still meant something special to her.

“Oh, Little Flower,” a tear slid down his cheek. “I missed you.” 

“I missed you too, Daddy.” 

He heard her muffled sniffle and he pressed a kiss to the side of her face. Antheia pulled back to look at him. 

“You look different!” She giggled. 

He did look completely different, as you sat there staring in shock. His dark curls fell right above his ears, he was darker than his usual pale self, there was a fading scar over his left eye, his beauty marks seemed more apparent, he was fuller in a healthy way and he had a full beard.

“Yeah? You look different too!” He tickled her. She was growing into a beautiful young lady, looking more and more like Y/N.

“Padmé! Come meet Daddy!” She called out for her sister. 

Y/N blinked back into reality and didn’t even notice that Padmé was already a few steps away from him. Antheia pulled her sister closer, as the same pair of mahogany eyes looked at each other for the first time. 

His heart began to beat even faster, which he didn’t think was possible. She was so beautiful. You had had his child and you named her Padmé; all he could think about was you telling him to save that name for his own daughter. Those were his eyes and his hair and his ears. This was his daughter, he could feel the force strongly running through her veins and she could sense it too. 

“Da…” Padmé comfortably entered his arms. 

“Oh my girls,” he pressed a kiss to both their foreheads. “I love you, so, so much.” 

Behind him, you saw a ship in the distance. It was the Millennium Falcon and a few feet in front of it you could see Leia, Han, and Chewie and a few other people you couldn’t make out through your tears. You couldn’t believe what was happening, it felt like a dream. Only ever in a dream could this all be happening. 

Your vision of the people was blocked by his wide smile and red, teary eyes. 

“Wha-What are you doing here?” 

“You didn’t think I would just leave you all.” 

“Bu―” You swallowed the lump in your throat. “Hux sai―Hux told me you killed Han and your unc―” 

His forehead fell against yours. 

“I had Hux tell you those things because I didn’t know what would happen, he sacrificed himself for us. I didn’t want you to worry, I wanted you to be happy. I sent Dr. Hubbard here to look after you. I can tell you everything later, but my father and my uncle helped me, I had to set a trap to make sure all the evil was gone once and for all. So we could be free and we could be together.” He smiled. 

“Kylo, I―” 

“Ben,” 

Y/N pulled back to have obsidian-like eyes scan the man before her. “Ben?” 

“Yes, Ben,” He let out a shaky sigh. “I know it will take some tim―”

You just shook your head as fingers combed through his beard. 

“I don’t care what you call yourself. I love you and I’m glad you’re home.” 

His heart swelled with joy as their lips had finally met after years and planets separated them. No one ever liked Kylo Ren, they always liked Ben. But to Y/N, it didn’t matter because you had always loved the man that he had shown you whether he called himself BS, Kylo, or now, Ben. He pulled back wrapping his arms around all of his girls; with a deep sigh, he rested his forehead on yours. 

“How I missed you, my love.”

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Once again, thank you so much for reading, giving kudos, and comments <3 It really did mean a lot for you guys to share this journey with me. 
> 
> The next chapter will be an epilogue that I'll use to do a Kylo recap, but mostly because I really wish Ky--Ben had more girl dad moments and just being the family man.


	35. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry, adulting got in the way.

Each morning seemed surreal. 

Euphoria rained over the small family that lived on the opulent yet quaint villa on the hill. The royal family of Alderaa was reunited and happiness blanketed over them. Ben, Lord Alderaa, was said to have been a prisoner of war who was finally able to escape, so it was obvious to most of the residents he would be tentative in going out and mingling amongst the population. You had a similar experience when you first arrived, but it was different with a curious toddler. 

But in time, it was discovered he was a quiet man who adored his wife and cherished his daughters, however, his way with words swirled and bent on countless pages that became treasured books about adventure, conflict, love, and loss. Among his many beloved stories were paintings of places many couldn’t even imagine. Lord Alderaa was a man of many talents, but his greatest accomplishment was his family. 

Ben thanked the makers every day for Y/N. 

You were the spark that lit the fire of his revelation; he wouldn’t have been here if it wasn’t for you. He never imagined this life could be possible, the night that they reunited he held them and watched the rise and fall of their chest. 

Even after finding his way back to the light, defeating Darth Sidious, and atoning for his sins, this wasn’t promised to Ben. He felt when you and Antheia’s force disappeared and although he didn’t want to believe it, it was a possibility that they were gone. Getting himself together was what he owed you, Y/N had shown him nothing but kindness and respect, even with him being the person he once was. 

It took some time for everyone to get acclimated with each other, but soon the family of four was settling into their roles and little routine. You were very much the captain of the ship, with your soft power, and Ben was ever the protector for all the women in his life. He’d find every moment to make up for the lost time and restrictions with you. Ben also caught up with Antheia and was amazed at how much she had grown in the years he was away. He couldn’t believe his Little Flower was growing into a little lady; and then there was Padmé, it was now time to get to know his daughter. Ben wished that he could’ve had the same experience with Padmé as he did with Antheia, but he couldn’t fret about that, he was going to make sure that she would never know what it was like to not have him or his love in her life.

Not Padmé, not Antheia, not Y/N.

They had their weekend trips to the lake, visited other planets when they could. Sometimes Leia and Han would visit and watch the girls so you two could spend time together. There would also be times where it was just him and the girls, it usually meant doing hair or him acting silly, but he loved every moment of it. 

Antheia was very much a daddy’s girl, no matter what had happened their bond was just unbreakable, and just like before the two were in sync. Antheia and Ben enjoyed being out in the garden and, as always, loved drawing. He took her to many museums, she helped with plenty of paintings, and he enjoyed sharing those relaxing moments with her. 

Because she was still young, Padmé was always under you, but she did love her father. Like Antheia, Padmé and Ben did share an unbreakable bond and as she got older it helped them grow closer. It was very evident from early on that she was strong with the force, and he was fearful of history repeating itself. With your unwavering support and reassurance, little by little Ben began to teach and help Padmé understand the ways of the force and never wanted her to feel any pressure or guilt like he did as a child.

* * *

Ben walked down the hall before he came to a halt. Padmé’s little voice could be heard as she told her sister what had happened. Peering in, he saw the now three-year-old sitting at their tea table in their playroom with folded arms as Antheia continued to draw. 

“Well, you know if you want something to ask Mommy.” Antheia put her crayon down and gave her little sister a serious look. “But if you  _ really _ want something, you ask Daddy.” 

Shocked and offended, Ben made his way to you, who sat on the balcony of their bedroom. 

“Let me tell you what I overheard our daughters say.”

It still warmed your heart thinking of how much of a family man he became. 

“Antheia told Padmé ‘if you really want something, to ask me’!” He exclaimed expecting you to be shocked but you huffed in amusement. 

“Padmé is mad because I told her no more tarts.” 

“Are you not surprised?” Ben asked genuinely. 

“Should I be? I mean…” you began to chuckle turning toward your husband. 

His hair was a little past his shoulder with gray beginning to peak and his beard was full and trim with a few more beauty marks dusting his face. 

“It’s because I’m outnumbered.” 

“You’re outnumbered?” Y/N huffed once more. 

“Yes, I think it’s time for a boy.” 

“You can say it but doesn’t mean that will happen.” 

“Well, you know...we can practice.” A blush spread throughout his face as he sent you a flirtatious smile. So Han. 

“We can practice doesn’t mean that will happen.” 

“They do say practice makes perfect.” 

The force gently caressed your neck and then moved down to your shoulders. Rolling your eyes, Y/N shrugged it off. 

“Then if we have a boy, I’ll be outnumbered.” Mahogany eyes held confusion at your words. “Then there will be three force users in the house. I do think Padmé got your reserved personality, but what if she grows up to be more like me and we have Antheia 2.0. Could you imagine Antheia with the force?”

His eyes widened and you chuckled. 

“Antheia would probably be able to rule the galaxy.” You joked. 

“She’d do a helluva lot better than I did!” 

The two began to laugh as your head fell back in laughter. Ben watched on in amazement; he couldn’t believe what he was hearing, what he was seeing, his surroundings, his life, his family, this was all real. He had succeeded in fulfilling what his grandfather started: having a family.

  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If they had another kid, it would be another girl just because. Also, I can probably continue this forever, but I don't think anyone had time for that.
> 
> Hope you guys enjoyed, thanks for all the support and coming along for the ride<3

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: I've wanted to write this story for a long time, but wanted to follow the movies. Since TRS will be out soon and I have everything written up to the TLJ, I think it would be a good time to post.


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